Better than dreams – Part 10
There are so many fragile things, after all. People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts.
- Neil Gaiman, Fragile Things
It was raining this time. Not a quiet, discrete rain. No it was a storm, complete with thunder and howling winds. The rain hit the windows with force and Draco could see huge waves hitting the shore just a few feet from the window. He had let the drapes opened because he like the contrast the wild weather offered to the quiet coziness in the living room.
He was sitting in the blue couch , his feet getting toasted by the flames in the fireplace, with a book in his hand and a cup of tea getting cold by his elbow.
Harry came from the kitchen, carrying two fresh cups of tea and followed by the smells of freshly baked bread and beef stew. He magically send the cold tea to the kitchen, replace it with the warm cup and sat down next to Draco. Harry sat a great deal closer than necessary, but Draco found he didn't mind.
Except that Harry began to read over his shoulder.
Ever since Draco had been little, he had hated when people, both those he knew and those he didn't, insisted on reading over his shoulder. Harry was reading over his shoulder. Irritation gnawed in his stomach, and his knuckles grew white.
But Harry was also almost resting his head on Draco's shoulder, nestled in close and near. He was warm and seemed to fit exactly right against Draco. He could smell the citrus form his shampoo and something else, woodsy and distinctly masculine. Draco's stomach was doing a whole different kind of gnawing because of that. It took only a few sips of the tea in his hand before Harry's head was resting on Draco's shoulder for real.
It had a really strange effects on Draco's stomach.
He reached the end of a particular long chapter about various muggle myths and legends. He risked a glance toward Harry and was startled to discovered that the other boy was no longer looking at the book. No, he was looking at Draco, his eyes, too green and obscured by a few strands of his wild hair, intense and dark and disturbingly close. And yet Draco found that he didn't want to move away.
"Are you hungry" Harry whispered, his lips so close from Draco's, he could feel the breath of the other man on his mouth. Draco was indeed suddenly very hungry, but not for stew or bread. He found himself fixing Harry's lips and his mouth watered. He swallowed.
"Yes." he said he said in a broken whisper.
His voice had no business creaking like that. His hands shouldn't be shaking, either. He should get up or push Potter away. But lately, everything he should be doing he didn't wanted to do. No what he wanted was to put his hand in Harry's hair, bring him closer and... something.
"Good." Harry said softly. And Draco couldn't make sense out of the word. He decided he didn't care. He wanted to stay here, close to Potter, and if the other man wanted to utter random words, Draco would graciously let it pass.
But then Harry started to draw back and get up.
He didn't remember making a conscious decision about it, but his left hand caught the wrist of the of the other man and pulled him back against him. His skin was warm and just a little bit rough under Draco's fingers. Harry felt back on the couch, and in Draco's side, with a startled look. He was about to talk, to ask questions Draco couldn't answered. And so he silenced him.
He leaned forward and kissed him.
The kiss was delicate, hesitant even, Harry's lips were soft and wet, warm and firm. His traitorous hands gently sled up Harry's back, of their own accord, tangling in his hair. It was soft and thick and messy, Draco's fingers were catching in knots and tangles.
It was absolutely perfect.
Even thought he seemed quite surprised at first, Harry soon responded to the kiss with the same intensity he seemed to put in everything he did. Draco found himself the startled one when Harry suddenly straddled him and deepened the kiss. His lips parted fully this time and Draco tasted him, completely and deeply, and he discovered what he had been hungry for. Normally he would have been ashamed of the needy whimper that escape from his throat, but he was too lost in the new sensations Harry was extracting from his body to bother.
Harry tangled his hand in Draco's hair who couldn't help but moaned. He loved having his hair touched. Harry shivered at the noise and trust his hips minutely, but it was enough to have Draco gaped in shock. It was suddenly too much. He pushed Harry of his laps and he ended up on the floor, all wide-eyes and ruffled hair.
"A simple 'No' would have suffice, you know." he grumbled as he got up. He was tensed as he walked toward the kitchen. As if he was offended. Or hurt.
Guilt and pride battled in his mind. Draco had never said those words willingly. Never thought he would want to. But he wanted to now.
"Wait" Draco said softly.
Harry stopped but didn't turn his head, his back straight.
"I'm sorry."
His words were soft, with a little edge of breathlessness. When Harry slowly turned to face Draco, there was a small smile on his lips and a soft look in his eyes. As if he knew how much those three words had cost him.
"It's alright." He made a few more steps toward the kitchen, but stop at the door and turned to smile at Draco.
"Come the dinner is ready."
And they dinned, fresh homemade bread, salad and stew. Sitting at the small table with their knees brushing not-so-accidentally under the table. And when Harry hesitantly took his hand, Draco squeezed it a little bit harder. They knew then, that maybe it wouldn't always be easy, but somehow they could make it work.
And maybe, it was better by not being easy.
DHDHDHDHDHDHDHDH
The next morning there was this article in the Daily Prophet and everything spiralled out of control. Even thinking about it now, Harry couldn't recall the details not the order in which the events exploded. One second he was eating toasts, trying not to look at Hermione feeding bits of fruit to Ron, because really, it was nauseating and then the next second Draco was yelling at Harry, then storming out of the Great Hall.
And then it was all yelling and curses. Hermione was yelling at Draco, then at Harry. Ron was running after Draco with his wand out. The Professors were shouting at everyone to calm down. Ginny was screaming and Neville was crying. And there was noise and anger, so much anger. It was like.. the war; red and hot and angry an so noisy. There was too much pain and anger and was this blood ? There was suddenly too much noise and too little air, everything became black and red...
And so, like a dignified Victorian heroine, Harry lost consciousness.
DHDHDHDHDHDHDHDH
It was dark outside when he opened his eyes in the infirmary. Mme Pomphey was nowhere to be seen, so he was probably not in danger of dying anytime soon. It wasn't completely dark, but the sun had set. The curtains of the bed beside him twitched and Draco's head appeared. He looked extremely contrite and his eyebrows were singed.
"Hi" he said timidly.
Harry didn't said anything. He wasn't sure what was appropriate. He wasn't sure he wanted to speak to Draco right now either.
"I'm sorry." Draco said. He looked so sad and distressed... Harry uncrossed his arms and sighed.
"I think it'll be alright. In time." There was a long silence. "Do you care to tell me what happened?"
"You don't know?" Harry shook his head slowly, because he was always dizzy after he fainted. He had a vast experience in fainting.
"After the last dream. The one where I'm reading a book, you remember it?"
"Yes" Harry said softly, and he couldn't help but smiled at the memory. And blushed a little also.
"After that dream, I woke up early. Early enough that I had time to think. I realized that I was... interested in having a life like the one we have in those dreams." Draco was looking at his hand as he spoke, but he suddenly lifted his head, his eyes burning in intensity. "Very much so."
Harry's breath hitched and he felt his heartbeat quicken. Draco wanted it? He wanted him?
"And I decided I would go and buy some island. Somewhere we could build a house. I wanted it to be a surprise for you. A kind of courting gift. You know that wizards give a gift to the person they intended to court?"
Harry shook his head, slowly. He was still speechless: Draco wanted to live with him! To court him?
"Well now, you know. Not that it serve much purpose..." Draco sighed and put his head in his hand. Harry frowned.
"When I sat down at the breakfast table, Pansy was looking at me with a look so strange... Now I think it was pity, but at the time I was so happy, I didn't pay her much attention. I grabbed the Daily Prophet from Theo... I do it every morning. It's a kind of joke between us. You see, his grand mother pays him a subscription but he don't really want to read it, so instead of paying for mine I always just took his copy. He always act as if he's offended, but it's a game, you see..."
Draco stopped talking. Harry didn't said anything. Draco glanced at him. "You didn't read today's copy did you?"
" I never read it." His voiced sounded rusty and strangled.
Draco looked as if he was about to cry as he continued.
"It was there. On the front page! I forgot the titled, something about how the death eater were finally punished adequately... They took it all! The manor, the gold, everything... I don't have anything. Nothing..."
He lifted his head and Harry could see that he was crying. There where tears on his cheeks and with his hair mused, his singed eyebrows, he looked so unlike himself, Harry was heart broken. What had they done to the Draco he knew? Not the pompous ass he used to be, but even in the dreams, Draco was assured and proud.
"I can't buy you an island... I can't even buy a pen. Nothing! They left me nothing! I was so angry. I don't know what went through my head. You where smiling and somehow I was back, before the war and I was persuaded you where laughing at me . I stood up and yelled that it was all you fault. When you looked at me, so surprised, it all came back back to me and I ran. Your crazed friends found me, hence the eyebrows..."
He was sobbing now and Harry got up, slowly - because it wouldn't do any good to get up too fast, get dizzy and vomit on Draco's feet - and sat beside Draco. He put his arm on Draco's shoulders, but Draco shrugged him off angrily.
"Don't touch me! I'm a filthy death eater, you can't want me. I only deserve to be alone and poor."
"You can't tell me what I want Draco. And I'll tell you what I want; I want you. When I look at you I don't see a death eater, let alone a filthy one. I see a men, a beautiful men, that can be proud and strong and yet that trusted me enough to cried in my arms once. And I want you so much, it hurt sometime. When you told me you wanted the house... and me, I thought my heart would exploded. I don't care that you have nothing, I have more than enough for two"
"I don't want your charity!"
"And it would have been charity for you to buy me an island?"
"It's not the same..."
"Yes it's the same thing. You had money and wanted to spend it in a way that would make me happy. Well, I want to make you happy."
Draco started to argue
"Draco, all my life, I had nothing. No family, no toys, no affection, barely enough food... and you know what I missed the most? Love. It was the only thing I've craved all my life and it was the only thing people constantly refused me. I got affection from Hermione and Ms. Weasley, infatuation from Ginny, a shaky friendship with Ron, but love.. Only you gave it to me, freely. I don't know why, I don't know how it's even possible, but I know I want it. If I have to give away all the content of my vault to win you back I'll do it this very minute. I don't care about money, but I care about you. I know it must be hard for you, having nothing after you had everything, but I'll help you."
There was a long tense silence.
"The dreams. The little house by the the sea... Do you think, it could be possible?" he asked in a broken whisper.
Harry laughed softly. Draco tensed at the sound but said nothing.
"I found a small island off the coast a few days ago. It's not exactly identical to the one from the dream but it's close enough. It's rockier but a bit bigger. Surely we could modify it a bit, sow grass or something. I... I bought it. I wasn't certain you would want to come and live with me, but I wanted the house anyway. I thought we could build the house ourselves. Or at least supervise it. It could be something we do together."
There was another long silence. Draco fumbled in the dark until he found Harry's hand. He slowly took it in his own, still afraid of rejection but hopeful.
"Could we go see it tomorrow?" Draco asked softly.
Harry's smile could nearly be heard in the darkness of the room, the sun had set long ago.
"Yeah that would be great."
When he finally fell asleep, he was laying in the dark, in a infirmary bed, with Draco sitting beside him. They were holding hands and Harry was happy. Really happy, for the first time he could remember.