A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I'm at that point where continuing to write this is a chore and it's hard to push through it. I pretty much plan on one more chapter and then a small Epilogue so this is nearly over. Enjoy the chapter.

ten
Broken

"They're calling us back. Everyone who's out of canisters, retreat with the rest." Jean felt the weight of two more canisters in his bag and had resolved to stay until his bag was empty. It wasn't clear if they retreating because they had won or if they had suffered too many losses to continue.

They had regrouped with Tomika and Croft shortly before the retreat. He had hesitated before telling them about Amber. He was frustrated when Mikasa stepped forward and told them instead. She shouldn't have had to do it, it was his job. Tomika crossed her arms and took a step toward Jean. It wasn't a hostile gesture, and her tone was soft when she spoke. "Are you sure you don't want us—"

"Are you out of supplies?"

Tomika let out a breath, the tension in her shoulders pulling taught as she fought to keep her tone level. "Yes. Sir."

"Then your orders are to retreat with everyone else." Jean said.

"Look, I was just trying to be helpful." Tomika's boot stomped against the roof, kicking up dirt. "I'm not a fucking monster, alright? I care when people die." Her fists shook and she looked away, strands of bangs falling over her face. She received solemn looks in response and immediately flared up again. "Whatever. Fine. I'll fucking retreat." She ran before anyone could say another word to her.

"I'm out too. And I should stay with my partner." Croft was looking at his hands, cracking his knuckles absently. He followed Tomika, but his pace was sluggish. Everyone was wearing their grief on their sleeves. The problem was that they weren't out of the fight yet. This wasn't the place for it. And Jean wasn't helping by transferring his pain into anger. Mikasa had helped, but he knew that if he wasn't yelling or doing something constructive he'd be lost again. Sasha was empty too and she retreated with red eyes and wet cheeks.

"What about you?" Mikasa stood close, enough that he could hear her over the noise even though she spoke softly.

"I still have two more canisters left. I'm staying until I use them or until everyone has made it back." The ground began to tremble as titans started following their retreating prey in masse. Jean shifted his stance to keep balance. The focal point of the battle had been near the center of the city, now the titans were streaming toward the outer wall and gaining.

"Never a damn break." He spoke through his teeth. Mikasa was at his side, ready to follow him. He had considered telling her to retreat with the others. She was fast, she would make it back easily. He didn't know if he was being selfish by not ordering her back or if he was simply avoiding the argument he knew she would put up.

"Jean." Her voice pulled him out of his thoughts and he looked to see her pointing.

Renford's back was to them as he leapt toward the focused flow of titans. The wind pulled at his hair as he sprinted along the next roof over. His shoulder clipped a chimney but he kept running.

"He's got a death wish." Jean and Mikasa ran after him, though there was no way of stopping him short of carrying him back. I'll do it if I have to. I'm not losing anyone else. I don't give a shit how angry.

They moved fast, easily maneuvering between running and their gear, but Renford was being driven by rage and sorrow. He moved with the freedom of someone who didn't care where their feet landed. If he tripped, he picked himself up and kept running. Pieces were breaking off his gear, one of his swords snapped at the tip, but he just kept running. Jean could understand wanting to outrun your own feelings. If you sprinted fast enough then maybe the misery wouldn't follow you. Or you out pace it for a little while and for a few minutes you don't have to think.

Renford jumped, slashing at titan's neck as he sailed over its head. His attack hadn't gone deep enough, but he didn't stop to finish the job. He moved to the next one and barely maneuvered out of its reach. He was gaining attention. Several titans had shifted their focus to the singular soldier bouncing around their heads. The closer they got, the easier it was to hear Renford, rage spilling from him with each haphazard attack.

When Jean was close enough he tried calling to him. He yelled Renford's name, but wasn't heard or was ignored. He dodged grasping hands, moving himself closer to Renford and into the middle of a ring of titans. He didn't even have the emotional capacity to be nervous. He kept his wits, focusing on not being grabbed while trying to get close enough to get Renford's attention.

"Renford." Jean's throat was beginning to feel sore. Renford's movements were erratic, but Jean did a quick calculation based on the angle of Renford's tether line and managed to body check him from the air. The boys collided together, knocking the wind out of them both as Renford's back hit a wall. They rolled over each other to the ground, Jean landing on the bottom. When his sense returned, Renford struggled to get free.

"Stop—" Jean bit his tongue as an elbow caught him in the jaw. Warmth pooled in his mouth and he spit to get the blood out.

"Get off me, Jean." Renford's fingers tore at Jean's wrist, but Jean held firm to Renford's collar.

"Not a chance."

Renford twisted Jean's wrist, making him cry out, and broke his hold. He stood to find three titans positioned around them. Large dark eyes were locked on the food that had so conveniently landed in their reach. "Shit. Jean, you've got to get out of here."

One of the titan's hands shot forward, but Renford was quick. He drove his sword straight into its wrist, steam blowing up into his face and a hiss of rage knocking the titan out of the line. Jean was on his feet, deciding what the best course of retreat was and realizing there wasn't one.

The head of the titan on their left snapped forward and steam rose from the back of its neck. Mikasa was a blur behind it as it fell, but her red scarf was distinguishable. She moved to the last standing titan and Jean used the distraction to pull Renford off the ground. They fell onto the nearest roof, not quite out of reach but definitely more of a challenge to grab. Renford once again fought Jean's grip, pushing him to the ground and throwing a wild punch that glanced off Jean's shoulder.

"I don't need your damn help." Renford pushed himself to his feet, knuckles white.

Jean clenched his teeth as he pushed himself upright. Standing was straining on every muscle. He was slow, but he was able to stand, swaying only slightly. Renford hadn't run, but he had replaced the broken blade of his sword. Jean wiped moisture from his lips, either sweat or blood, and took a step.

"I don't care…" His steps were heavy, his weight completely thrown into each one. His balance was off. "Cause I have a responsibility to my team. I'm not going to let them lose you too, I don't care how pissed you are. You're going back. You're going to do as you are ordered to do because you still answer to me. You are not letting them down, you're not going to put them through losing you too. And if I have to fucking drag you back then I will." Jean stood in front of him, eye to eye. "Is that a problem, Arrlis?"

Renford held Jean's stare defiantely. He closed off to help. Jean was starting to worry he'd have to carry Renford back after all, but Mikasa intervened. She landed lightly next to them and sent her fist straight into Renford's cheek. Blood and spit flew from his mouth as he fell. Jean gaped and awe kept him from moving.

"Enough." She lifted Renford by the scruff of his shirt and set him on his feet. Her method was much more concise than Jean's, but it seemed to work a lot better. Maybe impassioned speeches weren't always effect.

"You need to retreat with the others." She said.

Tears broke from the corner of Renford's eyes, but he didn't argue. He started toward the wall, swords hanging at his sides. The blind fury that had fueled him had diminished and his reflexes suffered. He hadn't gotten ten feet when he was swiped from the roof.

His body arched in the air, limp and for the space of a heartbeat he appeared dead. When he landed, body crashing and bouncing a block away, he stirred faintly. Jean ran for Renford. Mikasa went for the titan that had attacked. Too many people were dying under his watch. Once again events had slipped from his control. If Renford wasn't breathing it would be another weight on Jean's conscience and he might not be able to carry it all.

Jean ran with the momentum of his jump, skidding to a stop next to Renford. He was face down, arms splayed awkwardly, but he was groaning. For a single breath Jean felt lighter, one less soul to haunt him.

Renford screamed when Jean tried to turn him over. Agony piercing the air and stirring the instincts of the titans for weaker prey. His leg was a mess of blood and cloth, dirt and shards of rock. Jean closed his eyes. A leg injury put soldiers another step closer to death. He would need to be helped back, but between Jean and Mikasa it was doable.

Jean heard her light steps behind him and he spoke without turning. "We'll need to help him back."

"Then we should hurry." She bent forward and pulled one of Renford's arms over her shoulder. "There are only a few of us still out here and the titans aren't as distracted. They're closing in on this position. His screaming didn't help."

Jean bent and helped her lift Renford to his feet. His eyes were closed, his teeth grinding together as all three tried to find balance. Jean's muscles shook and he knew his steps were limited. Adrenaline could only push him so far. Renford swallowed his screams, pain twisting his features. At least he was trying to keep quiet, but from vibrations under their feet they hadn't escaped notice. Jean focused on each step. One more. One more. It was the only mantra that kept his mind focused. In his ear it sounded like Renford was mumbling 'should have been me' over and over.

They were closer now. Titans were thick around them, but Mikasa could still move with agility. Her awareness kept them out of reach and if she hadn't been there Jean and Renford would have been swatted from the air long ago. There were soldiers passing them and the path to The Wall was becoming obstructed the closer they got. He looked forward to chaos and death. There was nothing waiting for them, The Wall was still so far away and titans were everywhere. Breathing was a chore, his lungs were burning and his body shook with every step. He didn't know if it was possible for three of them to make it to The Wall. His hope was snuffed out like a flame in an instant.

Their situation was dire, impossible. Jean measured the distance with his eyes. The last wave of soldiers fighting to make it back was being picked off one by one. One out of every five was making it to The Wall. They had no real chance of making it back. Jean turned to a scream just behind them. What used to be a town square was swarmed by four titans and they were chasing a figure on the ground. The soldier was trying to use his gear, but his tether line wasn't firing. A malfunction kept him grounded as he screamed and scurried. Jean was about to turn back around, accepting that his own situation wasn't any better, but he couldn't when he realized it was Connie running for his life. The titans had him boxed in, covering the exit roads. They couldn't quite grab him as he dodged under awnings and behind carts and tables left out from when people lived there. But there wouldn't be cover left for long.

Mikasa tried to keep them moving, but Jean had stopped. He was running down the options, planning, trying to save the situation. Or, rather, to save the members of his squad that he had a duty to protect. He let Renford's arm fall from his shoulder as he settled on the only plan that had any chance of succeeding. Mikasa noticed and she was rounding on him with intensity in her eyes.

"What are you doing?"

Her eyes were beautiful. "Three people aren't going to make it through all those titans, not when we're all leaning on each other for support."

"Then I will carry Renford. You go on ahead." She was right, that was the simple way of getting the three of them back to The Wall. But it didn't save Connie. Connie wasn't a member of Jean's squad, he wasn't his responsibility. Just like the soldier that Wagner sacrificed when he told Jean not to help, to keep riding. It had made Jean angry at the time and now that the decision was on his shoulders, he knew why.

"Carry Renford back. Both of you can make it Mikasa. If anyone has a prayer of getting Renford back it's you. But I'm not going. Connie doesn't have long before they catch him. His gear is broken, I can help him—"

She slapped him, hard. "You were just yelling at Renford for running off on his own. You do this and you know you won't make it back."

Jean smiled, his hand rubbed at his cheek because it stung. The stinging distracted from the throbbing soreness overwhelming the rest of him. "It's not the same thing. I can't leave Connie to fend for himself."

"Your responsibility is to your squad. I'll get Connie out, you take Renford back." Mikasa's scarf caught the wind, the end fluttering over her shoulder.

"I can't carry him, I'm not strong enough right now. And both of you need to make it back, otherwise I won't be doing my job. And you…you have to make it Mikasa." When she opened her mouth, Jean stepped forward and pulled her to him. "I know you want to argue. Think about it Mikasa, is there a better idea? Renford's only hope is with you. I can't leave Connie behind, that's not right. I can help him so I will."

"You're being reckless for no reason." She snapped.

"I'm not being reckless!" He wanted to laugh. "Mikasa, I am not the reckless type. I like to think things through. I don't take my mortality lightly, I like myself too much." He smiled into her hair, pulling her closer. "And I don't plan on dying down there."

She was stiff under his arms, but he just nuzzled closer. Connie didn't have time for long drawn out goodbyes or arguments. Jean pulled back, his hand drawing up on either side of her face. "Get to The Wall safely. Okay? I'll be right behind you."

He wanted to say it; it was on the tip of his tongue. Looking down at her face it felt like the perfect moment. The frown in her eyebrows, the set line of her lips. She was not happy with him and yet he couldn't stop smiling. He bent lower because he was lousy with words, even simple ones. He relied on action. He pulled gently on her face so he could reach her lips, the pressure light and unrequited.

Like the first time he had kissed her, instinct pulled him further than he intended. He slanted his mouth over hers, tilting his head for a better angle. For a second she did nothing, then he felt her hands light against his shirt, rising slowly up between them. Her lips parted and she pushed hard into him, fingers hooking in the straps of his gear harness and tugging. He'd only wanted to show her how he felt, a quick gesture before facing what would probably be his last moments alive. But ending a kiss with her was not that easy.

Time screamed in the back of his head, scolding him for whatever wasted seconds he was abusing. He had to breathe through his mouth, panting in puffs against her lips and tongue and teeth. God, she was not stopping either. Her nails pulling and stretching his shirt, her mouth hot and demanding and so fucking amazing. He needed to stop. His hands moved along her cheeks, behind her head, drawing her harder against him. He had to pull away now. She moaned low and soft, a sound that nearly shattered that tiny clock in his head. If he didn't stop, then they'd probably end up dying with their tongues down each other's throats. Which didn't sound like the worst way to go…

Jean pulled back. It took will-power like he'd never endured, but he did it. He wanted to keep holding her, to press his forehead to hers and lose himself in an entirely different distraction. But his ears adjusted to the sound of battle, he was once again aware of the world and now was definitely not the time for doe eyes and tenderness. He moved his hands from her hair, savoring the feel of it against his skin, and took a step backward.

"Get him back. I'll follow you as soon as I can." He said quietly. His eyes lingered on her face, and then he was turning away. A part of him worried that she wouldn't listen. She might try and stop him or follow him, but when he glanced over his shoulder Mikasa was already gone. He felt better, at least, he didn't have to worry about her any more. There was nothing really left to hold him back now. Mikasa was safe.

Jean ran toward Connie's position. At first, he didn't see him and he was frantic that he had wasted Connie's life saying goodbye to Mikasa. Connie began to call to him, hiding somewhere Jean couldn't see. Jean saw an arm waving out of a window. Connie must have gotten inside one of the buildings and Jean started to move in that direction.

He was slow, so much slower than he should be. His foot was knocked from under him when he tried to dodge a titan's grasp. He fell forward onto his stomach, his chin knocking the roof tiles and making his teeth bang together. He had to roll sideways to avoid another hand; three titans were now focused on Jean instead of Connie's hiding place. Somehow, he had to get around all three of them. He climbed higher up the roof, getting to his feet and readying his swords.

"Okay. I am so done with your stupid faces." Jean took a deep breath in and ran. He ran until he was just at their reach and then jumped. They were focused on grabbing him from the roof, not from over their heads. He cleared them and started falling, using his gear to swing him closer to Connie. He thought he had a clear shot of reaching them, but more hands tried to grab him and he had to dodge, using his swords to strike what he couldn't avoid. He didn't do a lot of damage, barely nicked their skin. His left sword caught a bad angle and snapped. He saw it glinting in the light as it spun to the ground, catching between two cobble stones and sticking straight into the air.

"Shit." He kept fighting with the broken half, and when he was close enough to the ground he let himself free fall until he landed. Rolling into the fall did little to help the reverberations in his bones. His entire skeleton shook with the force of it, rocking sharp pain through him. He kept moving. Connie held the door cracked, waiting for Jean to get close enough. It hadn't seemed a far distance to run, but he was so tired. A titan foot landed too close, throwing him off balance. He had been running fast enough, with his reflexes dulled enough, that stopping was impossible. His toe hit an uneven stone and sent him rolling head over feet, and then sliding along his shoulder until his head hit the curb.

He couldn't see. His eyes were pinched shut as pain began to overwhelm him.

"Jean, get up!"

Connie's voice was close to him, but he couldn't move. It felt like his arm was gone. Was it? He couldn't feel it, not properly. He couldn't move his fingers. Panic made him move, pain erupting along his right shoulder. He sat up and the wind hit his bare skin, burning him.

The fabric of his jacket was in shreds. His skin was peeling, most of it completely gone, and blood was starting to seep through. The fresh air ignited the injury like fire. Connie had left cover to stave off attack while Jean got to his feet. Once inside, they slammed the door shut and Jean fell to the ground.

"Shit, that looks pretty bad."

"Really? Does it look bad? Cause if feels perfectly fucking fine." Jean growled, wanting to sooth his arm while being unable to touch it without aggravating it.

"Sorry, man. Jeez." Connie hesitated. "So. Thanks for coming for me. My gear isn't working. Not sure if I'm out of gas or what, but it's not firing."

Jean listened and tried to concentrate. He started to check around them, knowing there had to be more than one exit to the building. Unfortunately, the entire back half of the room had caved in. They were cut off by a mountain of lumber and furniture. Their only exit was the way they come in.

"Here." Jean started unhooking his gear from the harness.

"Whoa, man. I can't take your gear. How are you going to get out of here?"

"Look, of the two of us, you're in the best shape. I'd barely be able to use it anyway. So take it and shut the fuck up." Jean started to pull off his jacket. He tore it where it was brushing against his shoulder. He never appreciated how easy it was to take a jacket off, until now when doing so nearly made him pass out.

Connie grumbled, but accepted. "So what's the plan then? I distract them while you run?"

"I don't really know. We're kind of screwed in here." Jean said. He glanced out the window and saw a titan getting to its knees. His breath caught, fear choking him. Outside the titan got to its hands and knees then broke through the window. It could only fit a few fingers inside, but it was enough to send Jean crawling backward. Connie cut through the fingers with Jean's swords, panting as three of them hit the floor with a thud. The titan backed away, the others moving to get closer and try.

"Well, this just keeps gettin' better and better." Connie screamed. He hacked at the next set of fingers and then caught his breath when they seemed to tire of that idea.

Jean yanked the swords free from Connie's broken gear. He felt better with them in his hands, even if he couldn't use them to propel himself to safety. The building creaked and shook around them. It wouldn't take the titans long to start kicking the building in.

"What do we do?" Connie asked again.

Jean stood up, each time felt like the last time he'd be able to. The front of the building was completely surrounded. If they tried to leave, they'd be caught. Staying would only keep them alive until the entire building fell on top of them. Jean started looking around them for something useful. He hadn't bothered to look at the name of the building before, but given its location it had to be a shop or business. Not that it mattered. He looked at the rubble, but there was nothing discernable left. He was squinting against the poor lighting which brought something to his attention that he wouldn't normally given a second thought.

The outer walls were still intact, which meant the lanterns weren't touched. Jean rushed over to one, yanking it down and seeing oil sloshing in its base. There were two more on the opposite side. Jean grabbed them while Connie watched from the window. He was still on guard, but for the last two minutes it had been quiet.

"What're you doing with those?"

"Hopefully, getting us out of here." Jean searched his pockets. He usually kept a small tinder box on him just in case, but it must have fallen out. He cursed, trying to think of another simple way to light the lanterns.

"You need this?" Connie pulled a tinder box from his pocket and beamed. "Sasha's got me carrying it around everywhere. Just in case, you know, there's an opportunity to cook something."

Jean took it, managing to smile because he could see Sasha and Connie having that exact conversation, and began to light the lanterns. "When I throw them, they should burst. It won't be anything major, but it will be enough to send them back while we run for it."

"Okay, boss." Connie grabbed a lantern and went to a window. Jean had two in his hand, nodding to Connie when he was ready.

The first lantern shattered along the cobble stones, sending up a whoosh of flames as the oil spread and was engulfed. The Titans moved away from it, giving Jean the chance to toss his at their feet, sending them further back with each crash of glass. The last one did explode, hitting the ground just right to send create noise along with a small ball of fire. Jean and Connie ran from the building. They were seconds from getting themselves off the ground and then were halted.

Jean was kicked backward, his vision fading at the edges. Connie was picked up, hacking and sawing at the titna's hand before he reached its mouth. Jean could barely keep his eyes open, watching Connie begin to fall and not able to move to help him. Connie had managed to cut himself free, but he was already so close to the titans mouth.

Blood sprayed out behind Connie as the titan caught him with its teeth. It bit down onto the leg he caught, the rest of Connie dangling from its mouth. The screaming was so faint to Jean, but he began to move. He picked up the sword and forced himself to sit up.

Connie was screaming, hysterical as he slashed down over and over with his weapon. Then his screams died in his throat, the sound suddenly cut from him as the titan closed its jaw and Connie fell to the ground. The titan's head fell backward as it swallowed.

Jean watched Connie bounce along the ground, blood pouring from him where there used to be a full leg. He let adrenaline push him, forced himself to stand and attack. Jean couldn't do any real damage from the ground. He cut into the titan's leg, drawing his sword back before hacking again. He kept it up until the titan's attention shifted away from Connie. Then its fingers closed around Jean.

If he couldn't at least save Connie, then he had failed. He was about to die without actually achieving anything. Maybe he bought Connie some time, but that didn't matter now. The will to fight was slowly leaving him. He didn't have any strength left. He saw teeth and thick saliva dripping over a pink tongue. He picked up his sword and tried hitting at the hand holding him, but he wasn't strong enough to cut through. He had one last idea, one final instinct to not be eaten.

As he got closer he steeled himself, wincing as putrid breath covered his face. It was not going to save him, because he had no fight left, but as long as he could move he was not going to be eaten. Jean lifted his sword and once he felt teeth ruffling the edges of his hair he stabbed. He put all his strength in driving his sword up and into the soft skin at the roof of its mouth. He was released immediately, his body suddenly free-falling. Screams and steam filled the air as Jean fell.

Then he landed and he would swear that his spine shattered. But after a few seconds, he knew that it hadn't. As the pain of the fall began to leave him, he felt a new pain in his leg. A stinging, terrible pain and when he looked he saw the tip of a blade sticking up from his thigh. Nausea made his head spin. Blood was pouring from his leg. His sword that had broken earlier, he must have landed on it when he fell. If he had hit an artery he'd be dead in minutes.

Jean lay on the ground removed from the world. He could see it, but he could no longer hear or sense it. His body began to shut down and he could no longer feel anything at all.

He could see the sky above him, blue and white with clouds. The wind must have been blowing, because the clouds were moving. He couldn't move any more. He was done. If he was picked up now he would have no way of fighting. There was more action, he had no other options left.

The silence was peaceful, at least, no more screams or roars to stir up nightmares. He hadn't really achieved much in his life, nowhere near what he had hoped to, but he figured he hadn't done so bad for the time he had.

He wished he didn't have to die slowly. Though, as long as he wasn't eaten before the end, then he was okay with it. He should close his eyes, but, even knowing it was going to happen, closing his eyes felt too final. He liked that he could see everything. He didn't want to spend his last seconds of existence thinking in the dark.

At some point, he started to hallucinate. He couldn't tell if his eyes were open or if he was having a vivid dream, but right as he felt too tired to keep breathing, he saw Mikasa's face. Knowing her face would be the last thing he saw made him smile. Or, he wanted to smile. He wasn't sure if he was conscious, though. Eventually the thoughts would stop. Or that's what he figured. Like falling asleep? Probably. At some point though, it would all be dark. Then what? Shit, he was too close to the end to worry about the after. Oh, fuck, now he was starting to panic. He didn't want to lose consciousness, but he was powerless to stop it.

A/N: So, I realized a small plot problem for the next chapter that I will have to figure out before I can write it. But it should be the last chapter of the story. I have a small epilogue pretty much written that I'll add, too. Sorry for the delays in posting. I'm trying to keep myself invested, but I struggle so badly when I start getting closer to the end of a story. I'm working on it and I WILL finish this, I promise. Maybe not quickly, but I will complete it. Thanks for reading. And to anyone who reviews, it is so appreciated.