Super late with this update. Had some things to do, but I'm back and still writing this story. Its a love fest, action will be back soon just had to clear the air. As always thanks for reading, commenting, following and adding it to your favorites.
Arizona ran the make-shift wash cloth down her lover's back, cleaning soft skin and kissing down the path streaks of water made over brown flesh.
She had forgotten the little things.
It had been a few months since this had all began and it shocked her how fast she had let those minute details sleep away. Kisses in the morning. Lying in bed just talking about the most mundane things, their hands folded in one another's.
She settled her neck in the dip in Calliope's shoulder's from behind and kissed the side of her neck, speaking soft and closely into her ear. "I love you." She smooched her neck again, and then closed her eyes taking in the scent of freshly watched skin.
Calliope smiled as she felt familiar and welcomed kisses to her shoulders and back. Her wife, despite her rough and tough exterior, was always a very gentle and sweet lover. They didn't get a chance to bathe or wash sitting down, instead they had designated an area you could wash yourself within using rags and buckets. They had made sure to step behind the curtain for privacy. As soon as they had it, they ended up having sex again.
Callie thought leaving the quarantine room would douse the desire but it seemed they had hit reset on their relationship. Things were shaky, feelings still needed to be expressed, a more concrete and unwavering line of communication had been put into place but there was much more that needed to be done. The passion however seemed to be restored full fledge.
Callie didn't say it back, she instead turned and brought their lips together sweetly breaking away before Arizona tried to sweep her in for another round. She locked brown pupils on to blue and swept her thumb across her partner's damp cheek then smiled and snuck in a brief kiss. She let her hands travel over the nicks on the side of Arizona's shoulder.
Callie leaned over and kissed the tiny scars asking Arizona a question in between her lips connecting with her skin. "How did you do it?" Calliope wasn't sure it was a question she should ask right now, but it was on the forefront of her mind. "I mean…how do you do it…the things that you do?"
Arizona spoke, though her eyes were still closed in enjoyment from the light touches to her body. "I'm not sure I know what you…"
"You're always in these situations." Calliope stopped then pulled back and looked away for a while before catching her wife's eye again. "Off on your own, fighting these…people…things and I just…" She searched for words to describe the amazing things her wife had done. They just seemed to hit her all at once. The brave and bold idea to keep them moving, the dash to the farmhouse, the risk she took to get Sofia's medicine and so much more. She was absolutely baffled as to how she remained alive. She wanted to say it was God's doing, but Arizona wouldn't entertain it.
Arizona wasn't opposed to answering the question; so much as she was surprised it was asked. She herself sometimes wondered how she kept getting by. She could ponder on it for hours, but she chose to answer honestly not strategically, or in some elaborate tale that made her seem like some heroin. She wanted to get back down to the bare bones with her wife. All vulnerability and truth. So her next response was fresh off her brain, no filtering included. "You."
Calliope shook her head in near disbelief and roped her arms around her wife's neck. "Just when I thought I couldn't love you more…" The rest of her sentence was lost in a long, passionate kiss that made her knees nearly turn to jelly. She always had that effect on her and she was sure it would never fade away.
Arizona pulled back and grinned. "I mean, how could you not..."
"Hmm." Calliope hummed out capturing her wife's lips once more.
"…love me more?"
Calliope laughed noticing her wife's humor had returned. "Oh' how could I possibly not love a woman who's as ornery as a pitbull shittin' rail road spikes and ugly as sin?" Her comment made Arizona burst into laughter and she quickly realized it was her favorite sound. Things were so crazy and sporadic; she wasn't sure how much longer she had to hear it. She cherished it, made a mental note of it even.
"I'm ugly as sin?" Arizona questioned still chuckling softly.
"I'm only teasing. You're gorgeous. And strong." Calliope responded, then quirked her eyebrow devilishly. "Maybe even a little…sexy."
"A little sexy?" Arizona questioned backing her wife towards the wall nearest them.
"Don't you get any ideas Arizona Robbins; we got away with it once." Calliope giggled when her wife came towards her then held up her hands to keep her at bay. "Not a step closer Arizona."
Arizona disregarded her wife's plea. "Like this?"
"Stay put." Calliope reached for her towel and swiftly wrapped her naked frame up.
"Think some little towel is going to stand in my way, huh'?"
"I mean it Arizona. I guarantee somebody is going to come looking to get washed up." Calliope said not even able to keep her laughter at bay long enough to be taken seriously. Before she could oppose yet again Arizona had her pressed up against the wall, her mouth already making a path up to her ear with kisses. When they made it to her ear, she felt Arizona's lips part slightly and whisper. "Somebody's gonna' come, that's for sure."
Calliope submitted for a moment; let her continue the exploration of her upper body with her mouth. She only stopped her when she felt her hand slipping up and under her towel. "Not right now honey…" She thought she saw her wife dim a little and she knew why she wanted to stay in their little bubble. Outside lurked a relationship that needed just as much fine care as theirs did. She didn't like the expression that passed over her face, so she lightened the mood for the moment. "…I promise we'll find some more 'alone' time later though, k?"
Arizona nodded and followed her wife's lead, drying off and pulling on clothing. The entire time her eyes were trained on the door. She didn't know what was left of her marriage when she came back, but she had this sense, this gut feeling they would work past it. They always did. It was Sofia that caused the biggest nightmare. She knew she was entering that fragile age where everything that happened to her impacted her in certain ways. She didn't want her standing memory with her daughter to be of fear and pain. She wanted things the way they were again. But it wasn't on her any more. All the letting go and letting in again, that was in Sofia's hands.
"How…" She hesitated but found the courage to inquire. "…how's Sofia. I mean, we didn't get to talk much about how things are."
"I'm not going to lie to you honey, things aren't great." Callie brought her hands up to her hips. "She wouldn't even sleep in the same room as me, she slept in the cupboard. She won't eat. Won't open up…she's just…"
Arizona was at her wife's side before the first tear fell. "Hey now. No tears today." She kissed her wife's forehead.
"I know I just…" Calliope sighed and composed herself. "I don't want things to be like that between you two. Too much love there. You gotta' make things right."
Arizona's jaw clenched. There was that pressure again. She had to make things right, she just had to. "What if I can't?" She looked at her wife dejectedly. "What if I…what if I lost her…" She could remember the moment she lost her father. It was the same day he beat her so hard, when she came to she didn't believe that love or anything of the sort was plausible. There couldn't be love, only pain.
Arizona felt her wife thread her hand into hers, her forehead dipping to her shoulder.
"Then we work at it until you find her again."
And with just one touch, Arizona felt the weight was lifted. This is how it had always been. She was completed. Made whole. Stronger than ever with her wife back at her side, she'd be indestructible when her daughter joined it as well.
Another kiss and they began walking to the door still hand in hand.
"Where you off to?" Arizona asked as she shut the door behind them.
"Off to go see what Bell's got planned in the mess hall with the things you brought in. Anything you want me to tell the others?"
Arizona cocked her head to the side in half shock and half disbelief. Her wife was asking her if she had orders to deliver to the people of the camp. Her wife was telling her she knew others were following her lead, and she was too.
"You know what to do Calliope; I'll leave that up to you." And she in turn gave her trust. No micro-management. No doubts or fears and no follow up's.
Calliope took both of Arizona's hands in hers and smiled. "Go talk to our daughter. Just open up to her."
Arizona nodded and brought the two hands her wife had on hers up to her own mouth. She kissed them both lightly and then watched her walk down the corridor. She turned back once to wave, black hair flowing effortlessly in the little breeze she kicked up with her walk.
She felt like that green kid again shy and terrified hanging outside Calliope's door with her hands shoved into her pocket. The certified yellow belly that settled for a kiss on the cheek on their first outing. The utterly smitten fool who'd do just about anything if Calliope asked.
On a cloud of confidence she turned and was shoved completely out of the way by a 4 foot nothing freight train. Arizona turned with a smile, but noticed Steph didn't slow down one bit.
"Hey Steph." She called after her. It was good to see her after she had returned. She knew it was only a short time, but one day in that world alone felt like an eternity. She knew things were rocky in between her and her family, but she had forgotten the way she treated Steph. She just wanted to make things right with everyone, but she had broken so many relationships trying to protect everyone, apparently she had lost count. "Hey…I need to talk to you."
Steph never turned around, she just continued down the hall as Calliope had until she was out of sight. Arizona sighed and her shoulders lowered just a bit. She wasn't her daughter like the rest of the people around here weren't her family, but she felt for her. It was a kick in the gut, but one she had to live with for now.
She'd have to give it time.
Arizona cut the corner of the kitchen and paused briefly in the doorway before entering. She had the bow and arrow tucked in her hands, the sheath of arrows draped around her shoulder. She thought for a second her daughter was gone but then she heard the light shuffle of her re-positioning inside of the cupboard.
She and Calliope had only taken a couple of hours to themselves, she wished it could have been longer because when she walked completely inside the kitchen area the reality of the situation hit her. This wasn't like when Sofia stayed out past when the streetlights went out and she'd take away her television privileges for a day or so. She'd stomp upstairs and hide away in her room for the rest of the day, but she'd come back down sure enough the next. They would never be cross with one another, not too long.
This was different. This was one of those moments where Sofia could genuinely remain distant from her for a pro-longed period of time, and it made her stomach sink.
She walked over to the cupboard and sat beside it her right knee shifted up, her left leg extended across the floor. She raised her hand to knock but before knuckles could meet wood she heard a tiny voice call out to her.
"Go away."
The small dip Steph put in her shoulders turned into a gully. She lowered her hand and almost went to stand and walk away. Give her the space she wanted. Let time iron things out.
She could do that with Steph maybe, even Aaron but not Sofia. Not her baby.
"If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that one." She chuckled afterwards, but it was grim and uneven. She sat back into her position and placed the bow and arrows to her side. Arizona dusted off her hands slightly and searched for the right words to say. She had to choose wisely because she had little room for error. She heard her wife's words echoing through her mind. Open up. It was a thing easier said than done. She had revealed more to her wife in that room alone then she had in the entirety of their marriage.
She only let it all out when she absolutely positively had to; she needed there to be a sense of urgency. She supposed this was a fitting situation. "I lied to your mother." Arizona lowered her head and ran her fingers along the sooty cracks on the floor around her. "Years later after we first met she asked me if it was love at first sight."
She paused and felt confidence at the mere mention of Calliope. Assurance restored, she pressed onward.
"I said no doubt about it honey, the moment we locked eyes I fell head over heels. Got me a very delicious dinner…and a few kisses too." Arizona knew Sofia wasn't in the mood for laughter, but normally when they were intimate around her are too mushy she'd be grossed out and giggle. Arizona filled that gap with her own laughter. "But I told a fib. Want to know why? Because your mother…well we were two different people."
Her tone shifted just a little, she wasn't sad, just more focused on her delivery. "Your mother is just one of those people, kind of like you." She paused and smiled at the closed cupboard doors. She had that kind, big heart her mother had. She supposed that nature was genetic. If Arizona had that gene on her side, it must have skipped generation. "Magnetic. Big smile. Big laugh. And she was brave. Undeniably brave. That's what drew me like a moth to flame."
Arizona cleared her throat, trying her best to keep emotion at bay. "I wasn't like that. I was bad-tempered and alone. Your mother…" She heard movement in the closet and paused briefly. At least she was paying attention. "….she was-is my opposite. We had a different way of doing everything, which lead to a lot of butting heads. In fact…" She laughed. "…she was kind of annoying."
She tried to stop herself from snickering harder but it just came on, and it felt good. "That's only because I didn't know that way. Sofia, I didn't have a family. Well I did, but it wasn't what you call a family. I didn't have any one that cared about my well-being. So it's hard to depend on someone, to hold someone to such a high regard…to literally need them. So I had to get used to smiling. I had to get used to…"
Arizona shifted closer to the doors barring her from her daughter. "…happy. And sometimes that old side of me…it sneaks back out again. The side that doesn't listen, that tries so hard to do it all alone, that I just end up mucking everything up."
She sighed and wiped a tear from her face. "Meeting her, learning a new way to live it hasn't been easy. I ain't making no excuses Sofia. I'm just telling you how...how I feel. I said some pretty fu-screwed up things to you and your mother and I'm sorry. I'm so, so very sorry."
Sofia sat inside and listened to her mother speak; she used the crack in the door to see it was her coming. She didn't want to see her. Didn't want to hear her speak even. She tried covering her ears, she even tried falling asleep but it was no use. She wanted to jump out and yell at her. To make her hurt like she did, but by the sounds of the sobbing outside. She already was. And it didn't give her the satisfaction she thought it would. It made her hurt more.
So she shifted closer, listening to her talk about her feelings. Feelings were never her mother's thing. When she talked about liking boys, her mother would be in the room but her momma would do all the talking. When she wanted to talk about things that ran a little deeper, her mother would be there but never fully engaged. Later she'd always here her talking about it to her momma softly through the walls. She was always concerned, just had her way of going about it.
Sofia cracked the door.
It was a physical manifestation of how she felt. Hidden away but letting her mother's words filter to her little slivers at a time.
Arizona smiled through her tears when she saw the door crack open a bit. It was her own personal ray of hope.
"You on the other hand." Arizona continued whistling slightly after. "It was love at first sight. I swooned when I first met you." Arizona scooted closer to the crack, close enough to where her voice made a slight echo in the shadowy box that held her daughter. "I wasn't there for your birth, I was away. Your mother kept me up to speed; I got some pictures of you…all pink and puffy. I kept thinking…what am I going to do with a kid?"
She hadn't told Sofia before, that she didn't want kids. That it wasn't in her plans. That she didn't want the burden.
"I didn't want kids on the count of my not so pleasant childhood. It was one of those things where you don't want that cycle to continue. I felt like, if I had you in my life it was just in my nature to ruin you. I drank, I swore, I had a horrible temper. What good could I have done for you? What kind of role model would I be?"
The tears were back. She sniffled softly in between thoughts. "I landed, caught a cab, traveled to your mom's place…back before we got the house and all. I opened the door, kissed your mom and we went to her room hand in hand." Arizona pinched the bridge of her nose taking in a few ragged breaths. "She put you in my arms. I said you looked like a lab rat. You gripped my finger and stuck your tongue out at me." She broke through her tears again chuckling. "I said, Calliope I think she just told me where to go in baby talk."
Arizona watched the door swing open wider.
"You were…the most perfect thing. I never thought I'd take such joy in changing diapers and cleaning up puke, but I did. We'd take you outside and around and I'd just be so proud."
Arizona nearly reached over and opened the door but she'd be forcing Sofia's hand. She had to come to her; she'd sit there all night talking until she did.
"But the worry was still there. Until I realized, with you in my arms and your mother at my side. I wasn't alone anymore. It was real. I was able to feel and express love."
Sofia inched forward until she was just at the opening. She pushed the door ajar until she was sitting Indian style in front of her mother. She looked so refreshed. Not like before with dark tinted eyes and stiff movements. The calmness that exuded from her put Sofia at ease. She felt the tension slipping. She also noticed that she was crying, that was something she only saw her mother do on very rare occasions.
Arizona let out a deep emotional sigh when she saw her daughters face, she inched closer until their knees were touching.
"I was so concerned about how I'd mess you up until I realized you changed me. You made me better. More responsible. More in tune with how my actions affected others." Arizona's chin trembled as she reached forward and tucked brunette locks behind her daughter's ear. "You're my best friend."
Sofia looked away, tears forming where she thought no more could surface. "You promised." She found the courage to look back at her mother. "Remember?"
"I-"
"You'd never leave without saying goodbye – you said." Sofia hadn't realized how much bite was in her tone when she interjected. "And then you yelled at me…" She sobbed. "…and cursed at me and left. And you promised you would never leave…like dad."
Arizona had forgotten that pact she had made to her daughter that shadowy night when voices crept past a flight of stairs and a bedroom door into innocent ears. She rocked her in her arms until she fell asleep, until the tears stopped, until she felt safe in her care. Until she knew she'd wake up in her arms in the morning and everyone after that if she wanted.
"I broke a promise to you. A promise to me equates trust. I'm not going to tell you they are meant to be broken, because you and I both know that's not true. A promise is your word, and at the end of the day that's all you got."
Arizona boldly reached out and took her daughters hand; she didn't tense or shrink away. If she had Arizona's heart would have broken right in front of her.
"I'm not going to make a promise over another promise either, that's too fraudulent. Me personally, when someone breaks an oath I like to see action instead of hearing more of their words because they already mean just about jack-squat."
Arizona gripped Sofia's hand tighter. "I'm going to show you why you should trust me and believe in everything I say. And I won't stop until I have your confidence again." She ran her thumb along the ridges of the smaller hand in hers. She let her hand go and straightened up. "And you can't put your trust in me again just because I came in here with a sob sad story. Your mother and I raised you to be kind, but not a fool."
Arizona shifted until she was kneeling down on one knee in front of Sofia. "There are going to be people in this world that you put faith in, that are going to disappoint you – we're only human. But you can't let everyone back in over and over again. So you decide. Don't do it just because I'm your mother. You sit back and you come to that realization."
Sofia stood and when she did Arizona hadn't realized how tall she had gotten.
Sofia quickly made her way over to her mom and wrapped her arms around her neck. "I trust you mom." She submerged herself into her mother, gripped her tighter when she felt her arms wrap around her. Sofia closed her eyes and rested her head against her mother's shoulder and knew she meant the words she said. Her mother wasn't like her dad, she made mistakes, but she always corrected them. She was always there.
"You're my girl you know that right?" Arizona whispered before pushing back slightly to kiss her forehead.
"I know mom, I know." Sofia replied soothed in her mother's arms.
Arizona hugged her tight until she fully stood and walked back over to the weapon she had brought into the room. "You're my girl but…not my little girl..." She held up the bow and lifted it, setting it up and pulling it back to look down the sights. After she did so, she held it out to Sofia. "…not that much longer anyhow."
She turned to her daughter and smiled sadly. Sofia was blossoming into a beautiful young lady. She was excited, happy even that she was entering her adulthood. But it saddened her all the more because she knew what that meant. She knew she would have to start letting go. Taking her hands off the wheel little by little, until her baby girl could begin to steer.
"You're growing up, right before my eye's Sofia. I know you want to explore that side of yourself but you have to look at it from my point of view…from our point of view." Arizona sighed and shook her head. "It's terrifying."
"Why?" Sofia questioned.
"I don't want to sound cliché but, you just won't know until you're there. It's like that baby bird you and your mother nursed back to health."
Sofia recalled their birdy, her name was Hermione. She had named her after her favorite Harry Potter character. It flew into their backdoors and banged itself up. Her and her mama spent weeks feeding it and getting it back up to par. One day they went and checked on her and she was gone. For a moment she'd come back to feed or be around, Sofia swore she was doing it to let them know she was okay. Then she never returned.
"She was ready to be on her own." Sofia said confidently.
"But weren't you worried?" Arizona said shrugging slightly. "Didn't you think of the worse before she came back by? What if some animal got to her, or what if it was too soon and she ended up in a place where no one would help her?" Arizona found her daughter's eyes. "Where you couldn't protect her from the world and the dangers within it."
Sofia slowly began to understand. They wanted her to be independent; they wanted her to stand alone. But they were afraid she might fail. Or worse, get hurt or killed.
Arizona walked over to her daughter and placed the bow in her hand, then draped the sheath of arrows around her shoulder. "I can't walk you through all life's pit-falls; and I don't know the first thing about boys…"
Sofia giggled and it warmed Arizona's heart.
"…but…" The older woman nodded her head knowingly. "…I can teach you how to fight. I can give you the skills needed to defend yourself. And it's about high-time I stopped trying to keep you in a cage…" Arizona gestured to the room they were talking inside, but her hands swept wide suggesting she meant the entire facility. "…and let you fly."
Sofia felt the weight of the bow in her hand; she clenched the grip tightly in her palm. The moment she had been waiting for had arrived. While she was excited about the offering and even more elated that her mother was taking such a huge leap in her favor. She was slightly disappointed by the weapon of choice.
"I thought maybe I'd get a gun." Sofia said not out of disrespect but out of confusion. Surely her mother wasn't going to give her this as an answer to the problem outside.
"Do you realize what you have in your hands?" Arizona questioned. She held out her hands and Sofia returned the weapon to her. "See the ultimate skill against these things is stealth. While a gun is efficient, it also draws a powerful amount of attention."
Arizona gave herself a little space from her child. She pulled the weapon back again showing her the full arch. She held it and spoke, her arm tensing from the movement. "This thing is a range based weapon, perfect for picking off targets from very high points out of harm's way."
Arizona turned the bow in her hand and pushed forward with it, as if she were attacking someone at close range. "Ain't much on melee but, you can still use it to do some damage and gain some distance."
She walked back over and placed it back into the hands of Sofia. "And best of all, you can gather your ammunition back once it's discharged. If done correctly, and if you get good enough, you'll be hell out there."
Sofia the bow back in her hand mimicked her mother's stance. She felt powerful with it, stronger. When she held it again after her mother, she felt attached to it now. It felt right in her hands.
"You have to take pride in your weapon. So you need to go to sleep with it in your hand, walk around with it hung on your shoulder. Know it. Close your eyes and run your hands along its edges. You should be able to reach for it, load it up and fire a shot without looking."
"That's impossible mom." Sofia said truly puzzled.
"It seems like it now, but when you get accustomed to it. You won't be able to recall a time when you couldn't."
Sofia went for one of the arrows but was halted by her mother.
"Not yet."
"Why not?"
"See the way that arm of yours is trembling, no dominant eye established. Get the power to pull the bow back, learn the form and we'll move on from there."
"Kinda' like at summer camp?"
"Yeah. Kind of." Only it wasn't a blue, red and yellow target. These targets had eyes, senses; it made them much harder to kill for several reasons.
Sofia took her stance again and Arizona corrected it. She wasn't an expert, not by a long shot. She knew a thing or two and the rest; she just applied from military training with guns. Couldn't be much different.
The child tried again, and Arizona corrected her. "It ain't about the arms so much as it is the eye." If there was one thing she had mastered, it was aiming.
Sofia's arms were growing tired from even the short and seemingly light exercise. She realized she had miles to go, but she was excited and determined to know more. While she continued to review the new stance taught, she spoke. "When do you think I'll be ready to go out?"
"I won't be the one to tell you, you'll just know. I trust you to know your own limitations. That's a large part of finding out more about youself kiddo."
Sofia draped the bow around herself and turned to her mother, unable to look her directly in the eye. "I'm sorry I tried to leave, it was stupid. I was wrong."
"You weren't the only one Sofia. Life has some very confusing moments, even if you're all grown up, don't ever be afraid to come to me or your mother and ask us how to proceed." She gripped her daughters shoulder. "It's what we're here for."
Sofia jumped back into her mother's arms then pulled back and extended her pinky. Arizona placed hers in and they locked them in place. They didn't have to say a word. The gesture was a symbol of their unbreakable bond, of love and pure trust in one another.
"Promise me you'll talk to Steph. It really wasn't her fault and-"
"I know." Arizona released her daughter's digit. "I'll cross that bridge when I get to."
"Can you tell her I said, I'm sorry and I miss her?"
"I'll talk to her, but that's a conversation best had directly don't ya' think?"
Sofia nodded in understanding. Her faced dipped a little. "How about you and mama?" she remembered the angry whispers; she was up for the closed door. The crying.
Arizona grinned. "We're good." She wouldn't lie and tell her that they were great, but good seemed to be a sign that they were on their way. "In fact, I'm going to go see about her and the others now. I got a pretty big take when I went out…wanna' come check it out?"
"Yeah but can I…"Sofia played at the edges of her bow. "…think I can practice a little more, and then I'll come down there?"
Arizona gave a single nod and headed to join the others. She was halted by her daughter's voice.
"Mom."
She turned and placed her hands on her hips. "Yes Sofia?"
"I love you. No more leaving." Sofia smirked. "That's an order."
Arizona saluted and left from range of her daughters eyes. She hung back and just watched her. She was already catching on, and already so unwavering in her dedication. Arizona couldn't hold her anymore and walk her around. Couldn't dote on her and show her off in a cute little compact bundle. She was far too big.
But she was still proud.
Calliope and Bell stood in front of the stacks of goods they had sorted into piles. Calliope thought it would be best to separate them into perishable items, things that needed to go sooner and things they could preserve and hold on to a bit longer. Calliope stood back for a moment and thanked God above for what they had. It would hold them, but still they needed a more permanent source of food. She didn't know what Arizona had planned, but she knew her and Hughes and the others would put their heads together and come up with something soon. They were safe, but she felt a change in location was needed. Maybe a place where they could try to grow food themselves, or at least hunt for game.
Bell came and stood beside her, her hair tied up in a rag, her hands on her hips. "Isn't God good?"
Calliope smiled. "All the time."
Bell placed an arm around her shoulder. "You and Arizona work things out?"
Calliope's smile didn't waver at the mention of her wife's name. A few hours ago she was liable to breakdown in tears. Sadness however was replaced with immense pride, and longing to be near her though they had only separated for a few moments. "Yeah." She let out a small sigh. "I think we're getting closer to okay."
"Ya'll had better be." A voice called from behind them. It was Sara making her way over, a chestier smirk covering her face from ear to ear. "Nobody disappears and comes back all glowy if they still have a case of the sads."
Calliope laughed and turned to her, a light blush on her cheeks. "We just needed to clear the air."
"Mhmm." Sara said knowingly, throwing a wink in the Latina's direction. "I bet you guys did a whole lot of…" Sara walked over to one of the piles and plucked out an apple shining it on her shirt. "…talking." Sara tossed her apple into the air and caught it. "I think it consisted of…oh Arizona, baby don't stop." She said quickly finishing off her sentence mimicking an orgasm.
"We did…" Calliope turned from Bell suddenly engulfed in embarrassment. "You heard…"
"Everyone who was in two feet of that door heard Callie." Sara bit into the apple, stopping only momentarily to bask in its delightful flavor. "Az must have had you in there climbing the walls." She giggled after then took another bit of the fruit in her hand.
Aunt Bell cast a stern look in her direction. "Things still need to be rationed, can't just go around eating all willy-nilly." She didn't like the way she spoke so brashly, Bell was just raised in a time and era where ladies never said such things. "What two folks do behind closed doors isn't any business of yours and shame on you for eavesdropping."
"Oh bla- blah-blah Bell. You let everyone slide around here but me."
Bell interjected swiftly her eyes planted firmly on the younger woman. "Married folks can carry on as they please. It's the ones who aren't married that need to refrain."
Sara rolled her eyes. They met Bell's again mischief renewed within them. "I think I know why you're so uptight Bell."
She walked closer to the greyed hair woman. "When's the last time you had a nice, thick, c-"
"Cracker!" Calliope said trying to cover up Sara's blatant attempt at pushing Aunt Bell over the edge. "These crackers were definitely in the wrong pile." She grabbed them up and shook them in Bell's direction.
"I wasn't born yesterday Callie." Bell said narrowing her eyes at Sara. "Utterly distasteful."
Sara chuckled and pushed one of the greying locks back into the wrap tightly on her head. "Oh Bell, never change." Bell swatted her hand away.
Hughes stepped towards them both, his hands instinctively hooking to the belt he wore around his waist. Callie couldn't name a time when Hughes was not in uniform. He was dressed from head to toe and managed, unlike some in the facility, to maintain his hygiene. "Evening ladies."
"Hey there." Sara singed in his direction causing a large toothy smile to emerge on his face.
"You ladies decided what's what with these rations Arizona brought in?"
Calliope stepped forward to explain gesturing with her hands as she spoke. "I've got them sorted into two piles here, things that can hold and things that can't. Some of these things may not even make it through the night."
Hughes shook his head. "Pity to waste food at times like this, why not just knock out this stuff tonight then. It won't last, might as well get a belly full right?"
Bell looked overly excited as she grabbed onto Hughes arm. "You know what young man, you are an absolute genius. Why not throw a little party tonight?"
"A party with you Bell will surely be akin to a funeral." Sara interjected.
Callie ever the peace-maker decided another change in subject would be to everyone's benefit. "I think a little gathering would be nice, maybe we can all use a little relief from the world…just for a night."
Hughes nodded in agreement. "Then it's settled I'll go tell the others and-"
"Oh' no you will not." Bell said touching up her hair. "We girls have got to put on our best and get this thing set up properly. Callie and I-"
"And Sara." The younger woman interjected.
"…and Sara…" Bell added begrudgingly. "…will let you all know when to call the others."
"What are we calling the other's for?" Arizona said as she walked up.
"The woman of the hour herself." Hughes remarked, his grin growing wider. "Didn't get much time to see you when you first came back."
"Had some things I needed to sort out." She replied, a small smirk forming at the corner of her mouth.
"Not sure what you had to sort…but you can come sort me out any day of the week with those sounds I heard coming from that room." Sara added.
"Only one getting sorted out by this one is me." Calliope said defensively, a little jealousy over her wife coming out briefly. She knew Sara was only joking, but she had to make it clear it had better be jesting only.
Sara roared with laughter and put her hands up in surrender. "Only teasing Callie."
"Filth aside Arizona, we've all decided with the things going bad tonight…we'd have a little shindig to lighten the mood. Get everyone back to smiling." Bell paused as did the room around Arizona. They didn't need her okay, but her approval was something they all wanted.
"Sounds alright to me, we can't get too loud, still need a few people to stay on post but it should be fine." Arizona said and felt her wife take her hand and squeeze gently. It appeared she was happy with her blessing and a bit excited as well.
"Does this extend to everybody?" Sara questioned her arms crossing over her chest.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Arizona retorted, slightly befuddled by her remark.
Sara sighed. "I mean it's clear as day there's some kind of rift going on in the group, Brooks is…"
Hughes cleared his throat and looked to Arizona. "Brooks shouldn't be invited, we want to lighten the mood not douse it in gasoline and set it on fire." He waited for her to agree, but it never came.
"Everyone should be included." Arizona stated with a light shrug. Everyone in attendance took a moment to take in her statement, even Callie was taken slightly. "Look, it is no secret that some of us and Brooks don't get along. He isn't the most pleasant, I don't agree with his tactics, his statements or how he chooses to act but…he's a part of this group."
She spoke to all of them, making sure she had eye contact briefly to drive her point home.
"That means he's entitled to eat, and we have to share with him and include him…and his men. Sara's right, everyone should be invited. No one's going to put a gun to their heads and force them, but they should be presented with the option. I think this could be a great opportunity for all of us to get a clean slate…and a second chance to get it right…" Arizona tightened her hold on Calliope's hand, looked at her and smiled. "…I'm thankful for mine."
Calliope swooned. That was the woman she had fell in love with. She was hardened but she knew just when to soften for the others around her. It took a lot to make that kind of statement and stick to it. She was choosing to take the higher ground, choosing to stand for them all instead of falling for some. She was proud to be standing at her side.
Bell smiled and placed her hands on her hips. "Well what a difference a day makes! Well said, and I couldn't agree more."
Sara walked over and pat Arizona shoulder. "Then maybe you and Brooks can hash things out."
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." Arizona said. "This man has disrespected me and my family, I'll break bread with him, but our relationship still stands."
Arizona released Calliope's hand. She readjusted the new knife strapped around her waist. "You guys get started, Hughes and I need to walk this place and make sure security is still up to snuff and make sure this gathering can be pulled off without a hitch."
"Well I'm off to freshen up, then we can lay out a whole spread and let everyone dig in." The grey haired woman scooted off without another word.
"Same here." Sara turned and began walking back towards the wash room. "Hey Az?" Sara questioned turning back halfway.
"Yeah Sara?"
"Thanks." With that Sara was off and away behind Aunt Bell.
Calliope turned to her wife, her eyes scanning blue ones. She cupped the side of Arizona's face. "That was beautiful Arizona."
"I was just-"
Before Arizona could finish Calliope had her lips seized with her own. It was sweet at first but deepened when Arizona brought her hands up to her wife's waist.
Hughes found any place outside of the women in front of him to focus on.
Arizona pulled back with a soft smack. "What was that for?"
Calliope smiled adding another quick kiss before speaking. "Just cause."
Arizona snickered and slowly edged her lips back onto her wife's when Hughes cleared his throat loud and dramatically.
"Hate to interrupt ladies, but we need to do this little run-down before we get started…"
"It's fine Hughes." Arizona said. "I'll catch up with you in a second."
"Sure thing, I'll be over by the gate…we'll work our way from there."
Once Hughes was out of sight Calliope kissed her wife once more, then they sat down at one of the tables in the mess hall.
"Did you talk to Sofia?" Calliope guessed with how pleasant Arizona's demeanor was, things went well. With Arizona she could never really tell, she had a way of hiding her emotions to ease the tension in the others around her.
Arizona placed her palms flat on the table; Calliope quickly covered them with her own.
"We had a very long talk; well mostly it was just me talking."
"And?"
"She told me she trusts me, that she…" Arizona's lower lip trembled. If her family didn't know how much their love meant to her, they had to know now. It got her by. Often times, it kept her sane. "…loves me. I don't know if things are perfect, but that right there…" Arizona slipped one hand from under her Calliope's and placed it over her heart. "…that's all I needed."
Calliope stood again and held out her arms, saw her wife rise as well and slump into them. She rubbed her back softly.
Arizona took a moment to just float in her wife's arms, people walked around them carried on with their day, but she didn't care. Her world would always pause for Calliope, no matter where they were, or what situation they were in.
Arizona spoke over her wife's shoulder, still deep in their embrace. "That's all I need from both of you."
Calliope broke the hug and grinned. "I'm going to go check on her now-"
"Calliope."
"Yeah babe?"
"You might see her with something." Arizona shifted her eyes from left to right, a nervous smirk on her face. "Something…lethal."
Calliope stepped backwards, her hands on her hips, concern back and settled on her face. "Lethal?"
"I gave her a weapon."
"And what kind of weapon was that?" Callie said her tone shifting from upbeat to worry.
"A bow-"
"-Arizona-"
"Calliope." Arizona spoke her name with a bit of edge, not to say her word was the final one but to let her know that her own mind was set. "It's time."
Calliope let a large low sigh. She knew she had to give her freedom, knew it was time to let her cross over into adulthood, but a weapon? Her daughter, her little girl…killing. She tried to find another word to replace the finality of her daughter with a weapon. She could put whatever wording she wanted on it, self-defense, taking a stand, but at the end of the day, she was green-lighting her daughter to take lives. That's simply what weapons were designed to do. "Are we sure…maybe she needs…"
"I'm positive and Calliope…" Arizona skirted over the soft approach. If her wife wanted her to communicate, then she figured she had better use it to do so effectively. "…she isn't the only one." Arizona placed a hand on her shoulder. "I know it's against your nature, but when push comes to shove I'd rather have you armed and ready. So me and you, when we have the time, were going to go over some things."
Calliope lowered her head. This wasn't the path her life was supposed to take, she was supposed to get old and grey and play with grandchildren and fuss about the temperature in her home. Not murdering folks, that wasn't her picture of her ascent into her golden years.
Arizona reached forward and gently raised her chin, making sure Calliope saw the sincerity in her eyes. "I'm not going to force you to do anything." She laughed. "I couldn't if I tried. I love you for who you are, I love the kindness in you but could you please just do this for me."
"I'd do anything for you." Calliope said driving her point home with a tender kiss. "Name the time and the place."
"Can't now, but soon. I've got other plans for you when I have you alone."
"And what are those going to be?"
Arizona tugged her wife to her, wrapping her arms around her waist. "I was thinking…"
"Az, we going to do this thing or what?" Hughes called from across the room, his hands on his hips.
"You know he has the worse timing ever." Callie added giving her partner another kiss. "Go on now."
Arizona turned her attention from Hughes and back to Calliope. "We can sneak in a…"
"Get." Calliope said swatting her behind playfully and walking away. Arizona watched her move, watched her hips move more specifically. She had the privilege to be her wife, to say that Calliope was hers and that she was Calliope's. It was the best feeling she had in a very long time.
She was mesmerized by her wife but it was again cut short by Hughes calling her name from across the room, she walked in his direction her mind automatically flipping her switch again. She knew she couldn't lower it for good but it had to be in this position to push her through her routine. She needed it to explain to Hughes the situation they were in, to explain her findings out there. To let her friend know of the troubles they could get into since these things did indeed work better in the dark. To let him know that there were hordes out there, and one day, one might blow in their direction.
Calliope stood and watched as all the people in their safe haven slowly began to gather, most kept their composure around the food they had laid out. She was half expecting everyone to fall into it but it seemed like a normal social affair, despite the tattered clothing and unkempt hair. Some folks even tried to clean themselves up for the event, Bell had brushed out her hair and put on an old breast cancer awareness t-shirt the others had found in their many ventures out into the world. Sara was buzzing around the room, making sure to wear her pants just low enough so you could see the bright green thong playing at the corners of her hips.
Callie herself had taken to some personal grooming including washing and combing out her own hair. She didn't tie it up either; she let it fall past her shoulders. It had grown out and while she was tempted to cut it, she opted out. The adults were savoring the spirits Arizona had brought in. It was only two bottles of red wine, so portions were small but no one seemed to mind.
She walked over to Bell who seemed pleased with the way things were going. It made her smile when she saw the light in Bell's eyes as everyone seemed to unite. Some talking softly, some playing cards and even a checker tournament had broken out. To her it looked like Bell got the most enjoyment out of seeing others around her happy, she stopped to briefly thank God that people like her existed in a world like this.
"Aren't you the prettiest thing there ever was to see?!" Bell exclaimed instantly reaching out to run a hand through Calliope's hair. "Just like a little ole' doll."
Calliope giggled. "Oh stop."
"My momma' told me a woman that couldn't take a compliment was a stupid one." Bell said wrapping an arm around Callie's shoulder. "Now don't be foolish…" Her eyes traveled across the room to Sara. "…nothing could look worse than that I suppose."
"Isn't this about togetherness?" Callie replied nudging Bell with her elbow.
"I'll be nice…" Bell smirked. "…tonight." Aunt Bell picked up a small cup half full with wine. "Want a little to wet your whistle?"
"I really shouldn't-"
Bell placed the cup in Callie's hand. "Little taste isn't going to kill ya'." She laughed afterwards, that deep soulful kind of laugh.
Calliope laughed along and noticed a little flush on her friend's cheeks. "I see you had a bit more than a taste?"
"I said to myself Callie…" Bell picked up another half glass and drank it down before shooting Callie a wink. "You only live once."
Callie shook her head still smiling as Bell picked up another and sauntered off into the party. Sofia was back out again carrying around her bow like it was her most prized possession. It looked too heavy and ill fitted, but Calliope didn't dare tell her to put it down. She was seated right beside her mother who was talking with, to her surprise, some of Brooks's men. Curiosity got the better of her, so she went over and joined them Hughes wasn't too far behind her.
"It's no way those things can see at night." A skeptic said looking at Arizona. "Why ain't they over here right now?"
Arizona sighed and placed her hands on her hips. "I'm not a damn scientist alright; I'm just telling you what happened to me.
"So one of those biters looks you right in the eye and jumps at you?"
"That's a bit much on the dramatics, but yes. It saw me, it followed me and I felt like a trap was being set."
One of Brooks men double over in laughter. "So you saying those pea brains outside, that can't open a door mind you, can strategically set you up?"
"You guys going to listen to her or you just going to sit back bumpin your gums all night." Sofia said in quick defense of her mother.
"Sofia." Arizona said placing up a hand to maintain civility. She thought in the midst of a discussion like this she'd be the one losing her cool. She turned to her daughter and gave her stern look to settle her down. She turned back to the men. "I'm not telling you this stuff to mess with your head. This isn't some story I made up on the ride back here. I was being circled out there, may have been one or two doing recon on me the entire time."
Callie shivered and second guessed her decision to join them; she found a small amount of relief in a sip of wine.
"I believe her." Hughes said stepping forward. "She doesn't have a reason to lie, and she sure as shit doesn't have a reason to share the truth with you all horrible as ya'll have been lately."
"You're just her stupid p-p-p-puppet." Howard said now joining the fray.
"You guys ain't been right since we been here. Chief would have had you all in line by now."
"Well t-t-there ain't no chief. B-b-brooks-"
"Now that's enough all of you." Aunt Bell said walking over and stepping in between them all. "Now isn't the time for this kind of business."
"Bell I-"
"Not the time Arizona. We got the rest of our lives to argue about those things out there, they aren't going anywhere. Neither are we if the Lord sees fit. Right now were going to sing and dance. We're going to drink cheap wine and pretend for just one night there aren't a ravenous pack of cannibals just a few blocks down the way." Bell finished in a huff, taking a sharp breath after barely pausing in between words and sentences. "Now…" She said her party smile replacing the scowl on her face with a quickness. She held up a small plate. "…anyone want some apple slices?"
As if commanded everyone near partook in the food and slowly dispersed from the area. When Hughes, Arizona and Sofia remained Hughes placed his hand to Arizona's forehead.
Arizona shifted her eyes to look at him around his large, callous hands. "What are you doing?"
"Oh' me? Just checking to see if you're feeling ill?"
"Why's that?"
He took his hand away and chuckled lightly. "Because you have got to be delirious with fever. We're talking about letting everyone in on the supply cache; we're talking about giving Brooks information inadvertently through his lackeys." He shook his head. "It's a godamn Christmas miracle in the middle of September."
"Just trying to do the right thing." She admitted freely.
"Hey I'm not complaining." Hughes said his hands shooting up into the air briefly. "Looks good on you."
Sara came over and tugged on Hughes's arm. "Come dance with me."
He turned to her his smile tripling in size. "No music to dance to."
"We can make our own." Sara replied lifting her cup for a sip of wine.
"I'm kind of talking right now-"
"Suit yourself." The woman replied lively stepping back into the social gathering.
Hughes turned back to the three Robbins-Torres women. They all had matching smirks on their faces, wide and knowing.
"What?"
"Why don't you go dance with her?" Sofia said her hands leaving her bow only to clasp heartfelt in front of her chest.
"It's uh…" He scratched the back of his neck lightly. "…complicated."
"Chicken." Arizona said and Callie gave her a small nudge.
"I mean she's kind of with Brooks, right?" He questioned.
"She didn't ask Brooks to dance; in fact he hasn't even come down." Calliope looped her arm with Arizona's. "She asked you."
"She did didn't she?" He smiled and gave a small salute. "If you ladies will excuse me, I think I'm going to go cut a rug." With that he bounded off and joined Sara across the room.
"Have you seen Steph?" Sofia asked Arizona her eyes down cast, her fingers fiddling with her bow. She missed her friend, and had searched for her. Every time she asked someone they told her where she was, when she got there she was gone. She was starting to feel as if it wasn't a coincidence. Her friend was avoiding her.
"I saw her earlier but…" Arizona said trailing off into thought. She hadn't really sought her out, but she was beginning to think she should for her and her daughter's sake. "…let's just say she didn't see me." It was almost like Arizona was invisible to the small girl; she walked and looked right through her.
Arizona slapped on a smile and turned to her daughter. "Tell you what, I'll do some recon tonight on her at the party. If I run into her, I'll soften her up for you." She finished her statement with a reassuring grip on her daughter's shoulder.
Sofia returned it, then walked over to the table near Kenny. Kenny looked up from the sweets provided to him only momentarily to hand her a piece, then he dove back in his cheeks covered in sugar.
Callie wrapped her arms around Arizona and pulled her closer. "How about we go show Sara and Hughes up on the dance floor?"
"Me?" Arizona looked over at Hughes who was now bundled in closely to Sara, smiling from ear to ear as they danced in their own separate universe. "I think we best leave the dancing to them." Arizona wasn't light on her feet, and she hated dancing publicly. Most of the times it would be Calliope dragging her out on the dance floor to line dance in shit kicker restaurants and grills. One time she convinced her to zydeco. One of the staff members thought she was having a seizure.
"Oh c'mon, for me honey?" Callie pleaded kissing her lightly. "I guarantee there'll be something in it for you later."
Arizona face stretched into a slick smirk. "Now that you put it that way…" She shifted to kiss her wife but saw Aaron sitting to himself. His face was gaunt, beard in desperate need for a trim. He still looked like he did the same day she had said those horrible things to him. By his posture alone she could tell he was growing distant from the others. He was not the same, and again she had played a pivotal role in hurting another person. She couldn't dance through this factory with that on her conscious.
"I got some things to do Calliope, but I promise you. I'll be all yours tonight."
Calliope followed her wife's line of sight and understood. She kissed her cheek and went to Bell, and quickly joined in the merriment around her.
Arizona had readied for this moment and had taken great measures to conceal the peace offering she had for Aaron. She slipped out of sight, retrieved the bottle of liquor she tucked back and joined Aaron at the table he sat alone at. She slid her chair over, turned it and sat with her chest facing the back of the chair. She uncapped the drink, poured small swallows into two cups and slid one in his direction. She gripped the cup in front of her, and then drank down the liquid in one swallow. Warmth flooded her chest. She poured another and finished it off.
Aaron gripped up the drink placed before him, sniffed it, and then drank it down. Despite his demeanor his face could not hide his surprise of the taste and age of the liquor given to him. He held out his cup and shook it slightly, motioning for a refill. When one was poured he took it down then cleared his throat.
"Callie's going to kill you." Aaron said his eyes finding Arizona's.
She took another shot, capped up the bottle then slid the entire bottle in his direction. "Yeah, but if it gets me an audience with you it's a risk I'm willing to take." She looked away from the brown eyes that settled on hers, they were cold now, the vibrant bristling ones upon meeting him dulled completely.
"I don't want to talk about it." Aaron said filling up his cup.
"I think-"
"I don't care what you think." His voice climbed in timbre. He realized the extent of his own anger, and then calmed himself. "I don't want to sit here and listen to you talk about how sorry you are." He drank from his cup. "Because you're not."
"How can you say that?" Arizona said in true shock.
Aaron sat forward, both of his hands gripping his cup. "You see, I've watched you all day. Flying around here like Santa on his sleigh. Giving out gifts and righting wrongs. Making amends. I respect it…but I, unlike the rest of the people around here, just don't believe it."
Arizona wished she hadn't turned over the drink; she could use another at the moment.
Aaron drank down the rest of the liquid and laughed. "You're a fucking fraud." He lifted one finger to point at her chest. "You can say and do what you want, but me I know the truth. The moment the pressure rises, the moment your backs against the wall you'll just be back to your old tricks again. Internalizing the pain, lashing out at the people who are concerned for you."
He poured another drink. "Just you wait and see Arizona. Just you fucking wait and see." He pointed to Calliope across the room. "It's only a matter of time before you hurt her again. I know it and you know it." He looked away his voice cracking as he spoke. "My wife is probably dead. My kids too." As he continued to drink big thick tears fell, he didn't bother to clear them from his face. "I can live with that now. I have accepted it as truth." He laughed through the pain. "Thanks to you." He raised his cup in her direction, in a bitter toast.
"They're gone, but at the end of the day Arizona. I pity you." He skipped the cup, this time drinking directly from the bottle. "I've already lost mine. You on the other hand. You with your inevitable future fuck-up's. You have to watch your family slowly slip away from you. You have to live with the fact that you cannot, despite yourself, stop being a self-centered head case. And you will lose them. It may not be a physical death…but you will lose them. One way or another."
He stood on wobbly drunken legs and smiled, stopping only to sniffle and dab his sleeve at his reddened nose. "Enjoy the party." He spat out bitterly, and then headed back to his bunk.
Arizona didn't turn to watch him walk away. She sat and digested every word he spoke. Felt it traveling through her brain trying to find a home in her doubt. She had to try to beat it back for now, but a part of her, the very part she consistently tried to bury sat nodding along to his every word.
She deserved that she supposed. Didn't make it hurt any less however.
She thought for a moment she might go lay down, but she didn't want to do what she had done before. What Aaron gracefully mentioned in his speech. She didn't want to internalize. Instead, she walked over to her wife and huddled closely to her back. Let her chin slip into the dip of her shoulder. She felt Calliope's hands reach out and welcome her presence behind her and was comforted.
Calliope knew something had gone wrong, the way Aaron departed and how Arizona slunk over looking for her support. Arizona had spoken with her about it briefly, the things she said to him. She'd be there for her no matter what went down, wrong or right, she was her wife and she had to be by her side unconditionally.
Bell scooted up to Arizona and whispered. "Steph's up on the roof." She didn't say another word, just went right back to the party.
Arizona sighed, hugged her wife tightly from behind then began her trek to the ladders to climb up and speak to Steph. Calliope stopped her just as she began her ascension.
"You don't have to Arizona." Calliope couldn't let her wife handle another blow like that. If Steph and Arizona were alike, it was a good chance she return back down the ladder worse off than before. "Not right now."
"Better now than never." Arizona offered a weak smile then headed up the ladder.
Once she had cleared the top rung and shakily found her footing on the rooftop; she paused just a moment to breathe in the night air. Savor the quiet versus the calmly buzz from the party below. Gossamer clouds spotted the sky, a few stars hanging in between. The moon hung crescent, its light causing a shine on the few shingles that made up the roof of their new found home. Steph sat, her legs drawn up to her chest. She walked over and sat beside her. Steph scooted away just a bit to establish space between them.
"Beautiful night."
"Yeah what's so great about it?" Steph fired back unimpressed.
"Well for one we got some grub, we're all here...unharmed."
"Well praise jebus." She laughed callously. "I hope you didn't come up here expecting me to feel sorry for you."
"I didn't-"
"Well I won't and I don't." Steph interjected casting some of the roofing off into the distance. "So just go back down there and get back to your life. I see ya'll are all smiles now anyway." She spat. "Pathetic."
"Steph you have to understand where I was coming from." Arizona responded, her hand flying up to her chest. "I was angry, but I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm sorry I hurt you."
"You don't hold enough weight in my life to hurt me." Steph started to stand. "So, don't you dare come up here and talk to me like a child. Like you're that important-"
Arizona reached out and pulled her back down into a seated position. "Fine. Things between you and I have always been cut and dry." Arizona swallowed thickly. "You put something that is very precious to me in danger, so yeah I yelled at you and I dug into you because I expected better."
"I'm not your daughter's keeper!"
"Fair. Never said you were, but you're my partner. Partners have an unspoken agreement that what the other one cares for, they care for. You broke that the moment you let her sneak on to that van." Arizona shook her head trying to keep her voice from rising too much. "You know she isn't ready for that. You know it. You should have come to me."
Steph shifted uncomfortably beside the older blonde, her guilt rising to the surface and edging back into her mind. "I told her…" Steph said, tears causing her voice to crack. "…I told her not to. I swear it."
Arizona didn't hesitate to place an arm around her. "I know you did. But she wasn't thinking, so you're not the only one in the wrong." She rubbed the small girls shoulder reassuringly. "I got mad at you, because I was mad at her but I was even angrier with myself. I was upset because I have done everything in my power to keep her safe, and just like that…" She snapped with her free hand. "…she was almost out of the facility…and I'd be so far away if anything happened…"
Steph didn't move from her embrace, for a moment she felt awkward in it, but slowly settled in closer.
"I'm so sorry." Steph mumbled before the tears set in.
"You're a child Steph."
"No I'm not." She straightened up from the tears quickly.
"Yes." Arizona sighed. "Yes you are. And you are allowed to make mistakes. But me, I'm too fucking old to run around in the same damn circles."
She turned to the younger girl, used her hands to bring her eye to eye with her. "It isn't your fault okay? But please I'm begging you just come to me. If you're hurt, or scared, or confused. I'm here for you. I'll always be, as long as you let me."
Steph didn't speak she threw her arms around Arizona's neck and let out everything she had been holding on to. She felt strong arms around her, comforting her while she cried for a lifetime of sorrow and misfortune. When she was finished she blew her nose on the rim of her t-shirt.
"Feel better?" Arizona questioned.
"Yeah, just had something in my eye is all." Steph replied already back to her snarky ways. "You're alright by me old timer. I understand what helpless feels like. I know how it feels to have r anger just bubble up inside…so you can come to me. I can help you too. Cuz' that's what partners do."
Steph held out her hand. Arizona took it and shook it firmly, their partnership restored with a simple gesture.
They both stood and carefully made their way back over to the ladders. Arizona helped Steph position on the ladder and watched her begin climbing down.
"Hey old timer?" Steph asked pausing briefly.
"Yeah?"
"If anyone asks, my eyes are red because of allergy's okay. Can't have everyone around here thinking I've gone soft."
Arizona laughed. "You were crying?"
"Yeah I was just…" Steph's beamed with understanding. "…I see what you just did there."
"Can you do something for me?"
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Talk to Sofia, she feels real awful about how things are between you guys."
"Okay, we can get all that mushy stuff out the way later. One more heartfelt discussion tonight and I swear we'll be in an episode of Glee."
Arizona laughed and watched Steph descend. She didn't quickly follow however. She took a seat and stared up at the moon.
She had missed the details in life that made it worth living. Family, friends, laughter, anger…all of it. All of that raw emotion…all of the people. It hurt sometimes, they hurt sometimes, but it simply came along with the territory.
She stood, stretched and climbed down to join the others.
Arizona completed her climb down and took a moment to look over the crowd in the main hall. Everyone was smiling, everyone was interacting. There was no divide. She couldn't tell where one group ended and one began. She only had a brief moment to revel in it before Brooks came and stood beside her. She didn't turn to him; he didn't turn to her either. They stood side by side, watching everyone in silence.
"You think this is going to last, don't ya?" Brooks said in a chilling tone.
She sighed. "Yeah, I think it just might."
Brooks laughed heartily and stuffed his hands in his pocket. "Not on my watch. You won't weaken me or my men by getting them involved with these people."
"You still don't get it do you?" Arizona folded her arms over her chest. "When we stand together, everyone is strong. When we divide, that's when the weakness is exploited."
"It won't hold." He mimicked her pose. "By the time that food dwindles, by the time those spirits wind down, we'll be back at square one. Me taking care of mine, and you taking care of yours. And the sheep that follow in between."
"You're wrong."
"No I'm not, and you know it. You won yourself a battle with your little stunt. But the war…" He grinned. "…the war has just begun."
He pat her shoulder, harder than a normal and gripped it. Arizona ripped out of his grasp.
The gesture, his wording made it very clear he'd play a part in tearing whatever harmony found to shreds.
She watched him walk away, her hands bawled up into fists. She didn't want to go to war with him, war had purpose outside of personal gain, or at least it was supposed to. Brooks wanted power, not some of it, all of it. He felt it slipping, so she knew he'd do all he could to get it back into his grasps.
She'd do all she could to avoid an all-out confrontation.
However, if it was war he wanted, if and when the time came, she'd give it to him.