Disclaimer: I don't own YYH.
Thanks to Tren Rogue for your encouraging and understanding review! I'm going to try to crank out the next few chapters as fast as I can, and I can definitely say that I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. Hope you continue to enjoy.
Hiei showered as quickly as he could, scrubbing all traces of Kurama from his skin. He hesitated momentarily before sliding back into his clothes. They weren't nearly as saturated with the fox's scent as his own body had been, but Hiei could still smell it. However, showing up at Yusuke's in loaned clothes from Kurama would be much worse. Hopefully he would have a chance to explain before Yusuke used his heightened senses to draw his own conclusion.
Within minutes, he was back at Yusuke's apartment. He was tempted to make his usual entrance through the window, but thought better of it. Yusuke probably wouldn't appreciate him barging in unannounced.
The apartment door swung open before he even had a chance to knock. The former Detective stood there, his eyes bloodshot and face pale. It looked like he hadn't slept at all.
He ushered the smaller demon inside. "Where have you been?" he asked roughly, slamming the door shut behind them. "I turned around and you'd disappeared."
"You didn't seem to want my company," Hiei responded icily, realizing too late that he shouldn't be casting blame. Yusuke grabbed him by the shoulders, his gaze clouded by anger and confusion.
"Like hell. Tell me where you've—"
Hiei opened his mouth to respond, but suddenly Yusuke's eyes cleared with understanding. He shoved the fire demon away as though he'd been burned. "You've got to be kidding me."
Damn it. "Yusuke, I can—"
"NO."
"It wasn't—"
"Shut your mouth."
Hiei's jaw snapped shut. Idiot. He glared murderously at the younger man, unable to say another word.
"What, you forget that now my sense of smell is just as freaky as yours?" His hands balled into fists. "You sick bastard. You try to trick me into fucking you, but when that backfires, you go running to him?!" A punch went flying into Hiei's face.
The fire demon allowed the blow to land, as well as the ones that followed. His instincts spurred him to fight, but he tramped them down. He couldn't afford to make this more difficult than it had to be.
"Was it good for you? Huh?!"
The next punch caught him in the stomach and sent him crashing to the floor. He looked up at the former Detective, trying very hard to keep his expression blank. He really shouldn't have expected this to go any differently; Yusuke was quick to anger, and nearly impossible to calm once he reached a pitch. There was no way Yusuke would let him explain, not now. Even if he tried to telepathically communicate, Yusuke would command him to stop.
The half-breed towered over him, his demon energy flaring. "What the hell? You think I'll get over it because you let me hit you a few times?" He drove his foot into Hiei's side, making the fire demon grunt in pain. "Get up, asshole!"
Hiei rolled with the force of Yusuke's kick and lept to his feet. No, don't make me—.
"Fight BACK!" Yusuke screamed, aiming another energy-fueled punch at Hiei's head. But the fire demon was forced to obey. He dodged the blow and drove his own fist into Yusuke's jaw. Yusuke recovered quickly and lashed out with his fists again, but Hiei was too fast—he dodged every blow and parried, landing a few punches of his own. Try as he might, he couldn't resist the curse forcing him to fight.
I have to stop this. Suddenly, he had an idea. This wasn't how he'd wanted to explain himself —but now, it was the only way. Hiei dove toward Yusuke, tackling him to the floor. He tried to pin Yusuke down, but the half-breed snarled in fury. "Not this time, pal! Get OFF!" Hiei was happy to comply with the command, launching himself away from the scuffle in one fluid motion. Yusuke lunged after him, newly-grown fangs bared.
Hiei flipped onto his back as the Toushin pounced on top of him, and called up all the emotions that earlier he'd been trying so hard to bury. His forehead burned with effort. Now or never. He ripped his bandana from his forehead, revealing the Jagan beneath. Locking his eyes with Yusuke's, he unleashed all the darkness and rage that had taken hold of him the previous night. He allowed his memories to flow from his mind to Yusuke's, holding nothing back. The hatred that ate him alive from within. How close he'd come to ripping their friend apart. His inability to follow through on his desires, both murderous and lustful. The feel of Kurama's body against his, the lusty emerald eyes gazing at him-the absolute wrongness of it. And finally...
The weight of it hit Yusuke like a truck, blasting him backwards. He slumped against the wall, his Mazoku form swiftly retreating, and stared, glassy-eyed, in the fire demon's direction.
Yusuke. The fire youkai scrambled upright. He was still unable to speak, but he took the risk of reaching out telepathically. If the former Detective stopped him, it wouldn't matter—he'd done everything he could. Yusuke, I never—
"You didn't do it," Yusuke muttered, almost too low for Hiei to hear. The fire demon moved swiftly across the room, getting as close to Yusuke as he dared. Let me—
"Don't explain," Yusuke cut in shakily, allowing himself a glance at the other man. He averted his gaze quickly, but Hiei saw the tears filling his brown eyes. "I...I think that summed it up." He reached over to clasp the demon's hand in his own. "I'm...jeez, I'm sorry. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Last night, I didn't mean...I'm such a…"
The blame isn't yours.
"Like hell." Yusuke squeezed his eyes shut. "Shit, sorry...you can talk if you want...I…"
Hiei felt his jaw loosen, but he didn't say any more. Yusuke seemed to be opening the door that had been locked the past two weeks, and he wanted to hear him out.
The former Detective swallowed hard, and continued, "I keep thinking it should be no big deal. Way worse stuff has happened to me, you know? And it's not Kurama's fault...shit, you almost killed him because of my stupid ass." He grimaced at the thought.
"And you," he continued. "You've been amazing..and I want you, but I just...I couldn't...and I kept waiting for you to bail. I hoped you wouldn't, but...when you didn't come back last night, it made sense. You wouldn't want someone who...jeez, it was bad enough when I was just...y'know. Inexperienced. But after…"
Yusuke ran his hand nervously through his hair. Now that he'd started, he couldn't stop his stream of consciousness. "...and then, thinking you went back to him...but whoa. What you showed me...yeah, dunno if I'd blame you." He glanced quickly over at Hiei, forcing a chuckle. "Gotta say, I admire your willpower, because...I mean...damn, what that guy can do. Dunno if you're choosing right here...I mean...how the hell am I supposed to…?"
Hiei shook his head violently. "That doesn't matter."
"It does matter!" Yusuke shouted, slamming his other fist into the floor. "Even when he isn't psycho fox, the guy is a freaking god!"
The fire demon snorted, briefly losing his patience. "If that's all you took away from what I shared, you're a bigger idiot than Kuwabara."
Instead of retorting, Yusuke just turned away. Hiei mentally swore at himself. He was at a total loss for what to do. Bluntly smacking some sense into Yusuke's thick skull per usual clearly wouldn't help matters this time.
But it seemed to be his only option. He wanted nothing more than to slide his arms around the former Detective's shoulders, to hold him close and kiss the tears from his eyes...but he knew that was an intimacy the curse would not allow him to initiate.
His eyes stung with frustration. How blind could Yusuke be? Sharing the Jagan link had bared everything to Yusuke, including every emotion that welled deep in his soul.
"Yusuke," he whispered. "After all this, you really don't realize the depth of what I feel for you?" His breath hitched as a handful of tiny, perfect ruby stones clattered against the floor.
Yusuke snapped his head around in shock. He'd seen Hiei shed one, maybe two tears in the past. Now, they were scattered everywhere. This was unprecedented. "Hiei?"
Furious with himself at his loss of control, the fire demon swiped his arm across his eyes. He could not allow this to continue. "Listen, Detective," he spat, jabbing an accusatory finger in Yusuke's direction. "You are all that truly matters to me, in this world or the next. I've told you —shown you—that I feel far more than my race's base stirrings of possession and lust. Last night I realized that if I had to give the feeling a single word, I suppose I would choose 'love.'"
This was wrong. His harshly spoken words hung in the air. Yusuke was gaping at him, his expression unreadable. Hiei sighed and looked desperately at Yusuke, willing him to understand. Attempting to soften his tone, he continued, "Still, that word doesn't seem right. Didn't you feel it, Yusuke? Everything that I've heard said about love, how it's supposed to be...it doesn't come close to this. Not by a long shot."
And suddenly he was thrown back against the floor; he hissed as his head cracked against the hardwood, but the weight on top of him distracted from any pain. Before he could register what was happening, Yusuke's lips were pressed firmly against his, and the young man's fingers were tangled in his hair.