Okay, new story…very close to my life. Kind of. I'm humbled by the reviews and responses that this story has already received. The alerts, reviews and hits are truly humbling. Thank you so much for taking the time read the ramblings from the depths of my brain. Much love to all of you!
Also, none of this belongs to me. Never will. I just like to play with the characters created by Stephenie Meyer.
Chapter Ten
BPOV
Once Edward left the bedroom after our declarations of love, I changed into a pair of pajamas. It was cold in the room so I was glad that I brought my heavy green flannel pajama bottoms and long-sleeved black t-shirt. As per usual, I avoided looking at myself while I changed in the bathroom. The scars on my belly were too much of a reminder of what had happened to me. Yes, my tattoo hid some of them but, they were still there. I washed my face and clipped my hair up. As I was fussing with my long brown hair, I saw the glint of the white gold chain that now hung around my neck. I pulled the chain from my shirt and gently running my fingers over the sparkling diamonds. Edward's heart.
"He loves me," I murmured. I looked up at my reflection and tried to psych myself out that I was worthy of his love. Of his heart. But James' hateful words filled my brain, spreading the toxic waste of his abhorrence.
You're such a fuck up, Bella.
No one will ever love you.
You're worthless.
Stupid.
Ugly.
A waste of skin and space.
Why am I with you?
Right…pity. Now fuck me, bitch before I take you without asking.
I flinched when he smacked my face in my memory. "Why can't you leave me alone?" I whimpered. I sighed and wiped the tears from my eyes. I headed into the bedroom, slipping between the sheets of the bed. While I was exhausted and mentally spent, I couldn't fall asleep. James' words kept circling in my mind like vultures, feeding on what was left of my fragile ego.
I feigned sleep while Edward crawled into bed next to me. His arms wrapped me in a gentle, loving embrace. He whispered, "I love you, my Bella," into my hair before kissing my neck. His breathing evened out and soon he was dead to the world. I removed myself from his hold, turning to look at his face. While he slept, his worries disappeared. His features smoothed out and he looked so young. With a soft kiss to his forehead, I got out of the bed and went downstairs.
I sat down in the family room next to the dwindling fire. I picked up my new Nook and saw that Edward had plugged it in to charge. I also saw that I had a credit to Barnes and Noble to purchase many, many books. Damn, he's too generous. I get him a stupid iPod dock and he gets me a gorgeous necklace and an e-reader. I suck.
"You know, Santa doesn't come until everyone is asleep," Aunt Lizzie laughed.
I jumped and turned to look at her. "I'm sorry," I mumbled.
"Don't be, sweetie. You look lost in thought," she said as she sat down. Her brown hair was pulled away from her face in a low ponytail and she wore an oversized fleece along with some yoga pants. "You want to talk about it?"
"I should," I whispered. "But, I'm…I'm…so confused."
"Why?" she asked, curling her legs underneath her slender body.
"Edward said that he loved me tonight," I whispered, playing with a pillow on the couch. "That he wants me to keep his heart safe." I removed my pendant from my shirt. "He gave me this and said that it was the key to his heart. He loves me."
"My godson has exquisite taste. It's gorgeous pendant. However, do you love him in return?" Aunt Lizzie asked.
"I do but I still hear James in my head," I explained. "He's constantly putting me down mentally and I'm afraid that Edward…that he'll start doing that. Putting me down and that he'll turn into James."
"Bella, I can tell you that Edward is one of the most kind-hearted men you'll ever meet. He couldn't harm a fly. Seriously, he won't. When he was a little boy, he stayed with Teddy and me. Edward had a fly in his bedroom. Teddy went to get a fly swatter and Edward panicked. He said that he would just open the windows and the fly would leave. Unfortunately, it that meant more flies since Edward removed the screens. But the main idea was that Edward didn't want to see the fly get hurt," Aunt Lizzie explained.
"I can actually see Edward doing that," I snickered. "Emma, too."
"I also get that you are struggling with trusting him to not hurt you. How long where you with James?"
"Um, five years," I answered. "We met when I was a junior in high school and began dating before the end of my junior year. We broke up for a year when I was a sophomore in college but we got back together towards the end of my junior year of college."
"Was James always violent with you?"
"It came in spurts," I shrugged. "But, ultimately it was the final time he was violent with me that ended it."
"What happened?"
I told her my story of how James beat the living shit out of me, causing me to lose our baby and my year-long recovery. She was crying with me, holding my hand as I detached myself from the hell that I endured. I also told her about my fears and trepidation of James getting out, haunting me. Finally, I told her about Mattie. My little boy who I loved dearly. That I never got to say goodbye to. That I never held.
"Bella, I get why you are confused. James started as being the perfect man. But, his sick twisted delusions hurt you in the most heinous of ways," she muttered. "I can't imagine what you must be going through but the fact that you trusted my godson, my nephew with your story and your love is a miracle. Edward will do everything to ensure your safety, your protection, and your happiness. The love that he has for you is amazing. I've never seen him like this. Even with his ex-wife, he was never this joyful."
"But, what if I'm not enough? What if I can't get over this?" I asked, tears slipping out of my eyes.
"It will take time, Bella. However, Pam is an amazing therapist. But only you can truly let yourself be healed. By accepting Edward's love and giving yours in return is a massive step. You should be proud. I don't know you and I am incredibly proud of you," Aunt Lizzie said with a soft smile. "Also, if you ever want to speak with me, I'm here for you. We're family now."
"You make it sound like this necklace is an engagement ring," I chuckled.
"No. But, if Edward is like his father or Emmett, once he loves, he loves forever," Aunt Lizzie explained. "The bond he shares with you will be unbroken."
"What if I can't…?" I trailed off.
"You can, Bella. I know you can."
I stared at Aunt Lizzie's hazel eyes. There was nothing but sincerity and honesty there. I nodded and gave her a shaky smile. She gave me a warm hug, gently rubbing my back. "Feel better?"
"A little," I laughed into her shoulder. "It's going to take time."
"You have a strong support system with Edward and our family," Lizzie said as she tucked my hair behind my ear. "And Emma is quite taken with you."
"Yeah, that…was…um, well…" I fumbled.
"I know," Lizzie snickered. "However, I think all of us feel the same way about Jessica. She is an evil, hateful woman who should never been allowed to have children. Emma is a blessing and thankfully doesn't carry any of her mother's traits. But she yearns for a mother's love. You're giving that to her, Bella. All of us see it but Emma is the only one to voice it. Ah, from the mouths of babes. I sometimes wish that Jess would get crushed by a car or something. Save Edward a lot of trouble."
"Tell me about it," I grumbled. "What a bitch."
"Yep," Lizzie snarled. "Now, I don't know about you but I'm tired. Emma is going to be up at the ass crack of dawn and I need to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed."
"Thank you, Lizzie, for everything," I murmured.
"It's Aunt Lizzie," she corrected as she kissed my forehead. "We're family. Get used to it, sweetie. Go cuddle with my godson. He's probably freezing his balls off upstairs in that bedroom."
"Oh, god!" I laughed. Aunt Lizzie shrugged and tugged on my hand. We walked up the stairs. Aunt Lizzie gave me another hug before heading to her own bedroom which held a very loudly snoring Uncle Teddy. I giggled as I closed the door, listening to Aunt Lizzie's grumbling.
"Get your adenoids fixed, baby. You're driving me nuts with the chainsaw impersonation."
I got back into bed with Edward who was gripping my pillow with a frown on his face. I lay down, facing him and caressed his cheeks. His expression softened and he blindly reached for me. I curled up against his side, burying my face into the crook of his neck. I pressed a soft kiss to his skin. "I love you, Edward."
"Love you, more," he mumbled sleepily. "So perfect in my arms. Never leave."
I don't want to.
xx FLTM xx
The next morning, I woke up to a bouncing something on the bed. I groaned and burrowed closer to Edward.
"Emma Lily Cullen, that better not be you jumping on the bed," Edward said his voice deep from sleep.
"It's Uncle Emmy," Emma giggled.
Edward shot up and caused me to fall onto his pillow. "Not cool, Emma," I said into the warm downy goodness of the pillow. "I was quite comfy, you know."
"And cute. I took pictures," Emma said as she snapped two more. "Santa came! Come on!" She bounded off the bed and tore through the house, banging on the doors of everyone's room.
"Where does she get her energy?" Edward asked, rubbing his face with his hand. He fell back on the bed. His soft lips found my neck and he kissed the sensitive spot behind my left ear. "I could get used to this."
"What? Getting jumped on by your daughter?" I asked, scratching his messy hair.
"Not that. I'm used to that. I'm grateful that she didn't jump on my junk. I've been kneed more often than not in the family jewels by my daughter than I care to admit," he laughed. "I was talking about waking up with you in my arms, love. That is the best Christmas present ever."
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah," he blushed. "It feels so…right. You know?"
I did. I felt safe in his arms. Loved. "I do know, Edward."
"I know you were up last night," he said as he brushed his knuckles along my cheek. "What happened?"
"Panic anxiety moment," I said, biting my lip. "Doubting myself. Doubting you. Doubting everything. James' voice got in my head after you said that you loved me. Every nasty, foul thing he ever said to me came back."
"Bella," Edward whispered.
"I needed to process it and I ran into Aunt Lizzie. We chatted and I felt better," I smiled weakly.
"You could have talked to me," Edward frowned.
"I know but a lot of this is trying to understand why you want me. And trying to not imagine you turning on a dime to beat the ever living shit out of me. I know that you could never do that but my subconscious is so used to it that…" I sighed. Edward tenderly drew me to his chest and held me, rubbing soothing circles on my back. "For five years, that's what I was used to."
"I will never hurt you, Bella," Edward soothed. "I love you. I can't imagine hurting someone I love."
"I want to believe you," I murmured.
"DADDY! COME ON!" Emma bellowed. "You too, Bella!"
With a sigh, we both got out of bed and quickly brushed our teeth. Edward did this cute little swish, spit, gurgle thing that made me giggle. He also managed to get most of the toothpaste on his face. "Edward, you're covered," I giggled.
"What?" he asked.
I held up a towel and wiped down his mouth. "Are you really that blind?" I asked.
"Unfortunately yes," Edward said wrinkling his nose. "Emma tells me that I have a tendency to look like Santa Claus after I brush my teeth." He picked up his glasses from the small table in the bathroom. "Ready?"
I nodded and laced my fingers through his. We padded downstairs to the living room. A very sleepy Uncle Teddy was curled up next to Aunt Lizzie who was scowling at her husband who was drooling on her shoulder. Rose was perched on Emmett's lap, clutching her mug of coffee like it was manna from heaven. Carlisle had a video camera out while Esme had a digital camera in her lap. Emma was bouncing on her pillow next to the Christmas tree. "You two are so slow!"
"Sorry, Emma," I yawned.
"Santa could wait another ten minutes, angel," Edward said dryly as he fluidly flopped onto the couch, pulling me with him. His arms wrapped around my waist and he gently nuzzled my hair.
"Actually, Santa couldn't," Esme said tersely. "'She-who-shall-not-be-named' called early saying that she was picking Emma up two hours earlier than anticipated. Apparently, they're going downstate for Christmas day with her grandmother."
Edward snarled behind me. I gently rubbed his arm, kissing his neck. "I'm sorry, Edward."
"It's not your fault, beautiful," Edward said in my ear. "I'll just be having some words with Jessica. She can't just arbitrarily change times like this."
"Daddy? Aren't you going to watch me open Santa's presents?" she asked.
"I'm sorry, angel. I'm just not happy with Mommy. But VERY curious to see what Santa got you for being such a good girl," he smiled. "Though, I know what you got. Santa has red hair and wears glasses."
"And no belly," I snickered as I poked him in the side. He snorted and gave me a wry look before slipping his leg on the other side of me, pulling me flush to his muscular chest.
All of Emma's presents from Santa were for her new American Girl doll. With each new outfit, accessory and trinket, she grew more and more excited. Her volume level also got louder and louder. She had to be reminded on several occasions that the neighbors down the road didn't need to hear that she got a new outfit for Izzy, her new doll. The presents were all unwrapped. Emma was sitting in a pile of wrapping paper and gifts. She bounced from her spot and fell into my arms, holding her doll. "Thank you, 'Santa'," she smirked, looking back at Edward.
"Ho, ho, ho," Edward quipped as he ruffled her hair.
"Edward, Bella, Emma…smile!" Esme cooed. Our faces turned toward her and Esme snapped a few pictures in our cozy position. "Such a beautiful family. I'll make sure that each of you gets a frame of this."
"Make mine big, Nana," Emma said a she hugged my waist. "I want it for my nightstand. Please?"
"Got it, Emma-bear. But you need to go get changed. Your mom is going to be here in an hour," Esme said with a frown.
"I don't want to go," she pouted. "Nana Stanley smells like cats and makes me eat beets. They're gross. And don't get me started on Grandpa. His pants are hiked up to his chin."
"Oh, Uncle Teddy's dad wears his pants like that, too," Aunt Lizzie laughed. "I told him that when he got to be his father's age that I would lock him out if he came home wearing polyester pants up to his man boobs."
"Lizzie!" Esme chided.
"She did," Uncle Teddy said with a sage nod. "I think it's even worded in our marriage vows."
"I remember that," Carlisle said. "Esme had her version of that. No obsession with all things golf. That was a tough sell. I love golf."
"Oh, please. I've seen your office, Carlisle," Esme snickered. "That place is a shrine to Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson. But, I'm not going to begrudge your unhealthy obsession with golf. Just keep it at the office."
"Yes, ma'am," Carlisle said with a salute. "Come on, Emma. I'll help you pack. Nana has some cookies that she's giving you for Nana and Grandpa Stanley."
Emma scowled but went with Carlisle. Edward sighed and held me tight while Carlisle helped Emma pack and get dressed. Soon, the doorbell rang and Edward stiffened. "I will not lose my cool. I will not yell at my ex-wife," he mumbled. "Kiss me, Bella. I need something positive before I deal with the she-beast."
I twisted my body and planted a soft kiss on his lips. "You can do this, Edward," I whispered. "I love you."
"God, I love you, more," he whispered, kissing me one other time before walking to the door. Squaring his shoulders, he pulled the door open of his parents' home. I darted into the kitchen to see if Esme needed help with breakfast. She was whipping some eggs with a lot of gusto.
"You okay, Esme?" I asked.
"No. The feelings I have for that woman are…don't get me started. So, the eggs are receiving the brunt of my aggression," Esme said quietly.
"Do you need help? I also need to be away from her," I shuddered.
"Want to make the bacon?" Esme asked. I nodded and went to the high-end stove. I busied myself with the preparations of the bacon while Edward spoke with Emma's mom. I was standing there for a few minutes when I felt a pair of tiny arms wrap around my waist. Esme smiled softly and took my spot at the stove. Turning around, Emma was glued to my body.
I crouched down and looked into her tear-filled green eyes. "Don't cry, Emma-bear," I said as I wiped her tears away. "We'll see each other soon."
"I really wish…" she trailed off, looking at me with her sad eyes. "But, it won't happen. She's my mom."
"Be good for her, okay?" I said as I smoothed her hair. "And I love your outfit. Where did you get it?"
"From my best friend," she smiled crookedly. "I love you, Bella. Thank you for making my daddy happy."
"I love you, too, Emma. Thank you for making me happy," I said as I kissed her cheek.
"Can I call you, Bella?" she asked, pulling away. "Daddy gives me a cell phone when I'm with Mommy. I want to talk to you while I'm with her."
"Do you have the phone with you?" I asked. Emma nodded and handed me tiny silver phone. I programmed my cell phone into it. "Call me anytime, sweetie."
"Thank you, Bella," she squealed as she hugged me one more time.
"Emma! Time to go," Edward called. "Your mom is running late." The annoyance in his voice was evident. I heard Jessica hiss at him harshly. Edward's response was equally as short but muffled.
"I really don't want to go, Bella," Emma whimpered. "Mommy doesn't love me."
"She loves you, Emma," I said. Emma gave me a wry look. "She does. She doesn't show it to you like your daddy and I show you but she does. However, if you ever feel like you need to talk, call me. Anytime. Know that I love you very much, Emma."
"Always?" she whispered.
"Always and a day," I replied, tweaking her nose. "Have fun. Enjoy your grandparents. Be good for your mom. For me?"
"Okay," Emma said with a smile. "I'll see you next year, Bella." She giggled at her joke before giving me another hug. She then darted off to the foyer to leave with Jessica. After a few minutes, Edward came into the kitchen and slumped on one of the bar stools at the kitchen island.
"She's gone," he said morosely.
"She'll be back," Esme said from her spot by the bacon. "Think of it this way…you have a free babysitter while she's with her. You and Bella can spend some quality time together. If you know what I mean." Her brows waggled and she wiggled her hips suggestively.
"MOM!" Edward snapped. "I can't believe you!"
"What? I know you're not a virgin, Edward," Esme said, arching a brow. "Your daughter is a huge indicator of that."
"Ugh, I need to…Bella, let's leave the kitchen before I permanently become a tomato. Bad mother. Very bad. You should be in timeout," Edward admonished. He laced his fingers through mine, leading me down to the basement. It was abandoned. "I'm sorry, Bella. As you can tell, my mom has grandchildren on the brain. She has Emma but obviously wants more. Anyhow, as much as I want to be with you like that, I'm personally not ready."
"Oh, thank God," I breathed. I fell against the couch in the basement, placing my hand on my chest. "Edward, please know that I am attracted to you and want you, but we need to go slowly with the physical part of our relationship. I've only ever been with…though, that was a mistake."
"James?" Edward asked. I nodded. "Did he ever…hurt you…while having sex?"
"Yeah," I whispered. "He would grab too hard or sometimes force me to sleep with him. Not rape but pretty much saying that it was either a beating or sex. I'd choose the sex. Lesser of two evils."
Edward growled lowly and narrowed his eyes. I cowered away. It's starting. He's going to hit me. "Bella, shh, love," he cooed as he softened his expression. "Please, don't be afraid of me. I'm just so angry at what he did to you." He tentatively reached out for me. I touched his hand and my body relaxed. He pulled me into his arms, holding me against his body. "I saw the fear in your eyes, Bella."
"In my mind, I was ready for the strike," I whispered.
"I will never hit you, Bella. Ever. No man should hit a woman," he said sternly. "The mere thought of it sickens me."
"Thank you, Edward," I said as I looked up at him. He pressed his hand to my face, caressing his fingers from my temple to the curve of my jaw. I leaned into his touch. It was so different from James' touch. Tender. Gentle. Loving. Soothing. With a kiss, I placed my head on his chest. He held me tightly. "So, what's on tap for Christmas day?"
"Just lazing around the house. Eating massive amounts of food. Wii tournament in Wii bowling. Cuddling with my beautiful girlfriend," he smiled, kissing my temple. "What time does your dad get it tomorrow?"
"Late. Around nine," I answered. "He has to work his shift and then he's flying out. Do you want to meet my dad? If you don't want to, that's fine. But…"
"Bella, I'd love to meet your father," he said. "Has he ever been to Chicago?"
"Once. When I moved out here but we didn't do much besides unpack my apartment," I shrugged.
"Then, we'll have to give him an experience," Edward smiled. "What does your dad like to do?"
"Fish. Drink beer. Watch sports," I answered.
"What sports?" Edward asked.
"Baseball is his first love. Followed by football and then hockey," I replied.
"Baseball is obviously out. Football may be an option. But, I think can get some tickets to the Blackhawks. I can call in a few favors. When does your dad leave?" Edward asked.
"New Year's Eve."
Edward smiled and kissed me softly until Esme called us for breakfast. I could tell that his mind was working a million miles a minute. What are you up to, Professor? We headed upstairs and ate a huge breakfast of omelets, bacon, monkey bread, cinnamon rolls and waffles. I think Edward's brother ate an entire pan of cinnamon rolls by himself. After breakfast, we showered and got ready for the day. I dressed in a pair of red jeans and white turtleneck sweater that I had received from my mom for Christmas. Edward was more casual wearing a pair of jeans that hugged his ass and a black and gray plaid shirt.
The day was spent in a quiet fashion as Edward described. We watched movies, cuddled on the couch and even went up to take a nap during the day. It was so nice to just be with Edward and his family. Dinner was a boisterous affair, again turning into the Emmett and Teddy show. They had me hysterics with their sense of humor. Unfortunately during dessert, Emmett was paged to the hospital. He was called into do an extensive hip surgery for one his patients that was in a car accident. He grumbled when left saying that he was going to miss out on his mother's pecan pie. Esme promised to give the pie to Rose when she left. Emmett seemed appeased by this and left for the hospital.
After dinner and pie, the party began to break up. Uncle Teddy and Aunt Lizzie left first, heading to their home in Glenview. Rose was the next to go. Emmett had taken Carlisle's car to the hospital so Rose was not left stranded here at the house. When she left, Rose hugged me tightly and said that if I ever wanted to talk that I could speak with her. Aunt Lizzie reiterated the same sentiment after she put her phone number in my cell phone.
Eventually, Edward and I left after Rosalie. Esme and Carlisle hugged Edward. I accepted a hug from Esme but shook hands with Carlisle. It had started to snow during the day and the drive back to my apartment was slow-going. Pulling up to my apartment, Edward heaved a sigh.
"What's wrong, Professor?" I asked, poking him in the side.
"I don't want to leave you," he pouted.
"Then, don't," I said without thinking. "Emma is with Jessica and…" I felt my cheeks heat up and I buried my face in my hands. "Never mind. I'm rambling."
"I'd love to stay but I didn't want to assume," Edward murmured, cupping my cheek. "I'll have to head home tomorrow to get a change of clothes before I go to the airport to pick up your dad."
"Oh, you don't need to do that, Edward," I said.
"Please, love?" he asked. His green eyes were beseeching me.
"We'll see," I said as I kissed his cheek. We headed upstairs to my place. I noticed a box by my door from Alice. I unlocked the door and we fell into my apartment. Edward took off his coat and sat on my couch while I put my presents away. I also opened up Alice's gift. "I'm going to kill her."
"Kill who?" Edward asked from his spot on the couch.
"Alice," I grumbled. "You know that present?"
"Yeah…"
I held up a very skimpy negligee.
"I love Alice," Edward smiled, his green eyes darkening. I blushed and bit my lip. Hiding behind my hair, I felt a few tears fall down my cheeks. "Bella?"
"I'm fine," I whispered.
Edward walked to where I was sitting and took my face in his hands. "No, you're not. You're crying," he murmured. "Why, baby?"
"Because, of this," I said as I held the silky blue fabric in my hands. "I am so afraid that if you see me…my scars…my body that you'll run."
"Bella, you're stuck with me," Edward said quietly, his voice filled with sincerity. "I've got my own share of scars, love." He pulled up his shirt to reveal a tiny scar on his abdomen. "I've had my appendix removed. I had a nasty incident with a skateboard that left me with half of my right leg that won't grow hair."
I giggled quietly and arched a brow. "So you have one leg that's hairy and the other isn't?"
"Kind of. I rarely wear shorts," he shrugged. "And it's not a scar but I turn a lovely shade of puce in the sun. I burn to a crisp. I'm part albino."
"You and me, both," I sighed. "But, the biggest scar is this." I put my hand on my belly, above my womb. "I don't know if I can have more children, Edward. I'm broken."
His hand rested above mine. "I'm with you, forever, Bella. I know that you want children and if we get to that point, we'll explore all the options if conceiving is a challenge. We have a ways before we get there. And know that no matter what, I will always love you. Scars and all."
"I love you, too. Even though you have freaky legs," I said as I hugged him. He held me tightly and kissed my neck. "I know that I'm not ready for sex but you want to make out?"
"Hell yeah," he bellowed as he picked me up from the chair. "On the couch or the boudoir?"
"Boudoir," I purred. He smiled crookedly and carried me to my bedroom where we made out like horny teenagers until we both grew tired. We changed into our pajamas and mumbled our love to each other before falling asleep.
The next day, Edward surprised me with breakfast in bed. Again, pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. Once breakfast was done, Edward headed back to his townhouse to shower and grab some more clothes. He said that he wanted to stay with me while Emma was gone. He hated being in an empty house. I was okay with it and if my dad was perturbed by it, well…then, he can just deal. I'm a twenty-six year old woman. If my boyfriend wants to spend the night, then he's spending the night. Damn it.
Once Edward came back, we began planning Mattie's memorial service. He put his mom to work about procuring a burial plot and church. We spent the day speaking with a funeral director at a local mortuary. We had chosen an empty baby's casket and a date, December 29th, for Mattie's service. It would be Charlie, me, Edward and Edward's family. I also invited Alice, Jasper and Pam.
I was exhausted after spending all day on the phone with the funeral director. Edward insisted I take a nap before we headed to pick up my dad from the airport. Not fighting him, I went into my bedroom and fell asleep quickly. But my nap was anything but restful. My nightmares came back with a vengeance. I tossed and turned, imagining all of the horrific things James used to do to me. How he beat me nearly to death, killing our baby.
"Bella! Love, wake up," Edward crooned as he crawled into the bed with me. "Please, baby?"
My eyes fluttered open and I looked at Edward. His face was a mask of concern. "How bad?" I whimpered.
"I thought someone was killing you in here," he murmured, brushing my hair from my face.
"In my mind, someone was," I answered.
"Your attack by James?" Edward asked.
"I didn't remember it initially. The only time I had flashes was when I slept," I responded. "I thought they were just nightmares at first. But, they were memories."
"Come here, love," Edward said. He opened his arms and I curled against his chest. "I can't imagine what you…what you had to deal with but know that I'm always here for you, beautiful. Always and a day."
I looked up at him and stared into his green eyes. "I said that to Emma yesterday when she left with Jessica."
"Great minds, love," he said as he smiled softly. "Speaking of Emma, she called me while you were napping. She is still in Decatur visiting her grandparents. Jessica isn't even there. Newton and Jessica went on some cruise. They left early today."
"That's ludicrous. Why did Jessica take Emma if she was just going to leave her with…you know what? Never mind. That woman drives me crazy," I grumbled.
"Me too. Listen, I know that we just started dating but I want to add you to the list of approved adults to pick up Emma from her elementary school. If there's ever an emergency and I'm unavailable or my mom's unavailable, they can call you. Is that alright?"
I nodded and kissed his chest. Edward's arms held me and he hummed quietly. "What's that?"
"What's what?" he asked.
"What you're humming?" I asked.
"Oh, just something I'm working on. It's for my concert choir. A tune that I can't get out of my head," he said vaguely. "I'm nearly done writing it but it's extremely complex plus I have to find the perfect lyrics for it."
"Can I hear it?" I asked.
"I would normally say yes, but I am going to 'debut' it at my spring concert. I'd like you to be there, of course," he smiled. "However, do you have a favorite poem?"
"I can think of a few. Can I make a list for you?" I asked.
"Whenever, baby," he said. "We should eat dinner and then head out to the airport. My mom gave us a ton of leftovers. Do you want the beef or lasagna?"
"Both," I smirked.
"That sounds perfect," he said as he stood up, offering a hand to help me out of my bed. We ate a quiet meal in my kitchen of leftovers and two heaping slices of pie. We were putting on our coats to leave to pick up my dad when my cell phone rang. It was Emma.
"Hello, Emma-bear," I cooed into the phone.
"BELLA! I miss you, so much," Emma said with tears in her voice. "Mommy left with Mike."
"I know, sweetie. Your dad told me," I said. "That's not fair. You should be spending time with her."
"Can't I come home? Be with you and Daddy?" she whined.
"Hold on, Emma," I said. I put my cell phone on speaker and instructed Emma to restate what she just said to me.
Trying to explain why Edward couldn't come down to get her was challenging. Her tears were heartbreaking. They caused my tears to fall down my cheeks. Jessica's mother eventually had to come onto the phone. She was actually a nice woman, unlike her irresponsible daughter. Carol Stanley apologized to Edward for Jessica's behavior. They spoke briefly about Emma. Carol actually wanted Edward to come get Emma but Jessica left explicit instructions that Emma stay with her until their return from their cruise. Jessica mentioned something about legal action. Carol didn't agree with Jessica but didn't want to cause a greater rift that would affect Emma.
By that point, Emma had calmed down and we were able to talk to her. She told me about the presents that she got from Jessica and her grandparents. Mainly toys and books. Nothing was as cool as her doll, Izzy or the clothes we had gotten her. Edward asked Emma what she did today. Emma grumbled about something about reading all day long and being stuck inside. However, she did say that tomorrow, Grandpa was going to take her to the movies. Edward reminded her to behave. Emma promised she would and that she loved him. Edward, that is. Grandpa, too.
We did need to end the call and leave for the airport. We both said that we loved Emma and we hung up with promises of talking tomorrow. I pocketed my phone and we headed to O'Hare to pick up my dad. Edward insisted on driving since he had a bigger car. I readily agreed. I loved my Civic but it was too small. It was all I could afford. James had taken a baseball bat to my truck after he beat the shit out of me and totaled it. I needed a new car once I was healed and the Civic won.
"Bella?" Edward asked as he laced his fingers with mine. "You okay?"
"I'm fine," I answered, giving him a wistful smile. "Just tired."
"I can imagine, love," he said as he kissed my knuckles. "We'll get your dad and head back home."
"Thank you for everything, Edward. You've been such a blessing…I can't even begin to…Thank you. I love you," I said as I looked at his profile. His face was so classically beautiful. Strong jaw, straight nose, deep set eyes that twinkled when he laughed, pink, pouty lips and high cheek bones. "So much."
"I love you, too, beautiful. You and Emma are my world. I would do anything for you, baby," he said as he kissed each of my knuckles on my hand that he held. "Do you want to meet your dad at the baggage claim?"
I nodded and Edward parked his car in short term parking of the airport terminal. We walked briskly to baggage claim. It was cold. And I complained abundantly about it. Edward snickered about buying me a huge parka. I just glowered at him and smacked his shoulder. He was perfectly comfortable in his mid-weight wool coat while I shivered in my heaviest winter jacket I owned. Once inside, I finally unbundled myself from my coat and checked Charlie's flight. It was right on time, even a little early. Edward and I chatted about the musical while we waited for Charlie to arrive. Fifteen minutes later, people started coming down the escalators. My dad's flight had arrived and the passengers were coming to baggage claim. I stood up and looked for my dad.
"Excited, love?" Edward asked as he wrapped his arm around my waist.
"I am. I've missed him," I said, looking up at Edward. "He's the best dad in the world. He took care of me when I couldn't. He loved me when I was…broken beyond all recognition."
"What about your mom?"Edward questioned.
"She visited me but it was too much for her. She couldn't get past the bald head and bruises. She's very squeamish," I shrugged. "Once I was more or less myself, she spent more time with me but there was a distance between us. We were close when I was younger but I'm more like my dad. Their marriage didn't work out and now I know why."
"Why?" Edward asked, furrowing his brow.
"My mom is a flake who only thinks of herself. I love her but I would probably kill her if I was married to her," I laughed. "My dad and I, we're resolute and stubborn. With nasty tempers. But it takes us both a long time to get to the point where we 'boil over' in anger." As I finished my mini-tirade about my mom, I saw Charlie wading through the throngs of people. "DAD!"
His eyes caught mine and his mustache twitched into a grin. I took off and ran toward my father. "Daddy!" I squealed as I hugged him tightly. "I missed you, Daddy." Tears fell over my cheeks and I held onto my dad.
"Baby girl," he cooed as he held me to his chest. "I missed you, too." I pulled away and ran my hands over Charlie's arms. "You look good, Bells. Happy."
"That's because I've found someone, Charlie," I smiled. I turned to look at Edward. He was hanging back but moved closer when I gave him the cue. "Charlie, this Edward Cullen, my boyfriend."
"Nice to meet you, Chief Swan," Edward said quietly, holding out his hand.
Charlie eyed Edward skeptically. I poked him in the side to remind him to shake Edward's hand. "Boyfriend, huh?" Charlie asked, arching a bushy brow. "Ever been arrested?"
"No, sir. Not even a parking ticket," Edward grimaced as Charlie squeezed his hand.
"Dad. Stop. Edward's a musician and needs his hands. Don't break anything," I snapped.
"Right," Charlie grumbled. "Sorry, Edgar."
"Edward, Daddy," I sighed.
"Edward," Charlie said, giving Edward an appraising look. "How long has this been going on?"
"About a month," Edward answered. "But we work at the same school."
"Okay, Edward," Charlie began. "I'm going to be perfectly frank. You hurt my daughter and I will personally see to it that you will never be able to father any children. Or walk. Did she tell you what happened with her last thing?"
"Yes, sir. And I promise you that I will never intentionally hurt Bella," Edward said with a quiet confidence, staring directly into my father's eyes. "I care for her deeply. Personally, I want to kill James with my bare hands for what he did to Bella."
"Get in line, Edward," Charlie said with a sardonic grin. "James has a date with my Desert Eagle revolver."
"Okay, enough posturing, you two. I'm tired and we have a hike back to my apartment," I said. "Do you have any luggage, Dad?"
"Yeah," he said as he walked to the carousel to swipe his suitcase. Once we got his bag, I rebundled myself in my coat, steeling myself for the bitter cold of December. Edward was snickering behind me. I shot him a look that got him to shut up but he still had a look of mischief in his green eyes. However, it was all in response to Nanook of the North look I had going on. As we got closer to the car, Edward handed me his car keys. He said that I could drive, allowing Charlie to sit in the front while Edward sat in the back next to Emma's booster seat. "Bella, what happened to your car?"
"Um, this is Edward's car," I answered. "He drove us here and I'm driving us back to my place. You get shotgun."
"I'll sit in the back, Chief Swan," Edward said with a crooked grin. "You and Bella probably want to talk."
"Nonsense. I can sit in the back," Charlie grumbled. Edward arched a brow and gently guided Charlie to the passenger seat. "Fine. Thank you, Edward."
"My pleasure, Chief Swan," Edward smiled. He slid into the backseat.
"Is that a booster seat?" Charlie asked.
"Yes, sir. I have a seven year old daughter," Edward explained. "Her name is Emma."
"Oh. Where is she? She's obviously not here," Charlie rambled.
"She's visiting her grandparents in Decatur. My ex-wife's parents," Edward said. "She's down there until after the first of the year."
"Okay," Charlie said as he shot another look at the seat. "A kid?"
"Dad!" I hissed. "Stop it! Emma is an angel."
"You've met her?" Charlie asked, astonishment coloring his tone.
"I have. She's a sweetie," I answered. I backed out of the parking spot and drove slowly to the exit of the parking garage. Edward handed me cash so I could pay for the time there. "Dad?"
"Yes, Bells?"
"Um, while you're here, I'm planning a memorial for Mattie," I said, biting my lip.
"Mattie?" Charlie asked. "Your son?"
"I never got to say goodbye," I murmured. "Edward was the one who suggested it and I need to do it. Something give me closure for that part of my life."
"When is it?"
"December 29th," Edward said from the backseat. "We wanted you to be here, sir. Mattie was your grandson, even if he never drew breath."
Charlie was quiet, staring out the passenger window of the car. "Daddy, I need to do this. I never got to do it at home and…"
"I know, Bella," Charlie said. "I'm happy that you want to. I wanted to suggest it but you were so…I was afraid to. Where are you going to 'bury' him?"
"We got a plot in Queen of Heaven Cemetery," Edward explained. "We have a headstone and it will be delivered by the day of the memorial."
"A headstone" I asked.
"Yes. My parents insisted on getting that for Mattie," Edward murmured as he squeezed my shoulder. "It will be a beautiful service. A fitting memorial for a little boy who never got know the love of his mother."
"Edward?" Charlie whispered. "You can call me Charlie."
"Thank you, Charlie," Edward smiled.
"But, that threat of kicking your ass if you hurt my little girl still stands," Charlie snorted.
"Got it, sir."
xx FLTM xx
The next few days were spent with my dad. Ironically enough, Edward and Charlie got along very well. They had a very similar sense of humor and feeling of protection toward me. Charlie also didn't give me any grief about having Edward staying with me either. He said that Edward was a good man. It also helped that Charlie heard Edward speak to Emma. His heart melted at the interaction between Edward and his daughter, even on the phone. Somehow, Charlie managed to get on the phone with Emma. Within seconds, Charlie was wrapped around her little finger. She dubbed him Pop Pop.
Pop Pop loved that.
The morning of the 29th dawned sunny and warm. I had barely slept the night before. Edward just held me as he slept soundly. I watched him sleep, marveling at his generosity, compassion and beauty. Even while in slumber, Edward always gravitated toward me. He was never more than a few inches away from me and something was always touching my body or skin. Typically his arm was draped across my middle while he buried his nose against my neck as he spooned my body protectively. Edward was also a sleep talker. He constantly said my name followed by his love and some quiet moans. Last night was the most vocal and apparently arousing. I felt his excitement pressed between my ass cheeks on more than one occasion.
At seven, I extricated myself from Edward's arms and took a long, soothing shower. As I did, I mentally spoke to my son.
I'm saying goodbye to you today, Mattie.
It's three years too late but it's better late than never.
I'm sorry for what your father did to you, my sweet boy. I'm sorry that you never got to grow up and have a life of your own, to love another, to be your own man.
I will always love you, Mattie.
I finished my shower and barely got out before I started sobbing. Thankfully I wrapped a towel around my body. Edward poked his head inside of the bathroom and found me on the ground, crying like a baby. "Bella, love," Edward murmured as he sat down on the ground with me. He pulled me to his chest and held me. "What's wrong?"
"He's gone," I sobbed, clutching at his chest. Apparently Edward had gotten hot while I was in the shower and had removed it. "Why? Why couldn't I get a chance to meet him?"
"I don't know, Bella," Edward whispered against my wet hair. "Mattie was undoubtedly a very special little boy who had a wonderful mother who loved him. Very much. He's watching over you, Bella. Your son is protecting you from heaven. I have no doubt in my mind that he was the one who brought us together."
I sat in Edward's arms for who knows how long. It wasn't until I started shivering uncontrollably that Edward picked me up from the floor and carried me to the bedroom, putting me in the bed. He tenderly covered me with the covers and curled around me. I cried in his arms until I had no more tears. He just held me. Every so often, he'd kiss my forehead and say that he loved me. I managed to calm myself down and looked up at Edward. "Are you okay, love?"
"I think I will be," I whispered. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, Bella. I can't imagine what you're feeling but you have every right to be crying," he said as he gently rubbed my back.
"Three years later?" I muttered sadly.
"Even three years later," he said. "Do you want breakfast?"
"Not really hungry," I sighed. "Nervous."
"Don't be, love. You're finally saying goodbye to your baby," he said. "I'm going to step out and eat some breakfast."
"Before you do, I want you to see my scars," I whispered. "Let me put on some underwear but…"
"Bella," Edward cried quietly. "You don't have to."
"I need you to see them, Edward. They're part of Mattie's memorial, as weird as it sounds," I said. "Plus, you can get a free pass of getting out of this relationship…"
"Not going to happen," Edward said with a tone of finality. "But, if you want me to see your scars, then I'll see them. However, no matter what you look like, I love you Bella."
"Give me a moment, okay?" I said shakily. He let me go. I went into bedroom and slipped on my black bra and boy short panties. I put on my robe, breathing out a deep breath. "I want him to see me. He loves me." Steeling myself, I went back out to the bedroom, finding Edward on the edge of the bed with his hands tangled in his coppery locks. When he heard the door open, Edward looked toward me and held out his hand. I threaded my fingers with his once I got close enough to him. "Please be kind, Edward."
"Bella, you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me," he said as he cupped my face. "No scar or permanent disfigurement will stop that for me. I hate what happened to you for you to get these scars, love."
I nodded and loosened my robe. Closing my eyes, I shrugged it off and let it pool by my feet. I looked down at Edward. His eyes were staring right at mine. I caressed his cheek and guided his face to look at the deep ridged scar in the center of my belly. His hand raised and he gently ran his finger along my abdomen, gliding over my tattoo and moving to scar. Gooseflesh erupted on my belly. I shuddered. Edward placed his hands on my hips and moved me closer to him. With the softest touch, he pressed tender kisses along the length of my disfigurement. Tears fell freely down my cheeks as I watched him. After he kissed my scar, he wrapped his arms around my torso and placed his head over my heart. "You're not running."
"I'm never leaving you, Bella," he whispered. "I love you. I wish I could make this go away but even with it, you are so beautiful. Perfect." He looked up at me, giving me his sexy crooked grin. "If we're comparing battle scars, I can show you my freaky half-haired leg."
I bit my lip to stop the giggles from escaping. I failed miserably. I wrapped my arms around his neck and laughed loudly. He joined me. Rolling onto the bed, Edward gently placed me my duvet cover. "Thank you, Edward. Just when you can't get any more perfect, you do something else to make me love you more."
"What? Poking fun at myself because I'm a freak of nature?" he snorted. "Look at this." He pulled up his pant leg and showed me his right calf. Sure enough, half of it was covered in thick man fur while the other half was covered in peach fuzz. "That shit ain't normal."
"And you said you got this from a skateboarding accident?"
"Yep. My only time on a skateboard. Emmett dared me to go down this big hill in our old neighborhood and I had a run-in with some gravel and I got the worse road rash ever. Plus I lost my leg hair."
"Poor baby," I giggled as I ruffled his hair. We stared into each other's eyes for a moment and the air sizzled. Edward's eyes darkened and he gently cupped my cheek. A million butterflies attacked my belly. I wanted him. NEEDED him. I quickly closed the distance between us and kissed Edward forcefully. There was no space between our bodies. My legs twined with his and Edward's warm hands glided up and down my bare torso. His fingers idly traced the black lines of my lion tattoo. His soft touch barely grazed the underside of my breast. I arched my back, wanting more. Edward's lips moved feverishly against mine. "Edward," I moaned.
His responding groan was so sexy as he gripped my hips, pressing his now prominent arousal against my core. Yeah, Edward was huge. A rush of moisture seeped onto my panties and I desperately wanted to push his pants down to see his manhood. With a fluid roll, I was pulled astride Edward's hips and our kisses grew deeper. With a swivel of my hips, I rubbed myself along his length. "Bella, you're killing me," he murmured against my lips. "You keep that up and…yeah; our idea of slow is going to go out the window."
An abrupt knock on the door broke us apart. "Bells, what time do we need to be at the funeral home?" Charlie asked through the door.
"Uh, 10:30," I replied breathlessly.
"Where is the funeral home?" Charlie pressed.
"A half hour away," I answered. Looking at the clock, I hopped off Edward's lap. "We should be going in like fifteen minutes, Dad."
"Just checking, baby girl," Charlie chuckled. Edward ran into my bathroom and I heard the shower start. I dressed in my black pant suit and asymmetrical purple blouse. I finished the look with my pendant and a pair of simple earrings. Adding some gel to my hair, I curled it as best as I could without my diffuser. Edward came out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel. I asked if I could put on my makeup and he nodded. I did my face quickly. Once I got out of the bathroom, Edward was dressed in a black suit and was fussing with his tie.
"I can't get this damn thing to…ugh," Edward grumbled.
"Edward, relax," I soothed as I sat him on the bed. I adjusted his tie and deftly fixed it for him. "All good."
"Thank you, beautiful," he said. "How do you know how to tie a tie?"
"Charlie? My dad? Can't do anything for shit if doesn't involve flannel or his police uniform. I'm surprised that he didn't knock on my door earlier asking me for to tie HIS tie," I snorted. "My guess is that he's not wearing one."
Edward nodded and kissed me chastely. "I'm sorry about earlier," he said, blushing.
"I'm not," I answered honestly.
"Let me rephrase. I'm sorry about the timing of earlier," Edward said sheepishly. "I wish I could have continued but if we had…"
"We probably would have had sex and that's something that neither one of us is quite ready for," I sighed.
"Believe me. I want to. I want you. I want to make love to you but not yet," he murmured. "And when we do make love, I will worship your beautiful, perfect body until you can't say your name."
"Really?" I asked, arching a brow. "You have that kind of stamina."
Edward's eyes darkened and he leaned in close to my ear. "I can go all fucking night, baby."
I whimpered and looked up at him. He pulled away with a wink, offering me his arm. "You don't play fair, Cullen."
"You love me," he quipped.
"I do," I said. "And you love me, too."
"With my whole heart," he said as he put my hand on his chest. "Come on, beautiful. We have to boogie if we need to get to Queen of Heaven on time. I also think Alice and Jasper are following us."
Edward and I headed out into the living room and put on our coats. Charlie was smirking at me. His mustache twitching knowingly at what he interrupted. Thanks, Dad. Much appreciated. First time in three years that I WANT a man to touch me and you cockblock me. We exited my apartment. Edward knocked on Alice's door and she promptly opened it up. She was wearing a black dress with a blue coat. Jasper followed her in a pair of black dress pants and blue dress shirt and a darker blue tie. We headed down to our cars and Edward drove us to Queen of Heaven Cemetery. The funeral home that we worked with had arranged the service to be done in one of the chapels there. Mattie's casket was going to be entombed on a small plot near the entrance of the cemetery with a simple headstone.
We pulled up to the main building. It was an ornate, gothic inspired structure with a lot of stained glass windows. Edward's family and Pam were already there. With a deep breath, I got out of Edward's Volvo. Walking toward my friends, I was wrapped in a group hug. Esme handed me a bouquet of white roses and we all went inside of the mausoleum. The director of the chapel met us in the main hall.
"Good morning," she said quietly. "My name is Jane and I'm looking for Isabella Swan."
"That's me," I replied, stepping forward.
"First off, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be going through, Ms. Swan," Jane said sympathetically.
"Thank you," I said with a few tears falling down my cheeks.
"My brother, Alec, will be leading your service for Charles," Jane said quietly. "This way, please." She led us down a long hall to a small chapel that housed the tiny coffin covered with pink, white and purple flowers. "If there's anything that you need, please don't hesitate to ask, Ms. Swan. My sincerest condolences."
We sat down in the stiff pews and waited for Jane's brother, Alec, to come into the chapel. Everyone was somber and quiet. Even Uncle Teddy and Emmett. It was weird to see them without their telltale smiles on their faces. Edward was seated next to me, holding my hand. My dad was on the other side. My arm was threaded with his as I pulled on the strength of both of them.
A tall blonde haired man came into the chapel wearing a pastor's collar and a sad look on his face. He caught my eyes and gave me a reassuring smile. "Good morning and thank you for coming for the memorial service of Charles Matthew Swan. It is always so sad when a child is taken from this earth to be in heaven with god, even before they had a chance to live. We are here to celebrate and remember the life that Mattie would have had if he was still with us today."
Alec read some scripture and then asked Charlie to come up to say a few words. Charlie kissed my forehead and walked behind Mattie's coffin. "I'm not a very talkative guy. So, I'm going to borrow someone else's words. Edgar A. Guest to be exact. I found this poem online and it fits with what I've felt for you, Mattie. And for your mom, too.
"A Child Loaned
"I'll lend you for a little time
A child of Mine." He said.
"For you to love the while he lives
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven year
Or twenty-two or three
But will you, till I call him back
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you
And should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay
Since all from Earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want the child to learn.
I've looked this wide world over
In my search for teacher's true,
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you;
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain
Nor hate Me when I come to call
And take him back again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
"Dear Lord, They will be done,
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
For the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him
Much sooner than we planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand.
"I love you, Mattie. I miss you even though I never got a chance to know you. Please watch over your mom. She needs you, little one," Charlie murmured. He wiped his cheeks and sat down next to me.
Alec thanked Charlie and then called up Edward. I looked at him. I was confused. Edward tenderly kissed my lips and went to the piano located in the chapel.
"Mattie, you don't know me. But, I've heard all about you. Your mom loved you very much and misses you tremendously. Like your grandpa, I'm borrowing someone else's words to express how I feel about you. I'm going to add some music behind it. I hope you like it. 'I Will Remember You,' by Sarah McLachlan."
Edward's hands moved over the piano and he began singing in his rich baritone voice.
I will remember you, will you remember me? I will remember you, will you remember me? I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Don't let your life pass you by,
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad.
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Want to feel your warmth upon me
I want to be the one
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Standin' on the edge of something much to deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
I will remember you, will you remember me? I'm so afraid to love you
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
But more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness
Deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me life
I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
"We think about you every day, Mattie. Not a day passes where you will not be remembered. Be your mom's guardian angel and protect her," Edward whispered. "I'll help out when I can, though. I love her. Very much. I hope you approve. I promise to keep her safe, Mattie."
Tears were flowing down my cheeks and I clutched Charlie's hand. He was also crying. My dad NEVER cried. Edward came back and hugged me tightly. "Thank you, Edward," I said against his neck. "No words…I have no words."
"There's no need for words, love," he whispered back. "I know."
"Ms. Swan, do you want to say anything?" Alec asked.
I nodded and stood up. I placed the bouquet of flowers on the casket and pressed my hand to the cold wood. "Mattie, my sweet Mattie. I know that we never had a chance to meet. Due to horrific circumstances, you never had an opportunity to live. But, please know that Mommy loves you and will always love you. You are my special angel.
"There is a special Angel in Heaven
that is part of me.
It is not where I wanted him
but where God wanted him to be.
He was here but just a moment
like a night time shooting star.
And though he is in Heaven
he isn't very far.
He touched the heart of many
like only an Angel can do.
So I send this special message
to the Heaven up above.
Please take care of my Angel
and send him all my love.
"I will see you soon, Mattie. But not too soon. However, please know that I will always remember you," I cried. I kissed my fingertips and placed them on the casket. "Be safe, my sweet boy. Mommy loves you."
I gave Alec a small smile before sitting down next to Edward and Charlie. They both held me as I fell apart quietly. The service was concluded with a prayer by Alec and a processional out of the chapel. "Thank you, Alec, for everything," I said quietly.
"It's nothing, Ms. Swan. I'm so sorry for your loss," he said. "Once Mattie is entombed in the earth, we'll let you know. I'm certain you'll want to place flowers next to his grave."
"I will. Thank you," I replied.
Alec shook hands with me and Edward before leaving the hallway. I got individual hugs from everybody and I gladly accepted them. Even from Emmett, Uncle Teddy and Carlisle. I was emotionally spent but felt oddly light. For the first time since my attack and since James, I felt like I was finally healing.
As we left the chapel and got into the Volvo, I looked up for some strange reason. I gasped quietly when I saw a double rainbow in the sky. Edward looked up and saw the same thing. "Mattie's here, Bella. This is his way of saying thank you and that he loves you," Edward said as he kissed my forehead.
"And that he approves of you," I smiled, looking up into his evergreen eyes. "Thank you, for everything, Edward."
"I'd do it again in a heartbeat, Bella," Edward smiled. "I love you, my beautiful Bella. Always."
"And a day."
A/N: Writing a memorial service is hard. I was sobbing whilst I was writing it. Anyhow, next up will be some Edward/Charlie bonding time at a Blackhawks Game plus NYE. Still looking for suggestions for Jessica. To be killed off or to NOT to be killed off is the question. Anyhow, leave me some love. Teasers are on my blog. Link on my profile. Also, check out my facebook page. Link in my profile for that, too. I post teasers there and we are a fun bunch of chickies. Leave me some love!