Chapter 10 – Losing Faith

Bree

The big buildings of New York City were unlike anything I ever experienced before. I couldn't imagine how human beings could make such incredibly massive structures, but it was awe-inspiring and it gave me hope that anything was possible.

I wondered around aimlessly for a while, just soaking in all the beauty around me, but the later it got, the colder it became, and once again I was left questioning my decisions. Perhaps I should have headed south and went somewhere warmer.

"Hey pretty little girl, you're a far ways from home," a dirty man wearing holey clothes called to me as I passed.

I felt bad about ignoring him, but the truth was he made me very uncomfortable so I just kept walking. As I continued, however, different people would call different things to me, and a few even tried to grab me, but when one got up and started following me I got scared and actually ran to escape.

Eventually I found a quiet alleyway and decided it was the safest place I was going to get for the night, so I huddled behind some cardboard boxes and curled up in a ball just trying to find some kind of relief from the cold. A little while later I happened to look towards my left and noticed a small group of people convened together around a trash fire. I watched them for a bit and came to the conclusion that they were a family complete with a mother, father, and two children. It made me sad that they didn't seem to have a home, but they looked happy to be together, and I think that was what really counted.

When the chill of the night got unbearable, I hesitantly scooted a little closer to the fire hoping to feel just a little of it's heat, and that's when the mother noticed me there.

"Are you cold?" she asked. When I nodded she smiled and waved me closer. "Please, come sit with us."

"Thank you," I said graciously. I was so beyond grateful to receive renewed faith in humanity as I was shown that just like the lady who gave me money for a bus ticket, there really were good people in the world.

"So, what brings you to this area?" the father asked me as I reached my hands out over the fire to warm myself.

"Uh…I'm in the city trying to find a way to meet my favorite band," I said honestly. "The internet said they were taking a small break from preforming but would probably be back soon…and I'm not sure why, but I really think they'll come here when they do return."

The family just stared at me blankly, looking like they were at a loss for words from my comment.

"So…where is your family?" the mother asked me after a minute.

"Oh, I don't really have one. My parents were involved with the mafia and they knew it would be too dangerous to keep me, so they left me with my distant relatives and then they all died when the tornado hit, but I survived by hiding in the bathtub."

"Do you think we should believe any of that?" the father asked skeptically.

I sighed. "No sir, I just made it up. The truth is that I don't have a family because I was put up for adoption when I was a baby…except I was never adopted."

"I see," the man said. "Well, you're welcome to stay here with us for as long as you want."

"Oh, thank you, I really appreciate it," I said with a smile. So that night I concocted a plan; I'd search for any clues as to where I could find the band during the daylight hours, but when it got dark and cold I could return to the family and feel safe while I slept.

The next morning I woke up hungrier than I had ever been, so as a thank-you for letting me stay with them, I decided to use what was left of my money to buy some breakfast for everyone. I was able to quickly find a little stand that sold bagels and donuts, so I ordered five of them, but when I reached in my pocket to get my money, I realized it was gone.

"I'm sorry, I lost my money," I told the man bashfully.

"No money, no donuts," the man replied coldly. "I'm not in the business of feeding homeless kids."

I nodded and then said "Thank you anyway, sir," before turning and walking away. The worst part of being hungry in the city was the fact that there was so much food everywhere, and the smell of it all made my empty stomach ache more than I ever thought possible. So I resorted to, once again, watching people eat and then hurrying and taking their leftovers before the trash could spoil it.

When I had my pockets full of food, I brought it back to the alleyway intending to share it, but that was when I saw the family splitting a pizza.

"Oh…you're back," the man said, surprised to see me.

"Yeah, I brought some food," I told them sheepishly.

I pulled out the scraps to show them, but they just smiled. "Thanks hun, but we're fine right now. You go ahead and enjoy your own food," the woman told me.

I nodded with a forced smile. "Oh, okay….I'll just go over there then," I told them, sensing that they wanted me to leave. After I ate alone, I decided to rest behind the boxes again and I closed my eyes, but that was when I realized what had happened to my money…

"Careful not to wake her," I heard the woman say as I felt one of them patting my pockets.

"What makes you think she has more money on her?" the man asked his wife.

"A pretty little thing like her? I bet people just handed her money for doing nothing."

"Maybe we should think about handing her over to Laurent. I mean, if she really aint got any family, might as well get some money for her," the man suggested.

"Hey, that's a good idea," the woman replied. "I bet those sickos would pay a pretty penny for this pretty thing. Most of the kids they get are nowhere as attractive as her; they'll probably have a bidding war."

I had no idea what they were talking about, but when the man started to pick me up, I knew I had to get out of there. I felt bad for doing it, but I kicked him to get away, and then I ran away as fast as I was capable of. When I finally got somewhere far enough, I sat on the ground and just started crying. I didn't understand how people could be so nice one minute and then turn around and do something mean. It made me wonder if perhaps even the good people had cruel motivations. What if there wasn't a single truly good person anywhere? What was the point to leaving my foster home if they weren't any worse than everyone else? Maybe my life would never get better. Maybe I should just stop trying...

~X~

Bella

Beep

Bright lights blinded my vision

Beep

My mind was clouded and I struggled to remember where I was.

Beep

I couldn't feel my body, but somehow the pain was still immeasurable.

Beep

I tried to sit up and figure out where I was, but something was restraining me and I was left completely paralyzed.

Beep

I tried to talk, but no words came out.

Beep

I tried to scream, but no sound escaped my lips.

Beep

And then darkness overtook me again…

Sometime later I regained consciousness, but it was still dark and I had to remind myself to open my eyes. The vast difference between the darkness of my eyes closed and the brightness of the lights in the room instantly gave me a migraine, so I raised my arm to shield my eyes but that only confused me more. Why did my arm feel so heavy?

"You're in the hospital," I heard a familiar voice say. I turned towards it and saw my father sitting beside me looking like an absolute wreck.

"Wha…why, what happened?" I asked groggily with my confusion tripling. The last thing I remembered was being inside my dorm room trying to figure out how to care for my baby….My baby! In a panic I felt my abdomen and was horrified to feel it utterly empty. "Wh–Where's my, what happened…Where is she? Where's Carlie?" I shouted at him. Obviously I was no longer pregnant, but that realization only made me desperate to find her. It was too early…she wasn't ready. "I need to see her," I said, trying to muster up some strength to get out of bed.

"Bella, you need to calm down," Charlie said while trying to restrain me.

"No, Carlie needs me!" I shouted at him.

"Honey…I'm sorry," he said somberly.

"You're sorry?" I asked in disbelief. Clearly he wasn't apologizing for our quarrel, so what the hell was he trying to say?

"Your roommate found you unconscious….The doctors said you fainted, and then you started hemorrhaging."

"What does that mean?" I asked, refusing to believe what he was implying. "Where is my baby?"

"She didn't make it, kid… I'm sorry."

And in a split second, my entire world caved in on me. I felt sick, well, I felt more than sick, I felt like I was drowning, and yet, I couldn't find the will to fight for air. I lost more than my baby that day, I lost myself, and every ounce of drive and determination I once felt instantly evaporated into thin air…