10. Atonement—

When Kiro finished his story, he released a great sigh, then fell silent, staring at his lap, his hand nervously tensing around his staff. It had been done. Kiro had laid his sin bare before his mentor, and there was now nothing else to do but accept whatever the consequences were.

Dromnir nodded gravely.

"Kiro, what you have done brings great shame upon the order of White mages."

"I know…."

"If there is to be any future for you here as an alumnus of this academy or as a member of our order, you must submit to a severe atonement for your sin."

"Yes, master."

"You must eschew physical temptation; you must remove yourself from the world that has corrupted you. You must not engage with another questing party. You must return to the academy and perform your atonement in solitude. You must take care of the scrolls and clean the sanctuaries at night, just as you must cleanse your own mind. You may not speak to anyone, nor have any contact with any of our order, since you have abused the right to human contact. We will decide if and when your penance is sufficient to allow you to re-enter the order. Is that understood, Kiro?"

"…"

"Do you understand me, Kiro? Do you understand what you must do because of what you have done?"

"Yes… Master Dromnir. I know what I must do."

"Very well, then. I will have someone take you to your new room, where you will begin with a day of prayer for forgiveness."

"Yes, master."

Kiro left Dromnir's office and followed the assistant who showed Kiro to his room. Kiro dutifully refrained from making contact with anyone else on the way there, despite several people asking him of his adventures. Once inside his room, he slowly placed his staff and spell book on his bed, beside which he knelt in meditation. Most bedrooms were in dormitory-style, containing at least four beds, sometimes more, but this one was special, containing only a single bed, perhaps for guests, Kiro thought. In a sense, he supposed that he, too, was now a guest, rather than a full member of this order. Yet, in his penance, he would be binding himself even more deeply to the order than any other member, to submit his will and his social desires to the solitude and silence of an extreme ascetic. He noticed that the room was rather spartan, containing only the single bed, a desk, a shelf, and a small window to the outside. At least things were still nice and sweet outside, Kiro mused. The sun was shining, and the grass was green. Yes, the war was still quite far from the academy.

The shame he had felt was actually beginning to subside. There was some comfort that came from being back among the familiar structures of his youth, despite the circumstances in which he found himself there. He contemplated more calmly the nature of what had transpired in the past few days. Questing had been scary at times, but often it was actually fun. Most of the monsters faced by Kiro's party had barely been any kind of threat to them, and there were always new experiences to be had, new fields to explore. It was an exciting adventure.

The battle at Maranda was not, however. That was different. There were other people's lives at stake, and their own were threatened more seriously than they had ever been before. What happened was a tragedy. It was a tragedy that humans were driven to the point of killing each other, and that darkness had befallen Kiro and the others. Perhaps involvement in something as undesirable as killing another human being had somehow tainted Kiro's mind. No, something about that did not ring true. What had happened that night?

Kiro stood up, stretched, moved his staff from the bed to stand up in one of the corners of the room, moved his spell book to the nearby shelf, and lay down on the bed, staring intently at the ceiling. Frustratingly, the ceiling offered no answers. Kiro closed his eyes and tried to relax.

There was something happening at that moment, the moment when Kiro kissed Agrias, that was both strange and familiar, somehow. It was not something Kiro had experienced before, but it felt so natural, so simple and instinctive, the way a movement feels that one has practiced many times over many years. Yet, it was becoming more and more difficult for Kiro to feel guilty for what he and Agrias had done. His healing instinct had sensed a need in his companion that had not been fulfilled, and he was driven to do what he could to bring comfort and unity. She had not been harmed, she had been healed, and Kiro almost felt as though he himself were somehow healed. But that did not seem right, at least it did not mesh with what he had been taught, what he had learned over so many years here in these academy walls. Kiro knew that his mind was in torment, so he resolved to peer into his own mind, his own heart, in an attempt to see what was wrong, to heal his own mind, if at all possible.

Which perspective was right? He knew that he had sinned, and while Dromnir's reaction made sense to Kiro, Kiro lamented that Dromnir had not provided any answers or comfort beyond the answer to what he ought to do from there, and the comfort of having a penance as an outlet for one's guilt. But was that really the answer? Was this really comfort? What alternative was left for him? There seemed now to be only one way to proceed. He thought again, how naive he had been when last he was here.

In the morning, the custodians would find Kiro's staff, his robes neatly folded, and his spell book in his room, but they would not find him.

So, I present you with a plot twist. What lies ahead for Kiro? Even I, myself, am not totally sure. I have not thought this story all of the way through to the end, as of the last update to this chapter. I will keep working, however, to search my own mind for what sort of situation would naturally follow from this turn of events. Do you miss the several other characters whom I have named, only to cast away once their contribution to the story is finished? If so, I am sorry. I am not really sure how to work them back in, or even if I should. This really is Kiro's tale, and as people evolve over time, their company changes. At least in my own life, that is how I remember it. There were many special people who made their mark, and then, after a while, they were gone. Anyway, I would still love to know how others perceive my work. Please review and let me know how you feel about it. If you have any constructive criticism, I would be very happy to receive it, so that I may improve. Thank you for reading.