(Author's Note: I am so very, very sorry for the feels you are about to experience. I will beg for more of your forgiveness later. Until then, I hope you enjoy.)
Dean took a sip from his morning coffee as he stood with his husband at the kitchen counter. The newspaper he had been looking at was laying nearby, but his attention was on the teenagers across the room now. Jude and Clarence were sitting at the table and chatting a little over breakfast; all alone, since that Jessica had left with Sam and Gabe to go on her date. It was pretty damn obvious that they liked each other just from the way they sat angled perfectly towards one another; elbows on the table, feet turned inward, cheeks flushing every so often. Dean's little boy was getting his first taste of adult feelings and it was the cutest thing in the world.
Though he was interested in the kids' interaction, Dean tried to look at them as little as possible. He didn't want Cas to catch him staring and start wondering what it was about Jude and Clarence that Dean found so admiring... That is, until Dean looked up and found Cas staring at the kids with the exact same expression. The angel's blue eyes were soft and his smile was warm as he blinked at Jude from across the room. Huh. Did Cas figure it out, too? Did he know that their son had a crush on the demon boy? Cas eventually noticed that Dean was looking at him and the two of them met suspicious eyes. How was Dean supposed to ask the question without giving it away?
"... Do you know something?" Dean mumbled, nodding briefly toward the kitchen table.
Cas gulped, making his throat quiver and eyes narrow even more.
"I... might know something," he carefully confirmed, "Do you know something?"
"Yeah. Maybe," Dean nodded, lowering his voice to a whisper, "About... those kids liking each other?"
"Yes," Cas agreed, suddenly wearing a gentle smile, "I believe Jude has a strong fondness for that boy."
"Boy?" Dean repeated, feeling impressed, "Wow, Cas, I think that's the first time you haven't referred to him as a demon."
Cas gave a tiny shrug and leaned his arm on the table, keeping the pleasant expression on his face.
"I suppose so," the angel murmured quietly.
Dean was pretty surprised to hear what his husband was saying. What made Cas go from wanting Clarence gone to being totally cool with him? Maybe he and Jude had a little talk. Or maybe Cas could just see it for himself. After all, the tension between Jude and Clarence was almost tangible...
A puff of black smoke suddenly filled the kitchen doorway, drawing everyone's attention.
The dark cloud dissipated almost as soon as it appeared, leaving Bobby and Crowley standing in the room. By the serious looks on their faces alone, Dean could tell that something had happened. They must have had some news that needed to be shared in person, otherwise they would have called. Clarence immediately hopped out of his seat when he saw Crowley. The kid swayed around a bit and held his head like it was aching, but looked to the men in the kitchen with hopefulness. Crowley's dark eyes flickered toward Clarence... and a tiny smile appeared on his mouth.
"We found her," he purred.
The sound of Clarence's gasp filled the room.
"Y – you found her? She's alive?" Clarence asked, his eyes huge and full of excitement.
"Indeed she is," Crowley informed, "Go and get your things, boy. It's time for a reunion."
A huge smile flashed on Clarence's face and he instantly dashed for the door. The guy ran past Bobby and Crowley, giggling like a kid on Christmas morning. In the meantime, everyone else's mouths were hanging open in shock. Holy shit, Meg was still alive? Dean was partly convinced that she had somehow died since the last time he saw her. He was almost certain that she would turn up dead. But as shocked as he was, Dean was also kind of glad. Clarence always wanted to be with his mom and now it was about to happen. And after everything he'd been through, the kid deserved it...
"Meg is alive?" Cas asked out loud, turning to tilt his head fully at Bobby and Crowley, "How do you know?"
"Mother has discovered her location via a bonding charm, which only works if both parties are alive," the demon king explained, his voice pompously British as usual, "With some of the boy's hair, she was able to pinpoint Meg's whereabouts on the globe."
"Which is where?" Dean asked, rounding the island to get closer to his guests.
"Right outside New York City," Bobby answered with a huff, giving Crowley a sideways glare, "Somebody already popped over there to see for himself."
"Did you really expect me to leave something like that up to chance, love?" Crowley hissed back with a wink.
"You've already seen her?" Dean asked.
"Oh yes. From a distance," Crowley replied with a nod, "I didn't want to get too close. The winch would flee at the first sign of me, guaranteed. When she sees her son, however, she may be more inclined to stay. In fact, I've set up a devil's trap to make sure of it."
Dean shared a small glance with his husband and could tell that Cas was equally skeptical. The angel stepped even closer to Crowley and gave him a stern look.
"Why do you want Meg to stay?" he questioned, "Does she owe you something?"
"Yes! Two decades worth of damned souls!" Crowley barked back.
Bobby's hand quickly raised and grabbed onto Crowley's shoulder. The firm grip seemed to be just enough to make him change his tune. The king took a long, drawn out breath before glancing back to give Bobby a defeated look.
"I have agreed, however, not to harm the insubordinate quim," Crowley muttered, "Not until she is reunited with her child and provides some kind of explanation for her unauthorized absence from hell. Only then will I carry out the proper punishment."
"Good boy," Bobby muttered under his breath.
Dean opened his mouth to ask what kind of punishment Crowley was talking about, but the tug on his arm made it disappear. He glanced over to see Jude standing next to him with a look of concern and melancholy.
"Does this mean Clarence is gonna leave, Dad?" he asked, sounding so upset.
Dean swallowed harshly. Ah, crap. He didn't realize that sending Clarence to be with his mom would also mean sending him away from the bunker. And away from Jude. The anxious pain growing in Jude's baby-blues were enough to make Dean feel like shit.
"Um... I don't know, Buddy," Dean offered.
Jude glanced around worriedly for a second like he was thinking hard, still clinging to his dad's arm.
"Well, c – can we go with him? You know, just to make sure he gets to his mom safely and everything?" Jude quickly clarified, probably trying to cover up the fact that he had a crush on the guy.
Dean raised his head and glanced among all the adults in the room. Jude's suggestion actually sounded like a good idea. They should probably all go with Clarence, especially since it sounded like Crowley was out for Meg. Dean and Cas needed to be there with Bobby just to keep the demon king in line in case he was thinking of harming Meg in front of Clarence or something.
"Yeah. It wouldn't hurt," Dean shrugged, reaching over to touch his angel's hand, "What do you say, Cas? Wanna fly us all to New York?"
Dean was glad to see his husband nod fervently. Cas seemed just as eager to be there when Clarence reunited with his mother.
"It would be easier if we were all seated in a vehicle," the angel admitted, "but yes. I can transport us."
"Sweet. We'll pile in the Impala and go," Dean agreed, "What do you say, lil' man? Sound like a plan?"
Jude nodded with a breath of relief, but off to the side, Crowley scoffed loudly in protest.
"Seriously? Are you trying to turn this simple reunion into a blasted 'hunting trip'?" the demon spat.
"Call it what you want. Clarence is Jude's friend, which means he's part of this family," Dean stated firmly, "and family sticks together."
Jude, Cas, and Bobby all beamed happily, seeming proud of Dean's fervent acceptance of the same kid he couldn't even get along with just a few days before. Crowley, on the other hand, rolled his eyes and huffed again.
"Bloody Winchesters," he mumbled under his breath, "Fine. Do whatever you'd like. But we need to get a move on before she decides to skip town ag-"
Crowley's sentence was drowned out by the sound of fast footsteps rushing down the hallway. Clarence came bounding into the kitchen wearing his jacket, guitar case, and a huge smile. Meg's purple leather jacket was in his hand and he was almost jogging in place.
"Okay, I'm ready. Let's go," he said with a childlike tone of excitement.
Anyone else might have thought that Clarence was about to go to Disneyland for the first time, by the way he was acting. The sad part was that the more excited Clarence behaved, the more depressed Jude looked. Obviously, Jude didn't want his new buddy to go. But Dean couldn't do much to help his child this time. Clarence had been ready to go from the moment he stepped foot in the bunker...
"Shall we?" Bobby said, turning to gesture toward the hall.
"Yep. To the Impala," Dean instructed.
Clarence was the first one out of the kitchen. The blonde teenager led the way down the hall and directly to the garage – which Dean found a little weird. How the hell did Clarence know where the garage was? Had he been snooping around the bunker? – where they all climbed into the Impala. Dean didn't even have to start her up. Crowley gave Cas some exact coordinates and the angel flew the entire Impala to the spot. In a flash, the vehicle was in a brand new place with everyone inside. Dean was used to being flown around, so he was indifferent to the change of scenery. Jude, though, clung tight to Dean's arm – just like he did when he was little – and didn't let go until they were safely on the ground again.
The car full of people was now situated next to a river – the Hudson, if Dean had to take a guess – and a light sprinkling of rain started to cover the windshield of the Impala. It was a dreary overcast day outside, with gray clouds and moody atmosphere as far as the eye could see. Once again, Clarence was the first one in action. The blonde teenager practically jumped out of the backseat, leaving everyone to quickly follow him outside. Dean grabbed the demon knife from the glove box before stepping out for himself. He didn't know if Meg was going to be surrounded by other demons or not, and it was better to be safe than sorry.
At first, there didn't seem to be anyone around. The New York City skyline was in the distance, so they were obviously down river. A small dock was off to the right and a large bridge was a few yards to the left. The Impala had landed at the end of a muddy trail that seemed to lead to a main road in the distance. Was Crowley sure that this was the right place? No one was here. Maybe he was losing his touch.
"Where is she?" Clarence asked gleefully, spinning in circles and making the guitar case bounce on his back.
"Over there," Crowley answered.
The demon king pointed toward the bridge to the left and everyone stopped to study it. Dean barely noticed the slight movement coming from the edge of the concrete pillar. There really was someone standing there. Clarence started to run toward the bridge, but Cas grabbed him by the shoulder to stop him.
"Wait," the angel said, shaking his head, "Don't run. You might startle her. We must go slowly and as a group, alright?"
Though Clarence made a classic 'argumentative teenager' face, he rolled his eyes and waited for everyone else to catch up. Dean could feel his own teenage son pressing close to his arm as the six of them walked toward the person in the distance. Jude still seemed bummed about letting Clarence go, even though Clarence was still all smiles. The blonde kid trotted happily up to the concrete pillar with a look of genuine hopefulness.
The closer they got to the bridge, the clearer Meg became. Crowley was telling the truth when he mentioned putting down a devils trap because it seemed like she was trying her best to move but couldn't. Meg was kneeling down and digging at the ground, trying desperately to break out of the spell she was caught in; like an animal in a cage. Like Cas predicted, the sound of footsteps seemed to startle her because she looked up with a gasp when they approached...
Meg was possessing someone different than Dean remembered. He didn't recognize the face that looked at him at all. The lady was ill-looking; skinny, pale, twitchy. Her eyes were sunken in when she glanced among the faces in front of her. Did she recognize them, too? Did she remember the Winchesters? She had to remember Cas at least, right?
Clarence, who was unable to contain his excitement, yanked himself free from under Cas's arms and ran toward her with a wide grin.
"Mom!" he cried, sounding so happy with his arms open wide, "I found you!"
Meg's eyes flashed full of fear when she saw Clarence running toward her. Though she couldn't flee, she still reached up to swat his arms down.
"Don't touch me!" she warned, shoving him away, "Who are you?! Back up!"
"No, hey, it's me," Clarence said, taking a step back, "I'm Clarence."
Meg narrowed her eyes at him from under her tangled hair, appearing completely lost.
"Wh – who?" she asked again.
"Clarence," the kid repeated, his smile still as bright as sunshine, "I'm your son. The one you had to give away, remember? I've been looking for you my whole life and now... I can't believe it's really you!"
For a second, Meg looked unable, or unwilling, to recall her own child. But Dean could see the information slowly sink in across her face. Stark realization bloomed in her eyes – along with unbridled horror. Her emaciated face turned even paler in the drizzling rain and her chapped lips fell wide open. Liquid seemed to pool in her eyes as she stared at the teenager in front of her in terror. Her reaction confused Dean. Why did she look so scared to see Clarence?
"No," she muttered breathlessly, slowly shaking her head, "No, I... I got rid of you... You can't be here... This isn't real..."
Pain flashed on Clarence's face. He, along with everyone else, was disturbed by the words that had fallen out of Meg's mouth. She 'got rid' of Clarence? What the hell was she talking about? Was she hooked on drugs too? Was she losing her mind? Dean shared a look with Cas, who also seemed worried about Meg's state of mind. The angel stepped up to Clarence's side afterward, silently offering the kid some help.
"Meg?" Cas began.
When Meg turned to see Cas, a comforted look spread across her face. She seemed relieved to see the blue-eyed angel in the trench coat from her past.
"Castiel..." she mumbled, confirming that she recognized the rest of them.
"Yes," Cas nodded, "Can you tell us what happened? I know it was a very long time ago, but try to remember. Who helped you conceive your child?"
"H – helped?" Meg repeated with a horrified stare, her eyes leaking tears without her realizing it, "No... I was forced."
Dean's heart dropped as he stood in the cold, drizzling rain. Oh, shit. Clarence was the product of a rape? But Crowley said Clarence's father was human. How could any human have the power to rape a demon? With a gentle look of sympathy, Cas took another step closer.
"Who forced you?" he asked quietly.
"I don't know his damn name," she scoffed, talking to Cas and refusing to acknowledge the teenager standing next to him, "All I remember is blonde hair... like straw... bits and pieces of being used... over and over... like a toy... kept in a box until he wanted to play again..."
Cas gave Dean a brief glance, silently sharing the same pity, before returning his sight to Meg.
"He held you in captivity?" the angel guessed.
"In a spell just like this," she answered, looking down at the devils trap on the ground, "The bastard caught me in the middle of a crossroads deal. And moved me to some kind of house... I remember the smell. Like flowers. He shot me full of heroin or something and... I don't remember much after that. Just an endless loop of sleep and no sleep. Not being able to move. Screaming. Begging... I was out for most of it... There were other demons too. Being used like me."
"I'll be damned," Crowley breathed.
Everyone turned to look at the king of hell in the back, who was suddenly pale. He glanced along every face with a sense of guilt.
"I know who she's talking about," he admitted shamefully, "The man was a lunatic with a demon fetish. He liked picking off my female employees and... playing with them. I tracked him down a few years ago and killed him myself, the dirty bastard."
After hearing the new information, Dean's sight wandered over to Clarence. He couldn't imagine what it must have felt like to find out that his father was a sadistic rapist and dead. But the kid was surprisingly – suspiciously – calm. Clarence only turned back to look at his mother, whose attention was solely focused on Cas. The blue-eyed angel stared back at her with a compassionate and caring look.
"How did you escape?" he asked.
"I didn't... I just woke up one morning on the side of the road," Meg answered, her eyes filling with tears again, "and my... my stomach was huge. I was so doped up that I didn't realize until days later that there was... something growing inside me..."
"You were pregnant," Cas rephrased.
Meg let out a sob and covered her face with her shaking hands. The heartbreaking sound echoed underneath the bridge, making goosebumps rise on Dean's skin.
"It kept moving!" she squalled, "I had to get it out! It was growing inside me! I cut myself open and pulled it out... but then, it wouldn't shut up! It was so loud! Crying and crying! I was afraid he would hear it and come back for me, so I balled it up and threw it away. I watched my jacket float down the river to make sure it was gone..."
Dean's mouth had run dry. He could hear his own heart thumping inside his chest like a drum, echoing against his ribcage. He couldn't believe Meg was talking about her child like that. She was calling her child 'it.' After watching his own child grow up and being so attached to him – after loving Jude so much for so long – Dean couldn't believe that someone would speak of their child that way. And while the same child was standing right in front of them, no less! Poor Clarence looked utterly devastated. His thin face was paler than usual and he was already blinking away tears of his own. His trembling hand slowly reached into the pocket of the jacket in his hand and he pulled out the crinkled piece of paper from inside.
"But... but you wrote this note for me," he reminded, his voice cracking, "Y – you named me. And told me you loved me..."
Meg turned away from Cas long enough to look down and see the note in Clarence's hand. She scrunched her nose and shook her head, only pausing to give Clarence a snarled expression.
"That? That wasn't for you," she spat, turning to look at Cas with brimming, gentle eyes, "It was for you."
Another wave of shock swept over Dean and he suddenly felt sick at his stomach. Holy shit. Of course Meg wrote that note for Cas. She was always calling him 'Clarence' for some dumb reason. Dean thought she just liked the name, but no. It was always meant as a pet name for Cas... Dean couldn't tear his eyes away as he watched Meg reach out to grab the front of Cas's coat with both hands.
"I wanted to be with you, Castiel," she breathed, speaking so softly as she eyed his mouth, "So many times, I wanted to tell you. I even wrote it out and kept meaning to give it to you... but then it was too late," she said, slowly letting go of his coat and leaning away, "It's all messed up now. And I just want to be alone. Please, let me go! Let me out of this damn trap! Please!"
Dean flinched at the shrill tone of fear in Meg's voice. She was starting to pant like she was on the verge of having a panic attack. Cas took the time to glance back at everyone else, probably to see if anyone was going to try to stop him, before using his foot to rub out part of the devils trap. Meg disappeared as soon as the sigil was broken, leaving the six people to stand by the river in the aftermath of her brutal honesty.
At first, Dean was too disturbed by the thought of Meg being in love with Cas to think about anything else. Cas was Dean's angel. Cas was Dean's husband. And imagining a universe in which Cas belonged to someone else made Dean raw with fury and sick to his stomach. It wasn't until he heard the sound of ripping paper that Dean was able to turn his attention to Clarence.
The poor kid had tossed the jacket down and was furiously ripping up the note in his hand. He was destroying the same piece of paper he had been clinging to his whole life; the same letter that filled him with hope and drove him to find the Winchesters. He hated it now and Dean couldn't blame him. After everything they just heard, Clarence was understandably emotional. After he let go of the ripped paper and let it dance away in the breeze, he looked like a statue. Clarence just stood there and stared into nothing, blinking away a few stray tears from the corner of his eyes. Cas took a half-step closer to the demon with a look of sympathy.
Before anyone could say anything, Clarence started walking away. It wasn't a fast or angry walk. More of a numb walk. A bland, empty walk. The kind of walk that someone took when there was nowhere left to go but the only relief they could find was by simply moving. Dean had seen that walk before. Hell, he had taken that walk before. That walk led to nowhere, and Dean couldn't just stand by and watch the poor kid go.
Clarence was already a good distance away by the time Dean regained function of his motor skills and walked back to get to the Impala. Jude stayed right on Dean's heels and got into the car with him, acting just as heartbroken and afraid. Dean started up the Impala and carefully pulled around to drive up next to Clarence. The demon kid didn't even notice the vehicle, even when Dean rolled down the window and started talking to him.
"Get in the car, kid," Dean said.
Of course, Clarence was too distraught – or defiant – to do what Dean said. He just kept a brisk pace and let the tears roll down his emotionless face. The rumble of the Impala's engine spiked a few times as Dean tapped the gas pedal to keep up with him.
"C'mon, man. I'm taking you back to the bunker," Dean said a little louder, using just a touch of his 'dad' voice.
Still, Clarence refused to acknowledge the demand. His feet just kept sloshing through the wet brush, guiding him away from everyone else; away from the life he used to know. Dean could understand the kid's unwillingness to take orders from an acquaintance, but he really wanted to take Clarence back to the bunker before he did something stupid to hurt himself even more. But what could possibly convince the kid to listen?
Dean paused to look at his teenage son next to him in the front seat, who had been present the entire time. Jude was clearly worried about Clarence too, and now was the perfect time for him to say something. Dean nodded toward the walking demon outside the window with a pair of raised eyebrows, giving Jude a silent nudge. Jude gulped, but turned his attention to the blonde kid in the rain.
"Clare?" Jude called, his voice so tender and sweet, "Please come home with us."
Dean was relieved to see Clarence finally slow to a stop. The Impala rolled to a stop in the mud too, rumbling quietly as an invitation. With his wet blonde hair stuck to his face, Clarence eventually turned to blink toward the open window. He looked at Jude, who stared back with a desperate, pleading expression, before bowing his head and climbing into the backseat. The door slammed shut behind him and Dean breathed in a sigh of relief. Clarence might not have been welcome with Meg, but he sure as hell was welcome with the Winchesters.
With Clarence safely in the backseat and Jude keeping both eyes on him, Dean drove around to pick up the rest of the guys under the bridge. They climbed in without a word, all too dumbstruck to really say anything. But Dean found that he couldn't even bring himself to look at Cas. His stomach ached too much...
Being disliked – borderline hated – by a parent was a hard thing for Jude to understand.
Jude's parents always loved him and cared for him. Always made sure he didn't have to worry about being cold or hungry. Dad and Papa were the best parents anyone could ask for. And learning that Clarence would never have that type of bond with his real parent made Jude unbelievably sad. Clarence wasn't a bad guy. He deserved so much better than what he had been through. His mom was so mean; calling him a 'thing' instead of a person. It made sense that Clarence was hooked on drugs, since his mom was hooked on them when she got pregnant. Still, she could have at least been nice to him instead of throwing him away. The thought of poor baby Clarence being all alone in the cold water made Jude so mad and upset. He wished he could go back in time and fish Clarence out of the river himself...
In the privacy of the bunker kitchen, the adults all sat around and finally talked about what happened. Uncle Gabe and uncle Sam came home just in time to hear the news, too. Uncle Crowley mentioned that he might 'take action against Meg after all,' but uncle Bobby told him that there was no point. Meg was already a slave to addiction and left completely alone. She was already serving her punishment for being a terrible mother.
Still, everybody was worried about Clarence. Dad said that they were all going to take turns keeping an eye on him. 'Suicide watch,' uncle Bobby called it. Though he had come back to the bunker, Clarence still wasn't talking to anyone. He stayed in the same room he chose earlier, where Jude heard him playing the guitar. But he wasn't playing the guitar anymore. He was just sitting in silence, staring at nothing. Many times, Jude tried to gain the courage to go and talk to him; to offer some kind of comfort and let him know that he was still important to other people. But Jude's stupid bashfulness kept holding him back. Jude was so worried that he might make things worse somehow...
Luckily, his want to talk to Clarence gradually outweighed his shyness, and Jude suddenly found himself standing at the demon's open door. Uncle Sammy – who had been on 'suicide watch' duty at the time – welcomed him over with a small smile.
"Hey," he whispered, low enough so that Clarence couldn't hear, "You wanna hang out here for a minute?"
Jude swallowed a gulp and forced a nod, still trying to hang onto the small bit of courage he possessed. Uncle Sammy patted his shoulder and nodded as he walked away.
"I'm gonna take a leak before I send Gabe down here," he mentioned.
Jude watched him go with wide eyes. Oh. Maybe uncle Sam was deliberately giving Jude some time to be alone with Clarence... After Sam slipped down the hall, Jude turned his attention to the only other person in the area. Clarence was sitting at the small desk on the other side of the room, facing the blank wall in front of him. Jude could only see the back of his head, but he was sure that Clarence was upset. Who wouldn't be upset after hearing that their parent never wanted them? Jude nervously rubbed his hands together and glanced around. What could he possibly say?
"Hi," Jude offered quietly.
There was only silence from Clarence's part of the room, but Jude understood the lack of words. At least he was listening. But now what was Jude going to say? The teenager wanted to make his friend happy again; to help him understand that there were other people in his life that might help him forget that his mom was so mean to him. Maybe Jude could borrow some words from his dad...
"M – my dad says that... love is about devotion," Jude stuttered, trying so hard to change his thoughts into coherent words, "I'm sorry your mom wasn't devoted to you, like you were to her... But other people are. And that's what matters."
Jude hoped that his words would be enough to at least make Clarence turn around. But the demon didn't move. He just sat there like a statue. Jude took a deep breath. Maybe he had to try something else.
"Real parents are always there for you," he continued, "Like my Dad and Papa. They were always there for me -"
"Save it."
Jude flinched at the sound of Clarence's interruption. The demon finally stood up from the chair and turned around to look at Jude. His greenish-brown eyes were red again, this time from crying, but his expression was flat.
"I don't need your shitty pep talk," Clarence breathed, "I know you've had a good life, Jude. And I'm happy for you. But I'm fine. So just leave me alone."
Jude gulped down the rest of his argument, but didn't move. Clarence wasn't fine at all. He was drowning in sorrow and pain and Jude hated it. It wasn't fair that Jude had such a good life while poor Clarence drew the short straw. There had to be some way Jude could show Clarence how good his own life could be. Jude wanted him to feel how nice it was to be loved. Just before Clarence turned away, Jude found his voice again.
"Can I show you something?" he asked, "Please?"
Jude was grateful to see Clarence slowly turn back around. His expression stayed empty, even when he cocked an eyebrow. But at least he was giving Jude a chance to help him. Though his heart was beating hard and he wasn't quite sure exactly how to use his grace, Jude quietly walked close to Clarence. He gently reached up to brush some of Clarence's pretty blonde hair back so that he could touch two fingers to his temple. Afterward, Jude closed his own eyes and started to cycle through some of his own memories; using his grace to transfer the emotions from them to Clarence's mind.
Jude started with his very first memory; the one where he was inside a warm, light place, hearing his dad's voice for the first time. The muffled lyrics of 'Hey Jude' lit up his whole body and made him feel so warm. Dad had the best singing voice in the whole world... Then, he remembered flashes of being spoon fed in a high-chair. Dad and Papa made cute, silly noises; always 'flying' food into Jude's mouth and smiling at him. Jude remembered giggling so hard at their terrible acting... Then came memories of riding his first bike and seeing Dad beaming with pride when he could ride it all by himself. And Jessie giggling so hard that her cheeks were pink and wet with happy tears. And uncle Sammy calming Jude down after he woke up from a nightmare. And uncle Gabe sneaking him candy even when Dad and Papa told him not to. Uncle Bobby always bringing him a gift when he came to visit; patting his shoulder and telling him how tall he was getting. And Uncle Crowley and Aunt Rowena fighting over who would get to teach him magic first...
But more than anything, Jude tried to focus on the memories of Dad and Papa. Dad always being so protective and Papa always being so caring. Hiding behind Dad's arm during the scary parts of a movie, and climbing inside Papa's trench coat when he wanted to feel safe. Jude tried his best to remember each and every hug in detail, wanting Clarence to feel all the love and devotion inside them. That was how Jude knew his parents loved him; not just by their words, but by their constant display of affection too. They didn't have to say 'I love you' all the time. Jude already knew it from their hugs alone...
The very last thing Jude wanted to leave in Clarence's mind was how Jude felt toward him. Jude pictured the bookshelf incident clearly in his mind; recalling how terrified he was of falling, but how grateful he was to have landed in Clarence's arms. After that was the sound of Clarence playing 'Hey Jude' on the guitar. Jude remembered how much he adored the sound, and how nervously happy he was just to talk to Clarence. Jude even included what happened in the alley in Lebanon, and watching Papa cure Clarence of his disease in the garage. He made sure that Clarence could feel the weight of his own importance in the Winchester's lives. In Jude's life. Because he was very important. Jude cared for Clarence just as much as he did his own family...
After the last memory passed through his mind, Jude let his hand fall away and opened his eyes. In front of him, Clarence's face was actually full of emotion. He was blinking away a few new tears – happy ones, Jude hoped – and his lovely eyes were studying Jude's face in disbelief. Clarence's mouth was hanging open but he didn't say anything. Maybe he was too stunned to speak. Or maybe Jude's attempt to make him feel better failed. The silence between them seemed to stretch for a little while before Jude coughed.
"Well... That's what love is supposed to feel like. I think," he mumbled, looking down, "I'll, um, leave you alone now."
Jude turned to leave, afraid that he had worn out his welcome. He only made it two steps before Clarence grabbed him by the arm and yanked him back. Jude looked up to see why Clarence had pulled him – and suddenly felt lips pressing against his own. Jude blinked several times, seeing the soft light strands of blonde hair before his eyes. Holy crap! Clarence was kissing him! On the mouth! Jude could feel Clarence's warm, moist lips suctioned to his own, pressing in with enough force to make Jude light headed. Clarence's hand let go of Jude's arm and came up to hold the back of his head while they kissed; running his fingers through Jude's hair and sending chills down his spine. Jude was almost too shocked to respond, but he managed to at least taste Clarence's mouth. Their tongues only met for a brief second, just one tiny, timid lick, before Clarence pulled away to breathe.
Jude panted a little bit too, realizing that he hadn't breathed at all during the kiss. The two of them looked at each other afterward while Clarence's hand finally fell away. His beautiful eyes were so full of emotion – full of love. When he spoke again, his voice practically dripped with honesty.
"Thank you," he whispered, nodding his head with a smile as another tear leaked from his eye.
Jude gulped again, this time from gleeful nervousness, and nodded quickly.
"Y – yeah. Anytime," he smiled back, his voice high.
While the two of them shared a small moment of unspoken shared affection, the sound of footsteps came shuffling up to the door. Jude quickly turned around just in time to see uncle Gabe slide around the corner. He was holding a tray in his hands that was full of junk food. Candy, brownies, muffins, even some of Dad's pecan pie and a glass of Sunny D.
"Hey, Clare-bear," Gabe sang, holding up the tray, "I thought you would like some goodies from our secret stash. Interested?"
Clarence coughed a bit and ran a hand through his hair, still wearing the smile from his and Jude's kiss.
"Hell yeah," he nodded, gesturing to the desk, "Bring it on."
Though uncle Gabe looked a little surprised to see the smile on Clarence's face, he slipped into the room to put the tray down. Jude carefully edged his way around Gabe to get to the door, feeling his face burning hot with embarrassment and utter joy. He didn't want his uncle to know that he and Clarence had just shared a steamy first kiss.
"I – I'm gonna go," Jude said, accidentally bumping into the door frame and rubbing his arm, "I'll, um, s – see you later, Clarence."
"Yeah. Okay. Later, Superman," Clarence grinned.
Jude smiled brightly back at the blonde guy in the room, feeling so happy that he could make him feel better. Once he finally pulled himself away, Jude practically floated down the hall. He wasn't aware of where he was going or how he was walking, he was just stumbling along like an idiot with a stupid smile on his face. Oh, man, he just had his first kiss! And it was with Clarence; the pretty demon boy with a guitar!
Jude eventually found himself stumbling into Jessie's room, where she was laying sideways on her bed. The teenage boy barely noticed that his cousin was wearing the same smile until he plopped down on the mattress next to her and they rolled to look at each other. From a single glance, Jude was able to tell that she was feeling the exact same way he was.
"You kissed Ollie," Jude guessed.
Jessie immediately nodded and giggled, filling the room with the beautiful sound.
"Yep," she smirked, "You kissed Clarence?"
"Yep," Jude repeated, unable to stop the chuckle that fell out of his own mouth, "How was yours?"
"Amazing," she sighed, blissfully closing her eyes for a few seconds before looking back at him, "And yours?"
Jude took a large breath of his own and rolled his head to look at Jess's ceiling. In his mind, he was picturing the kiss he just had a few minutes prior; the touching lips, licking tongue, and all the moisture. But the part that made him most happy was seeing Clarence smile afterward.
"Amazing," Jude breathed back.
(Author's Note: Again, I am really, really sorry for all of those horrible feels, you guys. :( I'm sorry for making this version of Meg so far from canon, and probably breaking your heart because of it. But at least now, Clarence can start healing. With lots of help from Jude, of course. ;) And yay! Judence is officially canon! Break out the champagne! :) Fun (background) facts: Clare's Witch moms actually knew about Meg being alive and planned to tell him about her when he was older, but died before they could do so. Also, that huge scar on his back? That happened when Meg cut him out of her stomach to 'get rid' of him. And the note she wrote actually has a scribble at the top of paper, where she scratched out Cas's name to write 'Clarence' instead... Wow, so many dark facts that make the story sadder, huh? I'm so sorry! Lol. But I hope that you all will have mercy on my soul, and allow me to make things up to you in the last few chapters of this part. ;) Thank you so much for reading and commenting, guys! I hope you all had a great Christmas, and will have a happy new year! The next chapter will be out soon! :)
Sammy's Rose, Haha! I really hope that you enjoyed dying twice. (Chuck knows that the Winchesters are getting to the point that they enjoy dying, that's for sure. Lol) XD Aww, I'm so glad you're liking the Judence fluff. (After today's chapter, we could use some more of that, no?) ;) Yes! 'Gingersnap' totally came from you! Full credit of that nickname goes to the lovely Ms. Sammy's Rose! (Dean: Ugh! Me: Zip it, bowlegs.) :D Lol! I'm so glad you remembered the line about Ollie putting his mouth on Sam's baby! Hahah! XD It's about time for girls to win their boys some prizes at the carnival, huh? Breaking those gender barriers. Plus, Ollie loves unicorns. Jess had to get him one. ;D Aww, I'm glad you liked the kiss. I tried to make it as sappy and sweet as possible, because those two really earned it. ;) YAS! Viva La SS Jollie! *proud fog horn noises* XD Omg, that gif with the corgi cracks me up, and now I will always remember it when I reread that part with Sam and Gabe. Lol. :D I am sooo happy that you got the "It" reference right away! Could you imagine poor Sam in that movie? He would die. Lol! XD I know, right?! You'd think that they would have learned their lesson about public sex. The park, the hotel hot tub, now the movies? Come on, Gabe. I know Sam is a moose, but having sex out in the open with him is bad! XD Ooooooh, I totally need to go check out that Banshee fic! I will try my best to hit it up this weekend, darlin. I love that redhead. ;D Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Talk to you soon, girl! Hope you got through the chapter okay! ;) Happy New Year!
GeekGirlForLife, Haha! Yep, it was none other than Sam's worst nightmare. XD I actually saw the new 'It' in theaters and it was great! Not recommended for giant moose-men, though. Lol XD I did have a wonderful holiday! (No clowns, thankfully.) ;) Thank you so much, darlin! And thanks for reading and reviewing! I hope you made it through the new chapter okay! :) Happy New Year!
Jawn Lennon Aid, Awwww, darlin, you've got me blushing like crazy over here! *quickly hides face behind a random restaurant menu* You are very welcome for every single smile, laugh, heart throb, and warm feeling I force upon you with these written words. Lol. I am equally grateful for every single loving comment you have given me in return, darlin. *hugs* Haha! Yeah, Sammy had to eat some of those 'just desserts' this time around. Eh, he'll be okay. Eventually. Lol. XD I agree. As long as teenagers are respectful, they can be trusted to be left alone for a while. ;) Oh man, if Dean ever found out that Clare took baby for a joyride, he might just have to hurt him a lil. Lol. :D Yeah, I think you're right about that episode, but I can't recall which it is. Hell, there are over 200. It's hard to tell which it is. Lol. XD But yeah. 2018 is almost upon us. And my resolution is to worry less, give more, and write even better stories. ;) How about you? I hope this coming year is one of the best you've ever had, filled with laughter, love, and canon Destiel. (We can dream, right? Lol) ;) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, darlin! I hope you made it through the new chapter in one piece. ;) talk to you soon! :) Happy New Year!
Banana Theft, Haha! Gabe better learn how to quit while he's ahead when it comes to poking people with sticks. (Gabe: "Idk. Sammy seems to like it." Sam: "Dammit Gabe! Stfu!" Gabe: *Giggles*) ;D Blahaha! Omg, Gabe. What happened between you and Odin? (Gabe: "Nothing!" *thunder cackles in the distance* "Er, I mean, nothing important." *Lightening strikes* "Okay, okay! I vandalized the rainbow bridge with dumb penis doodles! Are you happy now, old man?!" *clouds clear*) lol! XD I'm so glad that you enjoyed Ollie and Jessie's first date, darlin! Yes, it is very good that Carebear Clare doesn't remember what he did the night before. And, omg! Jude totally is the equivalent of catnip to teen girls! (Jude: "What is catnip?" Clare: "Drugs for cats." Jude: "... cats take drugs?" Clare: "My God, you need to get out of the damn Batcave every once and a while.") XD I think Dean's 'baby-defilement-senses' are well in check. Lol. XD Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, darlin! I hope you were able to make it through this new chapter with your heart fully intact. (Gabe: *grabs stick* Me: "Put it down!" Gabe: *relutantly lowers stick with a frown*) ;D Happy New Year!
TheRagingHawk, awww, I'm so glad that you enjoyed the Jollie date, darlin! :D Haha, yay! I'm so happy that the 'It' part made you laugh! XD Poor Sammy. He draws the short stick too often, huh? Blue balls indeed. Lol! XD Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, darlin! I hope you were able to make it through the new chapter okay! :) Happy New Year!
Leora Condour, Hahaha! Oh, I know. Poor Sammy. Gabe should really pay attention to which movie he picks next time. Lol! XD Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, darlin! I hope you got through the new chapter in one piece. ;) Happy New Year!
TheDutche27, Hahaha! Omg, I'm so glad the paper boat part made you laugh! XD Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, darlin! I hope you were able to get through the new chapter okay. ;) Happy New Year!
Deanstiel's Daughter, Aww, thank you, darlin! :) Yeah, Jollie got a real first date this time. The ship has taken its maiden voyage. ;D Haha! Yeah, Gabe will be happy to hear about the kiss. Sam, however, might need a little time. Jude, on the other hand, was very happy to hear about his cousin's first kiss. (Ya know, since he had his too.) ;D You were absolutely right. Judence just had some huge development with this new chapter. And I really hope you enjoyed/were able to get through all the heartbreaking events. ;) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, darlin! I had a great holiday, thank you! And I hope you have a Happy New Year! :)
gothichic, Hey there, my lovely ray of pure sunshine! :D Awww, stop it! You've got me blushing again! *hides red face* you're too sweet! And yay! I'm so glad you enjoyed last week's chapter! :D Yeah, with a lot of willpower, Sam was able to keep his word and not ruin Jessie's date this time. (Gabe: "Good boy, moose!") ;D Aww, our lil baby Clarence woke up from a pretty weird dream, huh? Thank Chuck Cas was able to help him get all straightened out. (Well, as straight as possible, that is.) ;D Haha! Oh, Ms. Jane totally has it out for Sam right now, but she will eventually get around to forgiving him eventually. (Maybe.) ;) Am I trying to kill you with adorable Jollie fluff? Of course! That's exactly how I want to die! Lol! XD Yeah, Dickie wanted to hump Ollie's leg because the redhead looked extra sexy for his date and the dog just couldn't help himself. :) I think Ollie learned a lot of chivalry from his favorite movie characters growing up, which is why he is such a gentleman around Jessie. Haha! Don't worry, Ollie. Clare isn't going to try to steal Jess away from you. He's too busy trying to count the freckles on Jude's cute face to worry about Jessie. ;D Hmm. That's a great question! How will Ollie react to Jude being with Clare? I guess we will have to see. ;D Aww, I'm happy for Jollie, too. They really deserved that perfect first kiss. :) Hahaha! Oooh, Gabe. You poor, silly, beautiful archangel. He tried so hard to make a perfect, sexy date for his hubby and then – bam. Killer Clowns. Lol! XD (Omg, I love that movie too! That projector screen part made me jump and scream, and then I laughed at myself. Lol!) XD At least Sammy got his blowjob in the end. Though, he'll probably have a few nightmares after seeing that creepy pale face and razor sharp teeth. Lol! XD Darlin, I really hope you enjoyed this new chapter as well! I tried to make Jude and Clare's first kiss extra specially for you! Thank you so much for helping me create this relationship, and for being so sweet and awesome! *hugs* love ya, girl! Talk to you soon! And Happy New Year!