January, 20 years old

Gabriella and Troy were lying on his bed. Her head and arm were resting on his chest. They weren't quite asleep, but Gabriella could tell from the way his gentle ministrations had slowed that he was almost to the point of napping. She was listening to his heart beat and watching the snow fall outside his window. Part of her wanted this to last forever. The other part of her knew that it would do no good even if it did.

"You're thinking too much," Troy mumbled into her hair.

"Story of my life," her quiet voice lilted with the joys of being with the person she loved most in the world.

"Tell me what's bothering you."

"I'm not ready to tell you yet." She didn't question that he knew something was bothering her.

"I love you," he acquiesced to her unspoken plea that he not ask her again. "Take a nap. You can tell me later."

She leaned up and kissed him, a kiss that necessitated his full attention.

Troy had always loved the soft way that Gabriella fit against him, but recently the feeling of her body on his drove him crazy. It was as if he were addicted to the feeling of Gabriella pressed into him. The way her body was molded to his now was an instance of addiction. She kissed him tenderly and passionately all at once, her sweet tongue sweeping the inside of his mouth. Troy wasn't sure how he would classify their relationship. Gabriella was – without a doubt – his very best, most forever forever friend. She was also something else entirely. Troy could easily call Gabriella his true love. He'd never loved anyone as truly as he loved Gabriella. He could just as easily call her his soul mate. His soul certainly longed for her. He didn't know what that meant, though. Usually when people spoke of true loves and soul mates, they were discussing marriage. If Troy knew anything about Gabriella, he knew that she was not thinking about the possibility of marrying him. He wasn't thinking of marrying her either. He certainly did like kissing her, though. He liked the way her curves and warm skin felt beneath his hands. He liked the way his fingers itched when they skimmed the clasp of her bra. But what did it all mean? He rolled them over so that he was on top of Gabriella. His lips traveled to her neck, and Gabriella could feel him smiling against her pulse as she mewled in pleasure.

"I love when you make that sound." He told her. "Definitely the best sound in the world."

She giggled then and brought his mouth back up to her own. Their hands roamed as they savored one another. And soon the voracious hunger for one another abated, and their kisses became timid. Troy placed small, gentle kisses against her lips as they blushed – embarrassed by how carried away they'd become. Troy looked down at Gabriella to realize that her shirt had been pushed up to her chest, her purple bra just barely peeking out.

"Sorry about that," he mumbled as he rolled off of her and straightened her top.

The flush of her cheeks deepened, "It's okay. I liked it." She kissed him quickly without meeting his eyes.

"I liked it too." He assured, taking her hand in his.

Gabriella smiled at how very much like teenagers they still were. Then, she snuggled into his side. "Let's take that nap."

Xxx

Gabriella awoke first. When she awoke, her heart began to race. She could feel Troy's even breaths against her neck, so she knew that he was still in that far away land, but she also felt two things that both frightened and elated her. Troy's warm hand was beneath her shirt, resting low on her belly, but two of his fingers had slipped beneath the stretchy waistband of her pajama pants. She also felt his arousal pressed into her soft backside. It was hard, and long, and unmistakable. She wasn't sure what to do with this information.

Only once before had sexual attraction overtaken them, and that had been at a time when neither of them were thinking clearly. Gabriella loved Troy. She knew that. Troy loved her. She knew that also. She also knew that there was something peculiar about their relationship. He wasn't simply her best friend. He was so much more. He was everything. Did they act like a couple? Maybe. They certainly did kiss a lot. All the time, actually. But that was only because they so rarely saw one another. They had to make up for lost time, right? And they didn't do those other things that couples did. Did they? They didn't have those couple-y feelings. Did they? Gabriella wouldn't deny that she was attracted to Troy. Of course she was. He was perfect. Beautiful, and kind, and loving, and funny. But was she attracted to him the way a girl is attracted to her boyfriend? She didn't know. She'd never had a boyfriend. She recalled instances of seeing handsome men and feeling a desire for them, a desire to know them, but that wasn't the same feeling she had for Troy.

Gabriella had given sex some thought. She was twenty. Of course she'd given it some thought. She had thought about the kind of man she'd like to be with. She'd mentally listed all the characteristics he needed to possess. She ran through the list of characteristics in her head now, and realized that she'd described Troy. But did she want to sleep with Troy? As his erection pressed against her, and his fingers lay so near her intimacies, could she imagine making love to Troy? Could he imagine making love to her? He could be dreaming of anyone right now. She was just a warm body. He was probably thinking of a statuesque goddess. Of all the moments they had shared with one another, Gabriella couldn't recall a time that Troy had shown any sexual attraction to her, so she was certain this time was no different. He was dreaming, and it wasn't of her.

She was surprised by the pang of hurt that zipped through her chest at the realization that Troy didn't find her sexually appealing. But really, why would he? She was his best friend. Best friends didn't want to sleep with one another. So why was she so disappointed? Maybe it was the realization that the one person she'd ever loved wasn't romantically interested in her, not that she was even sure if she was romantically interested in him. It just kind of hurt that she'd never been in romantic love with anyone. At twenty years old, she didn't think it was likely to ever happen. Guys didn't seem to find her appealing. Maybe it shouldn't have surprised her that Troy wouldn't either.

"Gabriella," her name mumbled on his lips made her jerk from her thoughts. She felt his lips on her neck, leaving gentle kisses. Then, she felt his hand slip a bit lower on her stomach, causing her heart to race. His whole hand was beneath the waistband of her pants now, splayed on the lowest part of her stomach, just above an entirely different part of her body.

His thumb evacuated the warmth of her pajama bottoms. He rubbed his thumb against her navel and he continued kissing her neck, only now, his tongue had joined in the ministrations, "Brie." Her name sounded seductive on his lips, and all she could do was breathe. When she registered the movement of his hips against her, all of her previous thoughts became even more complicated. Maybe one guy in the world did find her sexually attractive.

"What are you doing?" it was a struggle for her to produce one sentence, especially as she felt his other hand wiggle its way around in order to cradle her breast.

All of Troy's movements stilled, "Do you want me to stop?" He began removing his hands, fear of hurting Gabriella overtaking all prior senses.

"No," she assured, craning her neck so that she could look back at him, "keep going." She met his lips with a needy kiss. She wasn't sure why she told him to keep going.

"It feels okay?" Troy asked, wanting to make sure she was really okay with what they were doing. This was new to the both of them. He wasn't sure what had spurred his bold actions, but touching Gabriella was so good he was sure that it had to be sinful.

"It feels amazing." Her breath hitched on the words as his hand continued to gently explore her chest.

"You'll tell me if it stops feeling amazing?" He asked her seriously.

"I promise," his eyes looked at her tenderly as she responded, and though she was still unsure of what their particular relationship could be classified as, she was reassured of the mutual love they shared. Maybe it couldn't be classified. But whatever it was that she felt, it made her more than willing to let their current activities progress.

As one hand slipped into her underwear and the other beneath her bra, his lips swallowed the moans she emitted. His touch was magical. He touched her until warm waves of pleasure rolled through her stomach. He continued kissing her as her body returned to Earth.

"Troy," she lifted her arms so that she could wrap herself in his embrace. She wanted to hold him, be held by him. He obliged willingly and smiled into her sedated face.

"Hey, beautiful," he breathed against her cheek.

She giggled, "How did you learn to do that?"

"That was the first time I've ever done that," he admitted with an unnecessary blush, and it made more heat pool between Gabriella's legs.

Without knowing exactly why, she wiggled out of both her pajama pants and underwear. The blankets shielded his eyes from seeing her naked half, but he felt her press herself against him. "Let's hope I can make you feel as nice as you've made me feel," Gabriella peered into his blue eyes, "I may not be as good the first time as you were." Her hand was on his cheek as she looked up into his eyes. Her own eyes glittered with nervous excitement and an ever present love. Troy's mouth searched hers slowly and deliberately, silently assuring Gabriella that she already made him feel amazing.

Troy rolled over so that he hovered above her. As their lips licked, and sucked, and kissed, Gabriella's hands traveled to Troy's waist, timidly ridding him of the clothes covering his lower half. Like a magnetic draw, their pelvises gravitated to each other, and the feeling of flesh against flesh was almost too much. The both gasped at the feeling of being so close to one another. Closer than they had ever been before.

Time became too hard to tell as their bodies overruled their minds, but at some point Gabriella flipped them so that she sat atop Troy. Her small hand reached between their laps, and she began to caress him the way he had caressed her earlier. He moaned and panted and said her name over and over until he exploded in her hand. Briefly, she wondered if she had sounded and looked the same as those waves of ecstasy had consumed her.

Without being asked to do so, she cleaned him up with a nearby article of clothing, and then she cuddled into his side, kissing his chest.

"Hey," he smiled lazily at her, "how'd you learn to do that?"

Xxx

They awoke a second time to the sound of a text message.

"Parents are coming home in about thirty minutes," Troy stated, rubbing himself against Gabriella, knowing this would all end once Jack and Elena were back.

"Where are my panties?" Gabriella asked. She turned over to face Troy, slipping one of her legs between his.

He reached beneath the blankets and grabbed her by the bottom, pulling her flush against him. "You don't need those yet."

"I guess you're right." And they spent the next twenty minutes in that otherworldly place of bliss.

By the time they had cleaned themselves and redressed, Jack and Elena were back home with take-out. As they sat around the table eating, Troy noticed that Gabriella wouldn't look at him. She'd also made a beeline to sit beside her mother, which was strange, because she and Troy always sat by one another. He wasn't sure what was wrong, but nausea began to overtake him as he thought about what they'd done when their parents weren't home.

"I'll help Gabriella clear the table, Mrs., I mean, Elena," Troy volunteered as everyone finished dinner.

"Sweet boy," Elena kissed his cheek and followed Jack into the family room.

Once they were alone, Troy reached out for Gabriella's wrist, pulling her gently toward him, "Gabriella, what's the matter?" he whispered, looking around to make sure their parents weren't around.

"Nothing." She wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Hey," he lifted her chin, "you wouldn't look at me during dinner, and you didn't sit by me."

Gabriella looked up into his tumultuous eyes and knew that what she was doing wasn't fair.

"Are you…are you regretting what we did?" The pain she saw on his face broke her.

"No," she told him firmly, "Never. Troy, that was," she bit her lip and blushed, "that was so special to me. The way you looked at me, and touched me, and held me. It was wonderful. I could never regret that. I loved it. I love you."

"Then what's going on?" His hand was on her face, and his thumb rubbed gently against the smooth skin.

"Remember when you asked what was bothering me? I still haven't told you, and the fact that we did that makes what I have to tell you even harder, Troy."

"are you regretting what we did?"

"No, I loved it. I love you."

"It just makes what I have to tell you even harder."

"Let's go outside," Troy suggested.

They cleared the table quickly before disappearing into Troy's backyard. He led Gabriella to the treehouse. Once they had both ascended, and wrapped up in the blankets that they kept tucked neatly in the corner, Troy pulled Gabriella into his arms.

"Tell what this is all about," he prodded gently.

"What we did earlier was so new. It was a new step for us, and I'm afraid of what's going to happen now that we've taken that step, but don't have enough time to explore it."

Troy waited silently for Gabriella to continue, knowing that she would once her mouth could articulate everything that her mind was saying.

"Troy, I've wanted to tell you this for so long, and I'm so sorry for keeping it from you. I won't be able to see you this summer. I'm going to Spain." Tears dripped down her cheeks as she looked at him, "and it's coming at the worst possible time it seems. The next few days are the last days I'll get to see you, because we never have the same spring break, and now I won't even get to see you in the summer, and we just did something totally new, and I'm terrified that something is going to change because of it and the distance."

"Spain?" Troy sounded like he'd been punched in the stomach. "Gabriella, why?" His own eyes filled with tears. "It's hard enough being without you all school year. Summer is the one time we're together."

"I know," she cried, "but, Troy, I have to go," she pulled a crumpled envelope from her back pocket and unfolded it. On the front was simply written her name.

"It's from my dad," she said. "And everything in this letter is telling me to go to Spain. When my professor mentioned the study abroad opportunity to me in November I didn't even consider. How could I? I couldn't be away from you the whole summer, but then my mom gave this to me three days ago. I read it, and as soon as I finished reading it, I emailed my professor and told her that I wanted to go."

Troy looked into the brown eyes he loved best in the world. He'd learned a long time ago that sometimes it was impossible to know Gabriella's brain. Her heart was another matter. Her heart was easily understood. She'd do anything for the people she loved. She loved her dad, and even if part of this was for Gabriella, Troy knew that another part was for the father she missed, so he kissed her, and told her the only thing he could, "I love you. I'll be here when you get back."

"My Wildcat," she kissed him back.

"Email me?"

"Every single day."

He smiled, "Reason number one trillion for my Gabriella, my forever friend, because even oceans and continents couldn't stop me from loving you."

XXX

Gabriella's letter from her father:

Mi amor, my love

I've made your mama promise to save this letter for you. She's supposed to give it to you when she thinks you need it, when you need to be inspired. When you need to be reminded of how strong, and brave, and perfect you are. Maybe she'll give it to you when a boy breaks your heart, or when you graduate from college, or when you have your first real job. I don't know, but your mama is a smart lady – she's who you get it from – so I have no doubt that she will give it to you at the exact right time.

Right now you are a little girl, and a fine one you are! From the moment your mother and I heard your heartbeat in that hospital room, we fell instantly in love with you. You've graced the Earth with your presence for three years now, and I've never known a better person than you. I've never met anyone as gentle, and curious, and affectionate as my sweet little girl. You inspire me more and more each day, sweet one. I want so badly to get better for you and Mama. My girls. I promise I'll fight every step of the way, but should I lose, I want you to know how much I love you, how much I tried to be here for you, to watch you grow up.

You amaze me. Did you know that? Your mama and I just marvel at you. You're a little genius! And so beautiful. The most beautiful. Your giggle is infectious, and that smile melts my heart. When you look up at me with your big brown eyes, you remind me so much of Mama. I'm glad you took after her. I'm glad I get to have the two most amazing women in the world love me, and I'm glad that I get to love them.

Gabriella, you're only three years old, and it makes me ache to think that I won't get to have the same talks with you that I would if I had the opportunity to watch you grow up. What would I say to you? I'd say so many things. Right now, I want to say to you, be good to Mama. Give her time, and be patient when she makes you mad. Call me crazy, but I think that you might turn out to be a handful on occasion, sweet one. But you are also so gentle and sweet, a fierce little girl with a big heart. I want to tell you that Mama will love you forever. That you'll be her very best friend and her whole heart.

Speaking of hearts, when and if your heart is broken by a careless boy, I want you to remember that happiness comes from within. He may be cruel, or hurtful, or so very wrong, baby girl, but you should forgive him. This doesn't mean letting him hurt you again and again. It means setting yourself free to love again. It means putting yourself first. No one can make you happy if you aren't first happy with yourself. Right now you are the embodiment of joy. You can tell that something is happening, that something is happening between Mama and Daddy, but when you realize it, you lunge at us both with big hugs and wet kisses. You grin broadly and you tell us, "Happy is better than sad." How on Earth did you learn that?

Gabriella, I want you to take risks. I want you to choose selfish once or twice in your life. I think that taking care of yourself, or doing things for yourself is going to be hard, especially when it affects someone you love dearly. Don't be afraid to leave Mama at home sometimes. She's strong, and she wants you to spread your wings too. You're meant for great things, baby girl. Don't settle. Do great. Be great. You won't have any problems unconditionally loving others. It takes greater care to make sure you are unconditionally loving yourself. When you love yourself, you'll be able to love all those other people all the more. Remember that.

Never let anyone hold you back. I mean this especially when it comes to men. It's hard to think of you as interacting with men at all, but I know that you will one day. You'll take their breaths away. I know this already, and you're just a little bitty girl. The men you love shouldn't hold you back. If they do, they don't love you. They should want you to achieve all your dreams. If they offer you anything but support, then I want you to let them go. You deserve much more. You deserve the world. Hopefully, I'll be around to interrogate anyone who wants to spend time with my little girl. Regardless, keep what I'm writing in mind.

I love you, and I only want good things for you, Gabriella. I want you to explore all of your options. There are so many things I need to say to you, but I don't even know where to begin or end. There are too many conversations, too many life lessons. Mama's already promised to say nearly everything to you that I have been reminding her to say. If she forgets some of it, that's okay, because you are smart and strong.

Hold me forever in your heart, Gabriella.

My eternal love,

Daddy