Million and one
A darvey fanfiction
(Again, this is unbeta-ed, you've been warned – sorry for the mistakes, I uploaded fast again yeah! That was a joke but I'm an idiot and had forgotten to type that last sentence...)
Part 9: I'm looking at the same woman from the other side
You're like a siren that screams through my heart. Here comes the moment when I realize everything in me shines brighter than this soft morning light. Watching you steer awake makes everything explode inside my body. I'm a middle aged man feeling goosebumps everywhere.
I'm happy.
"Hey," she smiled, opening her eyes.
"You make me happy," he blurted out.
"Good morning to you too," she quipped, snuggling closer to him. "What was that for?"
He kissed her lips slowly, parting them to demand safe passage for his tongue. She moaned into his uncalled-for and yet tender intrusion, not really trying to object.
He moaned back, putting an end to the kiss. He wrinkled his nose before holding it.
"Morning breath alert," he joked.
She elbowed him before retorting: "Fine, I'm going to brush my teeth."
"No, wait!"
She got out of bed quickly, swaying her bare butt provocatively.
"I won't ever go full-on-secretary down on you. Ever again," she huffed.
"Oh come on, Donna…" he said, rushing after her. He grabbed by the waist and added: "I was going to say I should return the favor."
He kissed the crook of her neck and she wanted nothing but to stop talking. The need to know after so many years of denial had gotten the best of her she'd realized. The omniscient Donna was barely a shadow of her former self in his arms.
"How do I make you happy, Harvey?" she asked barely above a whisper, looking at the way his hands stroked the spot right under her navel.
"Hmm…" He pretended to ponder before teasing her some more. "Now on I get to brush my teeth with you every morning?"
"And?" she pressed, turning around to face him.
He slowly took her in his arms, lifted her the way he had the night before, his left arm under her shoulders and his right hand between her legs. Her last question seemed out of focus, almost distant and similar to the way her body and feet felt. Groundless. She lifted her chin mechanically as he kissed her throat, closing her eyes when she felt him press his thumb on top of her pubis.
The next thing she knew, she was back on the bed. She shrieked when her back hit the mattress.
"You want to know…" His words ended on her lips as he pressed them against hers again. She felt his descent – a trail of kisses that seemed to be checking every part of her – would have her unraveled fast.
"… just how happy you make me feel?" He finished, planting two final kisses on her inner thighs.
"Shut up, you got something else going on right now." She grabbed his hand and guided it to her breast before closing her eyes.
"Thought you wanted to know," he teased.
"I want you more." She arched her back, teasing back.
Because of all the guys in the world, you've set me apart. You chose to give your entire self to me. You never left. And for a self-absorbed, cocky bastard like me, being with you means I've used up all my past lives and can't mess this one up. You've given me the greatest gift of all – a life with you. I could be a million miles away from you, I'd always wonder where you are if not with me, I'd crave for your lips, your touch… everything you. You've got me wrapped around your little finger in ways you could never imagine. I promise you, I'll spend every day trying to show you the extent and truth of those ways.
His answer never made it past his tongue as he got comfortable between her legs; saving it all up for the rest of their life together.
You're right Donna. The only thing I ever had to get going was you.
One morning afterglow and a sneaky rush to the bathroom to get cleaned up later, Donna and Harvey joined his family for some coffee. It was too late for breakfast.
"I was wondering when you'd finally be joining us," Lily teased handing Donna a cup of coffee.
Donna couldn't prevent her cheeks from turning pink witnessing the knowing look Lily sent her. Harvey didn't seem oblivious but chose not to answer and kiss his mother on the cheek instead.
"Where's Bobby?" Harvey asked.
"In the garden, setting up some tables with Marcus," Lily replied, making herself some tea.
"I've been thinking, Mom," Harvey began sipping on his own cup.
"Have you, really?" Lily smirked.
Donna eyed him suspiciously.
"Marcus needs –"
"– a change of scenery?" Lily finished for him.
"To talk to Katie," he countered.
"What Marcus needs is his brother's help in the garden and… a soundproof bedroom," Marcus cut in as he joined them in the kitchen, sweating.
"Oh God," Donna muttered at the realization.
"Don't worry Donna, Harvey's the loudest," he continued, drinking some water from the tap.
Donna could tell Marcus's boyish grin pleased Harvey.
"As I recall you used to be louder when… oh wait, wasn't it back at Lexington High when you were with that hot brunette…," Harvey paused before adding. "What was her name again?"
"Stop it," Marcus warned him. "She's about to come through that door with my kids any minute now."
"Shouldn't you be saying 'our kids'," Harvey interjected.
"Drop it, Harvey." Marcus seemed final as he walked out of the kitchen. Harvey rolled his eyes and followed after him.
After a small awkward pause, Donna tentatively stated: "I didn't know Marcus and Katie had been together since High School."
Lily nodded sadly. "They were such a cute couple. Harvey was rarely home but every weekend, he'd come home and well – boys will be boys."
"Bantering," Donna smiled.
"All the time."
"I'm sure Harvey must have brought more than one girlfriend home." Donna quirked an eyebrow, expecting a positive answer.
"He never has," Lily stated. "You're the first."
"You're kidding." Donna was dumbfounded to say the least.
"I kid you not my dear," Lily inhaled sharply. "My forty-five year old son has been keeping me in the dark about his love life. You and the woman he was with before you – Paula – are the only ones I've ever met."
Donna gulped at the mention of Paula.
It's going to hurt for a bit of time. Paula wasn't Scottie and she got to meet your mother. I can't help it. I was – am – jealous. A feeling of betrayal I can't shake off. She knew how I felt about you and didn't even think to help us. I know she helped you through a lot and yet I – having always known this more existed between us – I just can't forgive her. Have I forgiven you for delaying the inevitable? That's a good question.
I'm trembling, feeling like my breathing is about to break.
"I know he went to prom though thanks to Marcus."
Donna smiled at the thought of Harvey dancing with his date, being affectionate to one of his very first crushes. She knew she was transferring for she remembered her own prom date fondly.
"I thought he was gay for a while." Lily seemed genuinely honest.
Donna chuckled. "Well, I thought his womanizer-tendencies were just a front for a while too; or maybe I was just trying to convince myself."
"What do you mean?" Lily pressed.
"Nothing." Donna shook her head and looked away. "I've known him for thirteen years Lily. Worked for him. I had to know everything about him."
The actress she was knew her physical expression didn't felt disorganized, uncontained. And trying to downplay her words and that very telling auxiliary verb wouldn't work with the woman in front of her. But the many years she'd spent working for and with him were still fucking with her head despite the last couple of days.
I'm going to regret saying this.
"But no, despite my male on male fantasies, Harvey's never been with a man."
"You'd been with him before, hadn't you?" Lily shrugged off what she deemed an unnecessary confirmation.
"Before…" Donna asked, stalling.
"Maybe before you started working for him?"
To hell with my insecurities. This woman just wants to know my story with her son.
The red head sighed and smiled, eyes less anxious than they were a minute ago. "Do you have a box of tissues for this?"
Donna stood up and saw a box on top of the fridge. She went to pick it up and sat back down across Harvey's mother.
"You seem like a grounded and clear-headed woman, dear. I'm sure you won't need any," Lily reassured her, placing the palm of her hand in the red head's.
"They're for you."
"Oh…"
"It happened a year after we started working together," Donna began. "He was flirting with me every day – and even though he was dating other women – I couldn't stop flirting back. I didn't even hate myself for that. I'm the one who'd approached him a year earlier. And as much as I tried to convince myself I only wanted to work for him, I knew it was a lie. I had professional goals but underneath it all, he was a man and I, a woman and God, he was – I was in awe of him."
"He must have been struck by your beauty too." Lily's wrinkled eyes were smiling for the both of them.
"Never stopped me from trying to look my best," Donna acknowledged – blushing.
"I don't think you ever had to try," Lily threw in.
"Still, he enjoyed putting me on display. I should have been offended at that but I was just a legal secretary and this hot shot lawyer everyone was talking about chose me. I had no idea what I was doing."
"But you caught his eye anyway," Lily cut in.
"I certainly didn't know I was getting myself into the most profound and yet blurred relationship of my life."
"Do you think he chose you because of your looks?"
This entire conversation felt like a therapy session. Lily's last question caught her off guard.
"Do you think I threw myself at him because of his?"
"I'm not in your head Donna – nor am I in his."
"He's more than just handsome and charming, Lily. And I said everything my younger self could say not to pass off as just another pretty face," Donna paused to catch her breath. She knew she wasn't as composed as she had been with her friends when talking about Harvey. This woman – right across from her though, was the only other woman in his life. It meant something.
"I've only known you less than a day, Donna and I can tell you're not just that. He saw it too, trust me." Lily was adamant.
"Oh, I know. It took him 15 seconds," Donna quipped, shrugging.
"If marriage and then mistakes have taught me anything, Donna, it's that it's impossible to walk away from something two people want."
"Unless you have a rule," Donna let out.
"Let me guess, it was you."
"It was. I told him I wasn't interested that way. But like I said, it didn't stop either of us from showing that kind of interest towards one another," Donna licked her lips. "But I had this rule that I would never sleep with men I was working with."
"Rules are always meant to be broken," Lily smirked.
"So it happened when he and I quit the DA's office. But the next morning he called me and asked me to come and work for him again at Pearson Hardman. Let's just say, it wasn't what I was expecting."
"Idiot," Lily let out.
"He wasn't. And besides –"
"Besides?"
"I'm pretty sure he wanted to say something else that day. I just never gave him any opening because no matter how he made me feel when he said he didn't want to lose me, he hurt me."
"Donna, you told me you were glad things turned out the way they did last night. You can't possibly think my unwilling interference helped your relationship." Lily's voice was breaking. "Harvey would have come around sooner hadn't I –"
"He just asked a simple question. If one of us is an idiot, it's me because I agreed to work for him again and told him to forget about that night."
"No you weren't. You were in love with him already" The older woman stated before questioning herself, hoping she was right: "weren't you?"
Donna closed her eyes before saying her next words. "I didn't need to sleep with him to know how I felt about him."
"I have so many questions for him now. I'm probably never gonna get any answers from him but…" Lily's eyes turned red, "hand me a tissue, will you?"
Donna handed the box to Lily and swallowed back the very communicative invisible tears she knew were bubbling under the older woman's eyelids.
"I don't regret breaking that rule now, you know?"
"But you have in the past." Lily blew her nose into a tissue before adding. "Why?"
"Besides the obvious?"
"Yes, besides the fact that you had more than just feelings for each other."
Donna held her breath and then narrowed her eyes, cursing herself for giving the elder Specter many openings. "You really know when and where to press, don't you."
Who am I kidding? I knew it was going to go there.
"Years of therapy, my dear."
"He and I are so similar and yet so complementary that I felt like my life was at a standstill. I tried to move on. I dated; I got hurt some more, beat myself up many times because I hated prioritizing someone else over him."
"I'm sure he felt the same way, Donna."
"That's the thing. No matter what he says," she practically cried out. "I don't think he did, otherwise –"
"Don't think he did what?" Harvey's voice interrupted their private conversation.
Donna's face went blank. She rose up from her chair and took a deep breath before turning on her heels to face him. "Louis! He didn't know what he was getting himself into when he agreed to become managing partner," she lied.
"Right," he narrowed his eyes at hers, noticing how reddish they looked.
She walked up to him and asked, practically beaming "Do you need any help outside?"
"Bobby, Marcus and I set up the barbecue and we –"
"Is Marcus feeling better?" Donna asked too quickly for her own taste.
"Hm… yeah, Bobby put me to work so, the conversation I had planned was cut short," he glanced at his mother who was then sorting out utensils.
Donna suddenly kissed him on the cheek which instinctively led him to place a hand on the small of her back. He felt her shiver at his touch.
"Are you okay?" he asked, the concern in his voice genuine.
"Yeah, I'm just a little cold. I'm gonna grab my cardigan upstairs. I'll be right back to help you."
"Okay," he said, rubbing her back protectively.
She walked away and he joined his mother by the sink.
"Can you dress the salads, honey?" Lily asked, busying herself with kitchen work.
"Sure," he said, hesitant.
"And then bring the meat to Bob –"
"Don't think he did what?"
Lily dropped her fork in the sink. There was no use in pretending with her son. He knew she knew their conversation had nothing to do with Louis.
"It's not my place to say, Harvey."
"I don't care," he retorted. "You better come clean now, Mom."
"Out of respect for her I can't," she stated, averting her eyes from his piercing stare.
"Fifteen minutes ago, she and I were on a high. Then you guys have a talk. And now," he licked his lips, softening his voice, "she's lying to me. I need to know what she said."
"I can tell you're mad, you know?"
"Of course, I'm mad. Something's wrong with her and I need an answer."
"Answer this then: when did you realize you loved her?"
"I don't – I –" He was at a loss for words, having not expected such a question.
"Because from what I gather, she knew seconds after meeting you."
"Did she say I hurt her?"
Cause you hurt me too, Donna. And you know it.
"Yes you hurt her Harvey!"
His mother's bold statement had him lose his balance slightly.
I can feel my heart skipping beats. I know it to be true. I guess I didn't want to think about it anymore. But I can't go back and change what happened between us. Your heart is my home now, Donna. I was a boy with my mom. I was barely half a man without you. I am a man today. A man who hurt you.
"But don't you get it? That's not what matters to her! She doesn't think you hurt the same way she did. And of course you probably didn't. But you have to tell her she didn't hurt for nothing."
"How do I do that?" he asked barely above a whisper.
"Is my son asking for my help?" Lily quipped, trying to lighten up the mood.
"She's the one I want to give my all to so yeah… he is."
Lily cupped her son's face and said, "She's the window girl, isn't she?"
"How do you know about that?"
"You were a boy once Harvey. You drew, you wrote, you talked and I…"
"Invaded my privacy," he pursed his lips.
"Acted like a concerned mother whose child was going through a lot because of her in the first place," she corrected.
"I deserved a soundproof bedroom, you know," he digressed remembering their earlier conversation.
"Is she, Harvey?" She pressed, preventing him from wandering away more.
He nodded never averting his eyes. "Doesn't mean I knew right when I met her though."
"That's not what she's asking from you. She doesn't want lies."
"What if I can't give her what she wants?" The frailty of his voice flipped a switch inside of her.
"She stuck with you for thirteen years, I have faith this isn't going to change," Lily paused for a moment thinking her next words thoroughly. This was her son's life and she wanted nothing but to say the right thing. "Show her that nothing heals like time; like a lifetime with the one you love."
M&O
M&O
M&O
M&O
Hi guys, sorry for the long wait. I hope you like this chapter. I know I promised you the rest of "the day" with Marcus's birthday but I chose to upload this part because I took too long.
We got time till season 9. I'm going to try and update more quickly this time. But I want you to remember that I'll finish this story. Whatever it takes. So please, feed me with reviews. That'll make me want to upload faster for sure. ;)