The threshold for one's propensity for violence always amazed and terrified Tara.

She'd been afraid of a man whose love turned violent, a man who outwardly stood for righteousness and justice, but behind closed doors struck her and hurt her because of rejection. She'd been witness to the way his eyes would grow cold and try to to strip her down. His particular violence made her so afraid, she flew across country to get away from him. But maybe men like that have surrounded her her entire life. Tara grew up in fear that one day her drunk father would cross that line and strike her, and though he never did, he'd come close. Instead he'd fling a plate or glass against the wall near her, and to her the fear of him coming close was worse than hitting her.

With all this past trauma, shouldn't she be afraid of any and all acts of aggression? Maybe. But she's not, instead she today watched with a morbid fascination, a devastated father sob in the arms of his wife as hospital security guards stood nearby just in case. Her heart went out to the man, of course. But she empathized with his visceral reaction.

Tara had consulted on the case with Dr. Namid, and when it was clear the prognosis wasn't positive, she stood nearby as the doctor delivered the blow. In the middle of the waiting room, she witnessed the father being told his newborn daughter's heart was failing, and his reaction was to punch a hole in the hospital wall and yell obscenities. Dr. Namid stood back and let the man grieve, while Tara tried not to focus on the hole in the wall. She herself was not a mother, she could have been, but she wasn't...however, she totally understood where this man was coming from. Losing a child, or the thought of losing a child, that type of pain can't be contained to simple crying. Sometimes, you just needed to punch the fuck out of something. Sometimes, you wanted to make something feel as shitty as you do. What does that say about her?

A surgeon is more than technical expertise. She has to want this patient to live. She wanted all her tiny patients to live. That's why she became a doctor, a healer, in order to fix the problem. But she was unable to mend this tiny heart. She felt worthless then, useless and a failure to boot. Dr. Namid would tell her she was overcompensating, she alone could not save everyone. She knew she couldn't, didn't make her feel any less shitty. Maybe her need to save lives, came from old wounds. She tried to pull him to her, keep him safe and loved, but fate had other plans. She failed him. She actually broke his heart instead of mending it.

Tara believed in doing no harm, and her primary goal is to protect the life of her patients. But when you can't save them or yourself, where do you turn? Who helps you then? She walked into the hospital locker room, shut the door and cried for that man and his family. She cried for herself, for her being back in Charming, for her feeling so lost, angry, scared, and hurt all of the time.

It had been two weeks, and she was certain Jax knew she was back. Unser had made a special point to show up at her father's house, saying it was a friendly call. The man looked worse for wear, and their conversation was polite and short as he welcomed her back and told him to let her know if she needed anything. He mentioned Hale as his deputy and said Hale seemed a little excited to know Tara was back as well. She just nodded and looked off into the distance when she heard the sound of motorcycles a couple of streets over.

"I'm sure Hale ain't the only one excited," he said, shaking his head as she blushed from embarrassment. He'd seen her vulnerability.

"What?" When all else failed, play stupid.

"Ya know, for a while after you left, he didn't do so well," Unser replied, pointing off in the distance. "Every week, I was dragging his ass in for foolish shit."

Tara crossed her arms, and sighed. "I'm sure Gemma blamed every minute of that on me. Regardless, we've both grown up, moved on. He's married. Expecting a baby...or so I've heard."

"Yeah, well, Ossie and Harriet, they ain't. Trust me. But maybe he's happy. Not sure though. Wendy's a nice girl but she's not June Cleaver. Got a history of drug problems. Was just in rehab a while ago."

She frowned. Jax married a junkie? Gemma sanctioned that shit? Unser's gossip made her uneasy and she didn't know why he was casually sharing the information. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"The baby might change things though. People think that shit, that babies will make it better, and sometimes, babies make things even worse."

Tara gave a tight smile. "I'm just happy to be back."

Unser stepped towards his police cruiser. "We're all glad you're back. The real reason I stopped by was I got a few complaints this last week about someone speeding down this street on a motorcycle at ungodly hours."

She tried to control her breathing and heart rate. She had no idea. She hadn't heard them anywhere near her home. If he had...he'd been stealthy about it. Soon, he'd show his face. So she shrugged in response.

Unser nodded, "Let me know if you hear or see anything."

Regardless of that little tidbit from Unser, Jax hadn't appeared to her and she didn't know if she wanted him to. Instead, she threw herself into her job. She put the gun she had been sleeping with away the closet wrapped in a towel. The fear of Josh hadn't subsided one bit, but her first step to gaining her life back was to try to push that fear aside. Tara knew she had to let go of the past- the horrible traumatic past, and move forward.

Jax was married and having a baby. It was none of her gotdamned business why he hadn't seen her. It was obvious why. Whatever they felt, not matter how intense and connected it had been, hadn't survived time. She couldn't save that. She couldn't mend what she had broke. She was a failure in all aspects of her life, in love and in medicine. She just wanted to feel good about something for once, have something turn out right. But everything she touched crumbled. These were the moments she desperately needed to punch the fuck out of something.

Jax Teller grew up kicking ass. One would expect that from a kid who grew up in a motorcycle gang. She'd witnessed him in fights since elementary school. He was just a volatile kid, even though he was a pretty boy and one would not expect him to be so angry. To be honest, there wasn't a grade she could remember where Jax's fists didn't smash into someone's face. Sometimes, he would attack in retaliation, his opponents always underestimated him. Sometimes, he'd strike first and fierce. Rarely did he lose. Opie might step in every once and awhile to even things out, but mostly it was Jax beating the shit out of some one.

It occurred to Tara that Jax just liked to fight.

It was strange to see a different side of him other than the fighter, now that he had started to actively pursue her. She still approached him with caution, but slowly he was breaking down those walls she had built. Jax was even taking down a few of his own. He told her about his little brother Thomas, who passed away and a bit about his dad. He didn't treat her like he treated the other girls, Jax was very attentive, very gentle and sweet with her. When he returned her copy of Fountainhead, he had dog-eared a few pages and asked her why Ayn Rand felt the need to fuck up a perfectly good set up with her bullshit eloquence. She laughed at that, and he did that sexy thing where he bit his lip and told her he liked her laugh, and then asked could he give her a ride home. She refused and kept refusing every time after that, but he'd always ask. Then one day, he told her he'd walk with her if he had to.

He'd gone out of his way to interact with her, to the chagrin of his pussy posse. They didn't have classes together, she was in honors, and with Jax's attendance, he was barely in basics. But in the hall, at lunch, in the library, he'd always find her. Opie would be nearby, an inquisitive look on his face whenever Jax talked to her. Like he found that shit amusing. Perhaps he wasn't used to seeing his friend invested in the pursuit. The girls didn't understand Jax's interest in her. He was good at the lovey-dovey shit, even as a sixteen year old. He was handsome, with a perfect smile, blue sparkling eyes, kissable lips, and every thing a girl would want. Tara was just suspicious of his intentions for that very reason.

He jogged up to her while she was walking home one day and she rolled her eyes but kept walking.

"Stalking me now, Teller?"

"I'm just enjoying this nice weather and exercising," he gave a smug grin as he trailed beside her. "You walk fast. You should think about joining the track team."

"I would never run unless something's chasing me."

"You were pretty fucking fast a few weeks ago, when you ran away from me. I think I saw skid marks."

"Had to go home. Besides, I'm sure you had better things or people to do."

He stopped and put his hands in his pocket. "Why do you always say things like that?"

She stopped as well. Was he serious? His mojo was infamous. His schtick was consistent. "Get-the-panties" Teller was trying to act sensitive about her weariness of him?

"Are we gonna act like you haven't banged half of the girls in my PE class?"

"No," he gave a small smile. "But even if I did, I'm not trying to do that with you."

Tara frowned, not sure why she was disappointed in his answer. "Great."

As she turned to walk away again, he walked quickly to catch up to her. "What I mean is...shit, I don't know what I mean. I just...I like you, Tara. Like alot."

She tossed him a look. "This is weird."

"Why? What's so weird?"

"This!" she said, pointing between them. "A few weeks ago you were making out with Kelsey Lee in the hallway. I saw it, hell everyone saw it!"

"You were watching me?" he smirked.

"Focus please," she huffed. "I've seen you. You go from girl to girl. What, did you decide to escalate and go for nerds? I don't fuck so you can cheat off my tests."

"Who said anything like that?" he asked, disgusted, then turned her towards him. "I'm not interested in you so you can help my grades. Jesus Christ, Tara. Why don't you think someone could want you?"

Tara looked down and then over to passing cars. Because no one did want her. Her father didn't even want her. "I...I..."

Jax stepped forward, surprising Tara with his close proximity. "If I have to try and convince you everyday, I will. You're a pretty cool chic, Tara. I don't know what's making me like you so much, but I do. Maybe if you let me walk you home, I can give you a whole list of reasons why I want you."

"Like I said, this is weird," she said quietly.

"Maybe, but this is our weird shit, you know," he said, reaching for her hand, his fingers slowly slipping into hers. She looked down at them and them back up to him. "I'm down for weird shit. Look at me, I got a bad ass bike, but here I am walking with you. Shit perplexes me too."

When they arrived at her neighborhood, she looked at her house and then back to their linked hands.

"Here we are," she said, sad the walk had ended. They had talked the whole way there, making small talk, getting to know each other.

Jax lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckle, causing a shiver to go down her spine. Then he pulled her towards him, and looked in her eyes, smiling. "Tara, I...I like you. That's all I want to say. I'll follow your lead and I promise...I'm not gonna hurt you."

She nodded and her breath hitched as he leaned forward and gave her the lightest of kisses. Just like that, she was gone. Tara responded immediately, pushing back with a little pressure, and closing her eyes. He tasted like mint and menthol, and it was intoxicating. She hadn't kissed a boy before, but the way she responded didn't show it. He swiped his tongue against her bottom lip but didn't push further. She didn't know if it was her or him, but someone moaned. Jax was certainly skilled at kissing. He took her plump bottom lip and lightly pulled at it with his teeth and she only fell deeper. Then Jax pulled back a little and smiled, then leaned in again and pecked her softly.

"We have an audience," he whispered, nodding to her window. They released each other's hand and she saw her father peering out of the window, watching them. She pulled back immediately.

"Shit," she sighed as she gripped the straps of her book bag.

"You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah," she replied. Her father dropped the curtain back into place and she was sure he was going to go off when she got inside. He was probably too drunk to make it to the porch and yell at them both.

"See you at school?"

She nodded and he gave her his trademark grin as he walked backwards and turned to go back the way they came.

When she entered the house, the smell of cigarettes and whiskey hit her nose.

"What're you doin' with that Teller thug?" he slurred, propped on the couch.

"Nothing," she replied, picking up the paper plates and trash he'd littered on the floor. "He walks me home sometimes."

"And puts his tongue in your gotdamned mouth," her father said gruffly. "You keep away from that boy. He's bad news. He's chasing tail. That boy's nothing but trouble. A thug just like the rest of his lot. I can look at him and tell."

Tara looked at the trash in her hands and back to her father, barely able to keep his eyes open. She just received her first kiss, and had a guy tell her he was into her, only to come home and pick up her father's shit. For once, she felt worth something, felt engaged, renewed, cared for, and leave it to her father to fuck that feeling up. Maybe her father was right, everyone in town knew the Tellers and their friends were bad news. But everyone in town knew she was the drunk's kid, so she couldn't judge. Jax was as brutal as he was benevolent, and that mixture proved to be an intense aphrodisiac for Tara. But as she should be, she was conflicted about everything to do with Jax.

They were making out after watching a movie. Tara had one too many glasses of wine, and that tends to loosen her inhibitions, and despite her reservations about Josh, she yearned for physical contact. It had been so long since she had someone's lips on her like that, probably college, that she wasn't trying to think of who was kissing her, just the fact she was being kissed. He moved from her neck to her ear, and then hungrily attacked her lips. His kisses were sloppy, if she had to describe them, but the wine told her to stop critiquing and just enjoy it. She leaned her head to the side and he shoved his tongue in her mouth. She abruptly broke off the kiss.

"Josh..." it made her uncomfortable, but he reached for the back of her neck and drew her back to him.

Before she could protest, his tongue was back in her mouth and she tried to pull away. Josh, in return, bit down on her bottom lip.

"What the fuck! Josh!" she yelped, pulling back, the metallic taste of her blood on her tongue.

He smiled at her, "Sorry I got carried away. You do that to me Tara."

He whispered the last part, as if he was seductive, but Tara was too angry to care. Josh tried to lean back in, but she pulled completely away, disturbed by his aggressiveness. He looked at her, clearly confused by her response, as she hopped up and rushed to the bathroom.

"Tar-Tar-"

"That fucking hurt, Josh," she hissed, shutting the door behind her.

She looked at her bitten lip in the mirror and frowned. He did that on purpose, drew blood. Tara took a washcloth and wiped the blood, and even though it wasn't deep or swollen, it was a clear sign of dominance that made her uncomfortable. Washing the blood off, she stormed out of the bathroom and grabbed her jacket.

"Where are you going? The movie's still on," Josh asked.

"Home, I'm tired," she said, slipping her jacket on.

"Tara..." he sighed and stood up. "Look, sorry if that was weird. It's something I'd just thought you'd like."

"Well it's not," she muttered. "Don't know what gave you that idea."

Josh reached out to hold her hand. "I'm sorry. I just...I got carried away. Touching you. I have so much passion when I'm with you, I just...I need to check it."

Tara looked at him and frowned, releasing her hand. "Yeah, um, I have surgery in the morning."

"Are we gonna be okay?" he asked. "Seriously Tara. I would never hurt you."

She nodded and sighed. Maybe she was overreacting. So what he had a masochistic side, they all did. "Okay. I'm fine. I'm just going home. Watch the movie another time?"

"Alright," he replied sadly. "Want me to see you home?"

She shook her head and opened the door. "I can find my way home. Night Josh."

One day, there was lot of commotion out in the quad. She rolled her eyes as people ran down to see, because she was sure it was a fight and blood sport wasn't her thing. Unfortunately though, she had to walk that way for class. As Tara pushed her way through the crowd, she saw three upperclassmen wailing on one scrawny guy, another sophomore. She knew the fight wasn't fair, and she was actually angry at everyone standing around cheering it on, but she couldn't stop it either. Instead she was watched in horror as Lowell Harland Jr. took a punch to the chin and stumbled back towards where Tara stood.

From what she knew of Lowell, he was like her, bad home environment, quiet, a kid most people pitied. His father was infamous for being a wife and child beater, and then suddenly he abandoned his family and left town. That devastated Lowell, but unfortunately, everyone in town was still reeling from John Teller's death that they didn't have time to see the boy was hurting.

But he couldn't have done anything to deserve this type of beat down. Lowell would never hurt a fly, and these guys where just being high school shit heads.

She stepped forward, not knowing where the boldness in her was coming from. Maybe she was just tired of people like her and Lowell being victims. "Hey, leave him alone, asshole!"

They continued to pound him right at her feet. She screamed, "I said stop!"

Tara didn't know how to stop it, but she had to try. She pushed at one of the guys with her binder, and he reached up and pushed her back to the crowd. Before she could even become indignant, Jax and Opie had made their way through the circle of kids to observe the fight. Jax almost looked amused, until he took one look at Lowell sprawled on the floor, and Tara being shoved, and immediately lost his shit.

"The fuck is this?!" The boys stopped beating Lowell and looked at an enraged Teller stepping forward out the crowd.

"This ain't your business Teller!"

"Did you just push her?" he growled, pointing at Tara. He dropped his book bag. "I think you fucking did."

Lowell took relief from his beating, and touched the blood dripping from his lip.

Jax stepped towards the boys. "Yeah, this is my fucking business."

With little warning, he threw a punch so hard, the sound of his fist cracking Jamie William's face could be heard over the yelling. He wailed on him several more times, and Jamie crumpled immediately. The other two upperclassmen went to push Jax off, but he recovered quickly, shoving them back. He swung and hit Dillon McDogel in the ribs. Larry Tate got a couple of good punches in, but Jax tackled him and proceeded to pound his face in.

Opie appeared behind him and the guys looked as if they had to think their next move through seriously. Tara couldn't move. She was frozen, watching him this way. Jax looked crazed, his blue eyes got brighter and wider, and Tara no longer saw the same eyes that sparkled at her on the walk home, but one who wanted to rip someone's throat out.

"You put your hands on my girl, bitch?!" he yelled, and Larry whimpered. Jax grabbed his collar, shaking him. "Picking on Lowell? It's all my business."

His fist raised and came down one more time.

"Jax, security's coming. Let's go," Opie pulled him off.

"Piece of shit," Jax growled as he stood up.

The two other guys decided they were done, and grabbed Jamie and skittered away, leaving a disappointed crowd, and Jax stood there, triumphant yet still aggressive in their wake. He glared at their backs as the crowd dispersed, turning to signal for Opie to check on Lowell while he walked over to Tara, who was clutching her binder, in shock.

His hands immediately went to either side of her face, his thumbs stroking her cheeks. "Are you okay?"

She nodded and softly replied, "Yeah, they just pushed me a little."

"I'm going to break his arm next time I see him." His eyes told her he had every intention of doing just that.

"Lowell..." she nodded towards the broken boy.

"We'll take of him. He's a friend. No one will mess with him."

"Jax, now," Opie grunted, pulling Lowell up. "Come on."

Jax dropped his hands and she got a good glimpse of his bruised face. She nervously reached up and brushed his cheek. He didn't seem to feel a thing. "Look, I gotta go. I'll catch you later?"

Jax leaned in and kissed her lips briefly before moving away with Opie and Lowell. Tara watched him leave and touched her lips. She was definitely going into shock or something. Jax Teller had called her his girl in front of everyone. Then he proceeded to beat the ass of the guy who pushed her.

When did she become his? They were building up to something, but she wasn't sure what, yet he announced she was his girl. Strangely, Tara wasn't bothered by that. As fucked up as it sounds- despite the fact that he just savagely raged on three people, the way he turned down the monster inside of him and kissed her...made him even hotter to Tara.

Tara was tired. All she wanted to do was go home and collapse in her bed. After saying goodbye to the night nurse staff, she walked out the back entrance of St. Thomas towards her car. When she saw him, her heart rate went up immediately. He leaned against his bike right near the steps, smoking a cigarette, no doubt waiting for her.

She hesitated a bit, before walking toward him because she wasn't sure if she was ready. She hadn't been expecting him tonight, unlike the other nights. She had resigned to him moving on.

"Jax?"

He took one drag of his cigarette and smiled, dropping the cigarette to the ground and stomping it with his feet. The smoke billowed above him, creating a misty affect. Fuck...he looked better than she remembered. He'd filled out a bit, still young looking, glowing almost, but he was definitely a man now. His hair was like she remembered it, maybe a little longer. And of course, she recognized it immediately, he had on the leather kutte he always wanted. Jax was SAMCRO. What shocked her even more was how he just as beautiful as they day she left. That made her nervous as hell right now. Even in the dark night, with only the parking lot lighting, Tara noticed bruising on his hands, a familiar sight. He'd been fighting. The bruises were deep purple, recent. His face was still perfect though. He'd obviously been the one whooping someone else's ass. Standing under the parking lot light, Jax looked like every bit of the angel he wasn't, waiting for her.

Jax shrugged and batted his eyes playfully, "The nurses here are really friendly. Don't mind giving out your schedule and where you park if someone asks nicely."

"I'll talk to security about that," she said, giving a shy smile.

He stepped forward and enveloped her in a light hug. It wasn't the way he used to hug her, but it was more nervous, tentative. She put her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, breathing him in. It all came flooding back. First kisses, hand holding, hugging, touching, the feel of his skin against hers. It violently came rushing back into her veins and into her head and she tried to stifle her reaction to it. They had ten years of separation and hurt between them. But being so close to him again, shattered her. His arms around her became overwhelming. She tried her best to keep her composure as she settled against him.

"Hi Tara," he breathed into her ear.

"Hi Jackson."

After a small squeeze, he pulled back and shoved his hands in his pocket. "I figured, I'd stop by and say hi. Ya know, since half the town knew you were back and kept telling me everyday."

Tara chuckled. "Yeah, sorry if that makes things awkward."

"You know how this place is."

"Yeah, I know," she replied. They stared at each other for a long awkward moment, both accessing how to engage the other. What do you say to your long lost love of your life?

She looked down at her simple white shoes, trying to compose herself. What does she say to him? Sorry that she left? She hasn't and won't stop thinking about him? Does he think of her, sometimes? Every single relationship she's had since him as been shit? So many things flooded her thoughts, and she wanted to expose them all, lay them bare before him but she also knew she shouldn't.

He shifted and looked at her. "I'm so sorry about your dad."

"Thank you," she said softly.

"I thought maybe I'd see you at his funeral. Pay my respects. But there wasn't one...so..."

"My cousin had him cremated. It's a long story."

"Ah," he looked at her sympathetically. "How you doing with it?"

"Well, you know he was such a great dad and all," she snorted.

"Yeah," Jax shrugged. "Doesn't make it hurt any less."

"No it doesn't," she wanted to change the subject. Jax was very aware of her relationship with her father. If anyone knew what she went through, it was him. He was the calm for her in the middle of that shit storm. "I...I heard you were going to be a dad. Congratulations."

Jax didn't smile, he actually grimaced a bit at her words. "Um, yeah. Thanks. How'd you-"

"I met Wendy. Gemma, she introduced us when I first got back," Tara tried to gauge his reaction, but he kept his face blank.

"Yeah, of course she did," he rolled his eyes.

It was so awkward, she doesn't ever remember it being so awkward between them. He had things he clearly wanted to say, and she did too, but they were skirting all that crap for pleasantries. He looked at her intensely, and she felt like there was so much behind his eyes. The day he didn't show up at the airport devastated her, she felt like a romantic movie reject. He was supposed to come with her, so they could be better people together and away from Charming. Now she didn't know much about him as adult Jax and though she felt a connection still, she wasn't sure what to do with it.

She went to say something, maybe ask him if he wanted some coffee or a drink, when his phone rang. He looked at the screen and frowned, then looked apologetically back up to her.

"I gotta be somewhere," he said abruptly, putting the phone back in his pocket. "Sorry."

"Yeah, okay," she replied. "Well..."

Jax walked backwards to his bike, then turned and flashed her a smile. "I'm sure I'll see ya around, Knowles."

She shrugged. "Maybe."

He nodded, and climbed on his bike as he smugly replied, "I think I will."

Tara tried not to smile too big as he drove past her and into the night. When he was out of sight, she shook the mass of confusion from her head, and sat down on the steps to regain her composure.

A/N: Hope you are enjoying the story. Kohn will show up in the present again and there will be trouble for Tara.