The Sure Thing Chapter 10
EPOV
We were already running about two solid hours behind schedule, and making it to Missoula by midnight was out. We'd make it by 3am if we were lucky. Maybe.
I didn't know what to tell Emmett? It was getting complicated, that's for sure. See, I wasn't ready to just give up on making the Seahawks party and meeting Tanya. Because if Bella and I weren't going there and keeping it G, then I figured why cancel? I was going to have to get my R-rated needs met somehow right?
The crux was that learning the important lesson of differentiating between girls that I should sleep with and girls that I shouldn't was hard. Bella was making it hard…in more ways than one.
And I kept telling myself that only a couple of days ago I was so fucking excited to meet Tanya. And I was! But the reality was that making it to the party just seemed really unlikely the longer Bella and I wasted time in Fargo. And it wasn't exactly like I minded wasting time with Bella in Fargo…
Bella. Bella was the complication.
We found ourselves in a Wal-Mart, attempting to replace some of the necessities we had lost when my car got fucking robbed in a Denny's parking lot in Fargo North fucking Dakota.
All told, I lost my i-pod, my laptop, and about $1000 worth of clothes. Bella lost a stone aged phone, and about $17.50 worth of clothes and sundries…
Still, I felt bad and I wanted to replace her crap for her.
I looked to Bella, whose cute little ass insisted on pushing the cart into the main entrance. "Get whatever you want, it's on me," I said, waving my hands contemptuously into the fluorescent and the blue and the crowds of interesting people
Bella paused, and looked to me with a wry smile. "They sell guns here ya know?" She said, and I wasn't completely sure that she didn't want to kill me. I wanted to kill me.
Fucking idiot.
"I said I was sorry," I repeated with a sigh, for what seemed like the fucking millionth time.
Then Bella's smile grew wider. "That was a joke Edward," she laughed lightly. "Let's go," she said rolling her eyes at me and taking off with the cart.
I followed her to the shampoo aisle.
Standing quietly behind her, I watched as she scoured the shelves with her eyes. She didn't seem to know what she was looking for. And as she began to reach for the green nasty generic, I had to stop her. "No don't get that," I instructed, gently grabbing for her wrist, because I fucking had to grab her wrist. "Get this?" I offered with a knowing smirk, picking out the strawberry awesome smelling stuff that she had before.
Bella watched my hand on her wrist cautiously. "Ok," she agreed with a small smile, her face blushing a little. "I'll get that one."
"Cool."
We turned the corner. "Makeup?" I asked curiously, not wanting her to go without it if she lost it. I knew it could be expensive, and I wanted her to have whatever she wanted.
Bella shook her head no. "I don't wear makeup, except mascara," she shrugged.
"Good, you don't need it," I just sort of blurted out without giving it any thought.
Bella looked at me skeptically like I was giving her a line, but I wasn't, it was the fucking truth. "You're gorgeous Bella," I said, feeling fucking compelled to say it, because it was true and I wanted her to know it. She didn't need makeup, she was flawless without it.
She looked at me like I was fucking crazy though. "I am not," she sort of laughed all embarrassed and shy. "Stop it Edward." And I could tell she believed herself too. She had no idea how beautiful she was.
"Whatever you say," I shrugged, making a mental note that Bella needed to know how beautiful she was. I volunteered myself to be the one to break it to her.
Then Bella bashfully picked up a tube of mascara, and threw it in the cart. And her face was red…and God she was beautiful.
And even though it was determined that Bella should be placed on the girls that I shouldn't sleep with list, I was having a hard time conceptualizing that in my head.
Because, fuck me, as we were walking the aisles it was taking everything in me not to come up with more excuses to touch her. I wanted to touch her like the dude in the camo hat and Aerosmith t-shirt was touching his girlfriend. Just gently graze her ass as we perused the soap offerings, or hold her against me as she scrutinized over which toothbrush to get.
Maybe it was the old forbidden fruit adage? Maybe I was just suffering a terrible case of wanting something I couldn't have? But it didn't feel like that. It felt like a fucking embarrassing and ridiculous sickness. Like I wanted to tickle her and shit and chase her though the store like we were in some fucking teen movie with a bad 90's pop soundtrack.
I think it's what the children call a crush?
And when we found ourselves in the women's unmentionables section, my embarrassing behavior just got that much worse.
"Get those," I said, as I pointed to a pair of pink boy shorts.
Bella laughed and smiled wickedly back at me. "You want my ass to say Princess?"
Uh yes?
I picked up another pair and examined them and then showed them to her. "Or, you can have an angel on one cheek and a devil on the other?"
Bella looked at them like they had a disease. "I'm getting these," she sighed with a smile as she grabbed for a bag of boring flowery Hanes.
"But these ones are so awesome," I pouted trying to get a smile out of her, but also feeling a bit of a loss over not getting to see Bella's ass stamped with a devil. So I compromised. "I'm getting them for you," I determined with a shrug, throwing them into the cart.
Bella didn't laugh, but she did give me the stink eye, and immediately took them out. "Oh you would love that wouldn't you?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about?"
Then Bella gave me a look that told me she had definitely noticed that I noticed her ass.
Oops.
It didn't matter though, because it's not like I was going to be able to hide my crush for very much longer. I was making a fucking fool out of myself as it was, and it felt great. Giddy, carefree, whipped on a girl I never even got to second base with because my hand got fucking stuck in her bra.
I just kept going though, determined to make her laugh. "Well if you won't get those, will you get this?" I asked, pulling a polyester teddy from a rack. It was black and lace and dirty.
"No," she deadpanned. Not even so much as a crack.
"This?" I asked pulling a more sensible, but still hot red satin shorts ensemble.
"No." Same reaction.
Next I spotted a really filthy see through number. "This?"
Then Bella's stone face cracked and she was smiling. "No Edward!" She cried, grabbing it from me like just looking at it was embarrassing her. She rolled it in a ball and shoved it between a stack of sweatpants.
Bingo!
"Darn," I said with fake disappointment.
"You're gross," Bella huffed rolling her eyes, but she couldn't hide her smile.
My mission was complete.
I shook off the probably embarrassing grin I had on my face and turned the corner into the men's department, and grabbed a two pack of extra large white t-shirts, deciding it was time to take the shopping thing a little more seriously.
"How about one of these?" I asked Bella, who still didn't have anything in the cart to sleep in.
Bella's eyes showed approval. "Perfect," she nodded and took them from me and threw them in the cart and headed toward the men's boxer briefs.
I followed her like a puppy. "You know that t-shirt has less fabric than that ruffled red shorts and top thing," I said as I followed her. Because really, why didn't she want to get the red ruffled hot satin thing?
Bella stopped and turned around to look at me, and her face was a little serious for my mood. "That t-shirt also costs about $30 less," she sighed, like it was obvious.
"I told you that you could get whatever you want," I shrugged.
Bella's face got even more stern. "Maybe I don't like to erroneously spend money on clothing?" she replied sharply.
What the fuck?
I let out a little laugh. "So, that's why you dress like you're homeless?" I asked teasingly, trying to restore the mood.
Bella didn't seem to appreciate it though. "I'm paying for Dartmouth on summer jobs and a part time gig at the campus library. So just watch it ok?"
"Noted," I nodded, feeling a little blood rush to my face, once again feeling like an asshole…well because I was an asshole. But still, I didn't like it when Bella noticed. She still had an uncanny way of intimidating me and making me check myself.
Bella didn't seem mad though. She just shrugged it off with a smile, and gestured with her head for me to follow her…
Phew…
So I did.
We got my underwear, and some socks, and ended up in the food aisles. Bella wanted to get some snacks, but I wasn't much for picking out food. I would have probably left with a bag of jerky and a carton of cigarettes, so I left Bella to it. "Hey why don't you get what you want, I'll meet you up front in 5?" I said, eyeing the music and electronics section, there was something I had to get.
Bella looked skeptical, but she agreed. "Ok," she nodded sweetly.
As I was making my way back to the front after getting what I needed from the music section, I walked right through the contraceptives aisle. Don't ask me why I did it, because it's not exactly easy to explain…but I grabbed a pack of Trojans, and kept moving.
I spotted my favorite long red puffer jacket and mess of long brown hair perusing the magazines near the checkout.
"Pringles…right on," I said sidling up to Bella, using every last bit of strength I had not to grab her waist. But I did have a gift for her. "Here," I winked, elbowing her, and knocking my little gift against her arm.
Bella looked down. "Neil Young?" She asked like she was a little taken aback.
"I thought you might miss it," I whispered.
"Thank you," she said, and I could tell she really appreciated it. But I just wanted her to have it; I didn't care whether or not it would earn me points.
"You're welcome," I nodded.
Then with a deep nervous breath, I threw my other forgotten item on the belt.
Bella just watched with a red face as they made their journey from the belt, to the scanner, to the bag. She didn't say anything. She was just sort of frozen, and I wasn't exactly sure how to approach her. I wasn't exactly sure what she was thinking? Because in my mind, I wanted to think she was thinking like I was.
But I couldn't read her, so we just packed up the cart and left.
When we made it out into the lot, Bella didn't waste time confronting me though. She stopped the cart immediately as we got to the car, and it scraped and shrieked on the pavement.
Fuck!
She turned around to look at me. "Seriously?" She cried, and I could tell immediately she wasn't happy. "Condoms Edward?"
I couldn't think of what I wanted to say? Somewhere, I knew there was a reason I bought them…a good one. But I was having trouble coming up with a way to verbalize that to Bella.
"I believe in safety?" I shrugged dopily…because that was true, and always a good reason to buy condoms. But, fuck that wasn't it!
Bella's hands went to her hips. "What part of not happening did you miss?" She whined, but her anger was showing more as disappointment then, and I didn't know which was worse?
"I'm sorry?"
"And the Neil Young? Was that to butter me up?"
"What? No!" I cried, because no that was not the fucking reason I bought her the CD.
I took a breath and tried to get my thoughts straight. She couldn't be mad at me, not for this. "Bella, it's just…I don't know?" Was all that my panicked brain could come up with, and that was just not good enough.
Bella's sad and disappointed face told me that it was just not good enough.
Fuck! Think you asshole!
I walked away from Bella a moment, and she was sort of frozen where she stood. I paced the parking lot, and tore at my hair a bit, and willed my brain to come up with the words that would make her understand. Because if she didn't understand, I wasn't sure what I was going to do.
When it finally came to me, it just made so much fucking sense…
So, I let out a sigh and softened my expression and walked towards her, putting my lips to her ear. "Just in case ok?" I whispered so fucking honestly, I was surprised with myself. She had to know that there was a possibility. The possibility is why I threw them in the cart. She couldn't deny that there was a possibility. Not after everything that had happened already.
Bella took in a gasping breath, and I didn't move from her ear. "Why are you doing this?" She moaned, and I could hear her voice cracking beside me.
Because I like you and I want to be safe in case something happens…
"I guess I just thought…"
"You thought wrong Edward," she said gravely, and she started walking away from me.
I followed her. "I wasn't going to try to get you to sleep with me Bella! I swear! It was just a precautionary purchase, just in case!"
She turned around. "In case what?" She spat.
In case you like me as much as I like you!
"God, Bella please don't play dumb?" I begged, because I didn't think I could handle her just denying what was happening between us, just pretending she couldn't fucking feel it.
But then she said the words that I feared the most. "Edward you sleep with anything that moves!" she cried, and her eyes were beginning to water, and she looked so fucking upset with me. "How am I supposed to be playing it?"
And that hurt to hear. I knew she knew that I was a slime-ball. But for her to use it against me when I was just trying to be honest with her about how I felt, really fucking hurt.
"That's really how you see me still? After everything?" I asked feeling overcome, feeling sick with myself. I was feeling something really real, and it hurt. Fuck it hurt!
Bella wiped tears out of her eyes and she looked at me coldly. "It's how I have to see you Edward, to get myself through this trip," she sighed, her eyes sort of beseeching me to understand.
But I didn't. "What does that mean?" I begged. Because really, what? She had to see me as an asshole to get herself through the trip? I thought we were over that bullshit!
Bella's eyes filled up with more tears and her voice got shaky. "You're going to make me say it?" She cried, like she didn't want to.
But I needed her to. "Could you please?"
Bella looked to me, really looked. "Don't make me fall for you Edward," she begged in a whisper, her body starting to shake with cries.
I went to her, and cupped my hands to her face. "Why not?" I pleaded, because I wasn't giving up.
The look she gave me back told me it might be a lost cause though. "Just don't," she cried into my hands. "Please?"
In her eyes I could see that she wasn't going to let me try to be something more to her. She wasn't going to be my guinea pig girlfriend experiment. She just wasn't going to let me be with her. At all. She couldn't, she had to protect herself from assholes like me.
I dropped my hands from her face and my expression turned from hopeful begging to cold iciness. "Fine," I said frigidly. "I won't."
"Edward…I…"
"It's fine Bella, I get it."
And I did.
AN- Have a great weekend! Hope you enjoyed! This was supposed to start out as a humorous story, but turned pretty angsty, pretty fast. Sorry.
But, it's nothing compared to my other story The Boy in the Water. If you're in the mood for some hardcore angst, check that one out. It's my baby, and I am trying to get some writer's block cleared so I can finish it properly. Sorry for the plug, but that's sort of the truth of why I'm writing this one in the first place.
:)