He was laughing at her. She could hear his sick twisted laugh mocking her. Everything was blurry. She was trying to make sense of where she was but it was a jumble of colour blotches.

"Erin," she knew that voice. "Erin please help me," the women implored her. "Erin please! Please make him stop."

Erin tried to call out to the voice but no words came. The laughing swirled around her.

"What's the matter Erin?" His sadistic voice taunted her. "Why won't you help her? She needs you! Save her Erin! Save her!" He laughed louder now. She moved forward despite not knowing where she was going. She had to try and find her. She dragged her feet as she moved to try and keep her balance as the blur moved with her. She opened and shut her eyes squinting to try and make sense of things. She wanted to cover her ears to shut off that damn laughing. She wanted to scream at him to shut up. No words would come.

Finally things began to focus. She saw the blood first. So much blood. A pool on the dark wood floors flowing towards her. There was so much of it. She followed it back to its source with her eyes. Laying limp, bloodied and beaten was a girl who's face was turned from her. Slowly the head turned towards her. The girl raised her hand out to Erin. "Please Erin. Please help me!" She begged. Her eyes were desperate and filled with so much fear. So much pain.

"Karen!" Erin's voice returned. She yelled to Karen and ran forward only to be knocked down by some invisible force. Erin scrambled to her feet and lunged forward again. She was kicked down again by a hard blow to the stomach, making it hard to breath. She couldn't see where it came from.

Shrilled laughter filled the air and his venomous voice returned. "What's the matter Erin! Why won't you help her? Why won't you help your friend? Help her Erin! Save her!" He mocked and laughed again.

Erin got to her feet. She moved more cautiously this time. She took a step then another and another. Out of no where she felt herself being thrown to the ground.

"Bitch!" He screamed at her. "You can't save her bitch! You can't save anyone!"

"Erin please!" Karen cried and begged.

"It's ok Karen. It's ok. I'm coming. Don't worry I'm coming" Erin tried to reassure her. Then she smelt it. That horrid smell. He was here. It was him that was laughing at her. That dirty bastard pimp was still here. She would kill him! Kill him for what he did to Karen. Erin jumped to her feet, and tried again to get to her friend. Only to be knocked to the floor again.

"Where are you, you son of a bitch!" Erin screamed. He laughed again.

"Stupid whore! You think you can stop me? You think you can save her? You? You can't even save yourself!" His laugh shrilled and felt like knives to her ears.

"Erin! Please!" Her friend begged. Erin crawled across the floor towards Karen. Her body was limp, her bloodied hair covered her face now. Slowly Erin moved across the floor. Finally she reached Karen. She cradled her face and began removing the strands of hair away.

"I'm here Karen. I'm here it's ok now!" Erin whispered. But as she moved the hair she realized it wasn't Karen who lay limp beside her. "Nadia! Oh God Nadia!" Erin cried. Nadia's vacant eyes stared up at her.

"Why didn't you come? Why didn't you save me?" Nadia asked.

"Tell her Detective Lindsay," a new voice said. "Tell your dear friend why you couldn't save her."

Black shoes appeared beside Nadia's battered body. Erin's eyes traced them to legs covered in dark blue dress pants, then further up to a crisp white dress shirt until finally she was staring up into the probing eyes of the man she hated with every once of her being... Yates!

"Please," he said, his voice condescending. "Enlighten us as to why you let your dear sweet friend get abducted and murdered by a psychopathic sexual sadist."

Erin lunged to her feet and sprung forward to attack Yates but he vanished and she began falling, falling and falling into a deep dark hole.

Erin sat up with a start. Her heart was racing. Her body covered in sweat. She was panting. Tears stained her cheeks. She looked around. The early morning sun peaked through the blinds and illuminated her room. Her room. She was in bed in her room at Hank's house. It was a dream. Another one of the fucking nightmares that plagued her nightly. Erin grabbed her pillow and threw it across the room in a fit of fury.

"God damn fucking nightmares!" She cursed.

/

Her Thursday morning was off to a crappy start thanks to yet another nightmare. She woke more exhausted than she fell asleep most days which wasn't good considering how busy their week had been. Late last night they'd finally solved the Boyd case and caught the murderer but by the time everything was squared away she crawled into bed well after two am. She was running behind this morning and it was her turn again to grab coffee. She'd skip it but she didn't want to hear Jay whine or look at his pouty face. This brought a small smile to her face. The man could be such a little boy at times. So here she stood in line waiting to place his coffee order.

"Can I help the next customer," A barista called. Erin stepped up to the counter. Erin placed her order for Jay's coffee and at the last second decided to order herself a coffee too. Fuck it, she thought, I'm not gonna make it through another day without some caffeine.

Several hours later Erin was in the break room pouring herself her second coffee of the day and let out a huge yawn. "Still not sleeping well?" Jay commented as he came in the room to fill up his own coffee mug.

Erin was caught off guard. How did he know she wasn't sleeping? She racked her brain trying to remember if she'd let it slip about the nightmares but came up empty. "Long days this week." She covered.

"Yeah, it's been a brutal week for sure," Jay said as he filled his cup. "But you've been tired since you got back." His voice was light and he gave her a sympathetic smile. Erin didn't respond she just smiled back. She didn't really want to get into this at work. Jay glanced over her shoulder out the break room door then back at her. "I had a lot of trouble sleeping when I got back from overseas. Use to hav.."

"Jay!" Ruzek interrupted. "Got an urgent call from someone who says they're a CI of yours." Jay nodded at Ruzek and headed to his desk.

Erin was left standing there completely floored. Did Jay just mention his past in the army? She wanted to kill Ruzek for interrupting Jay. She'd always been so curious about his time with the Rangers, about his past in general. Aside from his confession about his father the other night he'd given her so little. A few isolated stories here and there, mostly about how he and Will would drive their mother crazy with their boyhood antics. A few times he'd share a few details about Afghanistan but only if it was relevant to a case they were working and how he wanted to proceed.

They'd ended up in Intelligence from two completely separate paths. On paper they couldn't be more different. The clean cut army ranger and the street kid. He was trained to kill she was trained to survive. Yet they understood each other in a way she didn't even know was possible. At times she swore she could read his thoughts and him hers. She topped up her coffee then headed back to her desk pondering, not for the first time, what Jay's life was like before intelligence and what he had dealt with as a Ranger.

As Erin made her way back to her desk Jay motioned to Hank that he had something for the team. Voight came out of his office to stand in the bullpen. "What's up Halstead?"

"I just got off the phone with one of my CI's, he's got a lead for us on the online trafficking case we've been working," Jay announced.

"Well, let's hear it." Hank encouraged. Jay proceeded to fill them in on his tip and the team spent the next hour checking facts and coming up with a plan of action. Turns out they were able to locate the club this ring worked out of and Mouse was sure he could bust the whole case wide open if her could get into their computers and install some kind of tracking software, it was all way to technical for Erin. All she knew was this meant they had to break into the club. But they'd hatched a plan that had her and Halstead sneaking Mouse into the back rooms, where they believed the computers were, in the middle of the night, while the rest of the team provided surveillance. It had been awhile since Erin felt the rush of nervous adrenaline that came with this job. She was actually looking forward to it.

They had quite a few hours before then and Hank suggested they finish their prep work then take a few hours to themselves. Erin's phone buzzed with a reminder of a date she wasn't looking forward to keeping. She pondered cancelling but knew she'd have to face him sooner or later. And later meant more probing questions. She pushed herself out of her chair, nodded her goodbyes and headed down the stairs to her car.

On the way down she passes Antonio. "Hey Lindsay, where you off to? Hot date to squeeze in before tonight?" He teased with a chuckle.

She laughed, "Yeah, sure." She rolled her eyes and he gave her a friendly bump on the shoulder as she continued down the stairs. She didn't see Jay's head snap up at their exchange or the heartbreak and disappointment that flashed across his face before he pushed his chair back and escaped to the break room.

/

Ten minutes Erin sat staring at the big wooden door watching people come and go, most likely leaving far happier than they had entered. She hadn't been here since before her trip to New York. She'd avoided it, avoided the people who were inside. Avoided their concerned stares and supportive shoulder squeezes, their heartfelt well wishes and gut retching stories of how they'd lost someone on the job too. Molly's use to be a safe haven, the place to come with her coworkers and join fellow first responders to celebrate wins or console each other after losses. But since Nadia's murder it became an unbearable hell of love and support she just couldn't stomach. They wanted to make her feel better. Wanted her to believe it wasn't her fault. They didn't understand that would never happen.

And since she'd been back she was terrified of the looks. She was sure at least half of them knew she fell down a hole and wondered if she could really handle herself now. She was also terrified of taking a drink. She didn't know if she was ready to. Could she have just one or two? Could she act normal and socialize with these people again? Could she taste the burn of alcohol without wanting to drown out the voices of guilt, the nightmares?

There was a rapping on her window and Erin jumped. She looked up to see the friendly eyes of Kelley Severide peering in at her. She unbuckled her seatbelt and opened her door as Kelley stepped back out of the doors way. "Hey stranger," he greeter her and moved in for a friendly hug. "Long time no see!" He smiled a genuine glad to see you smile. Erin did her best to return it.

"Yeah, you too. How are things?" She asked trying not to let her distraction for her real purpose in being here make Kelley think she wasn't happy to see him.

"Good, yeah things are good. How about you? You coming in to Molly's?" He asked gesturing for her to walk towards the bar with him.

"Yeah, I'm good too." She said looking up and down the road for oncoming traffic before stepping off the curb and crossing the street to Molly's.

"Why don't you let me buy you a drink, we can catch up. Casey's supposed to be here soon and a few of the others." He offered.

"That sounds great, it does, but I'm actually meeting someone." She said with an apologetic smile. Kelley opened the door to the bar and stepped back to let Erin enter first. She smiled her thanks.

"Nah, no worries. I'll catch you next time." He gave her shoulder a quick squeeze. "It's really good to see you Erin." He said sincerely.

"Yeah, you too Kelley." Again Erin smiled and tried to keep her discomfort for being here from showing. She scanned the room for her date, making eye contact with a few friends and colleagues and nodding her greetings as she searched for him. She finally saw him sitting in a small booth in the far corner of the bar. He had a drink in front of him and was sitting bent forward, pen in hand, reading over something. As if he could sense her stare, he looked up and a bright smile graced his face when he made eye contact with her. He raised his hand and motioned for her to join him. Erin took a slow deep breath and moved forward towards the booth.