A/N: Hello! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Oh! Thanks for the positive and encouraging reviews you left me!
Chapter Ten: When the Brightest Flames Start to Sear
"What are you doing?"
Like a little boy who had caught sight of the latest toy car model, the gleeful Syaoran careered across the jogging lane and threw himself onto the swing, smiling subtly as he lifted his head heavenwards. "Lovely night, don't you think?"
Standing beside the swing set, Sakura's head drooped down as her right foot made eddying motion across the sand. "I see no difference," she muttered, diverting her gaze to the night sky and peering into it, as though forcing the hidden extraordinary loveliness to reveal itself from behind the endless folds of impenetrable blackness. Suddenly, just trying to search for the beauty of the supposed-to-be simple night sky had made everything seemed dull, no longer noteworthy.
The sun… was still the sun.
The moon… was simply the moon.
The stars… they were merely just… stars.
But she wanted to be able to sense that trifling variance again—how the sun could look like a fiery sphere of vitality, how the moon could look like an infinite source of comfort, and how the stars could look like glimmering specks of hope. And she wanted…
…to lie supine on the lush green grass and count the stars with him once more.
"How many stars do you reckon there are in the sky tonight?" asked Syaoran, as he reclined snugly on the fleecy bed of grass.
Smiling into the twinkling sky, Sakura replied, "No idea. I guess they exist infinitely."
Stretching his arm upwards, Syaoran's fingers were splayed, seemingly trying to capture something. Then, he balled his hand into a tight fist and displayed it proudly to the recumbent Sakura. "Look what I've got for you."
Rolling over, he got into a sitting position and pulled her up by the hand.
Skeptically, Sakura raised a questioning brow as she looked at his clenched fist. "Are you trying to do something funny?"
One by one, Syaoran uncurled his fingers and exposed a palm denuded of anything that could be found in the universe. What was visible was his wide, calloused palm, emitting a sense of warmth that promised unfading protection and undying love.
"Look carefully, Sakura. This is my very first gift for you."
"But there's nothing. Wait, don't tell me you're going to chop your hand off and give it to me. That's totally unromantic, Syaoran-kun."
Syaoran laughed at the incongruity. "If I could reach out and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. Look, I've just added one into my collection. The evening sky is now as bright as day."
He smiled diffidently at Sakura, wondering for the hundredth time how he was going to deliver those three breathtaking words without jeopardizing his relationship with her. It was entirely way out of his pride. But there was a burning desire to make his feelings known. He did not care if the sky would fall and crush every single thing on this earth. He did not care if the mountains would tumble over and eliminate the inhabitants of this planet. Sakura was all that he needed to survive in this otherwise harsh world.
With her jaws clenched tautly and every modicum of movement desisted from conveying traces of response, it seemed like Li'l Abner had shot a whammy on her. The statement had touched her deeply for she had never known the expressionless and austere Syaoran could say such a sweet thing. Unknowingly, there was a funny ache in the pit of her stomach and she felt as though she was imbibing alcohol. She had a foggy thought that she was floating in space and embracing the fiery stones of evening light. Sudden drowsiness clogged her brain and immobilized her ability to speak.
Sakura listened as her heart palpitated with unstoppable nervousness, becoming increasingly aware of his presence. And when he dislodged his tongue and began to speak, the night became feverishly and startlingly real. The unprecedented confession of Li Syaoran hit her like a hundred and thousand of memories tangling them together. Yellowed photographs, blacks, and whites.
"If by chance, all I could give you were just three words wrapped around your finger, would they be deep enough at the end of every day? Will you accept them?"
The fog had lifted. He was going to do something way out of proportion, something way out of his frigid exterior. Sakura closed her eyes, her ears attuned to both of their heartbeats—heartbeats that signified something important, something indispensable, and something that injects that sense of humanity in Man. They say true love can be felt more in silence than in spoken words. Without any verbal communication, she could distinctly feel the insane ambience of the balmy night air. That insanity was called love, for it is a mental illness—a drug—that distorts reality. It could reduce the most articulate person to a blubbering mess. It could make a person behave in a manner that was not in his nature.
"I will, Syaoran."
Beaming with happiness, Syaoran squeezed her hand and whispered, "I love you, Sakura. These three words have my life in them."
Tears. Smiles. Hugs. All blended together to form eternity.
"When the stars go blind, remember I'll always be here for you."
No doubt, true love burns the brightest. But who would know the brightest flames would leave the deepest scars?
Sakura's eyes have never left the evening sky, for she perceived it as the custodian of precious fragments of lost time. The stars were glowing reminders of the past and they invoked a sense of nostalgia and wistfulness within Sakura. The moment her eyes captured the image of the clear indigo sky, she could see snatches of conversation emerging from behind the thin sheets of clouds and the halcyon times revealing themselves from within the blanket of darkness. For a fleeting period of time, she thought she was being sucked into a treasure trove of memories.
"What's on your mind?" asked Syaoran, who was seating himself onto the patch of green grass beside the playground. His arm was stretched into the air, reaching out to something possibly unobtainable.
Sakura did not answer. Her eyes were fixed on his back. She watched in silence as he raised his arm northwards and curled his fingers into a fist. Then, he stood up and walked towards her, his right hand still clenched. Placing his palm in front of her, he smiled gently. "Look, the evening sky is still in my hand."
Sakura glanced up at him and then at his palm. "There's nothing. It's getting late. I've to go."
She started to walk away from the swing set, but was halted by a tug at her upper arm.
"Stay a while more, alright? I… I just want to spend some time with you before I return to Hong Kong tomorrow," Syaoran pleaded, smiling despite the perpetual pain gnawing at his heart.
Sakura whipped around, dazed. "You're leaving," she blurted out stupidly. Again. But why do I care? It's not the first time anyway.
Is 'goodbye' the only word we can say to each other?
But perhaps a second goodbye would extirpate the muddled mess of utter confusion that had somehow cemented itself in the chasm of her mind. "So… it's goodbye then."
Sakura sighed into the night sky. There's an answer in my heart, but…
"Yes, I suppose." Is it really the end, God?
Who is going to staunch the rush of tears now that the valve's been decimated? Raising her head skywards, Sakura's eyes pleaded with the stars to give her a response to her woeful questions of a broken romance and of a broken wish…
Hand in hand, the couple sauntered along the footpath in Tomoeda Park, enjoying the placidity of the night.
The first step marked the remembrance of their first kiss…
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is just a sighThe second step transported them back to their first date…
The banana split was exceptionally sweet that day. Even lemons tasted peculiarly sweet…The third step was a mirror that reflected the first time they rejoiced in the solid, glassy rain…
Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
The fourth step carried them to the first time he had sung to her…
… every time I try to rise above, I'm swept away by love…
Peering into the heavens above, they prayed silently to God.
Thank you Lord, for sending her into my life.
Thank you Lord, for sending him into my life.
"Do you think God is making fun of us?" Syaoran asked, his dark brown eyes never leaving the gleaming stars.
Twisting the silver band around her finger absent-mindedly, Sakura replied, "I'm sure He knows what's best for us."
"Does He really know what's best for us?"
Heaving a defeated sigh, Syaoran tore his gaze away from the ether, his normally defiant back obliterated by an overpowering sense of dejection. He smirked inwardly. Where has the unassailable Li Syaoran gone to?
But was he really that undefeatable? Was it just a front to show off to everyone else in the world that he was no wimp?
Syaoran felt a hand touch his shoulder. He spun around and saw Sakura smiling up at him. "Sometimes, there are certain things you can't see on the surface. You've got to read between the lines."
He glared at the ring on her finger. Really, that Eriol…
"We should get going. It's past nine."
"Wait a minute," Syaoran cut in. He took out something from his coat's pocket and thrust it into Sakura's reluctant hands. "Would you give this to Yasuaki? It's an heirloom my mother had passed to me before she died. I want Yasuaki to have it."
Sakura looked hesitantly at the rectangular pendant with the Lis' surname carved on it. "But…"
"You don't have to tell him it's from me. Just say it's something you've bought for him for his birthday. I'm sure Eriol won't mind."
Sakura nodded and slipped it into her handbag. "Alright, I'll give it to Yasuaki-chan."
"Oh, and this," Syaoran started, retrieving a piece of paper from inside his pocket, "is for you and Yasuaki."
Sakura took it and looked at it, nonplussed. After a minute or so, comprehension dawned on her and her eyebrows puckered reproachfully. "A check?"
Syaoran shuffled his feet and scratched the back of his head uneasily. "Yes. I-I figured it's the only way I could…" He trailed off, feeling strangely nervous.
"Compensate us?" Sakura finished his statement coolly. Her eyes scanned through the check again, shaking her head in unbridled disbelief. It was… it was… inconceivable.
Syaoran looked off, embarrassed.
But Sakura was unsympathetic to his discomfort. "You think money can buy anything, don't you?"
"Well, I—
"Money," Sakura intoned, "can't buy back lost times. And it certainly can't buy back smiles." She ripped it into half, then another half, and tossed the torn pieces high up into the freezing night air.
Syaoran watched lifelessly as the scraps of paper floated rhythmically downwards—like white flakes of snow. Cold.
What can you do for her, Li Syaoran?
Nothing.
He grinned nonetheless. "Oh well, I should have known you'd refuse. I'm sorry."
His heart was bleeding, crying, lamenting…
For something that could never be found in his life again.
Sakura made no utterance. She hugged herself tighter as a chilly breeze stung her skin. But her gaze lingered on his grinning face, and she realized how much she missed seeing that simple lift on his features. She had once thought his skin would crack if he ever smiled. Of course, it never happened. Instinctively, her right hand extended towards him. But she stopped mid-way as she realized what she was about to do. She jerked her hand back and fiddled with her necklace edgily.
"We'd better get going, hadn't we? C'mon, I'll see you off," started Syaoran, feigning oblivion.
Both of them walked in easy silence, though a flicker of wistfulness would flash across their faces as they ambled along the familiar lane of a century's worth of memories.
The first step took them to the senescent tree, the very spot they had proclaimed as their very own church. Names were carved and coupled together; vows were given and held; souls were exchanged and cherished. The wedding bells chimed and they walked down the aisle, towards their whole new world—shining, shimmering and splendid.
The second step took them to the vast green lawn, where they would lie recumbent and absorb the gleaming moonlight. One, two, three, four… They would count the stars. That's Sagittarius, and that's the Big Dipper, they would point out. And there… was where their hearts intertwined to form the world's greatest, noblest element—love.
The third step took them to Iris's Ice-cream Parlor, a place they called heaven. They would share a bowl of banana split and relish in each other's company. Once seated on the velvety chintz chairs, they were shielded from the outside world's unending complications and troubles. They found comfort and peace in the parlor, very simple things desired by the two. One was constantly tormented by guilt and indecisions. The other was trying very hard to cope with confusions and energy-sapping inner conflicts. But all these unsettled minds and agonies were temporarily forgotten with the heavenly taste of every child's favorite dessert—ice-cream.
The fourth step…
It took them to the apartment they used to call home. But it wasn't home now. It was merely a place that kept all the painful memories that occurred in there. It was a place to be forgotten.
When they were a few yards from the Hiiragizawa residence, Sakura halted and said, "I think we should part here."
Syaoran looked a little disappointed but smiled anyway. "Right."
Sakura sneezed and shivered in her dress. Why is the wind so raw tonight?
"You okay?"
"Yeah. You… take care." Sakura tried to smile but could not. Has smiling become a feat?
Syaoran smiled. "You too."
Shortening the distance between them, Syaoran lowered his head and kissed her cheek. "Goodbye, Sakura."
He turned around and began to walk in the opposite direction, his hands in his trousers' pockets.
I've tried to go on like I never knew you"Wait!" Sakura called, her mind a muddled mess.
I'm awake when my world is half asleepSyaoran stopped in his tracks, and turned to face her. Sakura felt a sudden urge to throw her arms around him, telling him not to leave. But her conscience told her she could not do that. She could not…
I pray for this heart to be unbroken"When—when are you coming back?"
But without you all I'm going to be isHis lips curled upwards. "When our destiny allows it," he stated simply. Then, giving her one last smile, he walked away. Once again.
Incomplete
"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."
Have I lost?
No doubt, true love burns the brightest. But who would know the brightest flames would leave the scars?
A/N: Be frank and tell me how this chapter went, alright? 'cause i've a feeling it sucked
S.S.