10.

"Have you been writing?"

"Yes."

"Anything you want to share?"

I opened up my notebook and saw the lists of things I had written over the last few weeks. Some things I wrote down repeatedly, others were new. "I want to be someone others can depend on. I want to be able to make a promise and keep it. I don't want to blame others for my choices anymore. I want to be able to tell her that I'm sorry and have her believe me."

Dr. Sanders stopped writing and tilted her head to the side a little. "Who's 'her'?"

I cleared my throat. "Her name is Bella. She, umm…" I sighed heavily "…she left me about seven months ago. We had been together a little over two years, but she didn't know the extent of my problem until after our first year together."

"That's actually fairly normal, Edward. You were good at hiding your addiction. Did you live together?"

I nodded. "After she found out about my drinking. Our relationship was never bad. I never yelled at her or was abusive. She loved me and I loved her. It just wasn't enough with all my baggage."

"Are you angry she left you?"

I thought for a moment. "Yeah, I was. Maybe I still am. It's easier to blame her for leaving and causing me to bottom out than to say it was my own fault and bound to happen eventually."

"That's true. I know it's only been a month since you were admitted, but how would you rate your progress so far?"

"I think I'm doing better. I can admit things that I wasn't able to before. I like being sober. I'm not hazy all the time, and I feel like I can do more. I'm worried about what will happen when I leave here."

Dr. Sanders nodded. "You know that you're progressing at a healthy pace. It's normal to have reservations about leaving, but you know that you're still going to go to counseling when you're out, you'll have a sponsor who will always be a call away."

"I know."

"Besides, you opted to stay on with us for another month. I think you'll see even more progress in these next few weeks and when the time comes to make a decision, we'll revaluate where you're at and what you're comfortable with. We're not going to kick you out if you don't feel you're ready." She smiled reassuringly and closed her notebook.

"We're going to push you're appointment from two days from now to four. In that time, I'd like you to write a letter to someone that you feel you've wronged over the course of your addiction. It doesn't have to be a family member or loved one if you feel that you aren't ready for that yet. These letters can be very emotional, so take some time to think today and try to start it tomorrow."

"Okay. I'll try."

Later that night, I sat at my desk and stared at the blank sheet of paper.

There was only one letter I wanted to write.

I just didn't know how to begin because "I'm sorry" wasn't enough.