Too Close,yet too Far
by Sessrin Koshimae (Shunrei Ryuzaki)
Disclaimer: The characters of Prince of Tennis isn't mine.
Chapter 10: The Vanishing Point
...
I looked at her and I felt my heart is breaking. Though she's peacefully sleeping, I could see the pain in her face. I wonder how long she endured the pain on her own. She's is a strong willful woman. But the pain that constantly hurting her is unbearable to see. I couldn't do anything to help her ease the pain and i know it hurts a lot.
Her eyes opened but half lidded. She sees me sitting beside her bed and smiled. "Ryoma." she queitly called me and reached her hand towards me.
"Sakuno." I said receiving her hand to mine. "How do you feel by now?" I asked.
She smiled bitterly at me and I looked at her worriedly.
"My body is getting weaker each day, Ryoma. I know I'm near at my death." she murmured.
I shook my head in disagreement and gripped her hand tightly.
"You're not going to die, Sakuno. We need you. Seiran and Sakura need you. I need you." I said.
She closed her eyes and smiled at herself.
"I know, Ryoma. If only I could live for more years. I want to spend my whole life with you." she told me.
"You're my life, Sakuno. So please, tell me you're not gonna leave me. If I need to spent all my money just to find you a compatible donor, I will." I said.
She turned her head towards me and looked at me.
"I love you, Ryoma. You must never forget that." she said.
I could feel my tears forming to my eyes. She's saying it in a way that seems it's the last time.
"Sakuno."
"Yes, Ryoma?"
"Marry me now." I uttured.
"If that's what you want, Ryoma." she smiled. "I love you." she continued.
"I love you too, Echizen Sakuno." I said.
We've got married the same day and she become my legal wife. Seiran too became an official Echizen.
"Anata." I heard my wife called me.
"Doushite, Itooshi?" I asked.
She's sitting at her hospital bed and watching me peeling an apple in my hand.
"Promise me, Anata." she told me.
I stopped peeling the apple and looked at her with confused eyes.
"Promise you what, Tsuma?" I asked.
"If ever I didn't live longer..." she started.
"No, Sakuno. You're not going to die. We have so much dreams we haven't achieved together." I cut her.
She smiled at me with her angelic smile.
"Tell me, what you dream of, Anata." she said.
I sliced the apple in chunky sizes and gave it to her.
"I want to share with you the happiness i would have. I want to see you there, standing at the sidecourts same as the old times while I beat my opponents and be the number 1. I want to be with you and with our children Seiran and Sakura. And if it is possible, I want to have another child with you." I said.
She slowly chewed her apple chunks and gulped. I gave her a cup of water and she drinks.
"That is nice, Anata. But you know..."
"Sakuno, don't leave me." I murmured.
"If only I could, Ryoma. I would never leave you." she said.
She made me promise that I would take care of Seiran and Sakura if ever she died. I insisted that she'll not but she just gave me a bitter smile. She wants me to help Seiran in his training and be more considerate to Sakura. She told me to win all my matches and take my next grand slam. The way she talks to me is like she's giving her last words.
"Ryoma, don't you ever forget." she told me.
"I wont." I finally said.
After next two days, her father came in Japan. It was already midnight and I could feel tiredness in my whole body. I went outside of Sakuno's room and sees her father talking to Kunimitsu. He noticed my presence.
"Echizen-kun." he said.
I just nodded back at him. I don't want to talk to him at that moment. Sakuno wouldn't be please if I argued to her father.
"Go home and take a rest, Ryoma." I heard Kunimitsu said. "We'll be here to take care of her. Seiran and Sakura must be hungry and tired by now." he continued.
I agreed and took Seiran and Sakura at Sakuno's room. Sakura's eyes still puff up because of her constant weeping at Sakuno's side. Seiran, on the other hand became colder than before. He didn't speak a lot lately and he never smiles. He's always been there beside Sakuno whenever he can. Sometimes, I found him consoling his sister.
The Next morning, we've arrived at the hospital and found my old friends outside Sakuno's room. An and Tomoka are crying.
I saw Seiran opened the door and didn't find Sakuno inside.
"Okaa-san?" my son called.
"Where's Mama?" I heard my daughter asked.
I looked at my friends and I knew something's wrong. They're abnormally silent and the two woman cried loudly.
"Where is she?" I finally asked.
Shusuke gave a look into Kunimitsu and Kunimitsu nodded at him. Kunimitsu sighed and look at me.
"She's gone, Ryoma. She's dead." he finally said.
I felt my heart shattered in a million pieces and my world starts to crumble. My mind is in denial not wanting to believe what Kunimitsu said to me. It can't be. My wife died without me at her side. My dreams vanished. My life became useless. My love has gone.
...
I saw Ryoma-san crying. He didn't want to believe that okaa-san left us behind. Pain. Sorrow. Grief. We could feel it. Ryoma-san is obviously in torment. He's grieving over his wife's death. It was then that I realized how much he loved my mother. It hurts a lot. It hurts that we haven't seen her and to be at her side when she passed out. Kunimitsu-san told us that it's much better because my mom didn't want us to see her died.
That afternoon, Shusuke-san handed a jar to Ryoma-san. He told Ryoma-san that it is my mother's ashes.
"I'm sorry Ryoma. But Sakuno-chan insisted to me that when she died, she want her body to be cremated as soon as possible. She didn't want you to see her at her death state." I heard him say to Ryoma-san.
Ryoma-san took the jar and somberly embraced it.
The following day, a small and simple necrological mass took placed for my mother. I saw the sad faces of my mom's friends. They're weeping at her. Everyone seems to be emotional at their final words for her. When my turn came, I stood in front of them. I tried not to cry but the thought that I wouldn't see her again in the future crushes me. I felt a big hole getting bigger at my chest. I felt the pain and the sorrow. All my life, she's been there for me. How could survive every day if I couldn't see her. Her cheerful smile, her warm embrace, her motherly love. How could I live without her. I couldn't. I need her.
I didn't cry when I found her sick. I didn't cry when Kunimitsu-san told us she's gone. I didn't cry when Shusuke-san gave Ryoma-san my mother's ashes. But now, my walls are broken. My tears fell from my amber eyes. The Reality hits me. My mother died. She's gone forever.
...
Mama is dead. It's really painful. I keep on asking God why did he took my mama so soon. Sakuno-san is a good mother. She loves me though I am not biologically came from her. She told me it doesn't matter because I'm always be in her heart. I love her. I love my mama a lot. I saw otou-san silently weeping at his room after the necrological mass for mama. Seiran and Otou-san are both broken. They've both lost their appetite. They didn't even touched their tennis racquets for almost two weeks. Sometimes, I saw Seiran staring at nothing and seems oblivious to his environment. Otou-san sometimes drinks a lot of beer at the middle of night and cries. Our new home is not the same as before anymore. We were grieving. We were in pain.
One week later, Mama's father came to our house to talk to Otou-san and Seiran. He handed them a box and an envelop. The Envelop has my Mama's Last Will and Testament. It said that all her property and fortune will be passed to Seiran's name. He told Otou-san that we must go to London to take care of the legal issues of Mama's house there. Otou-san agreed and says we'll going to London the next day. Mama's father bids goodbye and went back at France.
I packed up my things and stopped when I saw our first family picture in my study table. It was taken after Otou-san and Mama's engagement and before the discovery of her illness. She's beautiful back then. I remembered calling her an angel at our first meeting.
I traced the picture of my Mama with my forefinger and smiled bitter.
"Mama, I love you. Why did you have to go? We love you and it's hard for us to continue without you." i said.
I embraced the picture frame and weeps silently not knowing that the sky is weeping with me too.
...