Chapter 10
'O.k. Tell him, this is all for revenge. And that he doesn't have to do it. And that your REALLY sorry, and that…………oh god.' Sakura stopped and groaned in frustration.
'Why do I always choose the wrong guy?' she muttered to herself, as she continued making her way to Naruto's house, 'I mean, how tough can my life get?! I chose to be a spy, to get a guy to notice me. Hell, to LOVE me. And all I did was fall in love with the guy I was spying on……' she stopped mid way, the flowers, which were supposed to be a sorry gift, hung loosely from her hand, as she went over on what she had just confessed to herself.
Sakura- IN LOVE?! WITH NARUTO?!
Sakura's inner self:- Well, it's not THAT hard to believe.
Sakura :- It's not?! There was a time when I hated the guy. I only thought I liked him. Not loved. I mean, yeah, I told him at the bar that he might be the one I LIKED. But not LOVE love. No………He can't be the ONE. I mean, can he?
Sakura inner self:- Urm…………………………he could be. The world has seen crazier things, believe me. You've always wanted someone who you could connect on DEEP levels with. Perhaps Naruto's the one?
Sakura:- I sincerely DOUBT it. I do. Really…………………….do I?
Sakura's inner self:- Just go make it up to him. Go through with the plan. Then think abut relationships. O.k.?
Sakura:- Yup. Got it.
She made her way slowly to Naruto's apartment, taking the long way round. She made her way up, to the 15th floor, and knocked hard. No answer. She tapped her feet in irritation, as she knocked again. Soon she found herself banging.
'Who the hell is it?!' Her brain did a mental relapse as she heard the voice of an old women. A very FAMILIAR old women. She quickly ran down the corridor ducking behind the wall, and she sneaked a peak to see if the lady came out.
Yes. She did. And she wasn't looking to happy either.
'DAMN kids! Why, I, hate this old, crummy apartment.' She slammed the door again, as she stepped back inside slamming the door behind her properly.
'Why do I ALWAYS have to bump into HER for?' Sakura muttered.
If that's not Naruto's house then…………………..
'Oh! Stupid me! It's not the 15th floor it's the 16th!'
She made her way up to the 16th floor, cursing herself for not going regularly to Naruto's house. If she did, perhaps she would have got it right on the first go. She walked faster down the corridor, hoping this was right one this time.
She knocked load, and almost immediately the door opened. There, dressed in his normal outing gear, stood Naruto. His eye- brows rose, when he noticed who it was. He looked shocked, he recovered quickly though, and he immediately went into his what – do – you- want? expression.
Sakura coughed nervously.
CRAP! This is soooooooooooooooo unlike me?!
'Naruto, may I come in? Or are you busy?' she looked him straight in the eye when she said this. No hesitation, no nervous glances to the floor. No. If she was going to apologize, she was going to do it properly.
She was NOT going to hurl herself at him and beg for his forgiveness.
NOPE. (even though she very much wanted to.)
'Ur………..Yeah. Sure.' He opened the door wider, allowing her to enter. She walked past him, uncertain on how she would explain to him her plan. In trying to get him on her side. Asking him for her forgiveness. She breathed deeply, focusing on how exactly things would change for the better, when she hadn't even revised WHAT exactly she was gonna BLOODY say.
Her breathing was becoming a lot more heavier, and she was finding it hard to concentrate on her surroundings. She took deep breaths, and tried to focus on what exactly Naruto, himself was doing.
'Urm……….Sakura? Are you o.k.? I mean, I've asked you three times now. Why are you here?' he peered at her more closely, his face in a expression she couldn't quite read.
He can't still feel worry for me, after everything I've done to him. No………….. She shook, her feeling of nausea, slowly evaporating as she handed him the flowers, which were still intact after all the dragging they had been put through. He took them wordlessly, although his eyes were asking questions, probing for more answers. He clearly wanted to know more. She gave him a nod, and at the same time gave a silent prayer to the god above.
'O.k. Naruto, I'll tell you everything. The truth. Everything from the beginning, no cuts, no twists.' She took a gulp. She clearly was not ready, but the quicker this was over with the better.
'Do……………..do you want to sit down first?' he asked, he clearly was unsure of the present situation, yet still trying to act big and manly, he decided to remain cool and calm.
'Thank you.' she took a seat opposite him and carried on, 'It's been sometime since Sasuke arrival was known to me. He came to me almost straight away. His meeting with me, I have to admit, was quite shocking. But what came more shocking to me was my almost immediate agreement to his request. I'm sorry. But I don't know what came over me. I guess…………………I guess, I wanted him to know me. Like me. Have you ever wanted someone to just ACKNOWLEDGE you? Just accept you for yourself, and love you for who you are? Have you ever wanted to be loved by someone so badly that you're willing to die for that love?' her voice was reaching hysteria, but she wasn't even aware of it, she carried right on, 'Have you ever hated yourself for being who you are? Have you? Naruto, I'm so so sorry. I could carry on venting my apologies to you, but I'm sick of being the one who keeps making the mistakes. It always me who keeps committing the wrong. Why is that? I was so sure, this was all for the best. I wanted Sasuke, and Sasuke promised he would want me, if I gave him what he wanted. I mean, if that's how it was supposed to be, then why did I have regrets? When Sasuke asked me to be a spy, I said yes, because I would have achieved Sasuke love at the end of it. But why did I have regrets? WHY? I mean, it is Sasuke's love I wanted, wasn't it? Then I heard from you that Sasuke had asked you to do the same thing. He had asked YOU to spy on me?! Why would he do that!? I thought he wanted to have a relationship with me? Yet all along it was a sick and twisted plan to gain more power. I said yes Naruto. I'm ashamed of it. I am. But I've got a plan that will change it all back to how it was. I have. All I came here for was your forgiveness; you don't even have to give that if you don't want to. I just wanted you to know.' Her breathing was quick and sharp, and it has just occurred to her that she had started crying half way through. But she didn't care. To be honest, she was past caring. WAY past caring.
She sniffed and looked away. His face was scaring her, because she could barely read the expression he was giving her.
Her eyes widened when she felt Naruto's hand stroke her cheek. She turned to look at him, and his face held a sad smile as if to say he knew EXACTLY how she felt. She tried to frown in confusion, and say something. She was so sure things were going to end different. That he would have laughed at her or told her that he would think about it. But not this. She noticed her skin tingling and her cheeks heating. He bought his hand down and looked at the floor while he said,
'You think I don't know what unrequited love is? You think I haven't experienced it? You always thought of me as an idiot. Someone who had no brains and just went around the village acting like a complete fool. But if there is one thing you were blind of Sakura, it would be on how much I love you. You always hated the way Sasuke treated you, yet you went and treated me the same way. Did I hate you for it? Did I want revenge for it? No, it just made me more sure that ONE day you WOULD come to your senses and love me back. Sakura, you've broken my heart so many times, that I've lost count. But every time you smile or just TALK to me, I feel the pieces fit back together again. And I know that whatever you do to me, I could never hate you for it.' He laughed, even though there was nothing funny about it. At all. Instead Sakura found herself feeling guilty and worthless. She felt tears spring up to her eyes, and she felt her throat close up.
Please god, she thought don't let me cry. Not now.
'I'm so pathetic, right?' he said, bringing his hand and running it through his hair, 'So pathetic to feel love for you. You. the one person who will never love me back. The one person who laughs and hits me for acting pathetic. When the only pathetic thing happening around here is how much you love Sasuke. That's what I call pathetic. Loving a guy who just uses you all the time.' He laughed more loudly this time, 'You thought that you could come here and use me again? Come and ask me to take you back? And how do I know that this just ain't another trick?' He looked at her, his blue yes masking the pain he was really feeling. She heard his words, but they weren't responding well. She felt a huge rush of despair run through her.
So true, she thought, but why does the truth hurt so much?
'Naruto………..?' she whispered, not sure what to say, 'Naruto? Why are you saying all this? Is this what you REALLY think of me? Is it?' Naruto didn't answer, he didn't need too, she already knew the answer. She shook her head, her anger showing a lot more clearly as she very nearly screamed, 'No. No. I won't believe it Naruto. I won't. Because this isn't the Naruto I know. This isn't the Naruto who taught me everything I know today. This isn't you who's talking it isn't.' she felt herself shaking, but she pulled herself together, 'I may have felt 'love' for Sasuke once, but I don't anymore. I was a stupid fan girl once, but I refuse to be that person again. It's you Naruto. You taught me to be the women I am today. You taught me to love. And if you can't see already, that I love you, then it's YOU who's blind. NOT ME!' She stood up, her mind already made up that Naruto wouldn't be on her side. Not now. not ever.
All this because of STUPID Sasuke. Well you just watch Sasuke, I'm going to make you wish you never met me.
But just as she reached the door she heard a faint noise. She turned to see Naruto standing up and walking to her, his face a mixture of confusion and………………………….happiness. Yes. Happiness. Sakura backed away slightly unsure of what to make of the whole scene.
'What did you just say?' Naruto whispered, when he was inches away from her.
'You know what I said. Don't make me repeat it so you can have a good laugh about it……………' Naruto brought a finger to her lips to silence her.
'I'm just making sure that's all.' And he brought his lips to hers and kissed her.Tentatively at first, then shyly pulling away, he said, 'and I this is all a trick, then you do know I'm never going to……..' Sakura shut him up by pressing her lips against his again.
When she finally pulled away, she smiled up at him. Feeling light and happy, she walked back to his sofa and sat down.
'Now, about this plan…………' she began.