In the Company of Spirits

by Starhawk

Chapter 10: Cat Spirits

"Casey!" Lily was at the sink, washing for Alicia and Fran, and she threw bubbles in his direction the moment she saw him on the stairs. "Tell us what's going on! Who are they? Are you okay? What's up with the tiger, anyway?"

"I need your help," Casey said firmly, taking her by the shoulders and pulling her away from the sink. She squawked, dripping wet hands held out in front of her, and he grabbed a towel off the counter for her. "Where's Theo?"

"He's out--" She flapped her hands up and down as she dried them, making the towel wave in the direction of the door. "Supervising Master Finn, or something. What's going on?"

"Tell me about the animal spirits," Casey said, lowering his voice. He knew perfectly well how much you could hear from the loft. "What happens when I touch your cheetah?"

"What?" Lily blinked at him, her hands slowing in the towel. "Well, you can't, normally. Right? They're not usually... I don't know, solid. Usually I'm the only one who can even see her.

"Except you," she added. "Apparently. I've never heard of that before, that someone can see so many other people's animal spirits. No wonder Master Mao picked you."

"So people can't normally touch them?" Casey insisted. "Can you? Could you pat Hypericum before--" He waved his hand vaguely. "All of this?"

Lily shook her head. "No. Never. I've heard that the masters can, though. Being able to manifest your animal spirit is supposed to be a matter of will and training and all that. They didn't tell us a lot about what it was like--they just said we'd 'learn in time.'" She made the little quote marks with her fingers.

"So RJ might have been able to do it," Casey muttered. "Dominic, too?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't know. I've never seen either of them do it in practice. Sometimes when we're fighting, but it's hard to tell how solid they are then, you know?"

Casey put both his hands on his head, running his fingers through his hair. "So, you don't know if there are any rules about touching them? Like, you pat Hypericum, but is it okay to pat someone else's animal spirit? Have you ever touched Theo's?"

Then it occurred to him, "Wait, I've patted Hypericum. Was that weird? Could you feel it? Can you tell what she's feeling, or thinking, or whatever?"

"Whoa, Casey, slow down." Lily reached out to touch his shoulder. "What's going on? Is this about the tiger? Was it bad that we were crowding you downtown?"

"RJ's wolf is upstairs," Casey blurted out.

Lily's eyes widened. "Ohhhh."

"What, oh?" he demanded. "I tell you the wolf is here and you immediately know what's wrong? What did I do?"

"Nothing," she said quickly. "It's okay, Casey. Just calm down."

"Mop!" Theo called, shoving through the door. "We definitely need--hey! Casey! Are you okay? Can you toss me the mop?"

"Do I look like I'm mopping something?" Casey wanted to know. "It's over behind the stairs, where it always is."

"Are your eyes still yellow?" Theo wanted to know, coming over to join them. "Do you feel okay? You totally kicked Jarrod's butt! That was amazing!"

Casey turned to stare at Lily, who was making shushing motions in Theo's direction. She smiled brightly when he glared at her. "The lion? Jarrod was the lion I was fighting? I didn't think that was even real!"

"Theo, why don't you go get the mop?" Lily suggested sweetly. "Casey... how much do you remember from the fight this afternoon?"

"I remember winning," he told her. "I also remember that it hurt a lot. Are you sure you don't know anything about touching other people's spirit animals?"

"About what?" Theo interrupted. "Touching spirit animals? You're not supposed to do that. I mean, unless it's Lily's, because obviously she doesn't care."

Lily swatted his shoulder, but Theo just grinned at her. "You're such a cat."

"You're not supposed to touch them?" Casey repeated. "Why not?"

"Because it's weird," Theo said frankly. "How would you like it if someone came up to you and hung all over you without warning?"

"Okay, first off, Lily never said anything," Casey said, "and second, you all do that! That's like, the Pai Zhua way! You're all touchy-feely!"

Lily and Theo exchanged glances. "It's not actually... Pai Zhua," Lily said, much too slowly for him. "It's kind of... um--"

"Us," Theo finished. "It's us. We're touchy-feely."

Casey stared at him. "You and Lily?"

"No!" Theo said quickly.

"Cat spirits," Lily said. "People with cat spirits tend to be more tactile. That's just the way cats relate to each other. You know; you're the same way."

"Because you are!" Casey protested. "What do I know? I'm just imitating you!"

"Well, we're all cats," Lily said with a shrug. "So it works."

"RJ isn't!" Casey exclaimed.

Theo laughed at that. He held up his hands when Casey and Lily both glared at him, but he didn't stop grinning. "RJ is the most physically expressive guy I've ever seen," he said. "His concept of personal space is to not sit in a chair that someone else is using. Most of the time."

"Keep your voice down," Lily hissed, and Casey silently thanked her. "Casey was patting RJ's wolf, and now he's all worried that RJ's going to be mad at him."

"The wolf?" Theo repeated, before Casey could correct her. "The wolf is showing up now? Can everyone see it, or just Casey?"

They both looked at him, and Casey shrugged uncomfortably. "Everyone could see it," he muttered. That was part of the problem.

"Well, you're not supposed to touch a master's spirit without permission," Theo told him. "But I can't believe RJ, of all people, would care. Especially since it's--" He gave Casey an up-and-down glance. "You."

"I didn't just pat it," Casey admitted. "I kind of... hugged it."

"In front of everyone else?" Lily asked, her eyes dancing. She looked like she was about to burst out laughing, and Casey gave her a look.

"Yes, in front of everyone else."

"Probably shouldn't have done that," Theo said.

"Yeah, I'm getting that," Casey agreed, still eyeing Lily. "Too bad no one told me."

"I can tell when people pat Hypericum," Lily said, ignoring him in favor of Theo. "Is that normal? Like, if Casey was hugging RJ's wolf, would RJ feel like Casey was hugging him?"

"What?" Casey stopped frowning at Lily in favor of staring at Theo. He folded his arms when Theo shot him an apologetic look. "Are you serious?"

Theo shrugged. "I don't know," he admitted. "I've never felt it. But that's the rumor, anyway, and if Lily says it's true..."

"Pat her shoulder and it feels like you're patting mine," Lily confirmed. "It's nice, actually. I like it."

"Yeah, but you're Lily." Casey ran his hands through his hair again. "RJ's going to kill me."

"Come on," Theo said, rolling his eyes. "So you hugged his wolf. Aside from being sickeningly cute, it's not that big a deal. The guy thinks you're the best thing since granola. He's not going to get hung up on a little PDA."

"Theo?" Finn's voice preceded him through the door and made all of them jump. "Have you located that mop?"

They turned guiltily, and he paused to survey their expressions. "I see," he said. "Perhaps if you tell me where it is, I could get it myself."

"I'll get it," Lily said quickly. "Theo, you should stay here and talk to Casey. Master Finn, maybe you could help."

The double-sided oven opened and Alicia yelled through, "Is there anyone who can cook in there? We need a medium Soy Joy with peppers and artichoke hearts!"

"On it!" Theo called back. He was already backing away. "Sorry. Kitchen calls."

"Is there something I can help you with, Casey?" Finn inquired. "Lily and Theo appear to have everything under control here. Perhaps we could step outside for a moment."

"Sure," Casey said, shooting Theo a look that he completely ignored. "Thanks." He couldn't quite bring himself to call RJ's dad "Master Finn," and Finn had never insisted.

"Did something happen while the others were fighting?" Finn asked, stepping out into the alley with him. "It's hard to be the one who's left behind."

"That's not it," Casey said. He'd already answered when he realized Finn might not be talking about him. But, hey, he had a Pai Zhua master right here. He might as well ask. Taking a deep breath, he said, "I'm curious about the animal spirits."

"You're in good company," Finn said, with some amount of humor. He seemed to have let their earlier conversation about RJ go, for which Casey was profoundly thankful. It probably wouldn't take much to start that argument again, so he tried to keep it general.

"With all the spirits manifesting lately," he began, "I was just wondering if there's any Pai Zhua protocol about, uh, touching someone else's animal spirit."

"Someone's in particular?" Finn asked, and Casey sighed. So the general thing had lasted for a whole sentence. Maybe.

"Your friends seem very open about that sort of thing," Finn observed. "It seems to me that the best course of action would be to simply ask them individually."

Casey hesitated. Had Finn not gotten it after all? "So there isn't some kind of rule about it or anything?"

"The rules of common courtesy apply," Finn said. "Don't go around picking up other people's animal spirits. Don't push them out of your way. Treat them as you would any human, and you shouldn't ruffle any feathers. So to speak."

He could feel his face heating up, and he knew it had to be obvious. "I might have forgotten to think of them as humans," he mumbled.

"Casey." Finn sounded amused. "I doubt there is anyone here who would hold a minor instance of disrespect against you."

"Is it true that you can feel it when someone else touches your animal spirit?" Casey blurted out.

Finn gave him a puzzled look, so he added, "I wouldn't know. I mean, I don't have a separate animal spirit. So I was just curious."

"You mean, if your spirit physically manifests," Finn said slowly, "and someone puts a hand on it. Yes?"

"Yeah." Casey tried not to squirm. "Lily says she can feel it when I pat Hypericum."

Finn raised his eyebrows. "Well, I'd say that's conclusive, then. I don't have much experience with the phenomenon, myself."

Because he had a shark spirit, Casey realized. Why would he make it manifest on land? "Oh," he said aloud. "I guess that makes sense."

"You could ask RJ," Finn said. "He is your master, after all."

"He's my friend," Casey said automatically. He'd switched from one defensive track to another so quickly that he didn't even think before he said, "Besides, he's the one I'm curious about."

Finn just looked at him, and Casey winced.

"I kind of wish I hadn't said that," he admitted.

"Are there things you feel you can't ask RJ about?" Finn asked, deceptively calm.

"He's busy," Casey said. "Right now, I mean," he added, when Finn folded his arms. "Or I would ask him. I can ask him anything."

"Even things that might compromise his opinion of you?" Finn was probably going somewhere with that, but Casey didn't need to hear it.

"I know what RJ thinks of me," he told Finn. "I'm just trying to learn from anyone who'll teach me, not avoiding RJ because I don't want him to think I'm stupid."

"You wouldn't have to worry what he thinks about you if your relationship didn't depend on personal opinion," Finn said.

"Any relationship worth having depends on personal opinion," Casey pointed out. "That's what friendship is about. That's what a Ranger team has to be about. And that's what we're about."

"That's not what Pai Zhua is about," Finn said sternly. "Not when it comes to masters and cubs. There must be an objectivity that fosters education without bias."

"Yeah, well, when we're out there on the street with rinshi all around us and Dai Shi trying to kidnap or kill anyone who stands half a step removed?" Casey countered. "Trying to be objective is dangerous. He who views from afar has no one to watch his back. The Rangers are about connection, not disassociation."

"Some kinds of connection are more desirable than others," Finn pointed out.

"Out there?" Casey waved in a way that was meant to indicate... well, everywhere. "The stronger, the better."

"He who tries to be too many things may wind up being nothing," Finn warned.

"I can prioritize," Casey told him. "RJ first. Then everything else."

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of," Finn grumbled.

Casey held his hands out to his sides. "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm not giving up RJ. I don't think it endangers either of us, I don't think it compromises the team, and frankly, I'm not sure it's any of your business."

Finn didn't have a quick reply, and when it came, it wasn't at all what Casey had expected. "I've been shut out of my son's life for seven years now," he said quietly. "Don't ask me to step aside just because I'm getting in your way."

That stung. "It isn't me I'm worried about," Casey retorted. "This isn't even about me; I know that. I'm not blind. This is about you and him, and I just happened to be convenient.

"You're not getting in my way," he added, because it was true. "RJ has a perverse streak. If anything, you objecting makes him want to be with me more. I'm asking you to step aside for him. You're getting in his way."

Finn eyed him. "I'm afraid you don't understand the history I share with my son."

"That's probably true," Casey allowed. "I don't think you understand the history I share with your son, either. He's told me he's given up on getting your respect. He's just trying for tolerance, now. But he's not going to change his life just to make you accept him. So what does that leave?

"It leaves you," he continued, before Finn could answer. "RJ is who he is, and now it's up to you to accept him or not. Neither choice will change him. It'll only make him more or less happy."

Finn studied him for a long moment. His reply was, again, unexpected. "And who have you accepted that you can argue for tolerance so eloquently?"

Casey felt himself flush again, slow heat creeping into his face. "Myself, I guess," he muttered. He offered a self-deprecating smile. "I wasn't always a well-adjusted gay kid from the city."

"Indeed," Finn said slowly. But his only follow-up was, "I seem to remember some mention of chicken-wrangling, earlier."

"My parents have a gentleman's farm," Casey admitted. "No cows. Pretty much everything else, though."

"And are you on good terms with them?" Finn wanted to know.

He cleared his throat, aware that this wouldn't help his cause. "My dad and I... e-mail."

"But not your mother?" Finn pressed.

Casey shook his head.

"I see." Finn continued to regard him. "You speak from experience, then."

He managed to shrug. "High school didn't go well. The point is, it wasn't about me being gay any more than your thing with RJ is about me. That was just an excuse."

Finn raised his eyebrows. "An excuse?"

"Everyone has a right to make their own mistakes," Casey said. "Parents are always trying to find a reason to take responsibility. Mine thought kissing guys proved I wasn't ready to be a responsible citizen. You think RJ is showing bad judgment and has to be pushed back on track."

He tried to remind himself that he didn't know Finn, not that well. He didn't even know RJ's past that well, and here he was, explaining their lives for them. Great. No baggage there.

"Look," Casey said. "You already pushed RJ into leaving once. Your way or the highway, he said. He picked the highway. Don't make him do it again. That's all I'm saying."

Finn leaned back, considering. "I think you've said a good deal more than that," he observed. His tone was flat and unforgiving.

"I'm probably way out of line," Casey said. "For a cub. I'll understand if you don't want to train me anymore. But if you're planning to stay in RJ's life, you're going to have to deal with me."

"So it would seem," Finn agreed.

Casey pointed at the door behind him. "I'm going to, uh... go inside."

"Casey." He was already halfway into the kitchen when Finn's voice stopped him. "I'll see you for training on Saturday. As usual. Tiger or not."

Casey felt himself grinning, and he turned around so Finn would see it too as he stepped backwards through the door. "I'll be there," he promised. "Thanks."

A faint smile touched Finn's face. "Thank you."