Thanks to Anna, MentalistLover and BlueDiamondStar for your support. You are the best! softball34 is the latest to add this story to her favorites. Any constructive criticism is welcomed.
Mattie tapped on the master bedroom door. "Mr. Jane, may I come in?"
She waited a few seconds and slowly opened the door to reveal the man setting on the edge of the bed, his arms resting on his knees, his anxious eyes locked on her.
He sighed. "Thank you for giving me a little time. They're good people and I wish…" He lowered his head, fingers wistfully rubbing. "I wish, I could… I don't know… how to…"
She knew he felt lost. He was not a man to accept sympathy. "Cho and Lisbon were checking up on you. I told them what they wanted to hear. I don't like lying. You and I have to come to an agreement. I'll give you some time to adjust, as long as you follow my advice. Accept their support and be strong enough to keep them from your own demons."
His body shook as if a chill travelled from the heart to his soul. He looked so small… so lost. The transformation from exhaustion to distracted vigilance was disturbing. Mattie lightly touched the trembling shoulder. "Time for PJs."
He nodded at the closet door where she found the folded garments. He seemed hesitant and shamefully let her him remove his clothing. Carefully she helped him change, seeing the damage in line with his medical records and shocked at massive scaring from old wounds. This man mentally hid what his body couldn't. She had to respect his privacy doubting anyone in his support group understood how deep the scars lay. Someone should have noted them in his chart. His shoulders were an angry red, swollen as if he did pushups to exhaustion.
"Mr. Jane, you shoulders are inflamed. I need to ice them to reduce the swelling." She place pillows to arrange him into a comfortable position. "I'll get the ice packs, just relax."
On her return, she was grateful to see him relaxed into the pillows and his eyes closed. His breathing was even as if he were in a light trance. She placed the icepacks and pulled up the covers to give his core warmth. A small hiss escaped.
"I know it's cold but it'll numb the pain."
Jane slowly accepted the cold; it squelched the heat and pain he felt since pressing his shoulders into the bedroom corner. Mattie left and came back with a kitchen chair she placed next to the bed. "Are you warm enough, Mr. Jane?"
He nodded and transformed himself into his quiet place. He no longer deserved the loving arms of his family, so he retreated to the place of childhood fantasy. He read "Swiss Family Robinson" and desired the love of an ideal of family. He felt the warm breezes from an island tree house, the sounds of timber swaying in the wind and surf beating on rocks in the distance. There was no dung to clean up and no marks. He locked himself into the adventure, winning the race, building a safe and happy home, surviving against all odds.
The love of family was something he never understood until he lost everything. Tension laced through his damaged joints he no longer deserved the fantasy of fiction. Fantasies be damned!
We all have our stories. Some seem so simple… so easy… the loss of wealth… the loss of love. There is much more to scar a soul and wreck sanity.
And for my actions?
The loss of an innocent child… and a woman who loved me…
Let me be forever damned… I let the innocent die… and yet I live… I did this…I choose this… not them.
Please let me sacrifice all that I am… and all that I have….
I accept hell and all it brings. For I deserve nothing better.
Yes, Mattie, I'll do my best to appear normal, so you will discourage the team's concerns. I can't hide the scars, but I can use them to influence you, just as I did the medical staff.
Mattie quietly noticed his inner turmoil, his swift bounce from pain, to relaxation, then tension to exhaustion. She knew he skirted on the edge and was very close to losing control. When he did, she would be there.