Just to clarify for my good friend and betaer, Amanda, I intentionally made will nice and I have reasons. Sorry if you were bothered by his oocness, but it really wasn't.
Next order of business: a lot of this chapter is based almost exactly off of a chapter in the book, i even used some dialogue. This fic is supposed to be a modern and human au version of TID, so do not be alarmed. This is a discalimer. Some of the dialogue used in this chapter was written by Cassandra Clare.
Next, i have to update right now becuse i will be on a plane tomorrow and who knows when i will have a chance to update again in the next month. So this chapter is extra long. So here. Characters are owned by Cassandra Clare.
(also sorry if i offend you Americans, but i am also american so deal with it)
Charlotte and Henry came out of the study, no doubt going to give Tessa the "Welcome to Our Humble Mansion, We're Your Parents, You're Safe Here" speech, I snuck off to my room. My mind was having a civil war. I shut my door and sank down on my bed. I rested my head on the mattress and stretched out, having my hands on my head.
What the fuck was that?
I am never like that.
Ever.
Jesus Christ, the things that girl does to me. I'm not that nice to anyone, not even Cecily or Jem. And she was American! Aren't Americans supposed to be uncultured dimwits that watch the telly all day and night and work at farms? That may be a stereotype, but seriously, she is one of a kind. I've known this girl for two hours and I just want to give her all of my love. But it will only end up hurting her. I have to make my walls concrete and push her away.
One side of my head, the side that Jem had implanted, was calmly reasoning with the other, saying that there were no need for my walls. I could bring them down with no destruction. That it had been long enough.
The other side was rampaging. It screamed at me. It yelled that I would just hurt everything and everyone in my way. I can't have people love me because I will let them down. They'll want to protect me and end up getting hurt, and I can't do that to the people I love.
This side won.
There was a light knock on my door and it opened. I raised my head to see the person, although I already knew who it was. No one was that quiet or slight.
Jem shut the door behind him and sat on the edge of the bed next to me.
I noticed he had a grin on his face.
God damn, he knew me well. I definitely need to get my shit together.
"William, what was that?" Jem inquired.
"What was what, James?" I tried to sound as uninterested as possible, but I could hear the guilt in my voice. I knew Jem could too. I sat up on my elbows.
"Fine, I will be up front about it. Do you like Tessa? I saw the way you looked at her. I saw the way you acted around her. It' s different than I have ever seen you around anyone." Silence pervaded the room.
After a few seconds, I broke the silence with a cruel laugh, "Me? Like Tessa? Please, James. Why would I like her out of all of the girls I have my choice of? She's so…" I trailed off. I couldn't really find a word to describe Tessa, especially an ill one. But, my statement was so full of disgust, it sounded like talking about her was too horrible for me to even finish my sentence.
I looked up to James. I could read him like a book. He seemed pitiful and sad, but also angry. Great. Wait. Oh shit.
"Well, James. I think the real question here is do you like Tessa?" I smiled my so-called "evil" grin. Jem turned bright red and looked in front of him.
"She is a lovely girl, from what I have seen. But I barely know her and she is going to be our foster sister," Jem paused. Crap I completely forgot about the foster sister part. That's one more reason to push her away, "So no, William, we both don't like Tessa." Jem lowered his head, looking sullen. He was lying to me. I think he did like Tessa, but wouldn't fess up to it because he knew I- he thought I liked Tessa.
I was about to press on when there was a light knock on the door. We both looked up. The door cracked open and Tessa stepped in.
"I'm sorry if I was interrupting something, but Charlotte told me to collect everyone for a family meeting. Everyone else is already downstairs."
Nope. I could not handle this.
I pushed myself off the bed and grabbed my leather jacket off of its hook, and pushed passed Tessa towards the stairs.
Jem called out from behind me, "What are you doing, Will?"
"I'm going out!" I called back as I bounded down the stairs. Henry jogged out of the study and Charlotte followed him. The rest of my siblings all looked my way.
"William, we are having a family meeting, and I demand your attendance." Charlotte looked stern, but I ignored her.
"Please, we can hardly have a family meeting with a stranger in the house. She's just some American girl, who is obviously only going to cause us trouble. You should throw her out when you still have the chance." I hated myself. I couldn't stop there, though. I had to hurt Charlotte more, "And we are not a family! We are an unstitched patchwork quilt. We are different troubled kids from different backgrounds that you want to bring together, but newsflash, most of them hate me! So why don't you give up your Brady Bunch dream, because it is not going to happen." I sneered at her and spit the words so venomously she visibly flinched. I smirked, and turned to the door. I saw Tessa at the bottom of the stairs. She looked horrified. Good, I thought.
"I'm going out," I shouted again. This time, no one stopped me.
Charlotte decided to postpone the family meeting until breakfast. I knew that Henry had information on Nate, but they really wanted us all to be there. They said they'd give Will the night to cool off.
God, Will. What he had said had nearly made me burst into tears, but I wouldn't cry. Not in front of anyone, at least.
Charlotte ended the disastrous meeting, and we went to have dinner. Jem wasn't there. I asked Charlotte where he was. She said Jem wasn't feeling well.
After Charlotte dismissed us from dinner, I asked Sophie to help me find my way back to my room. She said all of our rooms were in the same hall, so it would be easy to navigate. She took me down the first corridor to the left and to the end, and there was my room. My trunks were up there already, although I don't know how they got there. It must've been Henry or Jem or Thomas. I couldn't be bothered right now. I just wanted to sleep. I lied down on the bed and kicked off my shoes. I realized I probably should've changed into pajamas or taken a shower. I didn't really know how long I had worn the clothes for. I think it was three days. I probably smelled like a sewer. Reluctantly, I left the cocoon of the bed and walked into the adjacent en suite.
I stripped the clothing and kicked it into the corner. There was shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shaving cream, razors, soap, a washcloth, and a loofah all neatly lined up in the shower stall already. After fiddling with the shower knobs for a while, I figured out how to make it hot or cold and stepped inside.
And I'm pretty sure it was the best shower I had ever had. I hadn't taken one since I was on the Main. I washed off three and a half days worth of dirt and worry. I returned my hair to its wavy, brown self. I tried not to think about the current event, but when you're doing nothing but getting pelted by water, yor mind starts to roam free.
The thoughts bombarded my brain at such a rate I couldn't stand it. I slid down against the shower wall and sat on the bottom, getting blanketed by water. I thought about Nate, mostly. I don't know why I agreed to wait until tomorrow. I can't wait for it. Nate was out there somewhere and I needed my big brother. Without him, I had no one. If no one in the entire world cared about you, did you really exist at all?
I thought about how I thought I saw something in Will, and how I put my hope in him, only to have it crushed. I thought of his words, which were probably right. I was only going to cause trouble. I do, everywhere I am. I thought of the dark sisters and the magister. I thought of how I have to be interviewed by the police and I thought about Charlotte enrolling me in her school, The Institute. The last thing I needed was more critical teens.
Eventually, I managed to collect my thoughts, and got up again. I stood under the scalding hot waterfall until my skin was raw, red, and shriveled.
I sat on the bed, reading an introductory packet to the Institute Charlotte had given me. I needed to know the rules for the Institute, and so I read. I had dried off and put on some sweat pants and a long sleeved waffle shirt. I had on a bathrobe I had found hanging on the back of the bathroom door.
I was about three pages into the book when I heard soft music coming into the room. It almost lulled me to sleep, it was so beautiful. My curiosity got the best of me and I kicked off the covers and padded to the door. I opened it silently and followed the music to the room across from mine. The door was open a crack. I pushed it open further and peaked in. I saw Jem standing in front of his bed with a violin pressed up against he neck. In the moonlight, he looked like he was glowing. He moved the bow with such precision and passion, I had to stop my self from gasping. He played with his eyes closed. I had never heard the piece he was playing, so I wondered if he had written it himself. I leaned on the door frame, contently listening to his melodic song until he spoke up.
"Will? Will, is that you?" His eyes weren't open, but he had stopped playing. I don't know how he heard me. I don't think I made any noise.
Jem opened his eyes and turned towards me. When he saw it was me, he grinned.
"You're not will."
"No, but I thought my disguise was quite realistic." I gestured to my robe.
"The day I see Will in a lady's robe is the day the world ends." He put down his violin in its case and sat on his bed. I realized that I had caused him to stop playing.
"I'm sorry!" I said louder than I meant to, but I was panicking. How could I have been so rude? "I didn't mean to interrupt you, but my room is right across the hall, and it was so beautiful, I couldn't help-"
"That's all right, Tessa. I was almost done, anyway." Jem grinned at me and gestured me over. I sat next to him on his bed. He was a lot taller than me, even while sitting. He looked down at me from where he was perched.
"I'm glad you came in here, actually. I would like to apologize for Will's behavior…" Jem paused and would've continued if I didn't cut him off.
"No, Jem, please don't. It is not your obligation, or place, to apologize for Will. If he wants forgiveness, then he will have to do it himself." Jem nodded and looked back towards the door. We sat there in silence for a few seconds until I spoke.
"You weren't at dinner," I didn't phrase it as a question, but it was one, "Charlotte said you weren't feeling well. Are you feeling better?"
"I was simply tired, that's all." Jem shrugged and grinned at me again. Now that he said it, I could see it in his eyes. He did look tired, and there was that look I always saw when I viewed him. He always looked ill.
"So, Jem, how long have you lived with the Branwells?" I asked him, suddenly interested in his past. He looked a little uncomfortable with the question.
"Almost five years now."
"Where were you from? I mean, before you moved in with Charlotte."
Jem stood up and leaned against his fireplace, "Shanghai. Do you know where that is?"
I quirked my eyebrow, "China. Doesn't everyone know that?"
Jem laughed, "You'd be surprised."
"So, why did you come here if you lived in China?"
"Well, my father was an Englishmen and my mother was from Shanghai. After they passed, I was moved to London to be cared for by my uncle, but he wouldn't take me in. I was put into the foster system and was taken in by the Branwells."
How did your parents die? But I couldn't ask him that. "How long has everyone else been here?" Jem looked relieved that I didn't continue to ask about his past.
"Will came less than a year after I did. Jessamine came almost three years after that. Sophie and Thomas came together a few months after Jessamine, and Cecily came only four or five months ago."
"And you all go to the institute?"
"You ask a lot of questions, don't you?" Jem looked up and smiled at the ceiling, before looking down and smiling at me.
I grinned back shyly, "My brother always says curiosity is my besetting sin."
Jem pushed off from the fireplace and sat on the trunk in front of his bed, "As sins go, it isn't the worst one. Go ahead; ask me whatever you want. I can't sleep anyway, and distractions are welcome."
"Okay… so is Will always so mercurial?" Jem's mouth turned into an "o" and then he shut it. He was obviously surprised by the question. It was a while until he answered.
"No, not usually. Most of the time he is only like what you saw in the study, but we all know it is just a front. You saw how he acted around you. He tried to comfort you about your brother. That's him. That's how he is. He just wants to push people away."
"Well, it's certainly working." I didn't understand how a person could pretend to be that horrible.
"Trust me, he's had a lot of practice." So he's been doing this faking for a while, then. I don't know why someone would want to have no one love them. I didn't get it.
"Tessa?" Jem's voice broke into my thoughts.
"Yes?"
"Forgive me for asking, but your parents- they're dead, aren't they?"
"Did Henry tell you that?"
"No, he didn't need to. After a while, orphans learn to recognize one another. May I ask- were you young when it happened?"
Usually, when someone asked me about my parents or my family life, I became guarded. I don't know why, but this boy I had met only hours ago made me feel comfortable. I felt like I could tell him anything.
"I was three when they died in a car accident. I barely remember them at all, just what they look like. I sort of remember flashes of memories, like the smell of my father's shirts. I can't smell them in my head, but if I smell the scent in the world, I would automatically think of my father," I subconsciously grabbed my angel and twisted it in my fingers, "My brother Nathaniel and I were raised by my aunt Harriet. But, she-" I couldn't finish my sentence. My throat closed up and my eyes stung. I became more emotional thinking of my aunt's death than my parents'. Just imagining her on the hospital bed, holding my hand clouded my eyes. I had tried not to cry then. I knew she was suffering and I didn't want to be selfish by asking her to stay, or by making her feel bad because she was dying. I stayed strong and let her go. Only after her hand went limp and the heart monitor went flat did I let the tears fall. It took a very long time to stop them.
I reigned in my emotions and shoved them down. I wouldn't cry again for the same reason. I cleared my throat, "She died recently. She had cancer. We found it too late. She was already in the late stages."
"I'm sorry to hear that." Jem said, and he did sound sorry.
"It wouldn't have been as bad if my brother was there, but he was already here, in London. Before Aunt Harriet died, he would send us presents like chocolates and tea, and post cards, and call us saying how great it was here. After Aunt died, I was sent a boat ticket to Southampton. I had to pack up all of my things and abandon the house I grew up in. And it isn't even that great here. And Nate is missing and I'm being given to the magister, whoever the hell that is-" I broke off again and looked at Jem, who looked confused, but didn't ask anything.
"I'm sorry, I'm blabbering. You don't want to hear this. I'm a can of worms, you know." I gave him an awkward smile. But Jem ignored me.
"What is your brother like?"
I didn't know how to answer that question. It took a bit of thought. Henry had asked me what my brother would've done to be in the situation he is now, not what he was like.
"My aunt said he was a dreamer. He lived in the future, and didn't care about the past or the present, really. He had dreams of getting everything we ever wanted. He gambled, a lot. I think it was because losing wasn't part of his dreams."
"Dreams can be dangerous things."
"No, no. Not his. I'm not saying this right. He was a great brother." I was going to cry again, but I pinched my arm.
"I just miss him."
"That's understandable, he's the only family you have left, and he's the reason you came to this foreign country. You think you're alone."
The silence consumed us again, but Jem spoke up this time.
"Don't tell me those are all the questions you have." He lightened the mood.
"Oh, I have more than you think. Why can't you sleep?" I had surprised him again. He looked hesitant to answer the question. He could lie or deflect, but I could sense that Jem didn't lie.
"I have bad dreams."
"I'm sorry. At least they produce beautiful music." I offered him an apologetic smile.
"Beautiful? More like nightmarish." Jem chuckled again.
"Please! It's the loveliest thing i've heard since coming to this awful city."
"London isn't awful," Jem looked at me with dreamy eyes, "You simply have to get to know it. You must come out with me tomorrow, after I am back form classes. I can show you the parts that are beautiful- that I love."
"Singing praises of our fair city?" I almost gasped and turned towars the quiet voice. Will was in the doorway leaning all his weight against the frame. He looked damp and tired. He still managed to appear amused, though. His clothing was ruffled and dirty. I wondered what he had been up to.
"We treat you well here, James. I doubt i'd have that luck in Shanghai. What do they call us again?" Will slurred the words.
"Yang guizi, foreign devils." Will smiled the way Lucifer might have smiled, moments before he fell from heaven. "See, Tessa. I'm a devil. So are you." He detached himself from the doorway and through himself onto the bed next to me.
"Your hair is wet. Where have you been, Will?" Jem asked and stood up.
"The Devil's Tavern, if you must know." Will closed his eyes and twiddled with his fingers.
"Are you highly intoxicated?" I couldn't help but blurt.
"Quite possibly. Anyway, I was robbed by a little girl."
"A little girl?" This was ridiculous.
"Yes, Tessa, and stop interuppting. So a child reached into my pocket, hopefully only searching to grab my wallet. I pushed her away but, it turned out to be a midget in a girl costume. He proceded to try to fight me, and he through me out the door into the wet streets." Will concluded and stopped to breathe.
"Wait. A midget?"
"Yes, Six-fingered Nigel." I was not believeing this.
"Your boyfriend?" Jem spoke up. This made me more confused.
"I'm afraid I had to end it with him after the brawl. It just wasn't working out." Jem laughed, but was cut off by a reching sound that came out of his chest. He doubled over and sank onto his knees.
Will leapt off of the bed and sank next to Jem. He wasn't stumbling or looking amused. He seemed sober and like an actual person.
"James, are you okay? Do we have to take you to the hospital? Is it bad?" Will looked around frantically. His eyes landed on me, and he looked as if he had forgotten i'd existed. He quickly stood up and grabbed me by the arm. and ushered me to the door.
"Wait! Jem! What's going on? Is he okay?" I craned my neck around Will to see Jem. Will closed the door behind him and grabbed my shoulders.
"Tessa, go back to your room. I can handle this," he said sternly.
"No! What is wrong with Jem?"
"Tessa!"
"What is going on?"
"Please, Tess. I'm begging you. Go back to your room." He let go of my arms and clasped his hands together. His eyes pleaded, and I believed that he could handle it. Jem was alone, and Will wouldn't leave until I was gone.
Reluctantly, I nodded my head, "Okay."
Will opened the door, slid in, and shut it in my face.
So these chapters will happen occasionally, if the fic is matching up with the book, which it usually won't because they're not shadowhunters, but peridoically it will.
Hoped you liked it!