JACKSON
At the beginning of filming for Terminal, ten days had seemed like an impossibly long time. But now, almost three months later, the last ten days of filming had flown by. There was no time to try and stretch them out. Instead, it was as if I had blinked and missed them entirely.
On the actual last day of filming, though, there was nothing left to be done between April and me. It was a little disappointing but that was just the way that things worked out. Our last scene had actually been shot two days ago, the movie ending with the two of us in bed together. At the opposite end of the spectrum, yesterday had been an intensive shoot of the most complicated fight scenes of the movies, something they had waited for the end until so she could train and learn the choreography for herself. There was a stunt double on standby, but she was stubborn and wanted to be able to do all of them herself. It had given Jo a little more work to do when it came to covering up some of the bruises that she had gotten in training. But she had fought her way through learning all of it and filming the scene without breaking anything. I was pretty damn proud of her for that.
A few more retakes of certain aspects of the fight scene were to be today, and then that was it. Terminal would wrap and go into post-production. The project coordinator had already begun planning for the wrap party and April had offered up her house as a venue instead of something more traditional. It saved costs, so of course, they had gone for it without much fuss being made.
"And… action!" Miranda shouted.
The scene began rolling immediately and I leaned forward from my seat, hands folding together and setting my chin on top of them. My eyes stayed on April the entire time, but she doesn't look like herself, not really. Even if her face and hair were pretty much the same as it always was, the way that she carried herself and the way that she moved, that was much more distinct. It was hot and badass – fierce and strong as if she had been doing this her whole life and not just the months leading up to filming this scene. She was good at it. The effort put in had worked.
Movement is suddenly halted upon a sharp yelp escaping from April and she fell onto her back onto one of the thick mats on the floor, clutching her arm against her chest. Cameras and filming no longer a concern, everything was halted as I and others rushed to her aide.
"What happened?" Miranda asked quickly. My knees thudded against the mat as I got behind her, sitting her up.
"My wrist–" April cried out. Looking down at it, there was a clear bump on the outside of it, likely a broken wrist from the way it seemed like it was protruding out. "Landed wrong. Shit, it hurts."
"It looks like it's broken," I murmured, grabbing her shoulder and rubbing my thumb against the back of it.
"We have everything we need," Miranda said and I helped April onto her feet again. "That's a wrap on filming. Let's get you to the hospital and get the wrist checked out."
"I'll take her." I volunteered as if it wasn't already assumed. "C'mon."
With my arm wrapped around her shoulders, and her arm curled against her chest and trying to blink back the tears that were clearly obstructing her vision, I walked her out to my car as quickly as I could. It was tempting to just lift her up and carry her to myself, but I knew that she wouldn't have liked that, even if this was one of those instances where she actually was hurt. It doesn't take long and I make sure that it's a quick drive to the hospital.
The quick recognition of our faces in the hospital is likely to get some kind of special treatment, or maybe it was that combined with the tears staining April's cheeks. I fill out the paperwork with her assistance and we only have to wait a few minutes before we were brought into a patient room so she can get an x-ray.
Yet I'm the one who has to do the waiting once she was changed into a patient gown and taken in for an x-ray. It's difficult to stay calm and patient even knowing that she was with doctors and nurses who would make sure that she had the best possible care. A coincidence was set down right in front of me, though. On one of the waiting room tables is a copy of this month's People magazine and there was a tiny picture of the two of us in the corner with a caption about us being together. My eyes roll at the sight of it. There was no way that anyone could know this would happen, of course. But it was still just a little ridiculous.
Once she was out, they let me sit with her in the room again while we wait for the doctor. It's slower than we would have liked but she had been given some pain medication for her wrist, so at least now she wasn't crying in pain anymore.
"April Kepner?" An Asian male walked in, extending his hand before recognizing his error. "I'm Dr. Nico Kim."
"How is her wrist doing?" I spoke up too quickly.
"There is an obvious distal radius fracture in your wrist, which you can see here." He placed a picture of her x-ray up on the screen and turned it on. Even I could see the crack in her bone. "Fortunately, everything is still aligned, so that should save you some pain and treatment. We'll just get a cast on you that you'll need to keep on for about six weeks. After that, you'll likely need rehabilitation exercises or physical therapy to reduce stiffness and restore movement in your wrist and hand. For pain, I recommend an over-the-counter pain reliever. You're going to want to move your fingers regularly even once the cast is on to keep them from stiffening."
"That's it?" April blinked in surprise as she sat up, glancing down at her wrist. "Oh. Well… I guess that's not so bad. That'll put a hinder on moving, definitely, but that's not so bad."
"Now's not a good time to be moving, right. You don't want to make it any worse." Dr. Kim smiled. "We'll get a cast on you in just a minute."
Another wait, though this one was short as well before a yellow cast is wrapped up around her arm. She wiggled her fingers and winced once it was done. It wasn't her dominant hand, fortunately, which would make a lot of small things much easier for her going forward. She could sign her own paperwork for the discharge. But it looked like reasonably, I would be the one driving her around for a bit.
"Let's put off the move two weeks," April suggested on the drive home.
"Why?" I questioned, glancing over at her.
"I can't pack up my stuff, you heard Dr. Kim. I don't want to make you have to deal with all of my crap." She explained.
"How much crap do you think you'll need?" My gaze returned to the road. "You're not bringing furniture. You don't need to bring flatware. Personal stuff is all you need to bring and that's not going to be a lot to pack. Besides, if you put it off too much, you're not going to be settled in time to start filming for the SVU winter finale."
"Oh yeah," she breathed out. "Yeah, crap. I'm going to have to figure out what to do about this thing."
"They want you on the show. I'm sure they can work around it." I reminded her gently, reaching over and placing my hand on her knee, giving it a gentle squeeze.
There were plenty of calls wanting to know how April was doing that she filled both on the drive home and within a few minutes of actually getting at her house. Miranda and her agent both want to make sure that she's okay and it's nothing too traumatic. I couldn't tell if she was downplaying it on the phone or if the pain medication had really made that much of a difference She laid down for a while to try and sleep some of it off.
Of course, that means come time for the wrap party, she's not decorating.
A party planner takes care of that in coordination with an interior decorator, taking April's space and turning it into a lavish scene with a makeshift bar brought in and other decor items. There's a giant poster for the movie of the two of us, the one that Benjamin Warren had shot before filming had even started. That seemed like a lifetime ago.
Two weeks had passed and some of the pain had gone down but I made sure that I was around plenty in case I was needed. I had come over early to get ready for the party with her, almost feeling as if I was hosting with her even though it was her house and her movie. The dress that she chose is a yellow and white one that matches her cast, and she has Jo come over to curl her hair. She swore that she would have done it herself if it weren't for the cast on her arm, but I could tell that she was actually rather fond of the brunette. I let them get ready in the master bathroom, helping the coordinator piece together a few last details here and there once I was dressed in all black.
"This is such a beautiful house," the coordinator praised. "I can't believe she'll be moving out of it."
Another statement to how lucky I was, we both were, that things had managed to work out thus far. Things had felt smooth sailing with Harper in jail and filming finished. We had time to do things that we actually wanted to do, not necessarily needed to.
When people began arriving for the party, they arrived in throes of large groups that filled up the living area quickly. The music was turned up and the bar was taken full advantage of, and it didn't take long for her house to be completely filled with noise in the same way that it was people. Everyone working on the movie had been involved from all of the actors to the PAs to those who were working on the soundtrack for the film. The catering had been overboard enough that the smell of food takes over anything else.
"Jackson, come here, I want you to meet someone." April grabbed my arm, tugging me along with her. "This is Keith Richardson, he wrote the script for the movie. He's working on another movie script that he thinks you might like."
"Hey. Nice to meet you, Keith." I shook his hand firmly.
Although I listen to him speak about the idea that he had next, a romantic thriller, only half of my attention is really paid to him. April was clearly interested in it and clinging onto his every word. It was endearing. Even when it wasn't necessarily a project of her own, she was still so engaged. She had the true energy of a working woman.
"Excuse me for just a minute, you guys." Another familiar face had distracted me.
Moving my way through the crowd to catch up with him, it only took me a minute before I was clapping Benjamin Warren on the back in greeting. Among all the movie personnel, it was nice to see someone who had a preference for photography in the crowd.
"Hey, man," I greeted him. "I'm surprised you came."
"Well, I heard about the open bar." Ben laughed. "Congrats on you and April, by the way. I knew there was a spark between the two of you when I first saw you guys together."
"Uh-huh," I rolled my eyes despite the smile. "Sure thing."
"Hey, just saying, when you guys need wedding photos, you've got my number," he beamed.
"I think you might be getting ahead of yourself there." I shook my head. "Trust me, I'm not about to pull a Pete Davidson with her. I don't mind taking my time to make sure that things are right and she's more than worth it."
He nodded his head. "I'm glad to hear that," he offered up. "Congrats, though, seriously. It's not easy to make a relationship like that work in this kind of industry. Trust me. Some of the models that I've dated? Almost never ended up working out after we were no longer working together."
"Really?" I questioned. "Well, that's just 'cause they all realized they deserved better."
"Hey!" He punched my arm lightly, easygoing. "Don't be a dick. I'm serious, man. It takes work to make it work."
"Now you just sound like some daytime talk show." I pointed out. "I know it's going to take work and I'm more than happy to put it in. She really is worth it. I mean it when I say it. We've already been through a lot together."
"Won't argue there," Ben nodded. "Hell of a thing to start off a relationship with."
Given that this was the first wrap party for a movie that I had ever been through, I wasn't sure how late or long it would go. I step outside to try and get some fresh air at some point, but instead, I'm overwhelmed by the smell of marijuana. It's a little strong, even for me.
But it's not until five in the morning that the party is cleared out of the house. A few people had gone to clubs hours early before the slow trickle of the remaining people had occurred. There's plastic cups everywhere and small plastic plates of food that had all been abandoned by others at some point. It would be a mess to clean up in the morning – or rather, later today. Even though I spotted her picking up some of the empty cups and tossing them into a giant black trash bag, I don't want her to worry about it right now.
"Hey," I walked up to her, snatching the bag. "Let's go to bed."
"This place is a mess. I can't sleep knowing that my house looks like this." She argued.
"We will break out the vacuum and the Swiffer tomorrow. We'll open a window and let things air out a bit, and it'll all be the same in the morning. I promise." I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. "I know that you're tired. You drank wine and wine always makes you tired."
"Oh, I hate that you're right." She leaned into me, nose bumping against my chest.
"I know you well, that's all," I chuckled.
"I'm predictable and boring," April whined.
"You are predictable, but I promise, you are very, very far from being boring. Otherwise, this place would already be clean." I teased her. Bending down, I scooped her up bridal style to carry her up the stairs. "Now I'm taking my girlfriend to bed. See? I'm predictable, too."
Getting her out of her dress and into bed is easy. So is making love to her.
Moving her out of her house and into my own is just about as easy as I expect it to be. Selling my items from the home in Los Angeles is pretty easy – people love celebrity items and I'm not worried about making a profit off of it, which helps the items go faster. The house sells too, quicker than I expected it, slightly under the market price. Probably the reason that it went at the speed that it did. It put my bank account in a comfortable place.
That turns out to be more necessary than I would have guessed because the next job I take doesn't pay.
After the scandal with my grandfather, and now that my mother had come around to the right side of things, she felt enough to repent. I knew that she had tried to apologize to April and April had said that she was still thinking about how to respond, last time that I had asked her about it, but I had decided not to push. I would leave it up to her how she wanted to deal with my mother – I was not close to her now and I never had been, even if I had managed to forgive her for it. But it was a lot easier for me to forgive than it would be for April. I had lived on the sidelines of what happened, I hadn't actually experienced it myself.
But as a righteous act of apology, Catherine had decided to take a giant sum of money and donate it to the Rape Foundation. Even if it wasn't her place to apologize for what Harper had done, money seemed to be always accepted no matter what the circumstances were, especially when the sum total happened to be in the millions. Once Harper found out about it, he would no doubt be furious. I was sure that was something that she was well aware of. It was possible that was even a part of her purpose, some kind of jab back at him for his actions and lies over the years.
In addition to the donation, though, she had gotten me on board to agree to do some photography work for them. I was working on a project to honor the women and men who had survived rape. April hadn't wanted to do it herself, but Amelia was on board with getting on the other side of the camera again. She was comfortable with me. I hoped that the other subjects I shot would be, too.
"Hey, you're not going to be late, are you?" I questioned, pushing April's cup of coffee across the counter.
"No," she shook her head. "Filming got pushed back an hour. Oh! And my doctor said that I could get the cast off at the end of the week, which I know they're very excited about it. The ugly, baggy coat to cover it up was not very much fun for the wardrobe department to work with."
"That's great." I smiled at her.
We had been in New York for two weeks now. It had taken two weeks before to get everything packed up, and there were still a few things here and there scattered across the apartment that needed to be unpacked. But within the two weeks that we had been here, she had already gotten back to work. Despite the break in her arm, the producers at Law & Order: SVU still wanted her on the show for a three-episode guest arc. It would be over a story similar to hers. I thought that she would hesitate to take it given all of the memories that it would drag up, but she was thrilled about it.
It also meant that the two of us hadn't been seeing a ton of each other since we had actually moved in together – the opposite was what I had predicted to happen. But she had gotten very busy with filming quickly and I was working to get models and participants together with my project so I could start shooting it as soon as possible.
"Yeah. This thing has been a pain in the neck, and oh my god, it is so itchy underneath. Plus, I know that you probably haven't enjoyed babying me all the time. That has to get annoying."
"Not when it's you," I shook my head in disagreement. "You know that I like taking care of you."
"Too sweet," April clucked her tongue, stepping forward and placing a kiss on my lips. "I am going to get going, though. I wanted to run through some lines with Mariska before we started filming today."
"Okay," I nodded my head. "I'll see you tonight. Have fun."
Listening to the sound of the front door shut, I sighed and glanced down at my phone, refreshing m email. It didn't always feel like we were living together, other than at nighttime. Then she was there, most of the time, at least. It was a big arc, I knew that. Filming on television shows was also much faster than it was movies. It wouldn't be that much longer of the back and forth, of missing her.
I hoped.
This was exactly what Ben had warned me about at the wrap party, distance forming with no longer working together. It brought up a lot of questions that I didn't want to have to face. Had I attached myself to her too quickly? Did we make the right decision – being together, moving in together? Was that the real reason that she had wanted to keep her house in LA, to have a safety net in case she decided that she didn't like things here? The last hadn't even been considered when she had first suggested it but now I couldn't help but wonder if there had been some kind of ulterior motive. It didn't sound like her, but that just looped me back to the beginning: maybe I didn't know her as well as I thought I did.
We had known each other only half a year. Not the fastest relationship in the world or in our industry, not by any means. It had lasted longer than some marriages that I knew of and we weren't at that point. But we had dove in, headfirst, working on the same to projects together: the movie itself, and of course, dealing with my grandfather. Things definitely put on a different perspective now that we were living our own lives again, together and separate.
Ruminating thoughts cause my day to drag on much longer than what I would have liked. I set up an appointment with Amelia so I can go through her shots for the photoshoot project that I was doing with my mother, as well as go through the process of contacting a few more potentials. I had been given a list to work from, fortunately, from the foundation itself. I wasn't sure how I would have gone about finding women for it otherwise without being more intrusive than I was comfortable with being. Comfort between the photographer and the subject was important and that wasn't something that I wanted to ruin. That was why Amelia's was first, to learn the best way to navigate through something so delicate. Even if I knew her, I didn't know her quite as intimately as I knew April. It gave me a way to ease into it.
It felt as if an impossible amount of time had passed between April leaving in the morning and arriving home at night. I couldn't tell if that was my issues influencing reality, or just reality itself. The overlap was a little too intimate for me to be able to decipher properly.
"Hey, babe," I called out, finishing chopping up the onion I was working on and wiping off my hands to greet her. "How's the arm?"
"Free!" She held it up and gave it a little wiggle. After so many weeks of the cast, it was nearly weird to see. "Honestly, taking it off, I was worried that they were just going to cut right through my arm. But I can now scratch away and shower without worry at my own discretion. No more awkward plastic bags."
"Well, it looks good," I smiled. "How does it feel, though? What'd they say about physical therapy?"
"We went over some stretches. I didn't realize how limited my range of motion in this wrist was going to be now. Look at this." She held both hands out in front of her and pointed her fingers toward the floor. It was clear the wrist that had been broken didn't bend as close toward her.
"Huh," I huffed. "I mean, that makes sense. You're not doing any stunt work right now, though, right? It shouldn't be a big deal for you as long as you're on this project?"
"No, it'll be fine," she waved it off with her right hand. "I like what I'm doing."
I moved back to the kitchen, motioning her to follow so I could finish up with dinner. It was just a pasta but I was putting in some effort for the sauce – a vodka sauce with chicken, zucchini, squash, mushrooms, roasted tomatoes, and onions. "I can tell. It's all you talk about." It wasn't intended to be a snide comment and I hoped that she didn't take it that way. "Does it make television work more appealing to you? I always figured you were just in it for movies."
"I'm not sure what I want right now," April admitted with a shrug. "Both sound nice. Something different could be good. Especially since television shows usually have more of a set schedule. It might be good to settle down some."
"Settle down how?" I asked, clearing the chopped onions off the cutting board and into the pan.
"I've always wanted kids, you know. The whole normal life and family thing. I want to raise kids and I'm turning thirty-one in April. So maybe with this coming pilot season, I could… land a show and have something steady." It almost felt like a bomb dropped. I tried not to react with my face as I grabbed the chicken to cut up.
"Kids?" A glance was given up at her. Her nails tapped against the counter as she looked at me. "Are you thinking about that right now? Or soon? Or what?" I couldn't help the questions.
April shrugged again. "I don't know. But I'm thinking about them. Why? Is that a bad thing?"
"No, it's not that," I shook my head quickly. "I don't know. I haven't thought a lot about being a parent. I guess because I never really had… normal parents, you know? The way I grew up. No dad, Mom was barely around…"
"Normal parents are overrated," April interjected quickly. "My parents were normal and they still screwed me over."
"I remember," I nodded.
"It's not about having good parents. You don't need that to be one. Sometimes that spoils you. When you have crappy parents, you know exactly what you won't do for your kids. You want to do all of the things for them that your parents should have done for you." She explained passionately, leaning forward as her nails stilled. "You're not against the idea of it, are you?"
"No. I'm not against it." I was just worried that I would be a failure of a parent. That instead of having the best part of my life leave me, it would cause me to leave her. "I just, uh, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about tonight."
But now, that feels like the worst possible idea.
"What is it?" April asked, her eyes trained on me.
Taking a deep breath, I wonder if I should leave it for another night when she hasn't brought up such a serious topic. I was glad that it had been mentioned before and not after – I'd read about couples who had kids to try and save their relationship, and all of the dangers that could bring. Well, danger was a stretch. But it seemed like it never ended up being what was best for the two of them or the kid that ended up involved. I didn't want to be like that. That wasn't fair to any kid. But now, there was no point in trying to avoid the truth with her. I had made her a promise about lying and I intended to be a man of my word.
"It just seems like things have been a little distant between us lately," I admitted slowly as I finished cutting the chicken. Briefly, I'm glad to turn away from her and put everything on the skillet so I don't have to see her face for the reaction. If it was a one-sided feeling, it wouldn't be good.
"Distant?" April questioned. "How so?"
I sighed. "Well, we've both been working a lot, and I know that's a good thing."
"And we both love our work," she interrupted.
"Yes, yes we do." I nodded in agreement quickly. "But, since in the past, we've worked together and that's it… I think that we don't really know how to do this part of things. Working separately and still being together. It's a different balance, you know? Maybe when we were filming, we could work all day and eat and come home and have sex, and that was it. But now doing that, you know, it doesn't feel like I'm really spending time with you in the way that I want to be. I don't want either one of us to have to make sacrifices with our jobs, just... I don't know. Maybe it's all in my head."
The silence that initially answered me only caused that insecurity inside of me to fester. I knew that clinging to her could be bad, in a way – I was taking out the loneliness that I had lived with for years on her, and that wasn't fair. There was a medium ground somewhere that I needed to make sure I stayed on.
"I… yeah, I can see that." April finally responded after a few moments.
"So what do we do about it?" My question was faster as I turned back toward her.
"I don't know."
Another pause fell between us and I wet my lips as I began to stir the sauce. I'd never done this before and I wasn't really sure if she had, either. All of my relationships in the past had been casual enough where something like this wouldn't have bothered me.
"What if we commit to spending just a little bit of time with each other, right off the bat in the morning? We can go to that little coffee shop that you like down the block, the one with the crazy donuts. We'll have a little morning walk, a little quiet time before the rest of the world gets started." She suggested with a raise of her brows. "It'll mean waking up early. Really early, some days, if you're up for that. It's not a fix. We'll still have to be really open with each other to make sure that we're using our time to the best of our ability, but... it's something concrete."
"That might be four a.m. some days. Are you sure that you're good with that?" I asked.
"It's open twenty-four hours. May as well take advantage of that." She smiled.
"Then let's do it." She slipped around the counter as I spoke, reaching up for me and placing her lips on mine. I leaned down into her slightly, hand resting on her hip for a moment and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you."
"I want you to be happy with me here," she reached up to me and stroked my cheek as she spoke.
I caught her wrist, kissing the inside of it. "I am happy that you're here, April. I am."
"I like being here," she smiled. "The city is a different pace than I'm used to and I have to say, I really like being able to take the subway everywhere instead of getting stuck in traffic for hours on end. But I like the atmosphere a lot more than I thought I would. Of course, now that it's getting colder and I haven't experienced a real winter since I was eighteen, I might change my mind."
"I have an idea for winter, actually." One more kiss was placed against her lips before I turned my body back toward the pasta and sauce so I didn't screw anything up. "But I guess if you don't like the cold, maybe I shouldn't bring it up."
April poked me with her finger. "You know I want to hear it. Tell me."
"Well, you'll have a pause with filming this because of the winter hiatus and whatnot, right? A few weeks off?"
"Yep," she nodded her head eagerly.
"I was thinking that during that time, maybe we can go skiing somewhere. Once you're done with this arc on SVU, we'll have to start up with doing press for the movie and going to premieres, then it'll be the pilot season for you, so I figure that we might as well get it out of the way a little early," I suggested. "We can go anywhere you want. Colorado, Nevada, the Alps. Whatever you want." It'd been a long time since I'd done something like that but I couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else.
A delighted noise escaped her and she bounced on her toes. "Yes!" She clasped her hands together with excitement. "Yes, yes, yes. Oh, that sounds perfect. I've never gotten to do that before. I'm going to ask around and look up the best places to go skiing, I don't care where it is. I've never actually gone skiing before – just to a few ski resorts for socializing."
"So, no black diamonds right off the bat. Noted." I nodded. "We'll make sure that you know what you're doing once you're on the skis, don't worry. I know you don't like massages but we could do facials, or pedicures, something at the spa. Hot chocolate in front of the fire, a sleigh ride, dog sledding, Christmas markets, tobogganing… we can definitely keep busy."
"Snow is beautiful to photograph, too." She picked up an extra spoon and stirred the pasta that was boiling in the bot.
"It is. You'd make a beautiful subject in it." I commented.
"Maybe," April chuckled. "Maybe."
Turning down the temperature of the stove for both the pasta and the sauce, I turn toward her and placed a firm kiss on her lips. She leaned into me and I cupped her face between both of my hands, running my tongue across her bottom lip and just getting a small taste of everything that she had to offer. If dinner hadn't just been finished, it would have been tempting to just eat her for dinner. But cooking was a skill that I was trying to a hone a little more outside of the breakfast hours and at least throwing together a pasta dish like this was simple enough. This wouldn't stay hot, but she would.
"Come on, let's eat dinner," I tucked her hair behind her ear. "We're going to have an early morning."