Thirteen Reasons Why Lily Evans Should Get a Boyfriend:

By Lucy Linden

1. She needs to have an outlet for her emotions; it's not healthy for her to keep them in like this. She needs someone other than Marly, Mary, and me. I don't think she likes that I won't fight back with her, Marly just gets violent and throws something at her, and Mary never really knows what's going on anyway.

2. She doesn't have any male friends since she and Snape had that falling out. I think that's why she's becoming such good friends with Remus, and Mary won't like that at all. If Mary goes into her betrayed/jealous mode, our dorm is going to get very uncomfortable very fast. Which will do no good for anyone.

3. Seeing Lily in a relationship might force Marly to figure out what exactly it is that she's doing with Sirius. And seeing James in a relationship might to the same thing to Sirius. Of course, Lily needing a boyfriend doesn't mean that the boy has to be James. Might be better if it's not. Sirius might not like that. And I don't really care what Sirius does with his own life and his dysfunctional relationships. He's hardly my concern. He brings too much negative energy.

4. Lily's internal balance is being thrown askew because of her repressed emotions. If she continues this way, it's going to get harder and harder for her to realign herself. It could lead to permanent damage. Which obviously is not ideal.

5. She could use a distraction from her studies and responsibilities every now and then. When she gets too focused on her studies, all of us suffer. I am not going through Fifth Year again. That was absolutely unbearable. I don't want to have to deal with Marly if she has to start sleeping on the Common Room couches again. I thought she was going to blow up the tower.

6. She wasn't with Amos Diggory long enough to sort out her emotions regarding commitment and trust and such. If she doesn't learn how to trust another person in a romantic setting soon she may never be able to do so. And that would be a pity for her to spend her life alone. Loneliness is terrible punishment.

7. She might finally understand why I spend so much time with Xenophilius and writing to him and quit harping on about it. Honestly, if she spent some time with him, I know she'd love him as much as I do. Well, of course, not love in the same way that I love him, but still. He's such a pure soul, open to all the possibilities in life. He sees potential in things, and in people, that they didn't think of themselves. He's still opening my eyes to the possibilities of magic and all of the things we as witches and wizards are capable of outside the regular realms of magic. And he's so considerate. Even though he completed his Hogwarts education three years ago, he's waiting for me to start travelling the world, so we can go together and explore the mysteries of the physical world, muggle and magic. But he's wonderful for coming to Hogsmeade every time there's a trip to see me.

8. She would have something to look forward to other than schoolwork and planning prefect's meetings. Because I absolutely loathe those bleeding charts she keeps making and leaving all over the dorm. There's a reason the Prefects have an office. And it's only one floor above our dorm! I don't understand what is so incredibly difficult about gathering them and carrying them up one flight of stairs and dumping them on her desk, rather than all over my bed. Just because my bed is next to hers and isn't as perfectly made as hers does not mean that it's available for all of her crap. All of those charts and schedules, with their micromanaging and restricting nature completely disrupt the flow of energy in my space.

9. She needs some happiness in her life. Too much darkness isn't good for her or anyone around her. Meaning me. And Mary. And Marly. There's enough darkness in the world at the moment for each of us without taking on hers as well.

10. She'd have someone to go to Hogsmeade with. She'd have a good time. She wouldn't begrudge the rest of us for having dates or plans. She doesn't seem to want to accept that we each have a routine without her.

Mary spends the whole week leading up to the visit having panic attacks about whether Remus is going to ask her and whether she should ask him. Then when nothing happens with either of them. She spends the night before wallowing and wondering if she should even go to the village. Then she spends most of the trip in the Hogs' Head drinking Firewhiskey that the barman shouldn't be serving her, then spends the last hour or two getting her hair done in some dramatic fashion which she always end up taking out that night or the morning after if she's particularly sloshed.

Marly. Marly spends the morning flirting with Sirius as they sneak into the back room of Gladrags and she models all the naughty lingerie for him. Then, without fail, they end up shagging like their lives depend on it. In the afternoon, Sirius meets up with his mates and Marly usually meets up with her younger sister, Genevieve, and they buy half of Honeydukes to send to their older sister, Clara, who is always trying one diet or another.

I spend the entire day with Xeno; obviously, as it's the only time we have together. Sometimes we apparate to his home or somewhere we've never been.

Lily always gets mad that we're not around to spend time with her and sometimes goes to shops on her own or has some food at the Three Broomsticks before heading back early and doing some work. Hosgmeade used to be the time she would spend with that Snape, but since they're through she doesn't have anything to do. Which undoubtedly leads to her resenting all of us and not speaking to us for the evening. Which is completely counterproductive. But that's Lily.

11. She's driving us mad. Mary tells her to belt up at leave once an hour and Marly's about one Lily-and-James-rant away from hexing her. I'm not sure how much more we can take before it all goes up in one huge explosion. Considering it's Lily and Marly, I wouldn't out it past them. Lily's got that temper and Marly never hesitates to cause damage in one form or another.

12. If it ends up being James, they'll both be happy. Which will make everyone happy. If it ends up being someone other than James, Lily will be happy. Which will make me, Mary, and Marly happy. And we're the only ones I personally care about.

13. If anyone needs a sexual release, it's Lily.