A/N: Thanks everybody for reading! Hope you enjoy! ~Anatui

Sunday, 24 October

Weight: 131 lbs.
Calories: approx. 1,136
Drinks: 0 (abstaining)
Cigarettes: 5 (trying to abstain)
Hours studying: 3 (wish I were abstaining)

8 p.m.

Sirius has not left his dorm room. Not that I was expecting him to, but still. It would be nice if he weren't spending hours wallowing in his own self-pity. He seemed to really care for Chevalier though, so I get the feeling this one will last more than a couple days like with his previous girlfriends.

I guess that leaves me more time to study?

And plot with Mary and Lily?

I hate it when Sirius is depressed though…

Monday, 25 October

Weight: 131 lbs.
Calories: approx. 1,864
Drinks: 0
Cigarettes: 7
Hours studying: 2

4 p.m.

Sirius missed classes today. Hasn't left the dorm. James and Remus have been bringing him snacks from meals and the kitchens.

Tuesday, 26 October

Weight: 130 lbs.
Calories: approx. 1,610
Drinks: 0
Cigarettes: 10
Hours studying: 4.5 (excellent)

11 a.m.

I sincerely hope that he's bathing. Or at least changing his clothes daily. Though honestly I doubt it. He stops functioning entirely if he's upset about a girl. He's probably barely eaten any of the foods that the blokes have brought him.

Wednesday, 27 October

Weight: 130 lbs.
Calories: approx. 1,900
Drinks: 1/2 (does it really even count then?)
Cigarettes: 4 (record low for school year!)
Hours studying: 1.5
Sirius: still skiving off classes, depressed

7 p.m.

I've been trying to study all evening, but I just keep procrastinating. Worried about Sirius. Worried about Lily and Mary and the plotting against the Marauders. Worried about what the Marauders are plotting against me (though probably on hiatus due to Sirius's behavior). And of course, worried about Isabeau Chevalier's devilish plotting against me as well. Luckily, Lily, Mary, Hestia, and Emmeline aren't plotting against me too. But seriously, so much plotting!

Thursday, 28 October

Weight: 130 lbs.
Calories: approx. 1,958
Drinks: 0
Cigarettes: 11 (rotten)
Hours studying: 1 (barely)
Sirius: still in hiding

11:45 p.m.

Sirius is still not in classes. This must be his record for missing classes because of a girl. About to go drag him out. James already tried this morning, but he will need backup for success. We will try tomorrow.

Also, Lily, Mary, Vance, Jones, and I have finally settled on a plan of action.

This evening after dinner, Lily dragged us into the dorm room to finally figure it all out. I think she was getting tired of postponing her devious plots against James. "Okay," Lily said, "let's look at this all logically. What is wrong? With each of them, individually."

"You mean, why we want to teach them a lesson?" Hestia asked, and Lily nodded.

This should be interesting.

"For instance," Lily said, eager to begin, "let's talk about James Potter. He is conceited, immature, rude, mean to fellow classmates, and a bully."

"Yeah," added Mary, "not to mention he's obsessed with you - to the point that he won't give another girl a chance. That's got to be awful."

"Okay," we all nodded, understanding the procedure. "Who next?"

Mary crossed her arms. "Lupin," she stated firmly. Something tells me she's been wanting to talk about Remus Lupin for a couple of years, since they dated back in fifth year.

Hestia, as the only other girl present who had dated Remus, easily began, not noticing Mary's demeanor, "Barely talks to you, even on dates. Won't date a girl longer than two weeks - except for you, Mary." It was true. Oddly enough, Mary had captured his interest for a long time, even though they only dated for two months. "He basically ignores all the girls now, won't give anyone a chance."

Mary finally said (ever the blunt one), "He's keeping a secret. And I don't mean the next prank they're plotting. A big secret. He doesn't want to get close to anyone. The only people he trusts are his best friends. I don't think he could ever open up enough to a girl for the relationship to be serious."

With mild hesitation, I tried to move it along. "Okay, what about Creighton?"

"Creighton Phillips," Lily said. "Well, he's a third year… it's not like he's done anything really awful at this point. He should probably be more careful about his friend choices though."

I didn't feel it important to mention that Creighton became friends with us because of Quidditch - or you know, that they're my friends too and should I be more careful about MY friend choices?

We all agreed that Creighton was mostly innocent.

"Chris Stone?" suggested Hestia.

"He's almost as big-headed as Potter and Black," laughed Mary.

Emmeline said, "Yeah, did you hear about when he asked out Mandela Harper? I don't know how he ever thought he was on her level."

Ouch.

"That IS the difference between him and Potter and Black," Mary said. "They're way above him. ANY girl would date them - you know, aside from you, Lily."

"Stone is," said Hestia, trying to diffuse the comment, "well, he's completely oblivious to everything. No common sense."

Mary nodded as she turned to look at me. "Yeah, he's completely oblivious to the fact that you fancy him," she told me.

Well, there's nothing like having it pushed in your face to make you realize that you DON'T fancy him anymore. Because I really don't. I no longer have any interest in Chris Stone at all. I have barely thought about him in the past month, since he started being a bigger prat than he already was.

"Peter," I said awkwardly, trying to move things along. "What's he done?"

Emmeline searched for a moment before saying, "He's the only one of them who has ever had a long-term girlfriend."

I snorted. "Yeah, because he was too scared to break up with her. They dated for almost a year - until Sirius finally told him to suck it up and dump her."

"Argyle Hambledon?"

Another bloke who had barely done anything to the female part of the species. He's pretty relaxed (though passionate about Quidditch), and doesn't seem that interested in dating. Although, he has started seeing a girl in Hufflepuff for the last month.

"Thom Sedgwick?"

"He's too smart," Hestia insisted.

Sure, he's brilliant, and he might go a bit overboard with flaunting it, but that can't be that awful of a quality, can it?

"Cliff Owens?"

And Cliff, what's wrong with him? He's kind and honest and fair. Though he has decided to ignore women this year in favor of focusing on Quidditch. He said that he doesn't want any "distractions." These ladies might not understand that, but I do.

At last, we had reached the final name in the group. "Sirius Black?" Lily said slowly.

"Obsessive," said Mary.

"So full of himself," Hestia added.

"He holds your hand constantly, as if he's afraid you'll run away if he lets go," critiqued Emmeline.

I finally decided to pipe up and speak (really speak). All too quickly, I was beginning to rant. "He chronically falls for girls, thinking he wants to marry her just because he has a crush. He doesn't know what love is, but he's too thick to realize it and insists that he's 'in love' with every girl he's ever been attracted to. He gets completely swept up by his relationships, eternally blind to his own stupidity and the faults of the girls he dates, placing them so high up on a pedestal that he thinks he is nothing in comparison. He's a walking oxymoron. He is obsessed with sex but insists that he's been in love with every girl he's shagged. He considers himself unlucky and unworthy of his girlfriends, but also thinks he is one of the most attractive, most talented, most intelligent blokes at Hogwarts. He's completely ridiculous."

The four girls stared at me for a moment, until Mary opened her mouth. "Wow, I think SOMEONE has some repressed anger." And under her breath, she muttered, "And maybe some repressed sexual tension."

Uh, sexual what now? There is NO sexual tension between me and Sirius. I mean, he's practically family. That would just be… weird.

I pretended not to notice her comment.

And Lily took over again. "Well, now that we have identified their problem areas, we have to decide how to alter their patterns," she said.

I didn't really know what to say to this.

I can't help considering how idiotic the idea of pranking the Marauders is, as they're the best pranksters (probably) in Hogwarts history. But I also can't help thinking that forcing them to learn to become better people by breaking their hearts is unlikely and illogical. What would teach them the best lesson wouldn't be breaking their hearts but having them learn what it's like to be in a genuine relationship - which is the complete opposite.

I mean, James has fantasized about Lily for years (upon years upon years upon years), and he will never get over her or treat her with the kind of respect she desires as long as he has no idea what it's like to be in a genuine relationship (with her).

The same goes for Sirius. He obsesses over every single girl he has ever dated (for weeks, months), but if he were to have an actual serious relationship, he would understand the difference between fancying a girl (or being aroused by one) and being in love, as he so often thinks he is.

Not that I have much experience on the matter of love. But I know it isn't a crush. I was never in love with Chris (or anyone before him). I feel like such an idiot fancying him, since he never remotely saw me that way.

But these girls, Lily, Mary, Hestia, and Emmeline - they want revenge. They don't really know the blokes like I do, so they don't feel for the idiots the way that I do. They're using the idea of teaching them a lesson as a guise, an excuse to take revenge on something so petty and trivial.

"How do we do that?" Hestia asked.

"Well," said Lily, "it's different for each. For instance, Potter needs to learn how to treat a woman with respect. Shrink his head a bit. For Remus, he needs to realize that not everyone is going to hurt him and he can trust people."

Despite myself, I can't help interjecting. "If we want Remus to trust people, how would breaking his heart help with that?"

Lily sighed. "It wouldn't." She seemed to have known this would come up.

"If Remus forms the necessary trust relationship with a girlfriend," I said, "and then she dumps him, it will just teach him that trusting people doesn't work, that trustworthy people are hard to find. And if you, Lily, were to date James and get him to act more maturely, less conceited, do you really think that would continue after you broke up? Especially if he ever learned that the reason you went out with him was for him to mature. How are they supposed to become mature if we're behaving immaturely?"

Mary huffed. "Merlin, you're no fun." She paused for a moment. "Okay, fine, so we want them to grow up (and that might not entirely be our place). But they've been pranking you, Zig. Don't you want to do something about it?"

I allowed myself to smirk. "Of course I do. I'm not saying that we shouldn't prank them back. I mean, they've pulled enough pranks on you lot to last a lifetime, and the last month has been a bit ridiculous for me, but pranking them won't fix their immaturity."

The four of them all exchanged glances, and at last Lily said, "No, it won't. But couldn't we help them along a little?"

I laughed. "Lily Evans," I said, "if you want to help James grow up, then I think you need to agree to a date."

She instantly changed her mind (and the subject). Something tells me that Lily's holding out on us. I think for the first time in three years, she's actually interested in James Potter. (He'll be thrilled.)

"So what is our course of action?" she asked. "If we're not going to teach them a lesson, what do we do? I don't know anything about coming up with a prank to pull on them."

Once I was in complete control of the situation (no longer a ridiculous ploy to get the menfolk to behave appropriately - because that's NEVER going to happen), I finally got comfortable. I mean, it's not like I've really had much experience pulling pranks without their help, but trust me, I've got plenty experience doing it with them. So I know how they think (though apparently not enough to understand these current pranks) and I know what will get to them. "Let's begin…"

(Is it bad that I want to keep our plans to myself for now? Hehe…)

Friday, 29 October

Weight: 129 lbs.
Calories: approx. 1,910
Drinks: 0
Cigarettes: 10
Hours studying: 4 (but with Sirius, so mostly goofing off)

7 a.m.

Fucking finally! It's time for Sirius to get out of bed, muster up his courage, and attend classes. He can't afford to miss a whole week, what with NEWTs at the end of the school year. I might even force him to study with me later. If I can manage to get him out of bed first.

Besides, I'm sure Chevalier is relishing his depression (she's been smiling every time I see her in the Great Hall), so he needs to prove to her that he is fine. And to the rest of the school. The rumor mill is churning, and the longer he stays in bed, the worse the rumors get. Pretty soon, everyone will assume he's dead, so we need to nip that one in the bud.

9:30 a.m.

After my earlier entry, I marched up the boys' staircase and entered their dorm room. The other three were already down in the common room, having tried and failed to drag him out of bed (again). This, dragging Sirius out of his depressive state, after all has always been my responsibility, perhaps because I have the highest success rate. Which makes me wonder… Has Sirius been hiding in his bed so long because this is a particularly bad case or because I have been neglecting him? I sincerely hope it isn't the latter (for my own sake), but I have been spending an awful lot of time with Lily and Mary and the others.

The dorm itself is a mess - more so than normal. If I had never been in there, it would still have been easy to tell which bed is his - it's the one with the enormous lump of blankets and half-naked boy in it, complete with a particularly grueling stench.

Beneath piles of blanket and comforter laid a sad, sweaty Sirius, wearing nothing but his boxers and a beard that desperately needed removing. His messy hair stuck up in random places, and although technically awake, he was forlornly staring at the wall as if he was expecting his beautiful Chevalier to materialize and talk to him.

Damn. She really fucked him up.

Without a moment's hesitation, I went to him, dragging the layers off the bed and tossing them onto the floor in a heap before lying down beside him. He didn't even blink to acknowledge me as I made myself at home, so I started poking him (of course with no response). "Well," I said, taking in a deep breath, "this definitely seems like the best course of action. I mean, the less you move, the less energy you expend - so you don't need much food or water. Great plan, Sirius."

His shoulder twitched. I took it as a shrug.

"Really though," I continued matter-of-factly, "hiding in here is definitely not the best plan you've ever come up with. Everyone out there wants to know you're all right, and they don't believe me and James when we tell them you are. So you've got to get out of bed and show them. Do you really want Chevalier to know how upset you are about this? You're being over-dramatic."

"I am not!" he nearly shouted, still avoiding eye-contact. (Yep, definitely over-dramatic.) "I love her, and now she'll never speak to me again!"

I sighed and took hold of his wrist to truly get his attention, but he refused to turn to me. "Maybe," I admitted quietly. "Maybe you do love her, and maybe it will never work out, but you'll never know unless you get out of this bed and find out. Because it's just a maybe. She might never want to see you again, or you might marry her some day, or you might meet someone else and never think about her again - but none of those things will happen if you're moping in Gryffindor tower constantly. You have to get out there and see what happens because you don't want to miss anything."

We sat in silence for a few minutes before he finally turned to look at me, his eyes watery and sad. "I think I'll die if she doesn't love me," he said, and he nearly dove at me, grabbing me round the waist and burying his face into my chest (tits, actually, but I doubt he realized that). I wrapped my arms around him in an attempt to console him, rubbing him lightly on the back as he practically sobbed into my uniform.

Sirius Black is without a doubt the biggest drama queen in Hogwarts. Possibly in all of Britain.

For the longest time, we laid there and held each other, and for a moment I considered what this would have entailed if we weren't mates and he weren't broken up about Chevalier. Just for a moment. And then I came to my senses and pushed any of those thoughts (how I'd never realized how incredibly fit he is without his jumper on, or how comfortable I was with him atop me) to the back of my mind.

"Come on," I said, patting him to get him moving. After wriggling out from under him, I dragged him to his feet in front of me. "Let's get you in the shower, young man, and get you to Defense Against the Dark Arts on time," I added with a grin.

He paused a moment, just staring at me. "Hey, Zig," he said, his voice soft, just above a whisper, "I want to thank you." He told hold of my shoulders, keeping me in place, and looked deep into my eyes. "No one gets me to see things clearly like you do. You always keep my head on straight. Thank you for understanding."

"No problem," I brushed it off with a shrug and started to joke. "Now, do you need help undressing, or do you think you can manage the walk to the loo for your shower?"

He laughed. "I think I can manage," he said before adding with a wink, "though I haven't stood or walked anywhere for almost a week. I might need an escort." With a grin, he marched (rather steadily) toward the loo, and I watched him, glad that things were finally looking up, then wondering how he had used the toilet during that week of not even standing up. I had a sudden urge to clean his bedding, which I did while he was bathing (and probably using way too much product in his hair).

Later, at breakfast, he was happily laughing and joking with James, Remus, Peter, and myself, and afterward, he even committed to studying with me after Transfiguration. Yes, things are definitely looking up.

NEXT TIME:

Today is Halloween. Which is my all-time favorite holiday. Partially because James and Sirius and the others always throw the BEST party in Gryffindor tower after the feast (at least for the last couple years). This time, the Marauders decided that we are doing a sort of masquerade party, where everyone dresses up as their favorite witch or wizard on the Chocolate Frog cards. I wanted to be Joscelind Wadcock, who holds the record for highest number of goals in the British League in a match in 1931, but Mary said no. She insisted that I dress as someone "more interesting."