A/N: Again, more love for the favorites, alerts, and reviews. You guys rule, seriously! And with more reviews, come presents. 100th reviewer will be getting a Shenko one-shot of their choice, which I will link in this fic once it's done as well. I am just ecstatic with all the love this fic gets; thank you so much!
Disclaimer: Bioware.
Kaidan was taken straight to the Med Bay once the Normandy retrieved them from Mindoir. Shepard was reluctant to leave him, but she needed to get a progress update to Hackett, even though she had already had EDI forward the report. Reassuring him she would be back sooner rather than later, and kissing him quickly on the cheek, she left the Med Bay and took the Elevator to the CIC, and then proceeded through the right hand doors toward the war room, which gave way to the comm room.
"EDI, link me to Admiral Hackett."
"At once, Shepard."
The comm fizzled for a moment, Earth's link still a touch unstable as they rebuilt, before Hackett's holo image stood just in front of her. "Shepard, hell of a thing you just had to go through on Mindoir. It's hard to think one of our own fell so far and right on the heels of the Reaper invasion." The old man shook his head. "A shame." His gaze narrowed, taking in her somewhat defense stance, her arms folded and the way she subtly leaned back. "Shepard?"
"I owe you an apology, Admiral. I know you've read the report, but I am the one who decided to let Toombs go with the condition he got help." She sighed and dropped her arms. "I feel if I hadn't let him go three years ago, this never would have happened."
"Shepard, we make hard calls every single day. Lives are lost, but we press on, that's what we do. You couldn't have known Toombs would do this." Hackett sighed and shook his head. "History is always there, but we can't let our mistakes haunt us and make us lesser soldiers. Each defeat makes us stronger, remember that."
Shepard couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the edges of her lips. As much as Anderson had seemed like a father to her, Hackett felt like family as well; a pep talk from him never failed to help rile her spirit. Her fight. "I'll remember that, Admiral. Thank you." She pressed her lips together, eyes dipping toward the floor.
"There is something else, isn't there, Shepard?" Hackett had the nerve to sound almost amused – like a father who was calmly helping his daughter through her problems.
"As a matter of fact, yes, there is." Her eyes came back up to the holo of Hackett. "As much as Anderson wanted this for me, I am afraid I will be taking time off, possibly indefinitely."
"You seemed so sure when you accepted, Shepard. Might I ask about the change of heart?" Did he sound genuinely disappointed?
"There is…something I have neglected to tell you, Admiral. You know I have broken fraternization regulations." She blushed slightly, adverting her gaze for a moment before daring to look back at him, though the older man didn't seem phased in the least.
"Shepard, we have all broken them at some point or another." He actually chuckled. "But to answer your insinuated question, yes, I do know. It was a little hard to miss the way Major Alenko looks at you."
"Yes, well…it would appear I am pregnant, sir."
His eyes visibly widened beneath the brim of his hat, his mouth gaping slightly. "Is…is that even possible? Physically, I mean."
Shepard nodded slightly. "EDI and I looked into it thoroughly, Admiral. Miranda Lawson, the ex-Cerberus who led Project Lazarus, assured me that all my womanly parts are…" she waved a hand emphatically, "…in working order. I am several weeks along, according to Doctor Chakwas."
"I see." Hackett rubbed his chin thoughtfully and she wondered briefly if he was upset with her or happy for her. She preferred the latter. Though, even if she was happy about it, there was still a lot she had to…process, herself. She couldn't expect everyone to react positively, though Joker's reaction had been absolutely priceless; she doubted she would ever forget that expression on her pilot's face. "How do you feel about this, Shepard?"
The question caught her off guard. Telling Kaidan had been the priority after she had researched how her being pregnant was possible. Shepard hadn't actually stopped to think how she felt about it; once she found out, she had simply accepted it as it was, something she had done often in her life, both as a soldier and a survivor of impossible odds. That was Shepard in a nut shell; a survivor. When she had found out about the pregnancy, her mind accepted it as another thing she would survive, but now that she was being questioned about her feelings…she was unsure. The last mission had made her realize she couldn't go on as she had before, not without risking the baby's life, something Kaidan and she would never be able to live with. Whether or not she liked it, she had to take a step back and relieve herself of active duty; at least until after the baby was born. "I…am happy, I think, Hackett. As you know, my family was killed on Mindoir, so I was orphaned. Anderson and you have been the closest I have had to father figures." She smiled and nodded faintly. "I don't know how to be a mother, or how to be anything other than a soldier, it's who I am, but a family with Kaidan…well, it's a nice thought."
This time Hackett smiled. "Then I am happy for you. I would at least hope the Major plans to make an honest woman out of you." The Admiral cocked a brow in question.
She blinked and laughed softly with a nod. "Yes, he did ask me to marry him, but I'm not exactly wife material."
"He's a lucky man, Shepard, don't ever doubt that." Damn hormones, she could swear she felt her eyes watering faintly. "I would like you to stay in charge of the Normandy, at least for now, Admiral. Active duty or not, she is your ship. We can discuss details further when it comes to that." She nodded and they both saluted.
"We will return to Earth for now, Admiral. We want to be involved in rebuilding."
"Understandable. We will see you soon then, Shepard. Hackett out."
When she made it back to the Med Bay, Kaidan was asleep, much to her surprise. Chakwas told her that the stress from the gunshot wound had induced one of his notorious headaches, so she had given him a sedative to help sleep it off. Shepard told Chakwas to alert her the moment he woke and made her way to the elevator to take it to her cabin in the loft of the Normandy. She was overdue to write some messages, so she sighed and sat at her personal terminal.
(Private Terminal: Admiral Anvi Shepard, SSV Normandy, 2187 C.E. 4:34 p.m.)
I miss you guys, you have no idea. Sending this as a mass message to reach each of you, as some crazy things have been happening here. Any of you remember Corporal Toombs? He completely lost it, went to Mindoir and wiped out the colony to lure me there; safe to say that is probably my last mission…for a while. Not because I want it to be, mind you, but there is something else you guys need to know…I'm pulling out of active duty for now, turns out I am pregnant. I can just picture the looks on each of your faces right now, especially you, Vakarian. But yeah, Kaidan and I are going to be parents…crazy, huh?
Get back to me soon, alright? Shepard out.
(Sent to: Garrus Vakarian, Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy, Doctor Laira T'Soni 2187 C.E. 4:40 p.m.)
She shut off the terminal screen once the message was sent, leaning back in her chair. "Joker, set a course for Earth."
"Aye aye, ma'am."
She must have dozed off, because gentle fingers running through her hair woke her, eyes fluttering open to see Kaidan leaning over her from the back of her chair. She mmm'd softly as the fingers of his uninjured arm continued to gentle massage at her scalp, the tension from having fallen asleep so awkwardly, slipping away to give into genuine relaxation.
"You fall asleep working again?" He asked softly, a small smile lifting a corner of his lips.
"For once, no. Must've fallen asleep after I wrote the message for the others." She yawned a bit. "Let them know what's going on and…about the baby."
"Oh?" He chuckled slightly, adjusting his stance, his injured arm in a sling for now. "The light is blinking, so they must have written back. I can imagine their shock…"
"I think we were all a little shocked," she mumbled sleepily as she brought his hand to her lips, kissing it softly before she stood and stretched a little languidly, at least glad that she had remembered to change out of her armor once returning to the ship. That would have hurt, to have fallen asleep in the chair in armor. She almost shuddered to think of it. Keeping a hold of his hand, she walked down to the sofa and sat, pulling him down next to her and leaning into his side, his arm wrapping around her shoulders.
"Not going to check your messages?" He asked curiously.
"Nah, I want to talk to you first."
He chuckled, shaking his head briefly. "I'm in trouble, aren't I?"
"Don't worry, it's nothing like that." She rested her head against his chest, almost afraid to speak, this moment of being so close to him, in his arms, enough to make her completely content. "I told Admiral Hackett I'm pulling out of active duty."
She couldn't see his face, but she felt his body tighten slightly and she could just picture the puzzled expression she was sure he was wearing. "Why?"
She leaned up, scooting back some to that she could turn to face him, taking his hand in hers. Their eyes met, his anxious and curious, hers oddly calm and clear. "Mindoir made me realize I can't keep living my life the way I have for so long; I've always been a survivor, Kaidan, and I have been through a helluva lot, even for a soldier. And, once upon a time, I still wouldn't have traded that life for anything. I am a soldier, inside and out, but…I can't continue like this, if I want us to have this baby. I…I felt like a fool when we came back to the ship after what Toombs pulled…you could have died...and if you hadn't taken that bullet for me, I could have very well died, or worse, lived but lost the baby."
"Shepard – "
She pressed a finger to his lips and smiled. "Let me finish. I'm not one to get all touchy-feely and open, so let me get out all I wanted to say before I lose my nerve." He smiled slightly and nodded, kissing her finger before she withdrew it. "I have some…serious reservations about being a mother, Kaidan. I have dealt with loss my entire life; I don't expect things to ever stay peaceful. I have fought for every inch I have ever gotten. I…don't know how to live a peaceful life, how to be a family, much less how to raise a child, but…like I told Hackett…a family with you, it's a nice thought…if I am going to try it, I want to try it with you. I will give it my all, to be a good mother, but I can't just take the soldier out of who I am."
Was he tearing up? Spirits, she had made him cry. Before she could frown and say something, he smiled and wrapped his good arm around her, bringing her close. "I would never expect you to stop being a soldier, Anvi," he whispered reverently into her hair, "and this is far more than I expected, really. It means so much to me, makes me so happy, that you would do this for us, for our baby." He kissed the top of her head, his body shuddering slightly with what emotion she wasn't sure. "I will let Hackett know that I will go back to teaching Biotics, and I am sure we can find you something to do as well, Shepard, like lectures, or teaching recruits."
She chuckled softly and nodded, kissing the side of his delectable neck. "I hadn't thought of that. You think of everything, don't you, you sexy man."
"That I do, ma'am." She leaned up shaking her head, body shuddering slightly as she suppressed a laugh. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing, I'm just…happy." Shepard's lips curled into a genuinely content smile, her hand taking his as she led him to the bed. "Come, let's get some rest. We'll be at Earth soon enough." They climbed into the bed together, under the covers, Kaidan wrapping his arm around her and holding her to his side as she slid easily into a light slumber, all the turmoil in her having given way to a strange, but wonderful, feeling of contentedness. Strangely, she wouldn't have had it any other way.