Chapter 10
I woke up to Tara coming in saying that I was being discharged and was there someone that could bring me home.
"what home?" I said rolling my eyes.
"well Juice is outside"she said.
"why did you tell him?" I asked.
"because you need somewhere to go and that is your home" she smiled.
"WAS, my home"
I went to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I had a wash and got dressed, when I went back into the room Tara was still there she had a bag of pills for me.
"Yes I know the drill, antibiotics one three times a day with food and painkillers as and when I need them" I cut in before she had chance to speak.
"and the counseling?" she asked.
"what so they can tell me that its not my fault?, Well there seems to be an attraction to men for them to RAPE ME!" I shouted.
"well it isn't your fault, its just one of them things" she said.
"OH YEAH SURE, it happens to everyone doesn't it?" I said getting hysterical " Maybe it will be third time lucky and I'll get Aids or die"
"don't talk like that" she said.
"well it's true or Pregnant by a rapist?"
"you have had the morning after pill" she said rolling her eyes.
I stuffed everything in my bag and stormed out, Juice was sat on the chair, he stood up when he saw me and I slammed the bag into his hand.
He stood in shock as I marched down the hall "well are you taking me home OR WHAT?!" I shouted.
He came running up beside me, he tried to grab my hand and I pulled it away sharply.
"No, Juice definitely not!" I scolded.
"babe please can you just stop?"
"No I can't not after what you did I can't just switch off and especially after what happened to me last night because of your club" I said.
"I'm truly sorry and we will deal with it, I promise you" He said.
"dealing with it don't mean shit, It already happened to me and you can't change that" I said. We had gotten to my car and I was waiting for him to open the door.
"will you ever forgive me?" he asked grabbing my hand.
"I've forgiven you already, but I ain't forgetting that easily" I replied.
"I truly am sorry Alissa, I was jealous and when I'm jealous I get irrational, I just want to love you" he said.
"I know babe, but now's not the time." I said.
We got in the car and drove home, I had a shower and got in my Pj's. Juice made me something to eat but I didn't eat much, I lay on the sofa with the TV on but I wasn't really watching it.
Juice had a phone call "I've gotta go" he said.
"yeah okay" I muttered.
"do you need someone to stay with you?" he asked.
"No last time that happened, 2 people nearly died" I said.
"Alissa" he said bending down and grabbing my hand, "please, stop this we have got through this once we can do it again. Lets go to the cabin for a few day's sort us out again and then you can start healing"
"I don't want to, I don't need healing I'm fine"
"you're not fine you haven't got to pretend to me" he said.
The next few days I did nothing but lay in my Pj's, I didn't eat, all I did was shower, take Valium's and slept.
People came to see me and I refused to see them, I heard Juice whispering on the phone to Tara saying that he was worried and thought that they needed to have me admitted to a psychiatric unit, as I was obviously having a nervous breakdown.
Maybe I was, I had lost all my get up and go I didn't feel anything for anyone let alone myself. I opened the bedroom door.
"I do need help you're right, but I don't want to go to no hospital, I'll see a counselor and we can go to the cabin for awhile" I said.
"I'm sorry if you feel like we're ganging up on you" Juice said.
"I know, but you are right, I'll go and see someone as soon as I can get in" I sighed.
"I want my Alissa back" he said pulling a sad face.
"I miss her too" I said.
"I'll call Tara and see what we can do and then we can go to the cabin for a while till you're feeling better" he smiled.
"I think it will be more than a while" I huffed.
"If it takes a year then it takes a year" he said. I grabbed his hand and interlocked my fingers with his.
"I've missed you" he said.
"thank you" I smiled.
"for what?" he asked.
"for being patient with me, and giving me a reason to live" I said.
"you're the reason I live babe, I will never let anyone ever hurt you again, I know I said that last time but you did do a runner on me" he smiled.
"never again will I leave you"
So over the next few days we packed up our things, which kept me busy and my mind off things, and went to my first meeting. I really opened up to her, which surprised me and even after just an hour I felt a million times better. She gave me a card with a number for a support group in Charming at the church, I called them they told me the meeting days and I could come along anytime. So Juice and I decided to head to the cabin and then I would travel back for a meeting while Juice did some things for the club. I took the car up and Juice followed on his bike. Gemma and Jax had been absolutely amazing with us both.
I did my usual spring clean of the cabin whilst Juice did the fire wood. Juice and I had a lovely meal that we both prepared. I let my heart out to Juice and he held me until I stopped crying.
We hashed out all our problems over the next few days and we were as strong as we had ever been.