Summary: "A marriage can be the most frustrating of relationships. I love my darling, and I know he loves me. But there are times when I really just want to pluck his eyes out to keep them from wandering!" Nene thinks upon her marriage, and acknowledges that there is really nothing she can do to keep him from going after other women.

Disclaimer: I don't any anything but copies of the games and a bunch of pictures on the wall. The actual people? Absolutely not.

Queen's Quornor: I don't consider this particular marriage a tragedy, but a rather bipolar pairing of equal parts exasperation and adoration. In the games, as well as in history, it's pretty clear that Nene and Hideyoshi love each other. But if there's one thing that is undeniable about the Monkey, it's that he is a total playboy. I don't think he can really keep his hands to himself, even though he knows how his wife is going to react. Nene knows that, too, but she tries to keep his adulterous ways to a minimum all the same. I think the real tragedy here is that she was barren; if Nene had been able to give Hideyoshi children, it's possible that he may not have been so interested in skirt-chasing. For this chapter, I think I'm going to stick with the games' depiction of everybody's favorite ninja-mama rather than the history. There's a pretty clear-cut difference between Game-Nene and Real-Nene, personality-wise. Game-Nene is just more interesting in that department than her original self. Especially when you figure in her adopted children. So this chapter is less about the angst of a tragic marriage than the sheer frustration of a union where the husband keeps chasing other women while claiming that he loves his wife.

Hideyoshi and Nene

I think I deserve some sort of award for patience.

It doesn't sound unreasonable, does it? I've been putting up with my darling's wandering ways for years now. No matter how much I threaten him or attempt to keep him happy, he always slips away and finds other women. He's very skilled at hiding his affairs from me, I'll admit, but he can't keep ALL of them in the shadows. That's where a ninja like me excels; we tend to be very good at sniffing out hidden things. Hideyoshi is a very sneaky man sometimes, but I'm up to the challenge.

I never thought he would ever chase other women, back when we were first married. I promised myself that I would keep him happy any way I could, that I would fight to keep a smile on his face. He wants a land where everybody can be happy, where every citizen can smile in joy and peace. But doesn't that include me? I'm his wife - I should be the happiest woman in the world with him.

Except I'm not.

It's not that I don't love him. He's my everything, and I will love him until the end of time. But there are a few things I wish I could change. Of course the biggest issue is in his womanizing. I've done everything I can think of to try and put a stop to it, including firing all of his concubines, but it doesn't change a thing. He just brought them all back while I was visiting some friends in Kyoto, and spent all his time with them until I came back. Kiyomasa and Masanori had to hold me back when I found out, or I would have made good on my threat to break all his arms and legs. He just did what he always does: stood there apologizing, making excuses, promising that it would never happen again. Then he went straight back to Chacha the next day.

I suppose I can't really blame him for wanting to spend time with her. She is the mother of his heir, and the daughter of Oichi and Nagamasa. Chacha looks like her mother, but she has her father's noble bearing. She inherited the best of both parents, and as such is almost my polar opposite. She's a true lady, the very definition of a samurai's wife. I don't think she has so much as touched a sword in her lifetime. I hate her for stealing my darling's attention, but at the same time I feel sorry for the poor girl. She was married to Hideyoshi when she was just a young maiden, not too long after her mother and stepfather's deaths. Chacha has that slight overtone of sorrow, and my darling finds that quality irresistible.

But there's another reason why he sometimes seeks her out, and the blame lies with me. I can't give him what he needs the most, now that Japan is at peace. He needs another son in case something happens to Hideyori.

I can't give him children.

We realized that early in our marriage. After a couple of years, we started wondering why I wasn't getting pregnant. So my darling came to me and pointed out that he needed heirs. He brought up the possibility of concubines, and I rejected the idea. I didn't want to share him, and I still believed that I could have a baby if we just tried harder. But after a few more months without any sign of a pregnancy, I finally caved. I told my darling that if he truly needed a son, he could take a concubine and get one on her. But that was to be the only one, and only for that purpose.

What nobody knows is how much I cried the night he brought Chacha home, the first time he slept with her. I made some excuse about going out to patrol the city, but I don't think he paid me any heed. He was too busy fawning over his new woman, complimenting her and bragging to everybody about how beautiful she was. I doubt he even realized that I was gone. I spent the night in a tree several miles from our home, mourning that I was not the woman I wanted to be, the woman he needed to bear his children. I grieved for the children we would never have and for my dream of our marriage. I knew it wasn't going to be the joyous union I had hoped for, and that tore something inside my heart.

But I never shared that with him, or anybody else. I couldn't let them know that I'm not as invincible as I pretend to be. Hideyoshi and the others see me as this wonderful, strong, untouchable woman. I can't let that illusion end. I mustn't let them see me as anything else than the perfect wife and mother. If they do, they'll only worry about me, and I can't let them be distracted like that. A good mother always knows when to hide her true feelings.

I can't have children, but that doesn't mean I can't raise our boys to be fine young men. Mitsunari, Kiyomasa, and Masanori are my pride and joy; nothing makes me happier - aside from being with my darling, of course - than seeing them be happy. I'm proud of all of them, but like any mother I do have my favorite, although I'll never admit to it. Kiyomasa is the one I like best. He's a bit hot-tempered, but he's the one who keeps the other two in line when I'm not there to break up their fights. When he doesn't get mixed up in the bickering himself, that is. He's also the one who follows my orders without question, no matter what I ask of him. Masanori is a big, loud teddy bear of a boy, but his mannerisms cause me no end of grief. I swear, he still has no idea how to control his volume. He needs to learn how to use his indoor voice! And then there's Mitsunari. He's the troublesome child. He is easily the smartest of the three of them, and that's just the problem. He's too intelligent for his own good! I try to keep him in line, but he excels at backtalk and sarcasm. There are some days when my attitude towards him keeps switching between wanting to hug him and planning to give him the spanking of his life.

To be honest, he's the one I worry about the most. He's more independent than the other two, and his mind is always at work. Mitsunari's also the most disciplined of them, and the hardest on himself and those around him. I don't know where he learned that showing his soft side is a sign of weakness, but he's too stubborn to listen when I try to teach him how to show his sensitive nature. He certainly has the honor of a true man, but he needs to be nicer. I think that's why he's so prickly towards others - he doesn't want to leave himself open so others won't be able to hurt him. But because of that attitude problem, very few people understand him. I think Sakon is one of the only people even willing to make the effort. I worry about that boy far more than the other two, because I think he needs a mother the most. Masanori and Kiyomasa can handle themselves, but they don't understand him. That's one of the reasons why they argue so much. Good thing I'm always around to remind them to be nice!

There is one more little issue regarding Kiyomasa that concerns me a great deal. The poor boy has a serious infatuation with me, to the point that I strongly believe he may be in love with me. That's a little disturbing, because he is one of my boys and I've always thought of him as my son. I once overheard him listing off the qualities any potential wife of his must possess, and every last one of them were linked with me. She must be able to cook, she must be beautiful and full of energy, and she must be a ninja. So basically, he's not going to get married unless Hideyoshi and I force him, or he finds someone exactly like me. I think he has tried to work up the nerve to tell me how he feels a few times, such as when he came up to me stammering and blushing before begging me to punish him for "such nasty thoughts." It's not all that surprising that he should feel something for me, since I am the closest thing to a mother he has and all boys pattern their ideal wives after their mothers. But the degree to which his infatuation runs is troubling. Of course I would never cheat on my darling Hideyoshi, but I can't bring myself to embarrass Kiyomasa by acknowledging his feelings. He is going to have to realize, sooner or later, that I'll never be anything beyond a mother for him. I'll cook for him, support him, and discipline him when he misbehaves. Anything more than that is not going to happen.

Raising boys is such a pain. Sometimes I wish there were more girls around, to give me a break from pig-headed young men.

There is one nice thing about my situation. As Hideyoshi's wife, I am the most important woman in Japan. That makes me everybody's mother. So basically, all the people are my children. It's my duty to keep them all happy, and to keep my darling husband from chasing after the girls. He knows that if I catch him with another woman, I'll break all his arms and legs. But that doesn't stop him from trying.

I don't think he realizes what it does to me, seeing him with other women. I know that he needs children. I know I'm incapable of giving them to him. I understand that, as the barren woman, I'm supposed to sit back and bit my tongue while he frolics with other girls. But I can't make myself to act like some docile little lady. I can't turn a blind eye to his skirt-chasing. I can't bring myself to share him with other women. Not even with Chacha, the only one who has given him a son thus far. If it was up to me, she would have been cloistered in a nunnery or married off to someone else long ago.

But it's not up to me.

So I'll continue to support him. I'll fight to protect him and our boys, to preserve the peace we have found. I'll keep threatening him with serious bodily harm if I catch him with any other women. He has to remember that his wife is no pushover! I'll keep doing what I can to make sure everybody is happy. I will keep a smile on my face, even if it breaks my heart to know that I can't keep my darling at home.

After all, isn't that what a good wife and mother is supposed to do?