Inside the Series: Bleach

Welcome to Kuchiki Rukia: Part II, my friends. Naturally, I don't own Bleach or anything it stands for.

"Hello, everyone!" Charles said excitedly. "I'm here with Ms. Kuchiki Rukia of Bleach fame. Welcome, Ms. Kuchiki."

"Hi, Charles," said Rukia. "By the way, Tatsuki said she's going to kick your ass next time she's on."

"Hardly surprising," said Charles. "I'm ready. She knows better than to fight me, and that's because of this body."

"Yeah, I don't think guts turn her on," said Rukia. "So, this is an interview. Shall I tell you why Harry's my stunt double?"

"I found out when I asked him, but let's bring Harry on out!"

The audience remained silent as Harry took the stage and sat down between Charles and Rukia.

"So, Rukia," said Harry. "Are you ready to have a secret spilled."

"Unlike Charles who broke up with Tatsuki because he won a bet," said Rukia, "I had to hire Harry because I lost one. With Byakuya, by the way."

"Yeah," said Charles. "Harry, do you want to tell the story?"

"Certainly," said Harry. "Rukia and Byakuya ended up participating in a Soul Society game tournament, and Byakuya bet Rukia that he would beat her in the final round. 10 003 points to 4, by the way."

"Don't remind me," Rukia groaned. "So I lost, and I met Harry, so I had to take him to Byakuya."

"No, because she lost the bet, she had to start whoring," said Harry. "That's why she does it. She's paying off the money she owes her brother."

"Well," said Charles. "That is a very interesting story. One that I'm sure Rukia didn't want the world to know about her."

"Yes."

"Well, then, now you know how that feels. Now for the real interview with me."

"Oh boy, that'll be fun," Rukia said sarcastically.

"Yes," said Charles, "It will because I call today No Sarcasm Day. Why do you suck so much at sucking?"

"What?"

"Blowjobs, Rukia. You're just not good at them."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"You suck me off, but once you start, you always end up gagging and vomiting on my crotch."

"Quit poking my uvula, then!"

"I can't help it! You're mouth is too small!"

"Oh, as opposed to you just having an enormous dick. Yeah, my mouth is tiny. Get with Uryu. His mouth is huge!"

"No, I think he hates me as much as Tatsuki, who now that I think about it, also vomited on me when giving me that blowjob."

"Her mouth is huge."

"I know. Maybe she's not really meant to swallow. Anyway, let's move on. What's your real bra size?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Well, then, let's titty fuck and I can use my penis as a ruler."

Rukia pulled out her zanpaku-to and held it up. Charles stayed back, seeing the sword.

"Yeah," said Rukia. "What are you going to do now?"

"This," said Charles. He pulled out his remote and brought down a thirty ton weight on Rukia. "Self defense, people. She was threatening me with a fucking sword. I handled it. It's under control. That's all for today. Tune in next time when I put my head in the lion's mouth and interview Tatsuki."

"Which head are you putting in the lion's mouth?" Harry asked.

"Shut up, Harry."

I think the next one will be very awkward.