My Life: The Pretty Pony

"Once upon a time, there was a pretty pony named Mitchell. You could call him Mitch if you wanted. So anyways, this pony lived on Planet Sunshine where everyone is happy and does the Special Snowflake dance! So one day, Mitch and his BFF Rosy, who was another pretty pony, decided they wanted to go on an adventure! So they packed happy granola bars and sunshine bananas into their knapsacks and walked off into a random direction! They're talkin' like a duck quack quack something about pants on the ground…uhh…oh yeah! The adventure! So anyways, Mitch and Rosy were skipping and singing songs about happy things, when all of a sudden they came to the Happy River of Happiness! So they went swimming in the Happy River of Happiness, and then continued on their adventure. Next, they had to climb the Marshmallow Mountain, which was made entirely out of marshmallows! So instead of climbing it, Mitch and Rosy decided to eat it. First, they roasted it over a giant fire, drizzled it with giant chocolate sauce, then put it between two giant graham crackers and then finally ate it. It was very very very very very very very very very very very very very very…uh….very very very very delicious or something. So afterwards, Mitch and Rosy had to go and skip through the merry field of pretty flowers! There were daisies and roses and…uh…some other stuff…like…peanut brittle…peanut brittle! Wanna watch a movie? [1] Oh yeah, sorry. So anyways…Mitch and Rosy skipped through the field and were very careful not to trample any of the delicate flowers. After they skipped through the field, they decided to sit down on a pretty purple and sky blue bench to eat a happy granola bar. As they sat on the bench, they saw one of their friends coming from afar! It was Jenny Penny, another pretty pony! She skipped up to the two best friends and said "Hello!"

Mitch asked Jenny Penny "Do you want to join our adventure?"

"I would love to Mitchell and Rosy!" She exclaimed, taking a happy granola bar from their knapsack and cheerily taking a bite.

Rosy decided to engage Jenny Penny and Mitch in conversation. "So, do you like muffins?" She asked, her voice like the highest key on a piano.

"Oh, I love muffins!" Mitch exclaimed. "Muffins are the greatest things in the entire world!!"

"I know!" Jenny Penny cheered.

"So have any of you heard the story of the Little Engine that Could?" Mitch asked.

"Ooh, tell us the story!" Rosy shouted.

"Deep deep in the jungle there was this little engine that could. He was chugging his way across the enemy line. Chugga, chugga, toot, toot! This little engines mission was to carry some ak47's and a nuclear payload over the mountain to the 6023 battalion. Needless to say, there was plenty oppositions. Did that stop the little engine that could?" Mitch asked. Rosy and Jenny Penny shook their heads. No sireebob! He just kept chugging along! Chugga, chugga, toot, toot! " Rosy and Jenny Penny smiled at each other sweetly. "Not even when they climbed up on the train and popped the eyes of the conductor, and blood and snot was dripping out his eye sockets. Did that stop the little engine that could?" They shook their heads again, a look of worry crossing their face. "Damn Skippy, he just kept chugging along! Chugga, chugga, toot, toot! Until Johnny rigged the bridge with plastic explosives. Just as the little engine was making his way across the river, BOOM!" Mitch shouted, startling Rosy and Jenny Penny. "An explosion happened! Blood and guts and spit and ass was everywhere! And Bubba came crawling out the back door, both legs missing! 'Lola little baby boy!' He said looking up at me. 'I can't feel my legs!' I said 'Bubba, they ain't there!' And I looked down, and them little bloody nubs was kicking real fast, and I said 'Bubba, it's thirty miles to the next town! Unless you can flip upside down and walk on your head, you can't make it!' All of a sudden, Johnny was all over the place! Just me and my side on, and I had no other alternative…but to blast my way out!" Mitch then let out a blood curdling scream that sent Rosy and Jenny penny reeling behind the bench. "DIE PIG DIE! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MAJOR BENSON WINNIFORD PAYNE ALIVE! BAM! I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO MY FRIEND! BAM! BAM! BAM BAM BAM!" Mitch stopped when he realized that Jenny Penny and Rosy were staring at him, their eyes wide with fear. "Uh…to be continued! When I get back to that story, I'll tell you what Bubba used as a penis!" [2]

Rosy and Jenny Penny had no other option but to run off into the forest and never look back. They dashed as fast as their little feet-er…hooves could carry them. It was then that they bumped into another pony friend named Mr. Mollywobbles. "MY NAME IS-" He began to sing.

"No time for singing, just run!" Rosy shouted, grabbing his mane and dragging him to a cave.

"I think we're safe." Jenny Penny whispered.

"Safe from what?" Mr. Mollywobbles shouted.

"Shh! Don't shout!" Jenny Penny hissed."We're safe from the worst story ever!"

"It was scary…" Rosy shivered.

"So what now?" Mr. Mollywobbles asked, much quieter.

"I can't think with you breathing so loudly Mollywobbles…" Jenny Penny muttered.

"But that's not me…" Mr. Mollywobbles said, confused.

"It's not me either…" Rosy said, afraid.

"Then who-?" Jenny Penny asked, but was cut off by the roar of a bear.

The three screamed, but screaming did them no good. The lucky ones got away with just a broken hoof. Rosy however, was eaten by the bear. Her blood and guts were spilled all over the cave as well as all over Mr. Mollywobbles and Jenny Penny. The two ran out of the forest, but were stopped by the blood stained figure of Mitch holding a gun.

"You'll never get away from me alive!" He cackled.

BAM! Jenny Penny fell to the ground with a thud, blood everywhere. Mr. Mollywobbles screamed and tried to run but BAM! Mitch shot him too. Then finally, BAM! Mitch had pointed the gun at his chest and shot himself as many times as possible. Blood gushed out of the wound and guts slowly began to seep out of it onto the unconscious body of Mr. Mollywobbles, whose brain had fallen out of his crushed skull and his face was-"

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" I shouted.

"What, you don't like my bedtime story?" Hoffman asked.

"That's not a bedtime story…" I muttered. "The Little Engine That Could is a better story!"

"Oh, so you want to hear what Bubba used as a penis?" Hoffman asked excitedly.

"God no!" I screeched in horror. "I think I'd rather go to bed. See you in the morning Hoffman." I threw the sheets over my head.

"Night Izzy!" Hoffman shouted over his shoulder as he left.

I sighed as I turned my iPod on and listened to it for a few minutes. I uttered one thing before falling asleep.

"Zepp, get out of my closet."

"Damn…" Zepp muttered, walking out of my closet with a sheet over his head.

[1] Does anyone else LOVE that commercial besides me and my friend Amanda? (No, not Amanda from Saw! XD)

[2] I will give a cookie to anyone that can tell me what movie that quote is from!

A/N: It's about time! I'm sorry for the lack of update. I had drama club and that took up all of my time...=P
But anyways, special thanks to the following things/people: Mitch (One of my first friends who the character in Hoffman's story is named after. Thanks for randomly deciding to pretend I don't exist. I wish you the worst! (: ), the movie that I quoted in [2], SpongeBob SquarePants, Cosmo Brownies, SawManiac211, Ryan Atkins, and the evil gnomes that live in my sink!