AN: I'm back and with a doozy of a chapter! I swear, I love exam time. I do absolutely nothing but study and play on my laptop. Haha. Though they did kick my butt, not going to lie. Anyway, no more chatter! Here are the thank-you's and please enjoy. :)

Kist: I'm in school now and it pretty much bites. Haha. But thank you for reviewing and I hope you enjoy the developments in HitsuKarin's relationship. ;)

AnneRose: I'm sorry it took so long! All I can say is real life sucks... a lot. :( Please enjoy!

nureen: You will just have to wait and see what happens. I think it's a pretty good chapter myself, haha.

Liliv00: Thanks~

To everyone else who reviewed, thank you! If I didn't get around to replying to you, I'm really sorry. I'll definitely do so this time around so leave one for me before you click out of the tab. :D

Warnings: Actual. Romance. That's right, we get to see Karin be a girl. Weird, right? LOL

Chapter Nine: Dangerous

Ten Months Later

Quickly drying her hair, Karin frowned as she noticed that the tips were already reaching past her shoulders, a length she wouldn't have tolerated if she hadn't been so busy with her training. The idea of getting her hair trimmed hadn't even crossed her mind, as she'd gone about tying it once it began to bother her. But, since she still followed the school's academic year and it had called for its yearly recess almost a week ago, now seemed as good a time as any to hack off the ends before anyone started to question or comment on it.

"Guess it's time for a trim," she murmured to herself, the quiet of her room strangely loud in her ears. After being surrounded by older, boisterous people for nearly a year, it was a hard adjustment to get back into the swing of things in her home. Not that it wasn't nice to see her sister smile or have her mother serve afternoon tea for two, but there was something very tranquil, very ancient about her home that made her almost uncomfortable now, as if she was breaking its serenity with her presence.

Staring straight into her mirror, the head of the clan glanced at her reflection, taking in the face she hadn't looked at in a while. Even though she saw herself in the mirror often enough, it had been a long time since she'd just examined herself, a vanity she didn't have the luxury of most days. Caressing her cheeks, she noticed she'd lost some of the fat there, making her look considerably less childish than when she left two years ago. Her cheekbones were just as high, though more pronounced than she remembered, and her lips a pleasant pink she'd failed to notice. If she was more aware of aesthetics, she might call herself a beauty, maybe even comparable to Yuzu, who was easily one of the most sought-after noblewomen of their generation. Truly, to any other girl, they'd be pleased with such a face, the traditional sort of grace that was compounded by an indefinite appeal. But she wasn't.

Karin looked too much like a woman and she couldn't afford that.

A knock on the door interrupted her perusal of herself, a frown marring her features as she called in the visitor. The door slid open to reveal one of the servants, who requested that she meet with the council within the hour regarding one of their farming communities. A drought had recently hit the area and the crops were underperforming, which would put the region under strain and leave them pressed for money when taxes came around. Unfortunately the last few days had been riddled with cases such as these and a part of her was wondering what the elders were doing while she was gone if they needed her to make so many decisions just after her homecoming.

Growling, Karin turned away to hide her oncoming scowl and gestured for the other to take her leave. Pulling on the kimono after securing her breast bindings, she looked over at Kikōō in the corner, smiling softly at the zanpakto. Although it had taken a while, three blue stones rested happily in the scabbard, their cerulean shade contrasting with the uncharacteristic red. Just for today, she'd leave it where it stood. After the conference, she had a few, non-business-oriented things she had to take care of.

There was always something about sneaking into the First District that made Karin smile.

So what if it was against every rule in the manor? She'd been breaking them for nearly a century now without anyone knowing. A few more wouldn't tarnish her already bedeviled record. Dressed in a plain yukata, she'd scurried out the back entrance, taking care to avoid any of the more used hallways and hiding in dark corners as necessary. No one knew she took the occasional stroll outside the gates of Seireitei, mostly because no one would approve, especially her mother. While a wonderful and caring person, Kurosaki Masaki worried as if every minute was a countdown and each step was a land mine just waiting to go off. Karin didn't need the added stress.

As the crowds went about in the hot afternoon, she found herself gravitating towards them, the laughter of children and sight of improvised families like a lover's beckoning. While she'd never experienced a human life, Karin was drawn to that mysterious plight of having two sets of memories, of living in a world not her own. And after seeing what kind of place they'd left behind, she wondered how people adjusted to this rustic era and if they ever reunited with those they'd lost. Just thinking about it plucked at those heartstrings she'd tried so hard to harden and yet failed to calcify each time.

Making her way towards the main market, Karin could feel the heaviness in her left sleeve, the coin pouch fitted with just enough money for something trivial, a precaution she'd learned to always carry with early on. While she had never truly needed anything, there were too many times that something had caught her attention, a miraculous little toy or a particularly mouth-watering snack, and she'd been strapped for cash. Those few spur-of-the-moment buys had left her painfully regretful, as she pulled herself away from whatever store she was browsing through, forced to depart empty-handed.

Deciding that she was in the mood for something sweet, her nose led her down a few stalls to a popular shop, one that was currently crowded with mothers who had been pulled along by their children. The shelves upon shelves of treats were sorted out by variety. Sugars in rainbow colors and shaped like people stood off to her left, while taffies and more mild tastes were to her right.

Towards the back, many of the snacks older people would eat were strategically placed, luring in buyers and forcing them to shop around. Crackers in rice paper and boxes of caramelized delicacies were among them, as she brushed her fingers along the choices, feeling her mouth water at the thought of buying any one of the delightful foods. She'd be forced to hide them under her futon in case someone wondered where she'd gotten them, but then she could enjoy them in solitude, a practice she secretly and selfishly adored. Selecting a beautifully wrapped box of mochi tied with a bow, she paid the owner with a smile, taking the treats in hand and clutching onto them as she waited for her change.

"Not gonna eat all those by yourself, are ya, missy? I wouldn't wanna go 'round ruining a face as pretty as yours over a few sweets," the middle-aged seller laughed with gusto, his large size giving him a jolly air. But it wasn't his attitude that had her freezing, eyes widening as he held out her excess. It was what he called her.

She'd forgotten to tie back her hair.

"Missy?" His worried voice broke her thoughts, as she forced her confused scowl to meet his thoughtful face. "Are you okay there, missy? Not feeling well?"

"No… No, I'm fine," she replied with a struggling smile, lifting her hand and thanking him with a nod. Although he looked pressed to ask again, the line was only growing longer and she was holding it up. After a deep breath, she took a few shaky steps out, wondering if anyone was watching her, a paranoia she didn't think she'd ever detach from herself. In all the times she'd been outside, in all the times she'd explored the never-ending First District, she had always styled herself as Kazuto.

Not that anyone would recognize the Kurosaki heir outside of Seireitei, but it was much easier to put on airs when one was already walking around with them. He was her second skin, her shield, and she clung to his familiarity without thought. After all, only her mother and Yuzu were allowed to see her as she was, the core beneath the layers of expectations and titles and built-up persona. But just now, Karin had never felt quite as naked as she did when that man had complimented her, Karin, and not Kazuto.

With a half-defeated sigh, her mind was telling her it was time to head home. She had no doubt no one would make her out from the hundreds of other people, but the feeling of bearing her soul to an unsuspecting public was not what she needed right now. Perhaps the comfort of her mother's hand through her hair and her twin's relentless talk about stuff she had no idea about would soothe her frazzled nerves.

Passing her way through the crowd, Karin should've known that the day wouldn't get any easier, as a woman's scream pierced the air not too far in the distance. It was only out of reflex that she began running a course towards the panic, a few people being pushed out of the way as a man barreled down the street, coming straight at her. As she took up a neutral stance she knew she couldn't have stopped the oncoming smirk even if she tried.

"Out of my way, kid!" the robber yelled, the handbag in his hand clutched tightly in his grip. Really, with him about to charge her down, it was almost too easy. A sidestep at the last moment left her leg in the perfect position for him to trip over, a classic move she'd used as a child on a few of her counselors. Byakuya had done his best to beat the practice out of her, but old habits die hard and this was certainly no exception.

"I think it's time you turn your back on a life of crime, mister. This isn't the Sixty-Eighth District. We don't tolerate law-breaking in this neck of the woods." Crossing her arms over her chest, she glared down at her unimpressive opponent, the lambskin bag falling about a yard from his side, creating an invisible line between him and her. As he got to his feet, Karin caught the glint of his knife as he took it out from his waist, grinning maniacally. The crowd shifted, backing away from the armed man and his would-be capturer.

"If you back down now, girlie, I'll let you live for today," he threatened in a singsong tone, eyeing the bag and her with arrogant eyes.

"If you back down now, I might let you keep your teeth," she replied with a shrug, as she dropped her newly bought food to the side, her gaze calculating the possibilities of attack. With such restricted space and his limited physical abilities, there were a finite number of routes he could take. As long as she didn't turn her back on him, she'd be able to disarm and incapacitate the thief with very little effort, she thought with a nod.

Snarling at her words, he lunged straight for her, ready to draw blood. But he was slow in comparison to even the newly graduated shinigami she'd faced and absolutely nothing compared to Hitsugaya-taichou, who moved as if he couldn't be touched. Another dodge was all she needed, as she grasped his wrist and spread her stance to strengthen her foundation. Gripping his arm, Karin nearly smirked when he howled in pain, the blade falling to the ground as she twisted his limb almost passed the capacity of his socket. And along with his weapon, he too fell to his knees and onto the dirt floor, staring up at her with large, terrified eyes.

"Leave now, before I decide to relieve you of a few of your fingers." The sound of the voice was very much hers, but it was Kazuto's words that fell from her lips, tasting of unadulterated authority and power. Luckily the man wasn't as stupid as he looked, as he struggled to his feet with his opposite arm on his injured shoulder, moving to climb out of the crowd and out of her sight as fast as possible.

Ignoring the stunned spectators, she picked up the purse and dusted it off, grabbing her candy along the way. The people parted to let her through, whispering behind hands and refusing to meet her icy stare. The victim of the robbery was only a few yards away from their fight, a small, old woman with white hair and a face full of time-given wrinkles. Within her, Karin felt her anger boil up again, angry that she'd let the culprit go essentially without a scratch. No one with a conscience would rob the elderly, especially not one as defenseless as this woman. She didn't even have a companion from what Karin could tell, as she eyed the piled up groceries and the ripped back that must've been destroyed in the midst of her attack.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but I think this is yours," the girl offered with a sympathetic smile, as the smaller woman looked up at her, beaming politely in return. When her gaze fell on her stolen handbag, her mouth fell into a small, surprised 'o' before going back to Karin's face.

"Oh dear, you didn't have to go through such trouble, young lady," the woman spoke, her tone a bit apologetic as she took it with grateful nod. "A sweet girl like you could've been hurt, taking on a man like that."

"Oh, but it was no trouble at all," Karin replied in kind, deciding that the details weren't important. As her eyes fell on her rather extensive load of foodstuffs and then back at the woman, she couldn't quite help but ask. "Would you like some help with your groceries?"

"No, that's alright. You've done so much already," she refused with vigor, waving her hand as she shuffled towards the fare. But even if she was turned down, Karin couldn't very well let the tiny woman carry all of that by herself, not if she wanted to sleep well that night, at least. Without waiting for approval, she heaved the majority of the contents in her arms, the weight appreciably light in spite of its appearance.

"Please, ma'am, I insist. I'll follow you to your home and leave right after. It'll be like I was never even there." Grinning in a winsome way, the surprised stranger could only nod, not quite sure how else to respond, as she continued down on the path towards her home with the Kurosaki heir in tow.

"My, I didn't expect such a thin girl like you to have such an appetite."

Blushing a little bit, Karin could only take the comment with an embarrassed smile, as she placed the edge of watermelon down along with the other finished crusts. She'd forgotten how most women didn't have her voracity when it came to food and usually her table manners were nothing if not superb. But when she was offered to stay for a piece of the watermelon she'd carried in, she hadn't been given the time to refuse before the woman was in the kitchen, already preparing it. And when it was finally in front of her, Karin felt bad that her extensive appetite needed to be quenched right at that moment, no questions asked.

"Thank you for the snack, ma'am. It was delicious." She bowed her head, as she pushed the plate away and showed her gratitude with a small prayer. While it had been fun chatting with the woman, Karin would hate to overstay her welcome, as she made a move to catch the other's attention. But before she could properly excuse herself, the old lady settled a plate of candy before her, making her frown at it in unsure confusion.

"Please, call me Granny. Living in this house has left me quite lonely since my grandchildren moved out." Gesturing to the dish, she nudged it towards Karin. "Have a few. I always have plenty on hand, just in case I have an unexpected visitor."

Taking one, Karin rolled the sugary confection between her thumb and forefinger. "Why do you always have amanatto lying around?" Over her lifetime, the only people who she'd seen eat the bean-shaped candy regularly were old men, usually the servants on break who liked to tell stories about the good ol' days. And while there was nothing particularly wrong or unpleasant about them, Karin had never quite gotten the appeal.

"They're my grandson's favorite. He can't get enough of them," Granny said with a chortle, a reminiscent expression filling her lined skin with something more youthful. Just watching her make the nostalgic visage had Karin wanting to smile with her, her mouth curling lightly in response. But their small talk was interrupted by a knock on the front door catching their attention, as the woman excused herself to answer it.

Not knowing what else to do, the raven-haired girl popped a piece into her mouth, chewing it slowly to try and grasp its taste. There was a bit of sweetness and a tang that she couldn't quite place, but she could kind of understand why a person would become addicted. It might not have fit her particular palette, but it'd suit another's preference just fine.

"Today is just full of surprises." The words echoed in from the hallway, as two pairs of different steps could be heard coming towards her. While the light shuffling was certainly Granny's, the other one was even quieter, an almost practiced tiptoe, the heel falling gently just before the ball of the foot. Even from that tiny detail, Karin could tell that it was a fighter and a skilled one at that, as she turned a serious face to the doorway.

She should've left when she had the chance.

"Come here, Toushirou. I have someone I want you to meet," the aged woman began, motioning for him to follow into the living area and sit at the table. Immediately, Karin turned away, using her shoulder-length hair as a curtain to block her face. In her head, curses went off in rapid fire succession, as she sent a few prayers to the Spirit King that the commanding officer wouldn't be able to identify her as the boy who had spent a good part of the last year with him.

"Now don't be shy, Karin," Granny tsk-ed, settling down beside the newcomer, who had taken her former place near the young woman. "My grandson may be a shinigami, but don't you worry, he's very nice."

"Granny." The hint of warning in his growl was a reprimand, telling his adopted caretaker to not coddle him so much, especially in front of a guest. From the way Karin could see how she didn't even acknowledge his words, the Kurosaki girl had a feeling that she didn't listen to her ward as much as Toushirou would've liked.

"It's nice to meet you," she muttered, keeping her face angled towards the wooden table, as she fidgeted with her hands on her lap. To an outsider, she must've looked nervous or scared, but truly she was more anxious than anything else. At any moment, she could look straight into that familiar glare and he could see right through her, call her out on her lies, and expose every dirty secret she had. The very thought made her heart ache with worry, not only for herself but for all the people she was putting at risk for even being here.

"I should go… I'm intruding on your reunion." Bowing to her host, the shinigami-to-be nearly faltered as she hurried to get out of there, stepping on her own robe clumsily. A hand on her shoulder stopped her form from completely tumbling over, the other's reflexes even faster than her own and with a hand that was oddly gentle for a solider of his caliber.

But it was gone just as quickly, and his courtesy was just as gruff as she knew it to be. "Be more careful."

It seemed that fate didn't want her to leave in such a rush, as she nodded jerkily to his comment while the old lady demanded that she stay for dinner. Delighted at her agreement, Granny Hitsugaya excused herself while she finished preparing the food, Karin keeping her visage directed elsewhere even as the old woman exited. Her thoughts were running a mile a minute and absolutely none of them had anything to do with supper, except hoping that it would be over soon. There was no way he'd connect the dots with a mere glance, right? It wasn't possible. He was a genius, but he wasn't that good.

From where he sat, Hitsugaya fixed his emerald eyes on her, narrowing them in thought. "Do I know you?"

"No!" Nearly jumping to answer, Karin managed to give both of them a heavy shock, as they backed away from the table and each other. Though both of them look terrified, she could safely say, without a shadow of doubt, they were wearing the same expression for two very different reasons.

"Are you always this jumpy or is it just me? Granny didn't say her visitor was so easily disturbed," he muttered beneath his breath, running a large hand through his lengthened, show white hair. This time, Karin gave him a full once-over, taking in the man she hadn't seen in nearly six months.

Truthfully, she'd forgotten that he'd been dispatched for over half a year following an abnormal report in Karakura Town a few months after their initial visit. Although the details were sketchy, Rukia-nee-chan had been sent to scour the area, staying a few weeks before forcing to report home. And while the contents of her report were confidential, Karin wasn't stupid enough to believe that nothing extraordinary was happening there, not after overhearing her and Byakuya speak in hushed voices only two months ago.

Stumbling upon them had been an accident, but the harsh pleading in Rukia's voice and the stern, almost rough edge to Byakuya's had her creeping along the corridor on her way back from delivering something to the Sixth's office. From where she stood, all she could catch were snatches of the conversation, unimportant bits mixed in with key words she was slowly beginning to decipher. And while they might not have said it in plain words, the intentional vagueness of the dialogue wasn't lost on her, as she sucked in a deep breath and waited for them to part, gathering her thoughts before astonishment pushed through.

It seemed that Aizen was back under the Gotei Thirteen's radar, and he was looking to take Karakura for his own.

Piecing it all together, she finally understood why Hitsugaya had been dispatched along with a team of high-ranked shinigami, leaving the Tenth Division in the hands of his Third Seat before disappearing without a trace. The only thing he'd said to her was to keep training, don't get sidetracked and to stay out of trouble, an altogether strange way to say goodbye to someone you were going to see again, or at least that was what she had presumed.

Not quite understanding the enormity of what he was doing, Karin had waved him off, telling him not to get too comfy now that he was practically going on vacation in the World of the Living. That conversation had been heard too late and she'd regretted her careless farewell, wondering if he'd come back in one piece, the thoughts of him ending up like her father and brother replaying against her will. But whenever they got too far, her mind would wipe the slate blank and she'd busy herself with something else, determined that he'd return just as he left.

Looking at him now, her eyes saw how his hands were bruised deeply, no older than a week, if she was guessing correctly. The way he sat with his legs akimbo wasn't at all polite and while one could blame it on the fact that he was in his own home, she knew it most likely had to do with a leg injury that was healing, his left one most likely. He leaned back on his right arm, second to a back injury, judging by his pained posture, her inspection combing upwards until she met his hardened eyes, as if daring her to say anything.

Well, Karin was always rather bad at keeping her mouth shut. "You're injured."

His frown deepened, as he worked to sit up a little straighter, folding in his limbs a little more respectfully. The flash of pain it caused didn't escape her, but it was smothered by a defensive look, as if a wild animal about to be caged. His words were little more than a whisper. "Do not say anything, especially in front of my grandmother."

Snorting at his caution, she crossed her arms over her chest. "What, you think I'm stupid? She'd probably worry incessantly about you all night and tire herself out over it. I'm not going to put someone as sweet as her through that for someone like you."

Almost immediately, Karin wanted to take back the words, biting on her bottom lip as a worried air started to stir about her. Truly she hadn't meant to sound that mean or take it that far, but there was always something about her captain that made her mind spill things she hadn't even known she was thinking. And, judging by the mixed look of crossness and bemusement, it seemed that Toushirou had no idea where her outburst had come from either. With their gazes locked for a moment, the unmasked heir had forgotten that she wasn't supposed to meet him straight-on, not until he spoke in a lightly mystified tone.

"You remind me of someone."

And then reality was back with a vengeance. "No, I don't," she retaliated quickly, scooting herself away but forcing her face to remain in line with him. At the roll of his eyes, her glare narrowed darkly at the offense.

"I really don't think you can tell me who I think you might or might not be," he scoffed, tilting his head to the side and watching her, openly leering. And even though she did her best to meet him, Karin's sense of self-preservation was nearing its limit, as she chewed the inside of her cheek in uncertainty. But then his eyes lit up a second later, examining each of her features with undignified frankness. "You remind me of a boy I've been training. There's something about the way you talk and move, I can't put my finger on it." For an instant, his eyes move skyward in contemplation, just long enough for Karin to catch her breath and feel the bounding in her chest, before his attention was directed at her again, resolute. "You even look a little like him…"

"Are you saying I look like a boy?" While certainly not her greatest comeback, changing the subject seemed to be a necessary evil, as she placed her hands on her hips and leveled the competent soul reaper with an affronted glare. Inwardly she smirked when he grasped what he'd just implied, turning a reddish hue at his own mistake.

"N-no, that's not…"

"So just because I talk really loud and say what's on my mind, I must be a boy, huh? Next you're be gonna telling me that I can't fight or go out without fixing my hair, or something chauvinistic like that." Pointing a finger at the clearly unnerved man, Karin merely humph-ed, popping a piece of food on the table into her mouth as she shirked her discontented visage away from his. And while she shouldn't take such perverse pleasure in watching her taichou squirm, she couldn't lie and say that it wasn't as much fun as she thought it would be. If anything, it might actually feel better.

Sighing, the embarrassed commander could only itch the back of his neck, unsure of what to say next. "Look, Karin, was it? I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to imply you were boyish or anything like that, only that you remind me of someone who happens to be a boy."

"I see," Karin hummed evenly, stealing a glance at him from the corner of her eye. "What exactly about me reminds you of him? I mean, he can't be all that bad if he and I are anything alike." It was odd to be getting information out of someone this way, nor was it easy stroking her own ego and her alterego's at the same time, as if it was completely normal. It felt very surreal, to be honest.

"I don't know. Mannerisms, I suppose. And you both look similar, but he looks more like a girl—" he rushed to explain, as Karin's stone eyes sneered at him, "—than anything else. He's just some kid I've been training, that's all."

"I see," she said in kind, but the sliver of teasing in her voice had him observing her warily. "It seems to me that you might like this boy."

A cacophony of hacking coughs soon followed, as she moved to pour herself a cup of tea. She'd remembered that Matsumoto had said something like that the first time they'd met, mentioning offhandedly how interested the captain was in her school rankings and overall well-being. Seeing his reaction to the accusation in real life, Karin couldn't quite help the pleased smile that curled on her face.

"What?! No I don't!"

"You don't have to be embarrassed. I won't judge." Shrugging gently, she sipped from her cup as Toushirou gaped at her, as if unbelieving that anyone could be so nonchalant with someone they'd just met. It was as if he was having a conversation with his lieutenant again on his rather meticulous records-keeping of his charge, though that shouldn't have been an issue in the first place. He was rather organized by nature and it had absolutely nothing to do with Kurosaki, nothing at all.

Scoffing when he couldn't find a better retort, Hitsugaya grabbed himself a glass and prayed that dinner would be done soon. "You're nuts, I swear."

Looking as if she might be contemplating the idea, the raven-haired girl beamed at him, not at all insulted. "Maybe, but only just a little."

"Yeah, right." As the conversation faltered and died, the officer couldn't help but stare at the stranger before him, taking in the short, black mane brushing across her small shoulders and her graceful, almost regal, features. They really did look alike, this girl and Kurosaki Kazuto, and not just in just passing either. Those unusual slate-toned eyes were rare, though the full rows of lashes that framed them fit more on the woman before him than his ward. The same face shape and lines, though Karin's were lighter, made soft by the slight grin she wore, as she snuck a few more snacks from the table. They even had similar lips, a fuller top one than a bottom that was colored a light, healthy crimson…

In the quiet of the room, Toushirou's cup fell over.

"Whoa, are you okay?" Karin couldn't help but ask, as she grabbed a nearby cloth and began wiping down the table. Her mind didn't miss out on the look of horror that had taken residence on the shinigami's face, body shell shocked into complete stillness even as she finished her job. She repeated herself, her voice housing a bit of her irritation. "I said, are you okay?"

Snapping to attention, Hitsugaya mumbled something unintelligible but nodded, refusing to accept her concern and instead frowned as he tilted his head forward, as if reprimanding himself for some unknown oversight. The irony didn't escape her, as she watched with amused eyes while her captain seemed to be at odds with his own mind and whatever had caused his momentary clumsiness. If this was how he was when no one was looking, then Karin needed to be around him outside of the Tenth more often. He was a hundred times more entertaining and completely oblivious to it.

However, when her eyes fell on the flash of bandage along his wrist, covered by the arm of his shihakusho, her enjoyment fell to the wayside, making way for a reluctant but powerful sense of worry. Without consciously wanting to, her hand reached for his, surprising him as she pushed the cloth up to reveal the damaged limb with its newly changed binding. A part of her cringed as she saw a bit of blood seep through, most likely coming from an older wound that hadn't needed stitches but could stand to see more rest.

Her question was little more than a wisp of air, as she held him in place and met unsure eyes. "What happened to you, Toushirou?" It was the first time she'd ever said his name and she found it a little absurd that it was Karin who was doing it, speaking to him, asking him things she was sure he didn't want to answer. But somehow, she knew that it was also so much more fitting; there was no telling how much empathy Kazuto could manage without coming off uncharacteristically kind, the one trait Karin had done her best to fashion out of him.

"Nothing," he replied, moving to shuck his arm from her grasp but was surprised when her grip tightened, stronger than he thought. Deep down he knew there was much more to this girl than one could see with the naked eye, perhaps even something familiar about her, though he couldn't quite name it, no matter how much he wracked his brain.

As she scowled up at him, he noticed how the heat from her fingers seared into his skin, not enough to burn but more than enough to brand. A part of him wondered if he'd see her imprints on his skin when she let go or feel her grasp even days later. The thought wouldn't surprise him and, scarily enough, he thinks it wouldn't be the worst punishment he's ever been given.

"Who did this to you, Toushirou?" she asked again, the sound of her plea softening what was supposed to be harshness, a demand, as if she was used to being listened to. And like a siren's call, he felt inclined to answer, as he felt her fingers slide from his wrist to the palm of his hand.

"The subordinate of a man who wants to wage war on Soul Society, one that's been waiting to happen for a long time now," Hitsugaya began, voice modulated perfectly so as not to carry over into the kitchen. "I'm fighting to keep the peace, I'm fighting to protect my family and my squad…" But then his eyes broke contact once more, finding a spot off to the side as his tone bites out one last conviction.

"But mostly, I'm fighting to avenge someone."

"Who?" The word was so soft Karin was surprised he could hear her, as he bowed his head, looking suddenly ashamed, averse to speaking another word. But she was stubborn, much more so now that she was finally getting something out of him for the first time. As she tilted his chin to her with her opposite hand, Karin met that unwilling gleam with a coaxing one of her own. "Who are you fighting for, Toushirou?"

Around them, the air seemed to shift, melding about them as if a blanket meant for two. It was a private piece of information, one she could tell he kept in absolute confidentiality based on the way the muscles in his jaw tightened. But she knew that it was eating at him, a longtime demon that had kept its home inside his heart, weighing it down with anger and ineptitude that she was sure had left the shadows in his eyes and unsavory sensations of self-doubt. But those things disappeared, just for a moment, as he matched gazes with the woman in front of him, who looked so earnest and trusting. It had been a long time since anyone had watched him with such honesty and it humbled him.

"The boy you remind me of," he whispered, flexing his hand as he gripped her smaller one in his, as if he could draw strength from it. Her confused frown had him twining their fingers, as he told her the one thing he'd never told anyone, his greatest regret. "That boy had a brother, one that was killed long ago. I feel responsible for it, even now, because it wasn't him that had been sent out that night to track the enemy, but me."

His breath hitched, as he watched her with wretched eyes, the eyes of a man who could not be redeemed. "I was the one who should've died that day, and I will forever owe that kid because I took away someone of his that should've never been killed in the first place."

Even in the haze of emotions and shortened breaths, Karin was hit by his words so strongly that long held-back tears had managed to gather behind her eyes. And although there were many things she was supposed to feel, many emotions that should stand out and lash out at her permanently grieving heart, she found that one that outweighed all the others. It burned brighter and hotter than the rest, consuming all the angry sorrow and misplaced resentment, replacing it with a sense of acceptance she never thought she'd find.

Ever since she was a child, Karin was taught that even the smallest bit of forgiveness was stronger than any amount of hate or rage. Just by hearing Toushirou's confession, she was honored by his diligence, his need to right a wrong that was never his to begin with. Because Karin knew that it wasn't what one didn't do that mattered but what one had done. Her captain had no more caused Ichigo's death by passing on his mission than she had from the safety of her mother's womb, but he didn't see it that way and she wondered how he'd lived so long with such a burden, one he'd shouldered alone all this time.

If only she'd fully comprehended what that self-deprecating smile meant when her taichou turned his back on her that day, maybe she would've figured out what he wanted to do by going to Karakura Town, what he was doing for Soul Society, for his pride. For her. It all boiled down to the fact that he had left with her in mind, with the intention of doing what she was not yet strong enough to do. And if it was in her to cry, Karin wasn't sure she'd be able to hold back the tears, as she lifted her fingers away but held his honest look with a grateful one of her own.

In the end, her body moved faster than her mind.

It was nothing to get excited over and yet Karin knew that this would be horribly unlike her in any other moment in any other place or in any other time. But when she reached out for him, she knew it was both a mistake and a the only right thing to do, as her lips brushed the angle of his cheekbone, a show of appreciation he would never fully understand. But she would, and that was all she needed from him.

"From that boy you're protecting," she explained, the unexpectedness of her action causing her to heat under his dumbfounded stare. "I'm sure he won't be able to thank you, so I'll do it in his place." For her pride, the entire ordeal was nothing if not mortifying, as she fought the need to bury her face in her hands and run from him as if she hadn't done something so completely out-of-character. But there was a bit of retribution, as she sees him brush his hand against his cheekbone, a mellower dye finding his own alabaster skin. For a fraction of a second, both of them share small telling smiles of understanding.

But the tenuous energy was broken as Granny Hitsugaya stepped back into the room, causing each of them to jump back from the other, turning shy with their newfound amity. Helping her bring out the food, Karin said grace and spent the rest of the meal talking to her hostess animatedly, mostly filling her in on her life at home. The lying part of her nature took the reins but not without a bit of guilt, and for the first time she wished she could give them more than a back story about how she worked in a nobleman's mansion and spent her days with unexciting, everyday people doing chores, a falsification she'd created long ago from nothing but the air.

When Toushirou commented about her rather voracious appetite and if she was willing to try and become a shinigami, Karin nearly choked, causing two pairs of eyes to watch her worriedly. Accepting the proffered tea, she offered them a weak smile in apology, as she put down her chopsticks and licked her lips, delving for a bit of courage.

"Actually, I considered it once," she spoke softly, staring straight ahead and finding that she had no back story, not for this part of fake life, at least. But while she knew she could wrack her brain for any piece of drivel and give them some blackened version without substance, Karin found that she didn't want to. Instead, what she really wanted to offer these two people was a piece of truth, leave them something real that belonged solely to her, even if it went against every lesson that had been beaten into her.

As she steeled her nerves, Karin could feel her nails bite into the palms of her hands. "My father and brother, they were once shinigami. But they both died on duty before I was born and now it's just me, my mom and my sister." Flashing them a sad smile, Karin tucked a bit of hair behind her ear, the fidget a tell that she was more nervous than her steady voice reflected. "I can't afford to leave them behind, not after what we've already gone through. My mother wouldn't survive another loss and my sister, my twin… she wouldn't last alone and I couldn't put them through something like that again."

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry," Granny apologized, but it was an unnecessary bit of condolence, one that Karin accepted with a heavy heart. And although she chanced a glance at Hitsugaya, his face was schooled into that mask of his, unbreakable even after all their time together. It just reinforced the fact that while they might have come leaps and bounds tonight, he would never know it and she would have to fight him that much harder for even a glimpse of the boy she met today.

But that person was well worth the work.

After helping put the dishes into the kitchen and assisting with the clean-up (against Granny's protests), Karin forced herself to tell them it would be best for her to head home. The sun was setting as they spoke, already half gone in the distance and night would be on them soon. Stepping into the base in front of the door, she put on her slippers before bowing, thanking them graciously for their hospitality. It was a shame to leave and she didn't know when she'd have this much fun again, but this wasn't her life, not by a long shot. She couldn't pretend she belonged here anymore than Kurosaki Karin could exist outside of the Kurosaki castle's walls. It just wasn't her place.

The fact was still a bitter pill to swallow no matter how many times she took it, she thought, as Granny Hitsugaya clasped onto her hands, inviting her to come again whenever she was available. And although she smiled in response, Karin knew it wouldn't happen, not if she could help it. Too many close-calls had happened today and as much as it pained her, she knew her decision would be for the best, even if it had hurt too much to make.

Turning to Toushirou, she grinned up at him, unsure of what to say. While she searched her head for the right words, his caught her by surprise. "I'll walk you home."

Against her usual nature, her reply fell out in a jumble. "No, that's not necessary. Where I stay isn't far, there's really no need to trouble yourself." Although not quite truth, the excuse was a necessary one, as she didn't want to be spotted with him anywhere near Seireitei nor did she want to explain that she'd snuck out from the compound and couldn't get back in using the main gate. While he probably wouldn't pry, the act in itself was suspicious and she couldn't have him inquiring about her in case he had any questions for the workers of her household.

But the captain wouldn't be deterred. "Then I'll escort you until you get to the main road."

Knowing better than to argue with a man who was almost as obstinate as she was, Karin nodded, though she aimed a dark glower at his back. A part of her felt that he could sense it to because he looked back a second later, eyes flashing dangerously. Instead of frightening her as he seemed to want it to, she merely smirked, flipping her obsidian bob as she moved to march past him.

After saying one last goodbye to Granny Hitsugaya, the two of them walked in perfect tandem, the silence of the early evening calming rather than stifling them. As they trudged on their way, Karin couldn't help but sneak a peek at him on occasion, drawn to the masculine lines of his face that were, for once, not marred by consternation. Though she wouldn't call his appearance peaceful either, there was something there that was usually missing when they met as master and student, a tranquil steadiness she hadn't known he could possess. Then again, she'd learned much more about Hitsugaya than she ever thought she would today.

As they neared the crux of the side road that melded into the main street, Karin stopped and turned to face him fully. He followed her action with his stare, still silent. "Thanks for escorting me. You didn't have to—" he frowned as she emphasized the end playfully, grinning mischievously at his distaste, "—but I thank you all the same, Toushirou."

"You're welcome, and thank you for keeping my grandmother company." At the mention of his relative, he gazed somewhere off to the side, as if embarrassed for what he was going to say next. "Although I don't live very far, neither Hinamori nor I can visit her as often as we would like to. I'm glad she was able to meet someone who might be able to spend more time with her than we can."

At her core, shame began to eat at Karin again, as she found herself removing her stare from his figure, not wanting to give herself away. In a few months, she'd be back in the same schedule and under his thumb at all times, but there was no way she could say that. And as much as she would love to tell him that she'd visit Granny and be her companion when they weren't around, Karin couldn't lie, not about something so serious. Instead, all she could do was nod and hope he didn't see the conflict in her when she met his softened gaze.

In a strange but comfortable way, they quietly decide not to exchange goodbyes. Instead, Karin offers a smile, one that he returns with a wry quirk of his lips, as she tucks her hands behind her back before spinning and making her way down towards her destination. It wasn't that she couldn't say the words, but she found that maybe she might not want to, and that in itself was a million times scarier than any farewell she could give.

"Hey, Karin."

With the heat of summer around them, the light wind carried his voice to her, as she halted in place but refused to turn back and meet his gaze. If she did, Karin wasn't sure what kind of face she'd make; if it would be sad or grateful or maybe just a little forbidden, she didn't know and she wasn't sure if she wanted to find out. Because even her heart knew that a part of her wouldn't survive the answer, as she bounced on her feet restlessly, keeping her back ramrod straight.

"Yeah, Toushirou?" And for the first time in her life, Karin wished it wasn't her voice slipping from her mouth, so small and timid and nothing at all like the person she always believed she was.

Behind her, she could hear how he shifted in place, feet scuffling as he tries to form the words. It was a little cruel but she couldn't help but smile at his unease, finding it cute and completely unlike her captain. Whenever she stood before him during practice, Hitsugaya had an answer for everything, an opinion about even the most insignificant topics, and rarely was he ever ousted out of an argument (save for Matsumoto's occasional bouts of cleverness). But to have him literally fumble in silence made her want to peek over her shoulder, just for a snippet of a moment she was sure she'd never see again.

However, he found his resolve soon enough, just as he always did and just as she knew he would. "Will I ever see you again?"

Yes and no. Against her better judgment, she almost let the words tumble from her lips, a lapse in judgment she'd come to regret later down the line. Instead her frame fidgeted uncomfortably, feeling the hardness of his stare on her shoulders, as if he could will her to look at him, force her to stay. And she wouldn't be able to lie and say she didn't want to because it had been a long time since Karin had found a place where she'd felt at home, somewhere where Kazuto wasn't the one being asked for or clamored over. And never had she tasted regret so difficult to push past because she knew she couldn't return to Granny's house or to the beginning of this day, not tomorrow nor ever again. So, she did what she did best. Plastering on a smile and turning to face him, Karin didn't dare open her eyes and instead greeted him with a crescent gaze, matching her firmly placed grin.

"Maybe." It was times like these that she felt that lying was meant for her.

When she spun around to resume her path, Karin couldn't help herself. She ran away from him so she wouldn't be tempted to turn back.

Stumbling into the privacy of her bedroom, Karin immediately told anyone who approached to come back tomorrow, though the night was young and the requests were completely innocent. But she didn't want company, not after what she just did, as her cheeks burned with the memory of her impromptu getaway, a combination of lingering shame and blood-curdling doubt. Curled up on her futon, even Yuzu had been dismissed, and while the guilt ate at her she knew it was for the best. Right now her thoughts were elsewhere, on someone who shouldn't have entered them in the first place, and they were harder to shake off than she thought they'd be.

Unfortunately, a peaceful mind was elusive, her disturbed thoughts keeping her up until the moon was high in the sky and even as it began to fall towards the west. Sleep was chased by questions and insecurities she'd never let bother her before, fears that hadn't existed until this very day. And slowly her contentment with her lot in life, the acceptance of all that she was and all that she strived to be, turned to bitterness within her. For the first time since she was a child, Karin didn't want to do this. She didn't want to be the head of the Kurosaki clan or the Fifth Division's captain or anything like that.

Right now, Karin wanted to be a normal girl.

You're playing with fire, Mistress. And you may not be the only one who gets burned, a lone voice whispered in her mind, forcing her eyes closed as she listened to it, concentrating on the smooth tone of her guardian's voice. And she knew he was right; after all, he was her conscience that knew her heart's most hidden reservations. There was no turning back time or changing what had come to pass, and truly she knew she wouldn't want to, wouldn't sacrifice one piece of her hard work for even a moment of the tell-tale perfect fantasy she's constructed in her mind. But she'd never had apprehension like this before. She hadn't realized what she was giving up until now, until she figured out that maybe there was more to life than taking over the family and protecting them from harm, replaced by beliefs that were more than a little hazardous and wholly self-centered.

Tomorrow, she decided as she pulled her blanket over her and buried herself into it, she'd put that stern face back on and go back to her duties of managing estates and playing peacemaker as was her job. She'd take her mother and Yuzu out to lunch someplace nice in apology, maybe buy them something from one of the stores they liked so much. And eventually she'd go back to the Tenth, look straight into Hitsugaya's eyes and feel absolutely nothing but respect, camaraderie and just the slightest sting of annoyance at his carefully uncaring attitude. Because this was how life was meant to be for her, no more no less.

So, just for tonight, Karin would mourn what had to be her first and last love.

AN: Yeah, this is just getting more and more AU, I don't know what to do with all this story. Haha. And, oh man, writing this was crazy. I wrote the majority of it in record time but it's mostly because I haven't really been writing. No time, unfortunately. This is the first time in months that I'm actually free to just pump out a few thousand words and the fact that this poured out just goes to show that I really need more time playing and less time studying. Too bad life doesn't work that way. :(

I don't have a next chapter summary for you guys, sorry. I'm still trying to figure out the next direction I should go. Probably another time jump though. A forewarning so I don't surprise you guys too much. Haha.

Remember, reviews are loved and feed this muse of mine~

Thanks for reading! Until next time~