Disclaimer: It all belongs to JK Rowling.
Chapter 10: Miss Pansy Parkinson
It was as if a whirlwind had blown in.
"You have no idea how difficult it was to find you!" cried Pansy as she strode purposefully towards Draco, engulfing him in an oppressive hug even as Draco tried vainly to extricate himself from her vice-like grip.
Hermione swore she could hear a strangled, "That was the whole point!" emanate from under his breath.
Pansy parked herself on his lap, intent on smothering him in kisses as Hermione, red-faced, tried her best to look away. "You weren't avoiding me, were you, you naughty boy!"
"How…" asked Draco in a strained voice, "Pansy dear, it's not that I'm avoiding you. You know what a busy man I am! I have many important things to do, and I won't be able to do them if I have such a…" he gave Hermione a pleading look. She chose to ignore it.
"…a marvelous distraction like you around me all the time. Now darling, do tell me, how ever did you find out? It would be terrible if, you know, reporters, or stalkers, or, Merlin forbid, Weasley, managed to find out my location so easily."
"It was your secretary of course."
"I knew it! That woman is fired! I…"
"Darling! It really wasn't her fault. She was very resistant in the beginning, I admit that I used all the persuasive arts I had… and, maybe a few Imperiuses to get what I wanted…" the hawk-like look in Pansy's eye chilled Hermione to the bone. "But isn't this fantastic? The both of us can spend the entire weekend cooped up here in the mountains! Just the two of us…ooh Drakkie…"
"Have…have I introduced you to Hugh!" shouted Draco in panic, and the speed with which Pansy snapped her neck over to where Hermione sat amazed her. It was exactly like a bird of prey. The look in her eyes was shrewd, calculating. She stared at her for a few more seconds than was polite, and Hermione had the sinking feeling that Pansy had recognized her somehow, and was trying, unsuccessfully however to place her in her memory. Thank Merlin for Moody's recognition blocking spell!
Now, Hermione, as a woman, knew exactly how to deal with Pansy Parkinson. A shallow, insecure woman of much less understanding and commonsense compared to Draco, it was simple to see through her wants, desires, and goals, or lack thereof. Hermione knew which buttons to press, which ways to circumvent her usually transparent and unimaginative schemes. Unlike Draco, the woman had not gone through the same trial by fire as he had. Her life during the War was sheltered, almost the same as it had been before it began. Neither she nor her parents had been charged after the War was over, and she was still the same person she had been when she proposed giving Harry up to Voldemort all those years ago…
As a man however (or in the guise of one, at least), Hermione was absolutely terrified. She had heard men describe women like Pansy as 'ball-shrinkers', but until now never knew what they meant. Now she did. Hers were cotton but she could feel them shrinking nonetheless.
Pansy stood from Draco's lap and sauntered towards her, "So you're the Hugh that he's been going on about! He speaks about you constantly, you know. Well I for one am very glad that my Drakkie's found such a good friend."
Hermione instinctively cringed at the saccharine in her tone. She stood and tried not to let her voice tremble, "Miss Parkinson, it is very nice to meet you. I'm…I'm honoured that Draco thinks of me as a friend. Likewise I've heard so much about you from him."
She glimpsed Draco mouthing "nice one" out of the corner of her eye. And it wasn't even a lie really.
"Hmm…interesting."
Hermione screamed inwardly. What was so interesting! The woman was a nightmare! And she was ashamed to admit it, but she was thoroughly intimidated by her big hair, her tight clothes, her over spilling bosom and overbearing perfume.
Worse of all however was that predatory look in her eyes. A look that was currently trained on her like a heat-seeking laser.
"Drakkie dear…you wouldn't mind if I take dear Hugh out for a talk, do you? You must be so busy, and I think as your fiancée, I should get to know your good friends better, don't you think?"
What? What?? Hermione tried not to yell in opposition. She snapped her head to Draco, but the traitor merely nodded, murmuring his assent.
If he was at all regretful he did not give any indication, and Hermione could only mouth the words "You bastard!" to him futilely as she was dragged out of his office by a very determined Pansy.
00000
They sat next to each other on a very charming bench just outside the cottages. All in all, it was a wonderful day. Birds chirped happily as they went about their matrimonial businesses, the leaves rustled gently in the breeze, and the sun, while high in the sky, was partially obstructed by the lazily drifting clouds.
From afar, the blonde girl and dark-haired boy seemed like lovers enjoying the beautiful day. However, upon closer inspection, one would see that this was far from the case.
Hermione stared miserably in the distance as Pansy eyed her speculatively. Several minutes had passed since Pansy had suggested resting at the bench while they chat.
"So," Pansy said, breaking the silence, "I gather you and Draco spend a lot of time with each other?"
"Ye-es, in a way we do. We work together quite closely…"
Pansy leaned forward, eyes gleaming even as Hermione forced herself not to move away, "Outside work as well? You know, to the pub, or…meal times…?"
"Well, yes. We go to the pub on Fridays; on weekday nights all the younger dragon tamers get together for dinner."
"So – you do see each other very often then?"
Hermione was starting to get very uncomfortable, "What exactly are you asking?"
"Must you be so dense?" Pansy replied, as she turned away from Hermione and threw her hands up in exasperation, "Are all dragon tamers so obtuse may I ask? How ever did an intelligent, marvelous man like Draco fall in with you lot?"
Hermione bristled with anger and irritation. What exactly did this woman want? First she popped in unannounced, then she dragged her away from her meeting with Draco, and now she was asking a whole series of pointless questions, and insulting her intelligence to boot! Slytherins were so typical!
"Let me spell it out since you're obviously too stupid to understand allusions. Draco spends most of his waking time in Bulgaria with you. He's been absolutely distracted ever since he came out here…"
Pansy took a deep breath, "Has Draco…has Draco been seeing anyone out here?"
Hermione stared at her blankly, "I beg your pardon?"
Unexpectedly, Hermione suddenly felt very, very guilty. There was nothing she should feel guilty about, but somehow – she did. A million questions raced through her mind.
What did Pansy suspect? Did she know...wait a minute, what was there to suspect? I'm masquerading as a man! And why would I distract Draco at all? He thinks I'm a man! So we shared our feelings and opened their souls to one another, but we did that man-to-man, it was perfectly normal! Nothing that would lead up to anything remotely romantic of course! But why had Pansy been acting so oddly this whole while? More importantly though, what is wrong with me?? Why am I even contemplating this?
"Has he been seeing anyone! Is there some Bulgarian bitch he's been seeing on the side! You should know! You're his friend! Blokes share stuff like this with each other, don't they! Please…just, tell me! I can take it!"
Tears leaked out of Pansy's already red eyes, and the poor woman looked so afraid, as if her whole world depended on Hermione's answer. Hermione suddenly remembered what Draco had said about Pansy, and immediately felt an immense pity towards her. She knew from experience how painful it was to love a man who didn't feel the same way; and more so how trying to keep a man like that could drive one to desperation.
"Miss Parkinson," she began, in a soothing voice, "please calm down. There is no one else."
And it was as if all the air in Pansy had whooshed out as she sighed in visible relief. It seemed as if the woman uncoiled, and it was only in uncoiling that Hermione realized how tightly wound she had been the entire time.
She giggled softly, and said, repeatedly, as she rocked back and forth, "There's no one else. I was worried for nothing. There's no one else."
Realizing that Pansy needed to catch her breath, Hermione looked down on the ground in silence, feeling guilty still, and oddly, sorrowful.
00000
Hermione stared at the diamond chandelier dripping off the ceiling. Well, this was certainly a very nice restaurant. The four-tiered monstrosity glittered blindingly, every facet of every diamond throwing reflections off the walls and ceiling, till a kaleidoscope of fairy lights bedecked the entire room. Gold-gilt curtains and ancient Ming vases adorned the restaurant, and the sheer amount of gold and diamonds liberally decorating the entire place so distracted and offended Hermione ("why, that plate alone could feed 50 house elves for an entire year!") that she forgot, momentarily, what she was doing there in the first place, forgetting totally her plans for escape.
What was she doing here again?
Looking across the expensive oak table at the happily chatting woman, she suddenly remembered.
Oh.
In the park, Hermione had spent what seemed like eternity being bawled on by Pansy. She could do nothing but suffer her presence when Pansy, who'd sobbed into her cream silk handkerchief till it was ruined, decided to use Hermione's shirt as a substitute instead.
It had been a mistake, really, to feel sorry for the woman. Her feelings of empathy were totally misplaced. The woman was a monster in five-inch heels.
"Oh, you don't know how hard it's been for me!" Pansy had whined as she sobbed through Hermione's (or, more accurately Harry's) plaid button down shirt.
"I've been so worried, and so stressed! Why, look at my fingernails! They're in horrible condition!"
Hermione glanced down to see a glittering set perfectly manicured nails.
"Just like a common muggle's!" she continued, forcing Hermione to tame her better instincts. Her fingers were absolutely itching to reach for her wand.
Calm down Hermione, she's just distraught. And anyway, she's always been like this. Why are you so surprised?
"There, there." she said, patting Pansy on her back. "I'm sure it'll all be alright."
"Well it'd better be!" Pansy snapped. "I didn't spend all that time with him for nothing! I stuck with him, even after all his father's failures, and that cowardly incident with Dumbledore!" She blew her nose violently on Hermione's shoulder, and the latter had to keep herself from strangling the blonde haired witch.
"All...all...my friends and family told me to give him up, but I couldn't! I just couldn't! Because...because...I LOVE HIM!"
Despite the murderous feelings welling up inside her, Hermione was nevertheless rather impressed with Pansy. She cried magnificently, like an old-time Hollywood star.
After crying her eyes out (all the time clutching Hermione's arm like a bloody anemone), Pansy had cleaned herself up, at moments still sniffling piteously like a drowned rat.
Despite her disdain for the witch, it still pained her to see a fellow woman so broken. She reminded Hermione all too plainly of herself.
First Draco, now Pansy, when did all these Slytherins start to seem human?
"Why do you love him even though he's so mean to you?" It was a question Hermione had asked herself, many times in the past. And one day she realized she didn't know the answer to that question, and decided to spare both herself and Ron any further misery.
"I expect you wouldn't understand," said Pansy, delicately dabbing the edges of her eyes with a tissue, "after all he is so much more magnificent and accomplished than you are."
"Oh really." Hermione replied drolly. "Do elaborate, please."
"Well as a pure-blood of course he has responsibilities that a muggleborn like you couldn't comprehend!" Pansy returned in a rather huffy manner.
"Responsibilities of tradition, of honour. He carries the name and mantle of one of the oldest and most distinguished pureblood families. He's constantly stressed and worried about his position in society, the Malfoy businesses…and well, the war didn't help him very much either. So much money lost to reparations…and so I must support him!" she said, putting on what Hermione thought to be a false smile.
"And, he must love me," she continued deludedly, "after all he's always given me whatever I wanted. Shoes, clothes, and…oh! The diamante tiara for our wedding! I was going to pick one out today." Biting her lip as if in deep thought, she suddenly turned to Hermione with a puppy-dog expression, "You can come along with me, can't you? I have no one else. Mother is in Italy, and Daphne, that damn girl is off gallivanting somewhere in Manchuria…"
"What? No…I'm sorry but um…there's a lot of work to do and all that…can't be seen slacking off you know…"
"Oh! Not to worry! I'll just tell Draco that I'm bringing you with me! You've been so nice to me, I ought to buy you a meal, and I'm sure it'll be a treat for you to see me try on the tiara!"
What in Merlin's…before she could complete that thought however, Pansy had grabbed her wrist and apparated with her to Central London. Slytherins had always been rather good at apparition; she mused. Must be how they always get out of tight spots…
00000
And now she was stuck at Le Petit Sorciere, being force-fed truffles and caviar on ten thousand galleon plates.
What was wrong with her, really? The old Hermione wouldn't have stood for this. She would have slapped Pansy long ago for her Dumbledore comment, and never would have allowed herself to be dragged here to listen to Pansy drone on about her wedding. Being Hugh Grant was certainly more difficult than she'd originally thought it would be!
"Hugh, are you listening!" Pansy suddenly said, rolling her eyes, "I swear you men are all hopeless! Here I bring you out to such a nice place and all you do is stare at my boobs!"
Hermione head snapped up. WHAT?
"Why would I want to stare at your boobs? Women's mammaries aren't something that I regularly look out for!" she snapped.
Pansy gasped, and Hermione felt her face turn red.
Merlin, what did I just do! She knows! She knows she knows she knows she knows she knows! How could I have been so stupid!
After about 15 seconds of shock-induced silence, Hermione immediately tried to control the damage that had been done.
"I mean…yours are perfectly fantastic mammaries, I mean breasts, but you know, as a polite English gentlemen, I find the ogling of women's private parts to be very rude indeed, and disrespectful! You know, women's rights have made great advances in the last fifty years, and I wouldn't want to…"
"You're gay." said Pansy, with a certainty that could have survived a landslide.
Hermione felt her jaw drop. "N-no…I'm not! Let me assure you…"
"Yes you are! Draco tells me that like him, you always avoid those cheap prostitutes at the Bulgarian bars. You leave with him every night…"
She suddenly gasped.
"Don't tell me you're trying to make a play for Draco? How could you!"
"NO! I'm not!" Hermione shouted, causing the other patrons of the restaurant to glare at her in consternation.
"Oh I'm just joking!" Pansy said, guffawing loudly. "Sorry darling, even if you wanted to, you could never capture my Drakkie. He is one hundred percent heterosexual. Believe me, I know." She winked at Hermione, who, at this time only wanted to bury herself under the thick carpet in embarrassment.
"Oh this is even better!" Pansy suddenly squealed in happiness.
"What?" said Hermione again blankly. Her heart was still thudding at two hundred beats per second, and her mind had yet to catch up to all that had happened in the last five minutes.
"Well, I've always gotten along so well with gay men! No competition and all that. And your group has such good taste. My best friend is gay! Do you know Blaise Zabini? Oh you may not, I forgot that you're from Beaubaxtons. But he is very often featured in Wizarding Tatler with his new pet or other."
Blaise Zabini was gay? Well, that wasn't entirely surprising. He was a student who usually kept to himself, but Hermione had noticed him and always thought him very well turned out in his school uniform. Always impeccably and fashionably attired, unlike some other male students she could name…
She supposed she now had to go along with the lie of her being gay. No doubt Draco would find out about this very soon, but she had no other choice. She only hoped that her friendship with Draco would not be negatively affected as a result.
Wait a minute…friendship with Draco? Why would I care about that!
"…Now I have no qualms whatsoever about shopping with you! I was worried for a while that I might've brought along a dud with no taste. I mean, your outfit leaves much to be desired. But I suppose that's just your attire for work…" as Pansy prattled on, a horrified Hermione found herself being led out of the restaurant. When was this nightmare ever going to end!
00000
Hermione barged into Draco's office, arms and legs aching, but filled with a burning anger and bitterness. Far from being startled, Draco merely looked at her blankly.
"Shopping! Six bloody hours of shopping! And I had to carry all her bloody bags! And constantly assure her that she did not look fat in that! Merlin, the woman even asked if she looked fat while trying on earrings!"
Draco continued to stare vacantly at her, which only made her angrier. She barged up to his desk, slamming her hands down on the tabletop.
"This is all your fault! How could you do this to me! You knew what I was in for! You did it so you could escape yourself, didn't you? Well, this is the last time I trust you, Draco Malfoy!"
Uncharacteristically she leaned over and grabbed his shoulders. "You have to stop her!" she continued, now frantically and in panic, "she wants to do this again next weekend!"
Their faces were now inches away, and Hermione suddenly realized how close they were to each other. This close, she could once again breathe in his highly comforting woody scent. She could see clearly every contour of his sculpted face, and the fine baby hair that brushed the edge of his forehead. Blushing, she made to move away and apologise, but Draco had reached out, holding her cheeks firmly yet gently between his large hands.
And then he kissed her.
00000
A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed! Your encouragement spurs me on.
Next up: hilarity ensues (the promised Blaise and Draco chapter).