Toni's determination not to screw up barely lasted three whole minutes. Her intentions were good, but her mind—her most prized asset—had devolved into a basic cat-and-mouse game, wherein the paradox that was now her life was the mouse and her mind trying—in vain—to understand it was the cat. The whole mess of thoughts were, naturally, incredibly distracting, and thus she missed most of Ms. Carter's explanations about the building and base they would be walking through.

She'd been cool as a fucking cucumber in the face of Ms. Carter's sudden entrance into her personal space—or, well, soon after, at the very least—but now here she was, letting her mind work itself up ridiculously quick, as it was wont to do, the more sensory input she took in. And there was a lot of it—pretty much all strange and foreign to her, in a way that was also surreally not.

But no. Bad brain, bad.

And it all stemmed from the fact that she needed to figure out what the hell she was going to say to Peggy, to this Peggy Carter, and how to act around her.

She was already failing, letting her mind get completely swamped in these thoughts, but she needed to figure something out, and quick, before she really stuck her foot in her mouth. Both feet, knowing her.

Toni's mind was consumed with swirling thoughts born mostly out of her vast repertoire of science fiction novels, movies, and television series, most specifically those which dealt with time travel and/or paradoxes.

She'd started off with general, though rapid-fire, musings on the situation she found herself in, and what the science behind time paradoxes was, but had quickly worked herself up into a frantic grouping of questions—she was now in the stage that Maria Stark had so often resignedly called a 'tizzy'.

Should she keep her mouth shut? Should she tell them everything she knew? Should she act like she belonged in this time and knew nothing about what was to come? Was she even capable of doing that? Probably not. But what were her other options? Did she try to change what was to come? Did she try to keep things happening along their original paths? What parts did she change, what parts did she not? Was her presence here already a sign that things would work out differently than she'd learned of history? Did the fact that Steve and James were her soulmates mean that she was meant to change things… that things were going to be different?

She didn't know. She only knew that she wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut. So… so. Hm. She'd just have to do her best, use her brain, and figure out what was needed when and where and who deserved the truth and how much of it to give them.

If only she could gain some control of her thoughts, get them in order again, and feel a little calmer. She felt like she was going to be carried away by the thoughts bombarding her, worse than most of her creative engineering binges that would leave her blinking awake days later.

Oh god.

She wanted to smack her head into a wall, but instead she had to focus on pulling herself back and looking as outwardly normal as she could as she followed along in Ms. Carter's wake.

Still.

She didn't really know what else she could do except to do her best. She'd deal with everything as it came. But for now… she'd be as honest as she could be.

With whomever she could trust with the knowledge she had.

Obviously the universe had sent her back in time for a purpose—it should know damn well that she would run with it and not sit idly by with the knowledge tucked away forever inside her brain.

She needed to lose this… timidity—completely unacceptable for a Stark—and assert herself more, rather than simply following, letting others make decisions for her and her current lot in life. She needed to tell them what she wanted, what she needed, what she was going to do, and convince them that she was a worthy ally… not simply an obedient soldierwho should be relegated to simple soulmate status, and an unwanted one at that.

She would be more than that. She would make sure of it, but in a way that still allowed her to support said two men, the Commandos, Ms. Carter, and the S.S.R. as best she could.

She could do it.

She would.

And if they rejected all that, she'd say fuck'em, and go on her merry way and figure things out on her own. Like she always had.

But for now, she could work within the opportunities she had. Make some where there weren't any. Perhaps she could ask for some metal and tools, whatever level of technology she could get her hands on and make it into something better. She could definitely help that way. She would feel useful again and could—

"You probably haven't had a proper meal since you've arrived, if I'm not mistaken," Peggy said, voice breaking into her internal monologue and forcing Toni to pay attention—Ms. Carter obviously held that power, no matter her age, when she used that tone of voice.

"No ma'am," Toni replied, politely and firmly. Yes, that's what she was going for, firm. She could do that. Firm and polite and figuring out what the fuck she was going to do next. What the fuck she was going to tell this woman in the conversation to come.

She may feel completely wrong-footed but she was going to do her damnedest to feel stable and back on course and in control of her life once again—as in control as one could get when they'd been sent back in time by who the fuck knew for whatever the fuck reason.

Ugh.

She felt like a total idiot and probably looked one, too.

Nothing like the cool, level-headed businesswoman who took the world by storm—never mind being a fucking superhero—she was supposed to be to the outside world.

Toni shook her head, clearing her mind enough to focus on the outside world, and watched with now-keen and observant eyes as Ms. Carter stopped by the kitchen, speaking briefly and friendlily with one of the staff, who then handed her a small basket that was set to the side, a piece of plain cotton folded over the top of the contents.

Now that she was actually paying attention like she should have been all along, it was nearly impossible to miss the way that the servicemen and women were looking at her: curiosity mixed with a hint of healthy suspicion—in no way did she blame them—and the age-defying look of a bored group of usually very active individuals panting after the latest bit of gossip and rumor and scandal.

She knew that look very well. She was not remotely a stranger to it being directed her way. And she wasn't exactly surprised at having it directed her way here, in this time, either. She'd been hanging out with the Howlies in the bar last night, and now here she was in the company of the mysterious and highly-competent Agent Carter. Of course they were curious, and they were entirely right to sense gossip.

But there was one look she couldn't quite place…

"It's your mark, Ms. Rhodes," came Ms. Carter's voice, cutting into her musing—and there she went again, getting lost in her brain. Though that was no surprise, either; not for her. "In case you were wondering," the woman added.

"I was," Toni admitted, shooting a small, wry smile in Ms. Carter's direction. "I forgot that back… now. That currently it isn't something shown in public very often. That it's rather private."

Ms. Carter raised one eyebrow as they walked outside, and that eyebrow had always done things to Toni's younger self, so she took a moment to reply before giving in to the urge to look at her surroundings in the light of day. She lowered her voice just a little, even though there was no one around them—at least that she could see. "So in… about thirty years from now, through to my present day, a big revolution in the way society views and handles soulmarks and soulmates happens. Is happening. Will. Whatever." She ignored Ms. Carter's smirk.

"There's a lot of history in that, and some of it I don't even know how to explain without wracking my brain and going on for hours and hours filling even a smart lady like you in on all the necessary background. I just… know, since I lived it. It's hard to explain easily. But suffice to say, showing your mark, whether mated or not, or 'complicated'—" Toni made air quotes before she even realized the other woman might not recognize the gesture, but carried on anyway, "—is completely acceptable in my time, so I thought nothing of it."

Peggy—damn it—looked thoughtful for a moment before shrugging and hitching the basket a little more securely in the bend of her elbow and moving on again. "Please, it's quite alright. No need to wear your hair down. There are many… proclivities we tend to turn a blind eye to around here. It is, after all, wartime, and we all deal with its gruesome effects in a different way. No one here will judge you for straying from society's established norms…. Of course, to the greater public, we cannot operate with the same manner of transparency. Especially with figures that sit permanently in the spotlight."

Toni knew exactly what she was referring to. Steve. Captain America. Captain America and his British lady-love, Peggy Carter. His fucking beard.

But the amusement of the same thought as she'd had last night was muted in the face of the reality of her situation. She was an outsider in more than just a personal manner.

She was an outsider on an international scale.

"Set that thought aside for now, Ms. Rhodes. There are more important things to discuss. For the moment, at least. Sit down and eat, and we can talk."

It was only then that Toni realized she hadn't been looking where she was going in the least. She took a moment to gaze out upon her surroundings, turning in a circle to take it all in.

The S.S.R. base—what she could see of it, at least, from where she stood—was nestled beside a small hill adjacent to an even tinier town. She knew they were near London, but couldn't really see any signs of larger, urban life from here. Which made sense, considering that it was a military base, honestly. The base obviously continued up the hill, if the military vehicles and personnel were any indication, what had to be offices and labs likely converted out of appropriated homes and businesses—the command center was likely up there as well.

Surrounding her and Ms. Carter were barracks and mess halls as well as wide open training grounds and long, clear gun ranges with what looked to be a wide variety of moveable targets and obstacles. The warehouses, hangars, and the landing strip they'd arrived on last night must be just out of sight around the bend of the hill, though, since it was nowhere in sight on this side.

The whole base was in relatively good condition, especially considering that much of London had yet to recover this well from The Blitz which had occurred, what… two and a half years earlier? Two and a half to three years ago, yes. They'd obviously not been hit very hard here, or they had recovered well in the years since, probably as a result of being one of the top priorities of the British government. A few of the people walking across the base glanced her and Ms. Carter's way, but most of them minded their business and left them to their own in the slightly out of the way location Ms. Carter had brought them to. It was out of the way in that it was near few buildings, but it was on a small rise overlooking a ground combat training… paddock. Hah, it was repurposed from an old horse paddock, Toni realized with a small chuckle.

Her chuckle died right out when she saw who was in said paddock, horsing around like care-free children under the guise of practicing hand-to-hand, it would seem.

It was the first time she'd really gotten to look at Steve and James… Bucky, without them knowing—even subconsciously—that she was looking, and it was… it was pretty breathtaking. There was a sense of familiarity to their movements that Toni ached to experience—it was something she'd never had, and wanted desperately. They were laughing, swiping at each other playfully while the others hooted and hollered at them, and Toni could see it. She could see how they loved each other, how they made such a formidable team. They were a family. A family Toni wasn't a part of. She glanced towards Peggy, catching the same fond smile on the woman's lips as she watched the Howlies that she undoubtedly sported herself. She wasn't a part of the family, but… she could be. She could, even if not in the way she truly ached for. It was within her reach. All she had to do… all she had to do was—

Toni didn't know.

She froze just that little bit further, wondering why she hadn't felt them on approach, before realizing she'd been too distracted, and then too engaged, and that the small bundle of… them in the back of her mind was… diminished. Just enough she had to focus to feel anything from it, and even then the feelings coming from out of the bond were slight.

Happiness. Joy. Love for life and for each other.

It was… nice, the little bit that she could feel.

Toni wasn't too worried, though, even if it unsettled—and relieved—her a little. She'd read countless essays and research papers detailing the state a bond would fall into between the first skin-to-skin contact between soulmates and the final completion of the bond. It was normal for the bond to become muted and fallow, in a way, after the first few days, so that it did not overwhelm those who were first starting to come to know each other. Over time, and with repeated physical contact, it would grow in strength, until it was fully realized between said soulmates.

It was a survival mechanism, of a sort. And one she was glad for, at least in this case.

Toni refused to think of all the research she had read on the topic of what happened to bonds which were never completed, or which were forcefully severed by one or more of the persons involved. Or even the rare few—very rare, god rest their souls—who had their bonds severed from sources beyond their control. She refused to think of severed or unrealized bonds, even though she knew damn well she'd end up as one of them.

She was goddamn Iron Man—she would survive this, and in the manner of her choosing.

She'd fucking go down fighting, if that's what it took.

With a resounding sigh and an instinctive tightening of mental muscles she barely knew how to use, Toni flopped herself right down onto the grass of the small incline, barely giving a crap about the nice things she was wearing—they were serviceable and they were Peggy's, so that meant they could take a beating. And they would, knowing who was wearing them.

Deliberately looking away from the happy, hollering group of men down below, Toni turned to face Ms. Carter, a neutral expression carefully cultivated over her features.

All she was greeted with was a neutral expression to match.

Damn it, you could never beat the one who taught you a look.

With another sigh, Toni rolled her eyes, letting her features relax into their natural state. "Yeah, yeah, fine. Acceptable. Let's just eat. I'm starving." She made gimme hands at the basket, and Ms. Carter moved it with a smile to where it could be easily reached by the two of them, sitting on one hip each in rather matching positions, wearing much the same style of clothes—though hers were casual dress compared to Peggy's—damn it, Ms. Carter's—military threads.

"Can I call you Peggy, at least just in my head, instead of Ms. Carter? It's driving five year old me nuts," Toni blurted out without even thinking about it.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

She'd just told herself that she was going to separate the two women in her mind, and here she fucking went and did… this. Argh. But really, it was driving her nuts, constantly flip-flopping between the two names. This woman was the same woman. No need to really treat her that differently. No need to keep her distance.

"Ah, I was almost certain that you knew me, but that pretty much confirms it," Peggy said after a silent, startled moment.

Toni literally face-palmed. She'd never done so in her life, but now… well, the situation warranted it. She also groaned. Loudly. Loud enough she was sure that the supersoldier only a hundred or so yards away from her could hear her.

She looked—yup.

The whole lot of them were turning their heads towards them, following Steve's example. She couldn't see their expressions at this distance, but she wasn't exactly sure she wanted to.

She really just could not deal right now. Not with them. Either of them.

Any of them.

Completely ignoring the men yet again by looking back at Ms. Carter, Toni couldn't help but to join in and laugh along with the woman who'd started chuckling at the idiot in front of her.

Toni. Toni was the idiot.

But laughing made her feel better, more comfortable, and she could feel herself pulling in the tendrils of thought which had still been going in all sorts of manic directions, and felt herself calming right down. Felt herself settling more comfortably into her mind and body and the position she was in, both physically and logistically.

The cat was out of the bag, so to speak.

"Yeah, okay, I'm okay. Alright," she said as her laughter trailed off. "I feel better now, geez. Thanks." She smiled at the brunette, who smiled right back—albeit a little more reservedly—and dug into the basket between them, grabbing a few crumbled pieces of cheese and bread wrapped in a cloth and placing it all onto her lap. She pretended not to notice the canteen being offered to her by Ms. Carter—for all their similarities, this woman was an unknown to her comparatively—until the woman placed it on the ground by Toni's knees. She waited until she'd had a few bites of food so as not to seem rude, and then reached for the canteen as if she hadn't noticed it being offered to her a few moments ago.

By unspoken accord, they settled into eating and drinking a rather robust amount of food for wartime, leaving the questions and answers for after their stomachs were settled.

It was remarkably… nice. Amicable. Quiet, or close enough, with most of the base's sounds relegated to the distance.

Finally, she'd eaten her fill, and decided she really did need to respond to Peggy's assertion.

Toni weighed her next words carefully. Finally, she decided on something that Aunt Peggy had taught her as a young girl, soon after her first kidnapping… one where Peggy herself had done all the rescuing, and not her damn parents.

It was the best way she knew to get Peggy to trust her—or at least to give her the benefit of the doubt. And she needed her to, if she wanted her life to go smoothly here, if she wanted to be believed.

"When you were young, you and Michael—" Peggy froze at the mention of her deceased brother, "—came up with phrases you used with each other for certain situations. You closely guarded these code words and phrases, to the point that only you, him, I'm guessing the Commandos, and eventually myself, were the only ones who knew that they even existed, let alone that you used them. You took words designed as harmless aspects of your youth and turned them into lifesaving mechanisms. And yes, one of those lives your code saved was my own, more than once as I was growing up. Even as an adult, your code remained a standard part of our conversations. Yeah, I do know you. Even in 2009, I know you. I've known you for a long time, Ms. … Peggy. 'Great-Aunt Millicent has come for supper, and mother wants us to come inside.' That phrase right there? You taught it to me after I was kidnapped the very first time as a three year old."

Peggy's eyes were wide. It was the most shocked Toni had ever seen the woman… whatever time they may be in.

Toni continued before Peggy could interrupt. "And let me tell you, when you're three—and you're me—you remember a lesson like that, and anything that could even remotely be used to prevent another one just like that from occurring. It didn't prevent me from getting kidnapped again, not every time, but it stopped at least three more, including the very next one after that first. That first kidnapping which you yourself saved me from. You see, Peggy, you were, are an important part of my life… an integral part of my life, and I know you.

"I know that's not the same as knowing the person you are now, and you don't have the luxury of knowing me the same way, not like the three decades of knowledge I have of you… but I need an ally, for whatever the hell that is to come for me, for them, for us, and I know that means that I need to be honest with you, at the very least. That I need to tell you what you need to know, as best I can, and do it in advance instead of waiting to be asked questions. Questions that might come too late."

Toni ran a hand over her hair in attempt to steady her nerves, but it seemed like she only succeeded in making her still-damp hair even messier in its bun, curls frizzing out every which way. She took a deep breath instead, letting it out slowly before continuing, taking advantage of the silence that Peggy was giving her… no matter how disconcerting it may be, no matter what that silence may hide.

"I'll tell you about my tech, about the voice you heard me speaking to, about the war, about the future… about how I feel about this whole soulmate thing and what I plan to do—or not do—with Steve and Bucky. I trust you, or at least I trust one version of you, but I know you're still the same. The question is whether you can trust me. But I know that won't come right away, even with me knowing your code. Because I know what you're thinking: that they could be common knowledge in the future. That I somehow figured it out in some nefarious manner and that I'm using it to gain your trust for further nefarious purpose. Entirely possible. But… the universe wouldn't make me theirs if I didn't somehow match their version of right and wrong… would it?"

Toni desperately wanted to believe that.

"I… I'm overcomplicating things. And blathering. I do that a lot. I really need to let you get a word in edgewise here…" Toni trailed off in a mumble, looking briefly to the side, away from Peggy's keen, piercing gaze, before changing track and meeting the woman's dark brown eyes again.

Peggy finally decided to reply, thankfully saving Toni from speaking again and likely botching the whole thing if she hadn't already. "You must be more important than we imagined," she said, voice trailing off slightly as though she were lost in thought. She probably was, though her expression hid it rather well, gaze perusing Toni as she sat right there in front of her.

"I wouldn't say that." Toni chuckled darkly. Important in her own time? Sure. But here? "No. Just… well-informed. Well-connected. And okay, fine, smart and knowledgeable and uh… well." She trailed off. "My father was connected with the S.S.R. So I know some things. That's how I met you and you became such a big part of my life."

Peggy's expression went rather blank as she asked, slowly, as if weighing her words carefully, "Is your father one of the Commandos?"

Toni just stared at her for a moment before bursting into laughter. "No! God, no!" She couldn't contain her laughter at the thought. "Oh god, no, that would just be… weird. So weird."

Peggy's features relaxed into a smile and she joined in with Toni in her laughter, a feeling of good-humor falling over them. "Yes… yes, that would be rather odd for you, wouldn't it?" Peggy added finally, sobering up. Then she caught sight of the expression on Toni's face. It was there for just a moment, Toni swore, but of course Peggy saw it. "Your father is here currently, isn't he?"

Toni dragged her right hand down her face even as her left hand came up and tapped against the glass of her arc reactor through her blouse. "Yeah, yeah he is," she mumbled through the hand hiding her face.

Silence.

"I'm sorry. That must be… odd," Peggy finally said. Toni couldn't really tell what Peggy was thinking, especially with her hand over her eyes, but she was sure that even if she was looking, she probably wouldn't be able to tell anyway. "I couldn't imagine."

"Yup," she mumbled yet again through her hand, proving to Pepper exactly how rude she could be. "But I'm trying not to think about it. Hopefully I'll not encounter him much." Yeah right, Toni thought sarcastically.

"If there's anything I can do to help in that regard, you have but to ask. I'll do what I can," Peggy offered.

"Thanks," Toni replied, though she knew there was probably nothing much Peggy could do. But maybe, if the need arose… Well, it was good to keep her options open.

"Ms. Rhodes…" Peggy started.

"Please, call me Toni," she interrupted, finally removing her hand from off of her face and dropping it to her lap. She spread her other hand out across the glass of the reactor, grounding herself in the feel of the edges pressing into her palm. "At least when it's appropriate," Toni added, remembering where and when they were.

Peggy inclined her head, and then continued, leaning back with one hand pressed into the grass beside her. "Toni," she said. "You and I, we have plenty to speak about, but it can wait. Or, at least, be combined with other things. This is all rather unusual, even for the S.S.R. and the Commandos, but so far we have no cause to be overly suspicious of you or to think you untrustworthy. While you have yet to prove exactly who you are, we're not going to simply lock you up because we don't know you. We'll treat you with respect as long as you give us no cause to do otherwise, and don't betray our trust.

"And while, yes, you might have found out about mine and…" she gulped, "Michael's code in some other way, I don't really think that's the case. For whatever reason, I believe that you and I do know each other. Or, at least, you know the woman that I'll become. The way you look at me, the way you look at them, at all of us, and the way you handle yourself… I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but it's worth a try to see what you have to say. I can't say we won't be watching…" Toni nodded in acceptance, "but I can say that we're willing to see how things go.

"Colonel Philips, he'll want to speak with you. He's already asked to, but I told him he could wait at least a day, and that you deserved some rest for part of today at least, before we inundate you with our questions. You looked dead on your feet last night and not too much better today, though the shower was a boon."

Toni raised one eyebrow, but didn't deny it. Peggy smirked. "So, tomorrow you're going to have a conversation with the colonel, and I suggest you tell him the truth about who you are and where you come from. Because the boys certainly didn't last night. They were rather mum on the subject and gave some outright lies where they could, though later on they told me as much of the truth as they know."

Toni rolled her eyes at that. "Of course they did. It's not like they really talked to me about what I wanted to do or say, though I can't exactly blame them. We're not… uh, on the best of terms right now." She winced, just the barest bit, but Peggy caught it easily.

And that, right there, the hint of pity in the otherwise level look that Peggy gave her at that, was exactly why she didn't want to talk about any of this soulmate stuff. But… it also felt a little freeing to be able to say it out loud to someone who Toni knew would have compassion for her. The small hint of pity was the most she would get from this strong woman who would become her godmother. Everything else would be practicality and strength and understanding; an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on before she was helped back into a semblance of shape with a side of 'stiff upper lip' and help in carrying herself forward and standing on her own two feet again like the women in men's worlds that they were.

"Well, let's get you settled in my room for a touch so you can rest without being disturbed," Peggy offered as she stood and started gathering everything back into the basket. "I'll see that you get some more clothes to wear—and more practical ones, which I'm sure you'd probably prefer—and some gear, along with a sidearm, so that you won't feel so… open, around here."

God, her godmother could read her too well, no matter her age, and the trust that was implicit in the offer of a weapon…

"I won't betray your trust. Thank you, ma'am," Toni said, staunchly blinking back a rise of hot tears and hiding them behind basic courtesy.

"I know you won't," Peggy replied gently, though her eyes glinted hard and dangerous with a rather explicit threat. "And you may call me Peggy, like you asked… Toni," she added as she turned and started down the hill. "Though we have much to discuss!"

Toni smiled and followed after the woman, feeling calm and a little more in control of everything going on around her. She knew it wouldn't last, but she would revel in it while it lasted.

"Let's get you rested so that you're ready for dinner. Can't have you be late," Peggy called over her shoulder.

"Why?" Toni asked, suddenly suspicious.

"Why, your date with Mr. Barnes, of course," came the rather impish reply as Peggy's legs carried her quickly away.

Toni stared after her for a moment before groaning and hurrying to catch up.

Nope, Peggy had never been a coddler. So much for that hint of pity and that feeling of control.

Short-lived, the lot of it.