Icha Icha Missing
Chapter Ten: Naruto
By: Rai-Child
Fandom: Naruto
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.
Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...
Author's Note: Thanks very much to anyone who's submitted their ideas! X3 I've been extremely busy and have had little Internet time- (thank you, one-day weekend), but I really do try to reply personally to any reviews. I can say that no one's got it so far. :) Still, they've all been fairly justified, (and sometimes CLOSE!) guesses, so well done! Enjoy the next chapter. xxx
-----
You know the kinda guy who's the best ninja in his year group, but always gets overlooked 'cause of idiots who think they're the best at everything? The kinda guy who COULD KICK SASUKE'S ASS IF HE TRIED, but only lost the last time… And the time before that… And… Oh, forget it.
I was going easy on him! I swear!
My name is Naruto-ttebayo!
-----
I have had the weirdest few days of my entire life.
Or at least as far back as I can remember, anyway. Everything's been really messed up for the past week- dunno why. It's all a big trick if you ask me. Any minute now, Sakura-chan and Sasuke-teme will jump outta a bush or somethin' and yell; "SURPRISE! You're not going completely insane!".
Everyone's been acting real shifty. It's funny really, how things can go downhill so quickly. The week before was absolutely fine, nothing unusual there, and yet a couple o' days ago...
The teme tied me to a tree and left me there to be Sakura-chan's practise dummy.
You know Sakura-chan, right?
Ah. It was great. Just like a real date, y'know? Well, with a lot more pain and screaming and stuff, but it was Sakura-chan. She's awesome. And I got to spend an hour with her, whilst Sasuke was off being the stupid jerk he generally is. It's a shame, 'cause he's so mean to Sakura-chan, I don't think she really wanted to smack me in the face, but she did it 'cause he told her to.
It turns out she's beautiful and strong; 'cause somewhere towards the end I passed out.
It was awesome.
Uh, anyway, by the time I came around, they'd left. At least they'd had the decency to untie me, I guess.
Still, it makes me wonder what it was all about. See- that was the first time things got a little too weird for my liking. After that, it was like I was invisible or something. It must have been the next day 'cause the sun was up and stuff, (I dunno exactly how long I was unconscious for, but there you go), but I passed that chick Tenten in the street.
She just looked right through me. Didn't even notice me.
I only know her 'cause she's Team Gai's kunoichi, but still. It was cold. I yelled after her and everything, but she just went right on ahead. Maybe she didn't remember me. I've only really spoken to her when I was with Lee.
...Preoccupied, huh? You spoken to her?
Or anyone else for that matter. I just wanna know what the hell's been going on!
Confi-wuh?
Ninja confidentiality? Lies. You just like watching me squirm- you're just as bad as Kakashi-sensei.
Uh, anyway... I ran into Kiba later on that day. You'll never guess what he had; one of those Icha Icha thingies Ero-sennin writes! Kakashi-sensei has one just like it, but he never lets me look, 'cause he's mean like that. It's only 'cause it's about sex and naked people and stuff- he told me I was too immature.
What is it with you Jounin and your dumb excuses? You just know I'm smarter than the lot of you.
...When I'm Hokage, you'll all have to be nice to me and... Tell me stuff... Yeah.
Erm, so... Ran into the Inuzuka as I was on my way back into the village. I'd been training on my own, 'cause a certain pervert sensei was refusing to leave his house, and Sasuke and Sakura-chan were avoiding me like the plague. Just a question- do I smell bad or something...?
I managed to get Kiba to show me anyway. He's easily outsmarted. Or maybe I'm just great, who knows. But that's not the point; dog-boy and me were lookin' at the book, when Shino just popped up over Kiba's shoulder. I very nearly wet myself- he really shouldn't sneak up on people like that. Maybe the Inuzuka's used to it, 'cause he just stood there like 'what the hell', rather than very nearly losing the contents of his bladder.
People like Aburame Shino are the very reason why I have stomach problems.
There was this one time, when the Old Lady was running this Academy thing...
What do you mean, you don't wanna know? It's a great story! 'Cause when you gotta go, you gotta go, you understand?
Right, so we'd just got to the interesting part, and then Shino was all 'yoink!', but in that scary, Shino sorta way, and he just walked off with it, dragging Kiba after him. I just stood there. I reckon he put it in his jacket, see, and getting it back seemed to be a good filler mission whilst everyone else was off being odd for some reason.
I'd decided to follow 'em. Maybe it wasn't the best idea- they had to do laps around Konoha for a while. Serves them right. Shino for stealing the book, and Kiba for being a general asshole. He thinks he's great. And oh-so-sneaky.
The next morning, I'd get out of bed only to put my feet in dog piss.
I'm not kidding.
Still, if there's one thing you learn about Inuzuka, it's that they can't stand strong smells. Like... Spices and stuff. I got some pepper from the market yesterday.
...Kiba will pay.
Wuh? I am on track! I was just telling you what a jerk he is!
...Fine. Have it your way. After they'd finished up with their punishment, Shino went off on his own, taking the book with him. Kiba and the puppy just went off elsewhere, as far as I'm concerned, but Shino obviously didn't want 'em following him. He even went through water and stuff, so they'd lose track of his scent. See, I knew I had to get to it first, so I stayed within a close enough distance to see him, but not so much as I'd be caught. Bear in mind he's got his bug thingies too, so that makes him pretty hard to sneak up on.
Followed him for ages. He stopped in this clearing, dug a shallow hole and buried the book. Not exactly sure why- what the worms would want with Icha Icha, I have no idea. Still, it was almost too good to be true. So easy. I just crouched there under the bushes and waited for him to leave. Seriously- sometimes I'm a pure genius.
…Why are you laughing?
You know, in the end I gave up. On the book, I mean. I thought I'd read it all the way through, starting with the first page and so on, but… It was completely boring. No violence. No cool ninja stuff.
Don't get me wrong, there were lots of boobs. Lots of boobs. It's okay for guys like me, but for Kakashi-sensei… He's not supposed to like boobs. Or at least I don't think he is. I offered to teach Iruka-sensei Sexy no Jutsu, but he just gave me the look and I shut my mouth.
When Iruka-sensei gives you the look, you know it's time to be quiet.
Maybe he knows Sexy no Jutsu already, and just won't admit it. Either that, or Kakashi-sensei taught it to him. Everyone's always abusing my amazing technique, though I think I have found a willing student. The brat Konohamaru wants me to teach it to him.
He thinks he'll get to Hokage before me.
Ha!
Yep, so… I just put the book on my shelf and left it. It lasted a day until Iruka-sensei found it. He has a 'pervert radar', which naturally would zero in on the porn. It was the next morning, when he came over to say hi and stuff. I wanted someone to talk to, y'know? Everyone else had ran off.
Erm, well it started with the usual, 'Naruto, your place is a tip', and somehow turned into, 'why the hell have you got hentai in your room?'.
I told him it wasn't mine. He didn't say anything.
I'm kinda worried about him actually. I don't want Kakashi-sensei turning him into a closet pervert. Or an open one either, for that matter. Sometimes, I can't sleep at night.
…Maybe it's an omen.
I've been dreaming a lot, recently…
Well, I'm off. I'm a busy guy, see. Places to go, ramen to eat, people to throw pepper at…
-----
End of Chapter 10. X3 (Jeez, this fic is growing fast... 0///o)
Ally