The rest of the work day passed with the air of normalcy; only those who knew the team well; could tell any different. By the end of the afternoon; the two current cases were almost wrapped up. Suprisingly enough; both seamed to be pretty-much open/shut cases; or as Gibbs called them "water-tight". The team agents were all working on their case reports; steadily and quietly; although; it was a comfortable quiet. The closer to quitting time it became; the more antsy Tim seemed to become. Apparently; something was on his mind. He kept checking the time at the lower corner of his computer; which kept interfering with his report typing. Finally; he'd driven himself to enough of a distraction; he stopped typing and sat still for a minute; unable to keep it up any longer. After a quiet minute; he resumed typing; although this time; the episode of typing was short; and soon; the sound of an email reaching Gibbs' mailbox could be heard.
Tim went back to his report typing; but this time; it was a slow; methodical; precise typing; so unlike his usual enthusiastic speedy typing; it seemed to catch all of their attention. Gibbs stopped typing his own report and opened the new email; noting in concern that it came from the desk across from him. Sliding his eyes in that direction; he noticed the cautious way Tim was working; so unlike him; it was obvious there was something serious on his mind. Gibbs quickly turned his eyes to the email his agent had sent him.
Tony and Ziva looked over at both Tim and Gibbs. It didn't look like anything too out of the way; and Gibbs looked like he had it under control; as usual. After seeing Gibbs pay attention to whatever the email was; they returned their eyes back to their own work; keeping an ear on the goings on around them as much as possible without being obvious.
*************
Boss:
Jethro's autopsy - I need to know...
Tim
**************
That's Right! Ducky said the autopsy report should be back by 5 today! While Gibbs was in no way surprised that Tim remembered that or that the agent in him would want to see the report; Gibbs doubted that Tim personally would be able to handle whatever it included. The parental lion within Gibbs was fairly certain that he didn't want his agent/surrogate son to see what had been done to his innocent pet; seeing how it was pretty much a foregone conclusion; that whatever it was; was not good. Tim being Tim; would heap another mountain of guilt on himself; which would do absoloutely nothing to help him get through this.
Ducky had refused to handle the autopsy himself; citing the need to maintain the integrity of the Team's appearance of following proper protocol; and all. Since Jethro had been the personal pet of a team member; Ducky felt it would not cast the team in a very good light; for him to handle it. Neither Tim nor Gibbs had argued his point.
Gibbs checked his watch; 5:15. Looking over at his antsy agent; he had to marvel at Tim's ability to keep going on his report; even if it was at a snail's pace at the moment. He was obviously still trying hard not to get sucked into worrying about it; or getting nervous about what the results might show. Slowly getting up from his desk; Gibbs signed off his computer and walked over to Tim's desk. Meeting his eyes; Gibbs motioned for Tim to preceed him out of the squad room. Once in the elevator "conference room" Gibbs looked his agent over carefully; trying to assess his overall state of mind from 'the boss' perspective.
"Boss, I'm fine; really." Tim promised; knowing what Gibbs was trying to figure out. "I need to do this." The determination in his voice left little room for doubt that he was convinced he really did need to see the report.
Before Gibbs could answer him; his cell phone rang. "Yeah. Gibbs."
"Jethro, I need to see you; ALONE; immediately!
"Not possible, Duck." Gibbs answered; his eyes still locked with those of his agent. He was not gonna lie to Tim about any part of this. Not unless he absoloutely had to; and so far; that need had not arisen.
I'm in the director's office." Ducky explained his whereabouts; but not his urgency nor his strange request. Gibbs' gut clenched. This couldn't be good.
"Be right there." Snapping his phone shut; he snapped the elevator back into service; sending it up to the director's level.
"You're sure?" Gibbs asked Tim, one last time.
"Yeah, Boss; I'm sure." Tim's voice was loosing it's strength; testimony to the truth that he was working hard to bury. He wasn't sure he could handle this; he was sure he wanted to handle it. Big difference. One that wasn't Gibbs' to fight for him.
"Come on." he encouraged Tim; when it reached its destination.
Reaching Cynthia's office; they were directed into the Director's office.
"Jethro! Agent McGee!" Jenny greeted them pleasantly.
"Ma'am." Tim responded.
"Director." Gibbs greeted hesitantly; sensing something was off.
"Jethro, Timothy; I realize you are both here for the autopsy report on poor Jethro; but I fear I do not have it. It is not finished. The Dr. performing the autopsy has taken ill and no one else; apparently; knows a basket of beans from a bucket of walnuts in his office; except him." Ducky exclaimed; seemingly extremely frustrated.
Gibbs knew that for Ducky to be telling such a bald faced lie; like this; he had to have a damn good reason. For everyone's sake; Gibbs decided to go with the flow; and let this play out; hopefully, it would not come back to bite any of them in the ass. He took the silent route; giving his agent the chance to do what he would with what he'd just been told.
Tim was more relieved than he thought possible; for the space of about one minute. He did want to know what had happened to his dog; but obviously; a larger part of his brain; or was it his heart; didn't want to hear of any suffering or even anything bad that may have happened to him. Especially since, whatever was done to him; was done because of Tim. Needing permission to escape; he turned his eyes to his boss. His eyes worked pretty well; and he'd seen the file on the Director's desk.
It didn't take a genuis to figure out that it was the report in question. Whatever was in the report; was so bad; Ducky was willing to lie to him about it; lie to Gibbs about it; at least; in front of him. To his knowledge; Ducky had never lied to him before. So whatever had been done to his poor dog; had to be really, really bad. The realization of that truth left him unable to fight Duck's scheme to keep the truth from him. It also left beginning to feel the rising wave of fear. He needed to be alone.
Seeing the desperate need for escape in Tim's eyes; unexpected and uncommon as it was; spurred Gibbs into action before he could even think twice about it. Stepping backwards to the door; he opened it and ushered his agent out of it with a small smile. He didn't miss the fear in those eyes. Tim knew more than they were giving him credit for. He hadn't earned the descriptive term "brilliant" because he needed help putting two and two together!
Tim wasn't ready to face anyone or get back to work. He needed a breather. Heading for the stairs; he took advantage of the solitude the stairwell at the Director's level gave him. Maddeningly enough; he felt uncontrolled tears well up and bulldoze their way out.
As soon as Tim was clearly out of earshot; Gibbs turned on Ducky; fire in his eyes; "Since when do you lie to me, Duck?"
Ducky silently picked up the actual autopsy report from the Director's desk and handed it to Gibbs; sadness and anger in his eyes.
Jenny remained in her chair; safely behind her desk; as she silently watched Gibbs read what Ducky had refused to let Tim find out. Watched the fire in his eyes turn from anger at being lied to; into fury at the cold-hearted brutality evidenced before him; done just to send a message to one of his own.
When Gibbs finished reading the autopsy report; taking the time to calm himself down and talking things out with Ducky and the Director; it had been agreed that Gibbs would not be expected to lie to Tim. On that note; Gibbs had been adamant. But, but none of them would dispense all of the grisly details to the young man. This was truly a case of what he didn't know would hurt him; deeply. None of them wanted that for him; even realizing his sharp mind was in all probability; imagining the worse by now. If and when the truth needed to be told; it would be the bare minimum facts; nothing else. The details would only serve to drive more painful stakes into the suffering young man's already broken heart. Cruelty of that level did not sit well with any of them.
Gibbs hoped it would not get ugly. He hated for Tim to even have to think about any of the details of his dog's murder. He had enough to worry about. Speaking of worry; where had his youngest field agent gone? Snapping out his phone; Gibbs called him.
"Boss?" Tim sounded strange. Gibbs didn' like it.
"McGee, where are you?" Gibbs' couldn't keep the concern from his voice.
"Stairwell; top level." Tim's voice was strained as he owned up to where he was hiding out. Whether it was exhaustion or emotion; Gibbs didn't know. But, he intended to find out.
Opening the stairwell door; Gibbs found his agent sitting in the corner of the top landing. His back to the wall; knees drawn up; arms resting on his knees. Taking a minute to look him over; Gibbs wasn't encouraged. Tim's eyes were closed; and his face was wet. Obviously, the kids' brain had kicked its' active imagination into over-drive; just as Gibbs' feared; having seen the file on the Director's desk. Gibbs had known this was coming. Time for a different tack.
"Tired of working for the day?" Gibbs joked.
"Can't focus." Tim seriously answered; obviously not ready to joke. The fact that Gibbs had cracked a joke; didn't even phase the kid. Warning sign number one, thought Gibbs. Although he'd answered Gibbs; he hadn't opened his eyes. Warning sign number two; Gibbs reminded himself; a meltdown is brewing.
"What are you focused on?"
"Ducky's never lied to me before. It's obvious he thinks he's protecting me." Tim reasoned very quietly; his eyes now open and fixed on Gibbs. "What was in the report, Boss?"
"Yeah. You're right about that." was Gibbs' only answer.
"Oh, Come on! You too?" Tim was clearly not happy.
Warning sign number three; thought Gibbs unhappily. Needing to regain control of Tim's obvious spiraling pain; he redirected Tim's focus just slightly.
"Tim, answer me this; what do you hope to gain from knowing what exactly happened to Jethro?" Gibbs asked him; quietly reigning him back in.
"Honestly, I don't know. I guess, it's the not knowing that's driving me crazy." Tim admitted shakily.
Good, we've backpedalled to step two; we can calm this down. Gibbs thought.
"Right. So, think about this. Whoever's behind this? They're doing all of it to hurt you; obviously in every concievable way possible. That being said; for you to find out the details of what they've done; would be playing right into their hands, don't you think? They want you upset. They want you so unnerved; you stop thinking straight; you do something careless; and they get to you. Don't give them that! Handle this smarter than that and you'll do fine." Gibbs encouraged with a smile.
"I understand what you're saying." Tim quietly stated.
"Good." Gibbs responded with relief.
"I just have one question." Tim pushed.
"Shoot." Gibbs answered; knowing the battle wasn't won yet.
"Don't I need to know exactly what they're capable of; just in case..." Tim's fear was back in full force; written all over his face.
Gibbs felt like he'd been sucker-punched. That 'just in case' brought such pain and fear to Tim's eyes; that Gibbs felt it almost leap across the space between them and lodge into his own heart. Meltdown immenent! Gibbs silently realized. Needing to do something helpful in this moment; Gibbs did the only thing he could think of.
Reaching his hand down toward his agent; Gibbs helped him up to his feet; wanting to do much more for him; knowing it might push him over the edge; he kept ia a lid on that urge. "Come on." Turning on his heel; Gibbs led the way back to the Director's office. This isn't good; this is gonna get out of control real quick; Gibbs silently worried.
Cynthia just nodded them in the direction of the door. to Jenny's office.
Gibbs was glad that Ducky was still here. Encouraging his agent to go in ahead of him; Gibbs propelled Tim to stand in front of Jenny's desk.
"Go ahead, Tim." Gibbs encouraged.
"Director, Ducky. I know that you think you're trying to protect me. I understand why. Gibbs helped me see the logic in it. I appreciate it; really I do. But; like I explained to Gibbs; I have just one question to go up against your theory of protecting me about this."
"Go on, McGee." Jenny encouraged.
"Shouldn't I know what they're capable of; just in case....?" When Tim had finished asking his question; you could have heard a pin drop on the carpet of that office. It had hit Jenny and Ducky as painfully as it had Gibbs a moment ago.
It wasn't that they hadn't thought of that "just in case" possibility. It was that Tim had!
Not to say they thought he wouldn't think of it; but, that they had hoped he'd have found a little more time of not imagining bad things happening in his life. The silent volume of pain this young man was experiencing in his life had just been turned up; and it was deafening.
All three of them; Ducky, Jenny and Gibbs; yearned to reach out and wrap their agent in the physical support and protection of whatever they could. But, the simple fact of the matter was; they couldn't protect him very well from an unknown enemy that would go to these lengths to hurt him and not just physically. The fact that it was nor just physical pain they were trying to inflict; made it a vendetta of some kind; a deeply personal vendetta. It took the self-control of saints for each of the three senior people in that room; to silently stay in their spots; trying to find the words to answer the young man's question honestly; without inflicting more pain on him.
"Timothy; suffice to say that they drugged Jethro; paralyzed him and killed him mercilessly." Ducky quietly explained; seeing his point of needing to know; but adamantly refusing to give any more details to the young man.
"Ducky!" Tim persisted.
Gibbs tensed; knowing this was gonna get rough very quickly.
"Timothy?" Ducky asked; refusing to take the bait.
"What aren't you telling me?" Tim was getting testy as the horror of what he was hearing began to work its' way through his brain waves.
"Tim!" Gibbs quietly reigned his agent in; putting a calming hand on his shoulder; locking eyes with him; as he asked him "Remember what I said?"
Tim searched Gibbs' eyes for a long silent moment; "I think I should have listened to you." he finally whispered. Turning on his heels; he fled the director's office; with visions of what his dog had suffered running though his mind in blinding flashes; like camera stills.
"Damn It!" Gibbs muttered; following his hurting agent out of the Director's office. Actually not knowing what the young man needed most at the moment; paralyzed Gibbs for a minute. A minute he spent in watching the young man; once again; seek the security and aloneness of the stairwell.
Giving him another whole 30-second head start; Gibbs followed in his wake; exiting the stairwell door.
Jenny hit the speaker button on her phone and called Tony's desk.
"Director?" Tony was concerned. He hadn't seen either Gibbs or Tim in quite a while.
"Agent DiNozzo, will you and Officer David report to my office, please?" Jenny requested; her tone the nononsense one they all dreaded.
Ducky raised his eyebrows. "You're going to fill them in; when we aren't even filling Timothy in?"
"They need to know exactly the kind of people we're dealing with!" Jenny declared.
"Isnt'that what Timothy just tried to explain he needed, also?" Ducky wasn't sure any of these youngsters needed to know all the details. But, he did know that Tony and Ziva would be better able to handle the brutal truth; simply because they weren't the target of these animals.
"Exactly." Jenny declared; reading Ducky's eyes better than he gave her credit for.
Tony and Ziva entered the Director's office in short order. Coming to stand before her desk; they were obviously nervous.
"Relax. Tony. Ziva. Ducky has something you need to see. However; this entire conversation stays in this room! I will notify Gibbs that you have been read into the situation. You are; under no circumstances; to let McGee or Abby in on this or even discuss it with them." Jenny ordered.
"Director?" Tony began to object.
"Relax, Tony; Agent McGee has been given the bare facts. That is all he needs until such time as Gibbs decides to tell him anything else! Are we clear?" Jenny demanded.
"Yes, Director." Both Tony and Ziva answered together. They knew she was letting them in on whatever it was; simply to make sure they were fully aware of all the facts. They also knew it was too much for Tim or Abby to hear; so it had to be really, really bad. Which meant it had to be about Jethro. The dog's death had hit those two as hard as everyone had expected. Both of them were quiet, timid church mice now; since they'd been victimized this way.
Ducky silently handed them the autopsy report and sat back; waiting for the questions; the anger; the outrage that would come; bracing for the coming storm.
"OH MY GOD!!" Tony exploded. He deliberately calmed himself before finishing his reading; knowing it wouldn't help for him to lose it.
"Are you serious?" Ziva exclaimed. She saw red. She wanted blood. It took all of her self-control to calm down and re-focus on what she had left to read.
Giving them a few more minutes of silence to work through what they were reading; Jenny and Ducky; both kept anything they had to say; out of it for the time being. It was better to let these two teammates of Timothy; get this out of thier systems so they could better know exactly what they were facing.
"How much of this does Tim know?" Tony wanted to know.
"The bare facts. That Jethro was paralyzed and killed. His over-active imagination and computer brain; will be causing him enough stress with just that much information as it is." Jenny explained quietly. Do I need to stress how he is NOT to be told anything more?"
No, Director; I wouldn't do that to him; and actually; I don't think I can promise not to hurt whoever does dump more on him!" Tony promised.
"Get in Line, Tony!" Gibbs ordered from the now open door of Jenny's Office. Thankfully, Tim was not with him.
"Where is Timothy, Ducky asked in concern. Everyone wanted to hear the answer to that question.
"Right now, he's trying to calm himself down. For his own peace of mind; his hiding place is his own. I came back in here to tell you"; turning to Jenny; he finished; "We're calling it a day. I'm taking him home; he's had all he can handle for today; more; actually."
In his sanctuary in the stairwell; Tim stopped fighting the losing battle against his broken horrified heart; each breath it gave him bringing a ping of guilt and pain; at what his innocent pet had endured all because of him. Gibbs was right; he was definitely upset and unnerved; to say the least.
Drawing his knees up and wrapping his arms around them; he put his head down and let the sobs loose; the tears flow; he didn't have the strength to fight any of it.
He actually felt so sick at heart; he couldn't find the strength to move a muscle that wasn't already being used to hold him up or cry.
In the Director's office, Gibbs turned back to Tony and Ziva; telling them. "You, two; it's your call; this time. You can stay and try to get something accomplished; or just call it a day. Take your protection with you until you get home, this time." Although his tone booked no argument; the concern in his eyes and steel in his voice; anger still evident; from the autopsy report; neither Tony nor Ziva were inclined to disregard what he'd said anyway.
Gibbs looked at Ducky. "Duck; a word?" turning to lead the way out of the Director's office with Ducky following in his wake.
Once away from the Director's office; Gibbs stopped and turned to Ducky. "I need you to stop by and check on him after I get him home."
Ducky read the worry behind Jetho's request. "He must be extremely upset. I gather his mind has brought up terrible pictures of what must have happened to his pet?" Ducky asked in concern.
"That's putting it mildly, Ducky." So saying; he led Ducky to the door of the stairwell; from behind which; Tim's pained sobbing could be heard.
"Oh, dear!" Ducky quietly exclaimed. Nodding his head in complete understanding and sorrow for the younger agent's agony; Ducky told Gibbs. "I'll be by in a little while." then he turned and went back to the Director's office.
Gibbs knew that Tim's place of sanctuary was still safe; Ducky would not tell anyone. He also knew that Tim needed to be able to calm down or he would give his hiding place away himself. More than that; he needed to calm down for his own good. Knowing what had sent him over the edge; to the point that he'd lost control of his emotions at work; made Gibbs bank of ideas on how to fix it; seem lame.
Before, he could turn to enter the stairwell; he saw the rest of his team headed his way; Jenny leading the pack. With fire in their eyes; and the obvious need to reach out to their hurting teammate. Shooting daggers at Ducky; Gibbs very quickly headed them off more than half way back to Jen's office; with a glare.
"No! He does not need to be invaded by the lot of you; especially, right now. You want to help him? Leave him alone unless he asks for help! You can stop by and check up on him later." Gibbs quietly but firmly instructed; once again using his 'don't argue with me' tone.
"There's no need to be angry with me, Agent Gibbs." Ducky spoke up in his own defense. "I simply went back to the Director's office to tell her I was also leaving for the evening. When they asked how Timothy was doing, I told them he was extremely upset. They followed me out; apparently, wanting to show him their support. I simply brought them to you; for you to deal with as you see fit."
"I get that, Duck. I do. But, you all need to get that he needs his space. His privacy." Gibbs pushed them to understand; looking at each of them in turn. "Do me a favor; and go show Abby some of that concern; make sure she's okay, too. We can gather at my place later; if it will make you all feel better." Gibbs promised; giving in to their genuine need to see for themselves that Tim was gonna be okay. They needed Tim to know that he wasn't alone in this; they were here for him, too. He understood that.
Nodding their heads in understood agreement; Tony and Ziva smiled their thanks to his expressed understanding and turned to the elevator; anxious to pack up for the night and go check on Abby before they headed out. Tony knew that later was Gibbs speak for at least 2 hours from now. So, he would take the ladies to dinner; and keep an eye on them; suddenly feeling the need to keep the team close.
Jenny stood stock still; watching Tony and Ziva; and eventually Ducky; all use the elevator to head back to their necessary tasks. When it was just she and Jethro remaining; she looked to him; knowing he probably had something else to say. She was surprised; when he simply looked to her with the same expectation; clearly, he thought it was she that had something else to say. She did not. She simply smiled at him and headed back to her office.
Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief; and headed for the stairway door. As he neared it and opened it; the depth of Tim's pain and fear was still evident; as his sobs had not stopped. Gibbs; not knowing anything else to do; pulled the young man up to his feet by the elbow; and gathered him in his arms; giving him an anchor through this storm.
Tim clung to Gibbs like a drowning man to a life vest. The storm raging through his heart was so black and bottomless; he truly felt like he was drowning. He thought he'd gotten rid of it all when he'd let it out the other night. When Gibbs had held him through that outpouring. But, this one was worse; more powerful; more painful; endless.
Somehow, he had to find the strength to stop the sense of being out of control. He hated this. Hated losing control; at work; hated making Gibbs deal with this mushy stuff they all knew he hated. Tim had to pull himself together. Dredging the bottom of the tank of self-control; Tim girded his mind with reinforcements; bit by bit; calming himself down little by little until he was at least able to quiet the sobs and lessen the flow of tears.
Gibbs felt his heart break for this tender hearted kid who kept getting kicked when he was already down. Standing there; holding him up; holding him steady; feeling his pain; picking up on the fear that was keeping it going; keeping the light from getting through his brainwaves; Gibbs felt helpless. For a minute.
There had to be a way to help Tim get beyond this fear; get back to being alert and on guard; not sit back and just wait for what he thought was the inevitable. As Tim's self control began to manifest itself; Gibbs helped it along by squeezing his arms in a sign that he was ready to let Tim stand back up on his own two feet.
When Tim stepped back; using his pulled out shirt tails to wipe his face; while he worked to resteady his breathing; Gibbs; while keeping his eye on him; mentally formulated a plan of action that would jump start Tim's survival instincts. Giving Tim another minute to reclaim his sense of normalcy; Gibbs decided the time for giving in to the personal side of this nightmare was over. It was time to fight back; especially for this kid.
"Okay?" Gibbs asked quietly; not wanting to spook him or startle him.
Tim silently nodded in response; not yet over the embarrassment of having lost it at work like that. The embarrassment of Gibbs being witness to all three of his breakdowns was hard to take; knowing how much his boss hated this stuff in the first place. It made looking him in the eye; too hard to handle right now.
"Hey!" Gibbs, forever able to read minds; knew exactly where Tim's mind was stuck at the moment. The kid was burying himself in embarrassment; so busy counting the number of times he'd been seen; and by Gibbs no less; less than strong; he wasn't accepting the fact that it was okay to not be strong all the time He'd lost the primary focus; staying alert and keeping one step ahead of these maniacs.
Tim dragged his eyes up to Gibbs' own; and what Gibbs found there was not surprising. Yeah, the embarrassment was there. But, then again; so was a host of other things. What wasn't there; was what needed to be. Anger.
"Listen to me! Ask yourself; right now; 'What are you gonna do about it?' You gonna let them keep sucker-punching you like this? Or are you gonna start fighting back? Are you a Federal Agent trained to deal with bastards like this or are you 'insignificant'? " Gibbs angrily asked; not trying to hide his anger; instead; putting it to use; to push Tim's buttons and push them hard. For an added push; Gibbs gripped Tim's arms and gave him a slight shake; locking his eyes on his agent; waiting for him to look back at him. Hoping against hope that the kid would rise above this and fight back.
Tim let Gibbs words sink in; let the underlying message get through his rattled brain. Re-engaging his brain; he looked at his boss with renewed fire in his eyes.
"Right!. Okay, let's go." Gibbs answered; inwardly breathing a huge sigh of relief; directed Tim down the stairs; all of them; all the way to the gym. Assuming the air of a Drill Instructor; Gibbs proceeded to bully Tim into lashing out at the punching bag; and keep him at it until Tim had exhausted all of his pent up fury and available energy. With his diminished appetite of the last two weeks; it didn't take long for him to be at the end of that short supply; but it had done what was necessary; under supervision and guidence; Tim McGee had re-light the fuse necessary to start fighting back.
Satisfied that all that could be done for the night; to get Tim out of his pit of misery; and back on track; had been done.; Gibbs directed Tim toward the shower. After he'd showered and changed; they drove home; with their protection agents in tow. It had been a hell of a day.
Tomorrow was lurking just over the horizon and things were about to get much worse.