Crucify My Love
Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket.
***Reminder; constructive criticism is accepted, doesn't bother me, and it never will. Oh, some of the characters may seem OOC (Out Of character) at some times, but it is a fan fiction! And of course Tohru will be OOC, because she is the comeplete opposite of how she really is in the actual manga by Natsuki Takaya. Thank you for understanding!
**Thank you all of my reviewers! Their names are as follows: AssasinedAngel, kate, Ikari Sohma, lalaland33(a.k.a priya33), Xeawen, Lizzy-Chan-Inuyasha-Fan, Ebony Dagger, All The Things Touki Said, kouga's older woman, bluesapphire19.
*Warning: This fiction does change from p.o.v to p.o.v (point of view), so keep a heads up! I wouldn't want my readers getting confused! ;)
Oh yea, and during this chapter I used the song "The Rose" by Bette Midler. So I am saying that I don't own it at all. It's a really pretty song!
Enjoy!
A Rose's Thorns
~Yuki's P.o.V~
"Yuki.....have you considered that you were trying to turn a rose into a dandelion?"
Rain poured out over the land heavily, over my body, and over my determination. It just slaughtered my mood, making me feel angry at everything. When exactly had I decided that I loved this woman so much that I needed to chase her, wherever she went? Could it be that I wanted her back at Shigure's house because taking care of her made me feel like I had a purpose in living?
"It seems that thorns just don't break as easily as we want them to, eh?"
This rose. The only rose out of the dozen whose petals were darker red than any other rose I've ever seen. Roses smell nice and look pretty, but the type of rose that Tohru took smelled heavenly and looked beautiful. Her thorns grew longest out of the others, possibly because the others did not wish to harm those who touched it. Yet now, she herself is trying to break those sharp, woody outgrowths of a stem. She is causing this pain to herself, because she wants to change.
"They just keep on hurting those that touch them, and in conclusion the rose once again hurts the one's it loves.....until it slowly, painfully begins to die."
I ran and ran, into darkness, into nothing. Soon I became lost, so I stopped to catch my breath against a nearby tree. At that moment, I don't know why but I remembered a lesson we learned in school once about what a thorn symbolized. My teacher called it a 'Dream Symbol', if I recall right.
'Thorn's are usually associated with suffering. The dreamer may be sacrificing their life for others in order to make up for past sins....'.
It's all falling into place now. It was made so that I was meant to learn about thorns, so I was meant to meet Tohru, and so I was meant to save her from doing something that would turn all my dreams to nightmares.
"Tohru!!! Where are you?!?"
The tears of angels continued to fall, and nothing but the cold air ran through my soul. It smelled deeply of wet grass and dirt. All the things in these woods seemed restless, blowing in the wind and being beaten by the rain. My hair was matted down onto my face, and my clothes were stuck tightly to my skin. My body was shivering terribly, but I couldn't turn around now. Somewhere out in these woods was a woman who was desperately looking for help, and I wanted to be the one to aid her. I needed to hurry, because she might kill herself if she can't handle being alive.
"Well, then. I'll just have to keep getting hurt, and keep being near that rose....so that way at death, the silence is shared."
A fascinating rose, wilting and losing it's petals. Falling over until it could no longer support itself. The color soon begins to fade, signifying that death is near.
A death such as that appears beautiful.
Yet behind the meaning, it is one of the loneliest ways to die.
~Tohru's P.o.V~
Why? Why am I running away again? All I ever do is run, and all I ever do is cry! Like I expect someone to take away all my worries and pains...if I can't stop suffering, why bother living? If I just died, perhaps Yuki and Shigure and Kyo would all feel relieved? They wouldn't have to worry about me, or do stupid things for me! I wouldn't even mind if they didn't show up to my funeral...not that I would have one, anyway.
My eyes lowered themselves to the ground slowly. I sat down in the middle of the woods so that way the rain could cleanse me through and through. I was soaked to the bone, yet I was still un-pure. Blood was still spilt over everything, not being washed away by the rain.
"Mother," I whispered. "can I come be with you and father?"
Suddenly, I could see parts of my life flashing before me.
"Yay! Up, momma! Up!" a little girl with short brown hair and pompoms cheered.
The little girl was very pretty, but despite that I could make out the blood staining her hair and her body. Even in simple visions, people were hurting.
Her mother held her high up in the air, tossing her and catching her. Her mother was a beautiful woman, with long brown hair and pure skin. The little girl's father was next to them. He had short, reddish hair and a happy smile upon his face, even though he stared at his bloody child.
"She's our little angel, right Kyoko?"
Kyoko only laughed in response, holding the girl tightly to her bosom.
Why was it that this little girl was clearly injured, yet none of them showed any sign of noticing it? I stared with wide eyes at the ghostly apparition. My hand slowly reached out to the family. I wanted them to reach back, but they were not aware of my presence. I was bleeding...because I cut myself too deep this time. However, Kyoko and Katsuya....mom and dad....why didn't I see blood upon them?
"We love you, Tohru."
But that was simply not it. If they could only see what I have done from the time they died up until now. It wasn't a matter of how much I loved them, or how much they loved me. It all depended on how much I wanted them to love me, and how much I wanted Yuki and the others to love me. What was the point in trying to change myself if I didn't want to? Could I ever find true happiness in that?
My breathing slowed down as I relaxed my entire body. I turned my head up so I looked directly at the rain. The rain felt un-usually hot against my skin, like a boiling pot of water was being poured upon me. I dug my hands into the dirt, thinking my plan over one last time. I would die out here, freezing cold, so I could join my mother and father wherever they are.
I removed my jacket and tossed it aside, but I left on my thin t-shirt. Then, I took off my pants and shoes, so I was almost completely bare. It hurt so bad, wearing such a low amount of clothing while it was raining. My body was numbing, though, so I couldn't feel the drops hitting me. My hand reached up for my hat and pulled it off, letting my hair fall down.
If this is how I wanted to die, then this was how I wanted to die. I may not die right off the bat, but I'll catch the right sickness to put me through the same torture that I dealt to others.
That way, everyone will be happy. Right?
"We love you, Tohru."
I forced a smile on my face....no, I smiled on my own. This time, at death, I wasn't going to cry as I mouthed the words 'I love you too'.
Slowly, I lie myself down on the ground, staring up blindly at the rain. My eyes were once again that hollow brown, only this time, I didn't see anything but black. The rain pelted my face, but I didn't blink. The dirt beneath me was un-comfortable, yet I didn't move. I was scared, yet I didn't cry. I just remained in the middle of the woods, letting every second pass by in an hour.
Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you its only seed.
-----------------------------------
"You know what, Shigure?! I have work that I have to do, so you can make your own charcoal dinner! And I swear, if you invite over Ayame-nii you won't wake up to see another sunrise....ever." Yuki threatened, his eyes a dangerous color. Shigure winced back, huddled in the corner. "Now, now, Yuki-kun, you wouldn't want to get wrinkles so early in your lifetime. And also--"
I broke off into a fit of laughter, and I couldn't help it. Watching them carry on like this was just too much for me to bear silently.
-----------------------------------
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.
-----------------------------------
"Toh--, I mean, Miss Honda--" he began to say, but I cut him off by throwing a piece of candy at his head.
"Listen, Yuki....stop calling me 'Miss Honda', because it makes me sound all professional, which makes me un-comfortable. Just call me Tohru for once, 'kay?"
-----------------
"Or is it that you like someone else here?"
Tohru didn't reply to that question.
"Well, Tohru? Let me guess..."
Tohru shifted un-comfortably on the soles of her feet.
"You like Yuki, don't you?"
------------------------------------
"Tohru!!!"
A male's voice snapped me out of my illusion, and I glanced over my shoulder only to see none other than Yuki standing a few feet behind me. He was soaked and exhausted, but he still came for me.
"Y-Yuki?"
He didn't give up hope.
He never stopped loving me.
When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.
~Yuki's P.o.V~
"Tohru!!!"
She has truly lost all sense at this point, in my opinion. Tohru lie a few feet ahead of me, wearing nothing but a worn out t-shirt. Where did she put the rest of her clothes, and why did she take them off? My heart beat wildly inside of me as I advanced towards her, my hands slightly out-stretched.
"Y-Yuki?"
I smiled gently at her, trying to assure her that things were going to be okay. If I could just get her to calm back down enough to where we could carry on a decent conversation, I'd feel a whole lot better. I needed to work quickly, though. Only God knows how long she's been sitting out here like this.
"Tohru, please calm down and listen to me. I only want to help you, because I hate to see you like this."
She sat up and stared at me from the corner of her eye, rain dripping down her sad, lonely face.
"Why?" she spoke softly. "Why do you want to help me?"
The rain begins to let up, slowly, slowly, slowly. The dark clouds pass by overhead, revealing lighter, calmer ones. No birds sing yet, no animals lively enough to step out. However, in the distance, a mother deer and her doe could be seen snuggling closely in the hollow of a tree. The smell of the damp forest was everywhere. Its covered everything in it's thick blanket.
My lips gently pressed up against her's, which were cold but soft. Our bodies did not touch, because I knelt down in front of her, holding her a few inches back with my hands. She remained but a frozen figure in time, even as time still went on. Her arms dangled at her sides, her body almost limp in my hands. I carefully pulled back about an inch, staring straight into her eyes.
"The rose is a symbol of love, and I won't let this love wilt away."
Tohru took what I said to heart, closing her eyes as her face turned pink. Then, she hugged me tightly, and we both went up in smoke. Once the smoke disappeared, I was pressed up to her chest. I could hear her heart beating just the same as mine, and I knew it was taking all she had to keep from crying in front of me now. Even so, I wanted her to just be herself and cry when she wanted to.
"It's okay...if you want to cry. I won't get upset or angry...just be yourself and cry when you want to."
She whimpered a few times, covering her face with her free hand.
"Just be yourself. Okay?"
A droplet of water hit me square on the head, and I could've sworn it was raining again. I looked up to see Tohru sobbing gently, tears dripping down her cheeks. I curled up into her chest, trying to warm her as best I could.
Seeing her like this...almost made me feel like crying, too.
"Yuki...thank you.....so much...."
And together we remained there in the rain, hugging each other tightly. Time passed, and the rain let up, the clouds moving out. The sun's rays began to peak up over the horizon, and the sky began to dawn.
No matter what goes on, don't give up hope, because it's not the end of the world. Time continues to go on, whether we want it to or not.
Out of the corner of Yuki's eye, he saw a bush with a bunch of thorns reaching out of it. However, at the way bottom of the bush, there was a smudge of red, rising up towards the light very, very, slowly. Because beneath all the soil, when the sun begins to shine again, the seed becomes the rose.
To Be Continued...
A/N: I'm sorry for having to wait this long till I update, but it is my freshman year in high school, so I'm being bombarded with a bunch of work, hahaha. I'll try to keep a steady updating pattern, ranging from week to week. Don't worry, this is not the end of 'Crucify My Love' just yet! Yuki and Tohru have yet to enjoy life, and Tohru still has to meet the rest of the Sohmas!
Please RxR!!!