A/N: remember what I said about trying to find quotes back in chapter 8 I think well… Yeah this is what happens when I don't have a summer to plan out my stories XD Also I lost the quotes I had picked about four times so I'm putting a quote in this chapter, just humiliation and next chapter ill start with quotes hopefully next chapter will be this weekend but idk I have a life (not really mostly just homework) So yeah enjoy!

It'd been two weeks since they last spoke. Despite Sam's advice, Jacob returned to his life, a little beaten and cracked but not broken. At least, he was doing fine, until Bella sent him a very beautiful letter. It was probably the best letter of his life, you know the one that says 'I'm confirming your life is a living hell and to prove it come look at how happy we are and what you don't get to have on blah blah blah date'. And yes, he was expecting this letter to arrive but not in this way, not with a package and sure as hell not with people. Especially not the expecting couple and their fairy fucking godmother.

"Hi Jacob," Alice beamed from beside Bella, as he opened the front door. Bella smiled a cruel evil smile and what the hell was wrong with him? He used to adore Bella, past tense, Jacob past tense. Jacob diverted his gaze to Edward, who looked like he wished he could die so he wouldn't have to be there. And good for him, he's remembering Vampires are bad things that need to castrated and eradicated from the world. Edward glared at him, but Jacob didn't care. Edward was an ass, and he made his choice. It wasn't as if Bella was threatening to kill him. Well actually, no. No Jacob don't think it. Edward doesn't get to know what you do because he's an asshole and when you and Sam finish the job, he'll be wishing he wasn't stuck with that bitch for ever.

There was a cough, from Edward, and Jacob realized they'd been standing there for too long without talking. If they weren't vampires he'd invite them in but knowing they couldn't enter without permission was just too much fun, so he didn't.

"Bella," He hugged her reluctantly, charades no that's the wrong word but whatever he was pretending, "What are you doing here?" Bella tried to make her way in but there was no way in hell he was letting her near his dad. No fucking way, not even if she and his dad were the last two people alive and needed to oh my god what the hell! That is gross! Edward smirked, and it pissed Jacob off. Not as bad as a 100 years plus old guy getting her pregnant with a mutant devil, he thought towards the vampire, slapping the look off his face.

"You going to invite us in?" Bella asked looking offended that he had stopped her.

"No, sorry," He closed the door behind him, "Cleaning up and stuff, would be bad for your kid." Your kid, as in only Bella's kid, because it wasn't Edward's. So it was a mutant devil but not Edward's mutant devil.

"It doesn't smell dirty to me," Alice quipped, saddened as if some plan had gone astray. Jacob almost felt bad. Almost.

"Tell me something Alice, do you see yourself going into my house in the near future?" Jacob asked sounding interested, so as to not come off as rude.

"Well no but," She tried to talk but Jacob wasn't about to let that.

"See not meant to be," and because he's Jacob this next question came as an after thought, "How the hell did you guys get past the border without Sam ripping your heads off."

"Your fearless leader and I had a little heart to heart and since you are feeling better, what with that illness you had a while back," Alice started and really Jacob couldn't listen to it anymore. Not her voice. She was pretty and perfect and ignorant of the person standing next to her. It wasn't fair, her voice was beautiful too. And Jacob could see them in some other world being real close, but right now it just hurt that she hated him and was doing this to make him hate himself even more for letting his mind get the best of him and kissing Edward. Although technically it was Edward that kissed him, so it was the stupid vampire's fault. And if Jacob hadn't stopped him, who cares, he was proving a point, and he will figure out what it was later.

"So yeah, we asked and he said that we could cross to deliver this!" She finished happily, and yes Jacob wished they were closer now because her smile made him want to smile in spite of everything.

"Here you go Jacob," Bella handed him an envelope and when did they walk to the back yard? Also why was Bella's stomach like so fucking huge. It was huge and it wasn't just him it was huge like beyond normal huge she looked like a pregnant cow! No she looked like she was pregnant with a fucking fire dragon for pete's sake it's disgusting! How did he not see this before?

Jacob looked up at the people around him seeing their 'what the fuck' faces made him panic and he knew he shouldn't ask but he would anyways, "Did I just say all of that out loud?"

"You think I'm pregnant with a fire dragon?" Bella asked between breaths, Jacob wondered if it was a pregnant thing or a girl thing but he imitated her anyways.

"You were not supposed to hear that," He covered his mouth trying to stop himself from saying anything else offensive, what was wrong with him? Edward looked like he was having a field trip, the bastard! Alice looked like a fairy princess just got slapped and she was frozen expecting everything to be in her imagination but it wasn't Alice, it wasn't. You aren't in wonderland.

"Jacob!" Bella yelled eyes wide.

"It's not my fault! I can't control what I say or think right now!" He sighed pinching his nose, "I think you should go and take your invitation with you I don't want to see the devil marry,"

"Edward is not the devil," Alice said protesting, Edward looked like he was about to agree with Jacob but because the wolf had no control at the moment he opened his mouth again.

"Who said I was talking about Edward," He covered his mouth again seeing Bella's mouth drop and really he needed a picture of that but right now phasing was a good idea. So he did and he ran, forgetting he had no pants to change into later, when and wherever later was.

He got as far as his parking lot when Sam ordered him to phase back, and like a good boy he did. Right there. In public. In front of Edward, Alice and Bella.

"Thanks for the flash Jacob," Edward teased and really he shouldn't have, cause there was no way in hell that wasn't going to be a turn on especially since life hates him right now.

"Jacob," Alice stepped next to him, thankfully blocking Edward's view, then again, no, no Jacob was thankful, "What happened?"

"I really need you guys to leave!" Jacob yelled heading towards the door, he hated himself mostly for not being able to stand proud of his shit like usual. But come on Edward fucking Cullen was staring at him and so was Bella, she looked kinda jealous and Alice, whose fangs were turned inwards. So were Edwards, was that like a special thing they did when they wanted to eat food cause he was not food.

"Jacob," Sam yelled angrily, "Why are you naked?"

"You told me to unphase so I did," Jacob yelled back, removing the hands he had covering his… er package.

"Where are your pants?" Sam asked desperately.

"He ripped them off when he phased," Edward said from behind and Jacob really wished the leech would leave or shut up… Or both. Both would be great right now.

"Don't be embarrassed Jake…ob," Edward smiled at Bella, "you only phased in front of your crush then unphased completely naked."

"Ed don't be mean," Alice stepped by Jacob, "Would you like us to come back later?"

"No he's fine, he flashes all the time," Sam commented, it was like they were all intent on ruining Jacob's life. There was no end.

"Edward we should go," Bella tried pulling Edward away but Jacob could see the vampire refusing to go.

"But its so rare I get to see Alice blush," He smirked, "It's rare enough for a vampire to blush in the first place." And really what the hell was the blushing comment all about? Jacob couldn't see any blush. Apparently Alice could see his confusion and decided to fill him in.

"Vampires blush. Not like you or humans, our fangs come out inwardly," She shrunk slightly and handed him the envelope which he used to cover himself, "Look at Edward's fangs if you don't believe me," she whispered before trotting off towards the car Jacob just realized was there.

They'd left before it clicked, Edward was blushing and that's why his fangs where weird.

"Get dressed Jacob," Sam ordered. Not that he had to, but Jacob went and got dressed anyways, mostly because he was afraid they would come back later.

Unfortunately, that meant he took the invitation into his house. Once he had a pair of shorts on he decided he would open the envelope to destroy each tiny peace, but when he opened it he found something extremely unexpected. There were TWO letters. One looked like the invitation and the other as if someone had snuck in a note before closing it. He chose to open the invitation first, mostly because he wanted to shred it sooner than the other one.

Jacob Black +2

You are coordinately invited to:

Bella Swan's Baby Shower

You have Two Days to RSVP

Information will be given upon call

Jacob rolled his eyes because that was about the worst invitation ever written. No location or number to call just a demand to call, but he kept reading, however, for some reason he's not sure about.

P.S Bring a Present even if you don't want to.

Otherwise I'll put Edward on your ass

In a less delightful way than you wish

Please come, I promise you won't regret it

~A.C

Jacob wondered if that was printed on all the invites or was he the only lucky one? Sighing, he place the card on his bed and turned towards the written note. It was, not surprisingly, from Bella. Though for a little bit he'd thought it would be from Alice or Edward, he figured it only made sense that Alice would type it on his invitation and Bella would sneak a note into there to try and kill him.

He opened the small envelope slowly and removed the letter. His nose was itchy, and he figured it was the strong flowery smell emanating from the invitation and the package it came with. He opened the letter figuring he needed to read it sooner or later.

Dear Jake,

Thanks for taking care of Ed, I'm sorry for what he did to you I really am. Sam told me you took care of the house until I came back. Thank you. I'm sorry Edward kissed you, I really am. I never got to say that. I don't know what was going on with him but whatever it was its gone now so you don't need to worry, he won't ever kiss you again. Hope you don't mind me slipping this in. I don't really have time to call or talk to you, with the kid and all we need to get Edward's house ready and mine too. My dad is going to be excited, he's out of the country for another month but I'm sure he'll be back soon. We can get together then with your dad too.

~Bella Swan

Jacob looked at the letter, he was just about done thinking about Bella. He threw the note somewhere on the floor and grabbed the small weird smelling package.

"Jake, come on, we need to patrol," Sam yelled from outside. Jacob rolled his eyes and put the package down on his bed, he would open it later.

"Why should we if you're just going to let Vampires roam around here anyways!" He yelled back, making his way to the back yard. Talk about a bipolar alpha.

A/n: So you need to know I write these Author notes as I write the story and I'm sorry this chapter is short but I just realized/ remembered what the package is and I realized I need a quote for it. Any guesses as to what is going to happen? Oh BTW I suck at working with people when it comes to this stuff so I'm just writing this myself so to my Beta I feel like a bitch cause you were nice and awesome but I think its easier/ faster. Any mistakes just point it out and plz review! I won't be anal cause I've made you all wait so long but still plz!