Dear Diary,
Days went by. My course in Japan was coming to an end soon. It was not too stressful and I had a lot of free time. However things were unbelievably expensive here so I had to stay at my boarding lodge during weekdays. After a while it did get pretty boring.
Fortunately I had my PC with me. I was able to keep in touch with my parents, Caroline and some of my colleagues. Of course, Damon was one of them whom I stayed in touch too.
He gave me his email address when he left Japan. At first it was weird to write to him. There were so much that I wanted to ask and say but my fingers were paralyzed in front of the keyboard. It took me a while before I could figure out what to write every time I saw his mails in my inbox.
Sometimes I asked myself, why was I doing this ? Why couldn't I let go of the past? In fact I could be tough and ignore him. It would be the perfect solution. But deep inside my heart I knew that if I were to let the chance to know him slip away, I would regret for the rest of my life. Yet getting to know him was risky. What if he was involved with another woman? What if he never liked me? What if he hurt me again?
"The most important thing is to ask yourself what you really want in life." His words echoed in my mind again.
I closed my eyes and searched within my heart.
x x x
Dear Diary,
Caroline was disappointed with my decision. She wanted me to take a chance with him but I had refused to. Caroline was not a stranger. She was my best friend and she was like my sister. Our friendship had cemented over the years. We were able to talk to each other with sometimes painful honesty. I could tumble out all the feelings, fear and tension built inside me to her easily.
"I know you are afraid but you should learn to love yourself too," she said.
I totally understood what she meant. I was learning to love myself and that was the reason why I had decided to let go of him. Getting to know him and be his friend for the past few months were one of the best time in my life. I felt lucky enough to be his friend and I treasured what we had shared. Yet I knew deep inside my heart that I was just a little sister to him. There was no passion, no unrequited sexual longing between a man and a woman. I doubted that it would ever happen between the two of us.
"Anyway, I just want you to be happy."
We hugged each other and my tears started to surface.
x x x
Dear Diary,
My flight is scheduled to board tomorrow. When I returned from my course I was delighted to know that I was offered an executive position in the head quarter in Seattle, Washington. There was no hesitation this time. I accepted the offer immediately.
I did not tell Damon the news. He was still in Hong Kong when I came home. We were still having interesting conversations in the network but I felt that I was becoming more withdrawn. My responses were vague and half-hearted at times although he had tried to engage me with interesting topics. It was not his fault. It was nobody's fault.
I still loved him with all my heart but I had realized that it was time to let go too.
The night breeze was cooling and the leaves were rattling against the window. I stared at the sky. Tiny, shinny little twinkle stars were scattered on the pitch black sky. I felt peaceful. I closed my eyes and made a wish.
"I want you to be happy, Damon. I know you will live a good life ahead and I wish you good health and happiness in life today and always!"