Chapter Nine – Rocking the Boat
Gon practically flew from one side of the small boat to the other. He gritted his teeth and looked at Killua like he was ready to kill him. They had been on the boat for two weeks now and since he had discovered Killua's alcohol stash on the first day and thrown it out, all they did was fight. Gon had woken up that morning as usual to train and keep guard on the storm front only to find that Killua had been sneakier than he'd thought with the bottles.
"Why the hell did you have to throw that one out?" Killua yelled at Gon as he jumped right after him. Gon jumped back to the other side; fighting in such a confined space just made everything worse.
"Why do you have to drink? You know perfectly well how fast weather changes here! What if something happened and you had to be alert? You could get us killed Killua!" Gon yelled back at him. Killua grabbed a bucket close by and threw it at Gon, he deflected it but in doing so he almost fell off the boat.
"Mind your own business" was all Killua said as he put his hands in his pockets and walked down to where they slept. He was so mad at Gon; wasn't it already bad enough that he had thrown all his things out of the boat? One more miserable bottle, which he basically used to sleep, and Gon turned into Mito-san in her worst day.
He looked gloomily at the bunk beds in front of him. Two weeks into this wretched trip and Killua was ready to kill his best friend. He had been naïve to think that that one conversation with Gon before they left would solve everything. Things had been tense from the moment they set sail and Killua realized just how alone they were, and with no means of escape. Some pretty harsh storms had hit the small boat, but none of them were as harsh as the one brewing inside Killua.
Killua honestly thought that he could keep his feelings in check and try his best not to get in Gon's way or cross any sort of line, but the more time that passed the angrier he got. Who the hell does he think he is? Killua thought to himself furiously. It's not like he was in love with him like a stupid little girl and still Gon had pushed him as far as he could. Does he just think he's so damn irresistible? They already slept in different beds. Gon never came close to touching him unless they were training or fighting. He wouldn't keep eye contact with Killua for more than three seconds, and that was on a good day! Yes, all that frustration was quickly turning into resentment.
He climbed up to the top bunk and tried to calm himself. Killua knew that it was just a matter of one more push and he just might scream all those things at Gon. He needed to control himself. Why? Why the hell do I have to control myself all the time? Killua thought, the anger refusing to go away.
Up on the deck, Gon wasn't having an easy time either. He was so tired. He wanted to sleep; he needed it. He felt all he did was keep watch and train and fight with Killua; all the time, over and over again. Whenever he tried to sleep all he could do was stare up knowing that Killua was resting above him. He felt so far away from him. Each day Gon tried and tried to fight all his natural impulses and keep Killua in a safe distance, but he only felt that all his efforts were met with more anger from Killua. Was Gon doing something wrong? He was just so tired of thinking this over and over in his head.
Yes, to Killua it was just one little bottle, but to Gon was him having to deal with the fact that Killua became too alluring for him whenever he drank. Gon just couldn't deal with that, he just wasn't strong enough. He closed his eyes and let a sigh slip through his lips. They had been on that boat for two weeks now and he felt like it had been a year. He never thought that being around Killua would turn out to be so exhausting. Had it been a good idea to come all this way under these circumstances? Gon wasn't sure of anything anymore.
The day went on without any eventful fights or storms and Gon just stayed far away from Killua. He looked down at the sea chart. According to their predictions, Gon thought it might take them two or three days to get there. Hopefully there wouldn't be any more unpredictable storms to delay them any further. He didn't want to spend more time in this small space with Killua. Then again what would change once they were on the island? He sighed again and faced the fact that it was time to go back down.
He walked down the small flight of stairs and felt the immediate tension rise as Killua noticed his closeness.
"Killua?" Gon asked checking to see if he was awake.
"What?" Killua answered harshly. Gon sighed at the icy tone.
"I only did it for your own good. Can you please stop being mad at me" Gon said sitting on the bed. He was so tired. Killua jumped off the bed and stood looking down at Gon. Who did he think he was? Just sitting there looking all superior and tired like he had been the one going through something. It was his own damn fault for hanging around this immature, naïve, idiot all the time. Gon looked up at him; Killua's mad at me.
"What now Killua?" Gon asked feeling utterly defeated. Killua felt his nostrils flare; he'd had enough. Killua grabbed Gon by the collar of his shirt and threw him against the wall. Gon looked at him in surprise.
"Stop treating me like that!" Killua demanded letting go of Gon's shirt.
"Treating you like what?" Gon asked feeling the anger rise in him too. He'd had it with him; all Gon ever did was try and make him feel better and all he got in return were Killua's never ending mood swings.
"Like you're so much better than me! Like I'm an idiot!" Killua yelled at him.
"Well maybe if you stopped acting like it!" Gon yelled back. He was so tired he could hear his voice straining itself as he yelled.
"I'm not the one that is mentally handicapped!" Killua yelled and stormed out of the room and went up to the deck. Mentally handicapped? Gon ran right after him.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Gon asked him furiously. He got it when people treated him like a little kid all the time, but he wasn't used to get that crap from Killua.
"It's exhausting being around you! You're such a kid! You don't know anything about anything!" Killua yelled back at him.
"I'm not a kid Killua. We're the exact same age and if someone here is acting like a baby all the time it's you!" Gon said accusingly, he felt so hurt Killua would say that to him. He thought that Killua understood him better than anyone. Besides the only reason Gon was tired right now was because he was no longer a child. "And I know stuff Killua I'm not a little kid" Gon said feeling his voice shake. Killua looked at him and let out a laugh.
"Ha! Yeah right Gon. You're the most ridiculously immature person in the world" Killua said to him still laughing. Gon felt himself blush.
"Oh yeah?" Gon asked; he finally had enough, "Does a kid stay up all night thinking about touching you?" Gon asked, he couldn't stop himself. Killua stopped laughing immediately and looked at Gon with his mouth hanging open, "Or stares at you when you take your shirt off like an idiot? Waiting for you to keep going? Or wanders all the time how it'd feel to feel your weight over me? Or want to reach out and just grab you all the time? Do kids do that? Huh? Do they?" Gon went on. He really couldn't stop, he felt like all the stress from those two weeks was finally starting to lift off his shoulders. He didn't care how Killua reacted, he just wanted to stop him from thinking he was something he clearly wasn't anymore.
Killua was sure he looked like an absolute idiot just standing there with his mouth hanging open. Was he hearing right? Had Gon actually implied what he thought he'd implied?
"Uh" was all Killua managed to say, "No?" he finished. He saw how Gon's face went from angry to embarrassed slowly as he realized what he'd just said. Gon's face was completely red; he turned around and just walked back down without another word. Killua could hear his heart thumping hard in his chest. No, this wasn't possible. It wasn't possible that all this time Gon had the same feelings for him and they'd been stupidly just pushing each other away. He felt his feet move on their own and walk down to the small room. He saw Gon sitting on the bed with his face buried in his hands.
"I'm so sorry" Gon said when he felt Killua walk into the room. Killua didn't say anything, "I tried so hard to not do or say anything stupid. I don't want you to hate me" Gon said and Killua could tell Gon was probably about to cry.
"Gon" he said moving a little closer to him. Gon still wouldn't look up, "Gon, I could never hate you" Killua said.
"I don't know what's wrong with me. Every time I try not to think about you it just gets worse and worse. I'm so tired of pretending everything's fine when it's clearly not. I hate sleeping so far away from you. I hate not being able to treat you the same way I've always treated you. Please don't hate me; I really don't know what's wrong with me" Gon said, letting all his feelings out. Killua felt like he'd just walked into a dream. He sat down next to Gon slowly.
"I know how you feel" He said to his friend. Gon shook his head. Killua hesitated but he put his hand on Gon's shoulder. He felt Gon tense under his hand.
"No you don't" he said so softly that Killua could barely hear him.
"No Gon, I mean it, I know how you feel. I know exactly how you feel" Killua said to him. Gon started to lift his head slightly without looking at him. He could see that his face was still red and tears were starting to fall down his cheeks. He looked at Gon as what he said started to sink in. Killua moved his hand from Gon's shoulder.
"Exactly?" Gon asked softly not daring to look at Killua. Killua looked away from him.
"I'm not sure when it happened, but something changed between us" Killua said to him, "I hate sleeping that far away from you too. I hate that I can't reach out and touch you either. I really hate the gawking stupidly when you take your shirt off" Killua said and Gon let out a little laugh at the last statement. Killua felt like his face was on fire but his chest had never felt lighter. Telling Gon what was going on inside him made him feel like all that distance that had been created between them was starting to disappear.
"I hate having to dive in the cold water whenever my mind wanders off too much" Gon said and Killua let out a laugh and nodded.
"I really hated those girls from the hotel" Killua said and they both laughed.
"I kinda hated them too" Gon said looked at Killua. Killua turned to look at him. "What do we do now?" Gon asked him. Killua saw the look of absolute exhaustion in his tanned friend's face.
"How about we sleep?" Killua asked and Gon smiled and nodded. Killua moved into the bed and Gon followed him. They both lay looking up at the ceiling. Killua felt Gon's warmth next to him and in spite of his heart beating a million miles an hour, he too felt tired. Gon turned to his side to face Killua.
"Can I hug you?" Gon asked softly. Killua felt his heart melt. Killua stretched his arm so Gon could rest his head and hug him. Gon put his arm over Killua's chest and Killua bended his arm so he could stroke Gon's hair.
"Sleep tight Freecs" Killua whispered to him. Gon rubbed his face against Killua's shoulder and sighed.
"You too Killu" Gon whispered back wrapping his arm tighter around his friend. Gon knew that they needed to talk more about all of this so he could understand and accept the fact that Killua felt the same way about him. But right now all he wanted to do was sleep; sleep with Killua's warmth and smell rocking him slowly into the deepest and sweetest of dreams.
Disclaimer : I do not own HunterxHunter
Side Note : Hey readers I hope you like this one! I know it seemed there for a second like the tension was stretching on too long, but trust me when I say I'm just trying to slowly build up a good story. Sorry if you find many mistakes! I am in this moment about to board a plane so this note was a bit rushed! I love you all and I'll be back with more... probably much later because I'll be on a plane all day tomorrow so patience! XD