Simple as False

from Richard Wilbur's Love Calls Us to the Things of This World

… the astounded
soul
Hangs for a moment bodiless and
simple
As false dawn.

…
The soul shrinks
From all that it is about to remember…

"Pacing has no known therapeutic value, Captain." Doctor Chakwas looked up from her screen as Anderson passed the foot of Shepard's bed for the twentieth time in as many minutes. The Commander lay pale and unnaturally still on the penultimate bed in the room, across from Doctor's desk. "You'll be the first to know when she wakes up."

"You said her injuries were minor, just burns, bruises and grazes." Anderson walked over to the monitors. "I don't understand why she's still unconscious. How long can she go on like this? Can't you force her to wake up?"

The doctor rose slowly and joined him, resting a hand on his arm. "Respectfully, David, we're talking about an N7 under your command, not a 16-year-old girl. She can endure more than a few days of unconsciousness. I'm making sure that she gets the fluids and nutrients she needs. There's no sign that she's in any danger." Chakwas moved her hand off his arm and continued in a matter-of-fact tone. "I believe she'll wake up naturally, and that is my recommendation. I don't know why she's hasn't, but time gives her body a chance to correct whatever is happening on its own."

Anderson glanced over at Shepard before turning back to the monitors hooked up to her bed. "Explain what I'm looking at, Doctor."

"All her readings are normal except for her brain wave patterns." Chakwas pointed to the relevant indicators. "Someone unconscious should only show delta patterns, which look like line drawings of a mountain range. Instead, here you see the tight narrow pattern characteristic of beta waves." She tapped where a squiggly line oscillated across the screen creating a dense caterpillar-like pattern. "These are usually seen when someone is awake and engaged in conversation or work. It is an anomaly to see them in anyone unconscious."

"Could something be in conversation with her?" Anderson looked grim as he met Chakwas' glance. "Alenko and Williams both reported that the beacon lifted her in the air and seemed to be doing something to her before it exploded, and beacons are known to be communication tools. Maybe it was uploading. We have to consider the possibilities, Karin."

"The beacon does seem to be the inciting cause of her current condition, but exactly how I don't have enough information to say. Everything on the Mars beacon is classified." Chakwas walked over to stand by Shepard's bed, and looked down at her. "It seems unlikely that the beacon could continue an ongoing 'conversation' with her after exploding and at a distance of three days and several systems travel from Eden Prime." She sighed. "An upload? Maybe, if the information overloaded Shepard's conscious mind, it might explain her current state. I'm not sure what possible mechanism would allow such a thing, or what it would mean for her upon waking. I suppose information has been encoded in images before." As she watched, Shepard's eyelids fluttered. "I would think she was dreaming, but her brain wave patterns don't match typical patterns for that." Her forehead wrinkled, and she crossed her arms in front of her, holding her elbow in one hand and lifting a gloved finger from the other hand to her lips. "Hmmm, 'could something be in conversation with her?' That's a provocative question. What are you thinking, David?"

Anderson frowned. "We don't know enough about how the beacons work, but I think we would have been briefed if they were known to draw people in and then explode. What Alenko and Williams described sounds like a trap to me." He walked over to the other side of Shepard and looked down at her too. "For all we known, this beacon may have been created to lure enemies in and kill them or turn them into sleeper agents. From what the others have reported about what happened down there, I'm not ready to rule out anything, even alien possession. Keep a close eye on her brain wave patterns, strap her down and notify me if they deviate outside human ranges." His hands behind his back, he looked up at Chakwas. "I want to be told the moment she wakes up. We need to know if we still have Shepard, or something else."

Chakwas' concern showed clearly in her face. "That's a bit extreme, surely. The beacon could have been damaged or set to explode by the geth. This is all speculation. The absence of proof of beneficence is not proof of maleficence."

"The point is, we can't rule anything out, even the worst, Karin." Anderson brought his fist down into his palm. "You've seen the bodies we brought on board, what was done to them." He pointed to the room where Chakwas' staff was conducting an autopsy on one of the altered human corpses. They'd set up there to keep the proceedings as private as possible.

Chakwas gripped the unconscious marine's shoulder. "Shepard shows no signs of anything like that. Clearly. She interacted with Prothean technology, not geth."

"Like you said, we're not dealing with a 16-year-old girl, but an N7 who interacted with highly advanced technology in a hot zone. We don't know what the geth wanted with that beacon, but they left it behind, activated, and Shepard was caught by it. The Protheans gave us the mass relays and the Citadel. With that kind of technology, anything's possible. We've never recovered any Prothean weapons, yet that race once ruled the known universe. They must have had some. We may have just found our first, finetuned to fit the geth's purpose." Anderson drew in a deep breath, and continued in a softer tone. "I care about Shepard, Karin. I trust and admire her as an N7 and a Marine. I will do everything in my power to help her, but I will not assume that she is no danger to this ship until I know she's not. Restrain her." After one last look at Shepard, Anderson turned to go.

"Captain Anderson, the crew is on edge enough as it is." Chakwas didn't look up from Shepard. "Jenkins was endearing, and his loss is keenly felt. Many have placed high hopes and a great deal of confidence in the Commander. It would be very hard for them to feel they've lost both. Restraining Shepard would undermine their confidence in her and her command. Alenko and Williams have stayed with her most of the time since they brought her back, and unless I'm mistaken, they are waiting outside to return when you depart. They would notice restraints. I don't see how we could hide them." Chakwas finally met Anderson's gaze. "Forgive me for speaking freely without first requesting permission, but I think we need to consider more possibilities than just the worst. If you truly trust her…."

Anderson glanced down at Shepard. "I do." He took a deep breath. "You never need to ask my permission to speak candidly in this room. And you're right, this is speculation. There's no reason for the crew to know of my suspicions. They won't be in my report." Anderson looked up at Chakwas. "Alenko and Williams can serve as unwitting guards for now. Let me know if there's a change."

"Yes," Chakwas inclined her head. "Thank you, Captain."

"It sounds like a real nightmare." Joker's fingers flew over the controls. Eight bells had just sounded, and the relieved watch bustled out. "Geth on a rampage, half a colony massacred, living dead attacking-that's seriously fucked up."

"You should have seen it. It was like nothing could get to her, not Nihlus lying there in his own blood, not reanimated corpses, not nukes about to go off." Kaidan dialed up the Engineering diagnostics. "She was amazing."

"Something did get to her. Everyone's saying the beacon fried her brain. It's already been two days. She may never wake up." Joker shook his head and frowned, eyes still intent on his screens. "The Captain must be shitting his pants. No beacon, no Spectre, no N7 XO hero, and poor Jenkins. A disaster shakedown run. The Council and the Alliance will eat him alive."

Kaidan pushed the H.I. away and turned toward Joker. "Don't say that. She has to make it. She only got caught by the beacon because she was saving me."

Joker snorted. "Man, you've got it bad. I just hope Quartermaster Barbarella would feel the same about replacing me if anything happened."

"Her name's Barb, Joker." Kaidan resumed his work, the orange glow from the H.I. reflecting off his pale face. "And I don't have anything bad. It's just, she lived up to her reputation. I admire her, as a Marine."

"Yeah, sure, whatever you have to tell yourself to not sleep at night." Joker pushed the screen he'd been checking over to the left. "Speaking of which, tell me about the new Chief, this Ashley. What's she like?"

Kaidan shrugged. "I don't know. She's pretty tough and not afraid of a fight. I think she'll make a good addition to the team."

"Sometimes, it's like you're not even a guy." Joker shot Kaidan a reproving look. "I mean … is she hot? How does she stack up? Are her guns loaded? Are we talking large or small caliber?"

"Like Barb, she could rip you to pieces," Kaidan's smile was not slight enough for Joker to miss. "With her bare hands."

"As long as they're bare," Joker leered. "I like them like that."

"I mean literally. She could break you into multiple pieces, and if you talked like that around her, she probably would." Kaidan glanced over at Joker. "Even Doctor Chakwas wouldn't be able to put you back together again."

Joker scowled. "Don't be an ass-hat."

"I'm going to start calling you Humpty." Kaidan kept his eyes on his interface.

"It's too late, you already are an ass-hat." Joker glared at him.

Kaidan grinned. "You're the one with the hat."

"I hate you, Kaidan."

"Whatever you say, Humpty."

Shiala shifted uncomfortably in her cell. It had been too long. When the geth had taken Erastaz to one of the spikes, Shiala had known it must be to force Lady Benezia to do something. The fact that Erastaz had been returned to her cage unharmed suggested that Lady Benezia had done whatever had been required of her. So where was she? While Shiala waited she tried to rest so that she'd have the energy to reach Lady Benezia if, no, when, she returned. The hard metal floor foiled Shiala's attempts. The jagged edges and odd angles made it impossible to find a position she could rest in for long. Neither the walls nor the floor were flat. The red lights made it hard to see or to focus on anything, and the constant noises made her head hurt.

At some point, the sound of marching geth woke Shiala from her semi-sleeping state. She struggled to her feet in the flickering red light and the rising thrum of whispers. The doors on the far side of the room opened, and Lady Benezia and Saren walked through. Shiala's heart leapt to see her again, alive, but … she could tell something was wrong. She gripped the bars. If only she could get to her, help her.

The two stopped outside the central cell, and Lady Benezia opened the door and stepped in.

"No." Saren took her hand and pulled her back out. "There's no need for that anymore."

"What is your will, Saren?" Lady Benezia's voice was deep, hoarse and flat, almost unrecognizable. She stood tamely beside the metal-faced turian. Shiala didn't understand.

"Show your devotion to me." The subharmonics in Saren's tones troubled Shiala. He gripped Lady Benezia's shoulder and pushed her down. He couldn't mean….

"As you wish." Slowly, stiffly, Lady Benezia knelt in front of him. Shiala grit her teeth, even as she heard a few gasps from the others.

Saren put Lady Benezia's hands on his armor.

Lady Benezia pulled the release catches, exposing him. Shiala willed her to hurt him. Instead, she reached for him.

Before she could touch him, however, Saren tore away from her, and, fumbling, put himself back in order. Shiala saw tears, she thought they were tears, streaking his metal face. Lady Benezia stayed where she was, expressionless. "Go!" He yelled, waving a taloned hand at her. "Release them all. Lead them back to the rooms they had before. Go! Go!" He gripped a corner bar of the central cage. "GO!" His voice was raw, and Shiala saw him bend over as if in pain. She hoped he was, and that he'd die from it.

Two geth came to her cage, unlocked and opened it. Her eyes only on Lady Benezia, Shiala skirted around the door and went straight to her, helping her get to her feet. The burns looked even worse close up. Erastaz went to Lady Benezia's other side, and they supported her as they followed the geth out of the room. Their surviving companions followed, silently, one of them lingering by Varda's body for a moment first.

Shiala could feel how heavily Lady Benezia leaned on them as they led the others away from where they'd been imprisoned. She could tell the Matriarch was near the end of her strength and was glad when the geth opened the doors to the richly appointed chambers they had all shared when they'd first come aboard. "You're going to be okay. We'll take care of you," she whispered.

The black metal walls lacked the extreme jaggedness, the floor the pronounced irregularities, and even the red pulsing lights were subtler here than where they'd just been. In their shared chamber those features had seemed dramatic, not sinister, when they had first arrived. Alcoves with wide couches ringed the large open chamber. On one side, up several stairs, a round bed with red cushions and blankets stood in the middle of an elevated platform, and on the other, down several stairs, stood a long crooked table with red cushioned benches around it. Off in the far corner, a fountain bubbled with a large, wide basin for communal bathing and a higher, smaller basin for drinking water and washing hands. Their luggage and the room had been left the way it had been when they'd been dragged away from the Matriarch. The only thing different was the large sunken and stiff pattern of dried, dark blue blood across most of the bed. It told a tale of its own. Seeing it, Shiala could not figure out how Saren had survived.

Shiala's strength wavered on the stairs up to the bed, but with Erastaz's help, they managed to get Lady Benezia up them and to settle her on the edge of the bed. The others huddled together and whispered near the entrance. One went over to an alcove resting area and touched the cushion as if she didn't believe it was real. She looked over to Lady Benezia, as if for confirmation.

Lady Benezia stared at nothing.

Fighting a growing sense of uneasiness, Shiala took charge. "Let us tend the Mitera, and then ourselves. We don't know how long this reprieve will last. I need some water and some help with these sheets."

Erastaz went to fill a bowl in the fountain, while three others joined Shiala. A couple of others went to find Lady Benezia clean clothes and to pull out the bottles of sweet water and elasa they had in their luggage.

When Shiala removed the headdress, she sucked in air through her teeth. The tips of Lady Benezia's crests and her neck folds had been crisped. The blackened skin had cracked and peeled in places.

"Oh Goddess!" Chara blanched, clutched her stomach and tried to fight down dry heaves when she saw, to no avail. The other two, Eurycleia and Eidothea, gently lifted Lady Benezia's arms to work her sleeves off over her head. Then, they helped her stand so that they could ease her dress up and off her. They wept silently as their progress revealed many more wounds, Eidothea swearing under her breath at the worst of them. Meanwhile Shiala and Themis stripped the sheets off the bed, and Themis took them to soak in the top part of the fountain. As Eurycleia and Eidothea helped Lady Benezia sit back down, Erastaz returned with the bowl and a cloth, and Photine arrived with medigel and a cup of elasa with a cube of eezo bubbling in it. Glykeria handed Chara Lady Benezia's softest yellow robe and took the headdress to put away.

They all jumped when the doors opened and geth marched in, but the geth only brought platters of food, setting them down on the table before they left again.

Shiala took the cup of elasa from Photine and held it to Lady Benezia's lips. When she did not respond, Shiala touched her shoulder. "Mitera … you must try to have something while you can." Careful to avoid the burns, she took the Matriarch's chin in her hand and tipped the cup to Lady Benezia's lips. She was relieved when the Matriarch drank.

Photine's fingers, slathered in medigel, trembled as they hovered over Lady Benezia's neck folds. Shiala noticed out of the corner of her eye as she helped Lady Benezia with the cup. Photine seemed unable to bring herself to touch the wounds there.

"I'll do it," Eidothea said softly, taking the container of medigel from Photine. "Why don't you put that on her back."

Shiala grimaced in sympathy as the two carefully applied the gel.

Lady Benezia closed her eyes.

Glykeria went in search of bandages. Erastaz gently washed the Matriarch's body while Chara warmed her yellow robe by the heating vents. Shiala stroked Chara's arm comfortingly as she passed her on the way to get some food. Chara still looked green. "I just can't imagine…." she whispered.

"It's okay. I'm sure she understands." Looking over what had been brought, Shiala settled on preparing a small plate with a little meat and a little fruit. When she got back to the Matriarch, the others had finished tending her. Her wounds had been anointed and bandaged, and Chara was wrapping her in her robe. Shiala had never seen the Matriarch look so old, or so gaunt. It brought her up short for a moment, as did a deep purple ring of swollen teeth marks on her chest. She fought back tears as she went to stand beside her. "Here, just a little more to do, and then you can sleep."

The Matriarch didn't open her eyes.

"My Lady?" Shiala pressed a piece of fruit to the Matriarch's lips.

The others made their way over to the table and then to the fountain, talking softly. They helped each other disrobe and bathe, while they nibbled from shared plates, glancing back at Shiala and the Matriarch from time to time.

Shiala stroked Lady Benezia's arm for awhile before trying again with the meat. "You'll sleep better if you eat something first. You need food. Please."

The Matriarch's hand lightly grasped Shiala's. "Issa?"

"Mitera Narissa's not here."

The Matriarch released Shiala's hand. "Eléison."

"It's Shiala. I'm here." Tears rolled down Shiala's cheeks.

The Matriarch slowly lay down on her side, her face drawn. "Eléison."

"You're tired now, and in pain." Shiala put the plate down within reach and pulled the blanket up over her, before sitting down beside her. Her tears flowed unchecked. "You don't know what you're saying. Rest. I'll stay with you."

"I think she's coming around. Commander?"

Shepard recognized that voice. That was the doctor. Her vision blurred when she opened her eyes, the lights in the room making haloes around everyone, and the voices seemed loud. She grimaced and rubbed her eyes, and the lights dimmed a little. "Thanks, Doc."

"That's Doctor, Commander. How are you feeling? You had us worried."

"Yes, Doctor." As Shepard's eyes focused, she saw the smile on the Doctor's face, and swung her legs around to sit up. "I'm fine. My head throbs a little. Nothing serious." The movement stirred a wave of nausea that rose in her throat, and her head felt like it'd been split open with red hot pokers and probed. She bent over, fighting to keep from throwing up.

"You've been unconscious for five days."

Gingerly, Shepard looked up and noticed that the Doctor was standing back away from her with her arms crossed. Shepard rested her head in her hands, checking to make sure it hadn't actually been split open. Drawing in a deep breath, she ran her fingertips through her hair. She didn't know whether to feel relieved or not when her head felt familiar, no horns, no spikes sticking out of it, no bandages even. She kept her voice even. "Five days? What happened?"

"The LT and I carried you here after the beacon knocked you out," Williams explained.

Surprised, Shepard turned and saw Williams and Alenko hovering on her other side, also standing away from her. "Williams, I'm glad to see you onboard." Cracking her neck, Shepard forced herself to sit up straight. "What happened with the beacon?"

Alenko's brow furrowed, and he looked upset. "I must have triggered some sort of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way."

"You had no way of knowing what would happen," Shepard reassured him. He gave a small smile of relief.

"Actually, we don't even know if that's what set it off, and there's no way for us to determine now, unfortunately." The Doctor glanced over at the equipment by the bed.

Alenko walked up to stand beside the Doctor, concern in his eyes. "The beacon exploded. A system overload, maybe. The blast knocked you cold." Shepard drew in another deep breath.

"We've been monitoring you closely. Physically you're fine, but I detected some unusual brain activity, abnormal beta waves. I also noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement, a sign typically associated with intense dreaming. What do you remember?"

"I'm not sure. I saw … I don't know what I saw … creatures being ripped apart, a cataclysmic event of some sort. Nothing's very clear." Shepard blanched as the images flashed through her mind again with a … and the Doctor was there holding a basin in front of her just in time, the other hand on her back.

"I'd better add this to my report. It may …. Oh, Captain Anderson…" The Doctor handed her an antiseptic wipe before stepping back again to give the Captain room.

Shepard quickly wiped her mouth and struggled off the edge of the bed to stand at attention.

"How's our XO holding up, Doctor?" Anderson kept his eyes on Shepard.

"All the readings look normal. I'd say the Commander is going to be fine." The Doctor emptied the basin into a wall receptacle, and then deposited it in the sterilizer. "Though I dare say that when the nausea dies down, she's going to be very hungry."

"Glad to hear it. Shepard—I need to speak with you in private." Like the others, Anderson stood back from her. Shepard frowned.

"Here, Commander." The Doctor pressed a plastic sealed pink tablet into Shepard's hand. "This will help with the nausea." She led the way out of the medbay, Alenko and Williams behind her.

Shepard bit the wrapper off the tablet and squeezed it onto her tongue. It tasted chalky and a little sweet, but much better than how her mouth had been tasting.

"I won't lie to you, Shepard, it doesn't look good." Anderson had darker circles under his eyes. "The mission failed. The beacon exploded, and Nihlus is dead."

"There's something else, too. Something about me. What aren't you telling me?"

Anderson half turned away from her.

She frowned. "Anderson?" When he said nothing, she repeated, "Sir."

"That beacon hit you pretty hard." Hands clasped behind his back, he faced her again. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"You think the beacon did something to me? What?" After another silence from her CO, Shepard sighed. "If I'm going to be your XO, you need to be able to tell me these things."

He seemed to come to some decision. "What do you remember, Shepard, about the beacon?"

Shepard looked to the left as she thought back. "It stood about twice as tall as I am and was made of a dark metal with a green light running up the middle. It was on, humming and glowing, when we got near. Alenko walked toward it, and it started to pull him in, like it had some sort of tractor beam. I could see him struggling and ran to knock him out of the area of effect, but it was stronger than I anticipated." She paused. "I could get him free, but couldn't free myself."

"Yes. Then what?"

She made a face and shook her head a little. "Then … it was … it was...," she looked up at him, "… tearing … at my mind. I saw … terrible things, felt them as if they were happening to me."

Anderson stepped over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I know this is hard. I'm sorry, Shepard, but I need you to be as specific as possible."

Shepard covered her face with one hand, a flash of nausea rising in her again. She started to sweat. "I know they didn't happen to me, but they seemed so real. There were these machines and flesh grew around them. They were attacking, these … monsters, tearing these other creatures apart, and there were fires and shadows of creatures running, and they were also me, but I've never seen anything like them. Then everything was melting in this red light and the noise was deafening-screams and this deep loud sound that obliterated everything." She removed the hand and looked up at Anderson. "I wish you I could tell you more, but it's all jumbled."

"I can tell it hurts to remember it. Thank you for doing it anyway. I have to ask, are you sure that what you saw wasn't a flashback of Mindoir? Or Elysium? Or some combination, triggered by the beacon somehow?" An apology showed in his eyes.

"I understand why you ask." Shepard returned his gaze steadily, crossing her arms over her stomach and leaning back against the bed. "But I haven't had a flashback since I was an N2. I've dealt with those experiences, as much as anyone can. These were different. These were not something I'd seen or felt before."

Anderson nodded. "So what is your theory about what this beacon was? The Council is going to want answers. What do you think we should tell them?" He paced away from her.

"I think, maybe it was some kind of warning." She watched him.

He turned, paced back. "To whom? About what?"

Shepard's eyebrows lifted. "Maybe to other Protheans about whatever brought their civilization to an end, some kind of invasion?" Their eyes met.

Anderson nodded. "And what do you think the geth would want with that? They hadn't been created yet when the Protheans still existed."

"Well, they wouldn't have known what the beacon contained any more than we did, I hope, but if they're starting an intergalactic war, it would make sense that they would seek any advantages they could get." Shepard raised a finger to her lips and chewed on it as she thought.

"Why now? They've stayed behind the Veil for 200 years." Anderson came and leaned against the bed beside her.

"And this beacon just happens to show machines destroying organic life?" Shepard pursed her lips, then shook her head. "That seems too big a coincidence. There's something more going on, and we have to get to the bottom of it. We have to warn the Council and the Alliance, and track that ship. They need to be stopped."

"Agreed." Anderson clapped Shepard on the back. "It's good to have you back."

Shepard grinned. "Thanks, Anderson." She considered nudging Anderson with her shoulder and decided against it. "There's something else, though."

"Yes?"

"A witness to Nilhus' death said he was killed by a fellow turian, one by the name of Saren. I couldn't place it, but that name sounds familiar."

Anderson pushed off the bed and took a few steps away. "Saren? You're sure?"

"Yes."

He turned around, a grim expression on his face. "Saren Arterius is a Council Spectre who hates humans. I know him. If he's involved, he'll be attacking more human colonies. We should be arriving at the Citadel within the next few hours. Go get something to eat, write up your report, and when you've filed it, go up to the bridge and tell Joker we're ready to dock. I'll want you to take the Eden Prime team to present your report to the Council. Now go, and please send in Doctor Chakwas on your way out. She should be nearby."

Shepard nodded and headed out the medbay doors.