VictorianPearl: Here's a short fiction that I typed out for everyone to celebrate heart day! It's your averagely predictable romantic OneShot? that you'll love anyway…or so I hope. X.x

Genre: Romance/Drama

Rating: PG

Summary: Behind every perfect couple there's a tempest raging.

Title: For All That I Have Lived

Sakura wasn't sure which she should feel more, anger or sadness? What he had said had made her so furious that she had surprised herself at how she felt. The last time she had gotten mad at him had been in fourth grade. She couldn't blame herself though. After all of those things he said, she was still fuming; more than anything though, it hurt that he felt that way.

It was supposed to be a romantic evening, it was Valentine's Day for goodness sake! Out of all of the nights he could have brought it up, why did it have to have be the one that should make couples ignore their problems? It was so out of character for him to even mention such things. What had made him bring it up was beyond her.

Sakura walked into Syaoran's apartment. She was wearing a red dress that had thin straps and came right below her knees. She spun around after he closed the door.

"How do I look?" Sakura asked sweetly.

Syaoran gave a small smile. "Beautiful, of course, you always have."

Sakura blushed, even though the comment was expected. She gave Syaoran a hug.

"So what have you got planned for tonight, Syaoran?" Sakura asked.

Syaoran sighed deeply. To Sakura, it felt as if he seemed almost…reluctant. She had to be mistaken though. He wouldn't break up with her, would he? No, they had been going out for eight years and he had never hinted a break up at all. She knew that that wasn't it.

"We will be having dinner." Syaoran said simply.

"Candlelight…?" Sakura asked hopefully.

Syaoran nodded. "Yes, it is your favorite after all."

Something had been odd from the beginning. It hadn't taken Sakura too long to figure that one out. It was what was bothering him that became a bit trickier. Perhaps she shouldn't have tried to expose it; but, it had been she who had wanted no secrets between the two. Whether it had been left alone or not, Sakura felt that neither was better than the other.

Sakura was now on the balcony from Syaoran's room. She had used The Lock to lock the door to his room. She was alone, but she didn't want to run away from this problem. Syaoran had tried to break his door down, but to no avail. They would have to solve this in some way or another, but not right now. Another thing that they had promised each other was "no running from problems".

Dinner had been finished, as well as dessert. The two were sitting at the small table. Syaoran had been slightly odd the entire time, always shifting and such. Sakura had been extremely curious and worried at first, but then an idea stuck her. "Maybe he's going to propose!"

She and Tomoyo had been talking about it only a week ago. Tomoyo had mentioned that it had been a very long time that they had been together, and they were out of high school now…

Sakura had dismissed the always romantic Tomoyo, but the conversation had been bugging her a little bit. "Would he do it?"

"Sakura…we're not supposed to keep secrets from each other, right?" Syaoran asked rhetorically.

Sakura's heart sped up. "No," she answered almost immediately after he had asked the question, "no we're not."

Syaoran nodded in a condemned manner. "Yes, I suppose you're right. There's been something that has been bugging me for a very long time now."

"Yeah," Sakura said, leaning forward, eagerly trying to edge him on.

"It's about when we were nine." Syaoran said.

"Nine…?" Sakura said, completely confused. She wasn't sure how this tied into the proposal.

"It's about the judgment." Syaoran said, no longer making eye contact with Sakura.

"O-okay…" Sakura trailed, not sure how to react.

"It's just that…I never really ever thought that you should have been chosen as card mistress."

Sakura banged her hands against the railing of the balcony.

"Why Syaoran," Sakura cried, tears falling down her face, "you were always so supportive and you were always there for me no matter what was going on."

Sakura gripped the railing and squeezed tightly. She used to think that he was being supportive of her, falling in love with her…but now, she wasn't so sure.

Sakura must have sat there, simply gaping, for ages. Finally, she managed to form sound from the back of her throat.

"W-what…? What are you talking about?" Sakura managed. She was trying to pretend that his words had some hidden meaning that they could laugh off together.

Syaoran put his face down. "I think that I should have been Master of the Clow, not you."

Angry tears welled up behind Sakura's eyes. "And exactly how long have you been feeling these emotions, Li?"

Syaoran looked up with obvious hurt and anger in his eyes. Sakura's breath caught. She probably shouldn't have said that, but it was too late now, she was taking him down with her.

"How long do you think?" Syaoran said with fervor. "Obviously I did at first, then they disappeared for a little while, but it's been a long time."

Sakura glared at her boyfriend and tried to keep the tears back. She knew that he was lying to her about feeling such emotions for a long time, just to make her mad. She shouldn't have made him angry, now she couldn't trust his answer.

Sakura kicked the railing on the balcony a few times before she retired to her tears. Stupid, stupid Syaoran! Had he really never loved her then, had it all been just to prove that he was better? Did he have some false hope that he might later get the cards? It was all in vain to figure it out now. Why couldn't he just have let those feelings go?

"So what does this mean then?" Sakura cried. "What do you expect me to do?"

Syaoran kicked the table, causing Sakura to jump. "I don't know, I just thought that you would understand."

"Understand…?" Sakura said, coughing. "You thought that I would understand that you don't think I'm good enough? You expect me to understand that all of this time we've had together has been something different from what I thought it was?"

"You were the one who didn't want secrets?" Syaoran remarked.

"This-this…I don't even know what this is!" Sakura yelled, tears pouring out. "Tell me what 'we' are then. Has it all really been what it's seemed to be?"

Syaoran looked up into Sakura's eyes and then back down. He became frustrated, but didn't say anything.

When Sakura was met with silence, she leaned back into her chair with realization. She was no longer angry, she was now overwhelmed with sadness. It had all been false then. He's not defending himself, which means that everything that happenedbetween us meant nothing to him; it was all some sort of power lust. It was all for false hope of the Sakura Cards.

Sakura stood up slowly and began to walk down the hall.

"Sakura…" Syaoran called, standing up after her.

Sakura was already in Syaoran's room though. The door slammed shut by Windy and locked by The Lock. Syaoran ran up and started to bang on the door, calling Sakura's name. He tried to open it up, but Sakura's magic was powered by the fellowship of the cards and it held fast.

Night had long since claimed the sky. Sakura was now sitting and leaning against the rail. Sakura starred at the moon. She didn't want to go back inside. Going back inside would mean facing reality, and she couldn't do that right now.

"Syaoran," she whispered, "for all that I have lived, I have known your gentle kindness. You were always there for me. You were my best friend and my true love. You have been seemingly everything, but now…it seems as if it were all a lie. My naïve eyes could not see what was there the whole time, and if you had not said anything, I would have fallen deeper."

Syaoran hadn't tried to break in for a while. Sakura took in a deep breath and sighed.

Alright, I don't want to do this, but it has to be done. We have to talk this out like civil people. Hopefully, we can do that without starting another argument, I don't think I have the strength for one.

Sakura stood up, taking another deep breath. She really didn't want to go back inside, but it was inevitable. She gave the moon one more last, longing look before she turned and stepped inside of Syaoran's room.

Sakura's bare feet shuffled against the carpet in Syaoran's room. She released The Lock from its hold. Gently, she rested her hand upon the door knob.

Because I'm Sakura, I'm sure I'll be alright.

The door knob twisted slowly, making hardly any sound at all. Sakura slowly opened the door, trying to be as silent as possible. She poked her head out from behind the door. The hallway was empty and the apartment was silent. Maybe he had left.

Pushing the door open further, Sakura slipped out into the hall. She gently tip toed up to the corner where the wall ended. She peeked around the corner. There was no one in the living room. The table was exactly how she had left it. From where she stood, she couldn't see anyone in the kitchen.

Sakura sighed. Syaoran was either in the bathroom, or he was gone. Either way, she could handle being the one waiting for him to come out; that gave her more time. She turned around, deciding that she would check the bathroom after all.

The card mistress had barely finished turning around when she screamed. Syaoran was standing right behind her. She had never been so frightened to see him. He put his hands out, trapping her against the wall. There was a great distance between them still. Sakura was backed up against the wall, clutching her chest and he was arms length away, staring into her eyes.

"Are you going to talk," Sakura whispered, "or are you just going to push me away?"

"No Sakura," Syaoran whispered, "I'm not going to push you away."

Sakura stood there, waiting for an answer. She felt she could no longer trust this boy in front of her.

"What I said earlier. I don't resent you for it…you know, being the card mistress." Syaoran started.

"Oh really, I could tell exactly how you felt by the way your voice sounded." Sakura said unemotionally.

Syaoran quickly placed his hands on Sakura's shoulders, gripping them tightly. "It's just that, those feelings have been there for years. I've loved you this whole time. All of the feelings I've felt, they're real!"

"Then why didn't you say anything when I asked?" Sakura said, sadness dripping her voice.

Syaoran put his head down for a second before returning his gaze to her sad, green eyes. "I just…I didn't know what to say to make it better. I thought that if I didn't say anything at all, you might not get angrier."

Sakura gave a small grunt. "So really, how long have you felt this?"

Syaoran's grip tightened. "It's been bothering me these past few months. You've been in so much pain…"

"Syaoran, I told you that it didn't hurt that much. Kero says it's a natural process that's happening because my magic is maturing. Why don't you believe-"

"Because," Syaoran cried, his eyes crystallizing, "you have been in pain. Tomoyo tells me that you can't sleep well at night. I can see the dark circles under your eyes. The light in your face has dimmed; it feels like you're fading. I just thought…I just thought that if maybe I had become Master of the Clow, it wouldn't have had to put you through so much, all of this 'magic maturing'."

Sakura tried desperately not to cry, but failed miserably. "You're so stupid Syaoran."

Sakura threw herself into Syaoran's arms. Syaoran hugged Sakura tightly to him. He didn't know what he did to cause her to accept him, but he didn't care. He knew that he had said the wrong thing, but that didn't matter now. What mattered now was helping Sakura get through this.

"Sakura," Syaoran whispered to his crying girlfriend, "how could you doubt that for all that I have lived, it was for your love?"

He was met with more tears and a tighter hug.

OOO

VictorianPearl: Yay, I hope you all like it. I was trying to make it sound like Sakura was going through some tough times with her magic as effect to it growing more mature. I hope you all understood, I know that it seemed like it was thrown in there.