IHome sweet home/I
With a flip of the switch, fluorescent lights flickered and illuminated the small apartment. Shutting the door behind her, Konan stepped inside. Her hands went to the doorknob, and she set the lock. The neighborhood was a risky one, and so the door was always kept bolted. Otherwise, she would almost certainly come home to a ransacked room. More than once, she'd noticed smashed locks and other security devices on the ground near the neighbors' doors. She didn't worry about break-ins, though. Pein had been sure to buy the most secure lock available. From day one, he'd reassured her of their safety.
That day was vivid in Konan's memory. As her hand fell from the cold, metal knob, she could not help but think back to their first experience in the apartment. They'd had no permanent living space before then, just motel rooms and park benches. The neighborhood may have been dangerous, and the apartment small, but in her eyes, it'd been a godsend. She never once questioned Pein on how he'd scrounged up the money for it. Had it been fear that'd stopped her from doing so, or was it denial? She hadn't even contemplated the issue before. Now, she'd never know. All his secrets would remain just that. Secret.
Konan never had quite gotten used to the nights in the apartment. The first day, Pein brought in a ratty old bed, with springs that croaked with every movement. It was just barely big enough for the two of them, and the mattress was firm and uncomfortable to sleep upon. Even the blanket was shabby, and she doubted it'd be able to keep them warm. She remembered looking upon the bed with doubt, and then up to the man who'd brought it in. The first thing he did was to assure her he'd gotten it from a friend. What a lie that had been. Pein had no friends, had no one but for her. She'd asked no questions, though. She was just glad to have a bed to sleep on.
As it turned out, the bed was the least of her worries. That first night, she'd quickly discovered the other occupants of the apartment. The thumps and scrapes had kept her awake and frightened. Pein had informed her that the sounds were most likely just rats or mice, but that hadn't calmed her at all. Unlike her fearless roommate, the thought of those little critters crawling around in the dark sent shivers up her spine. It was almost as bad as the sounds coming from the sole window of the bedroom. Even though it was closed, the sounds of the cars passing still resonated loudly in the room. Jabbering voices and booming beats were intolerably audible, and she'd found herself unable to fall asleep. The night crept onward, and she tossed and turned on the bumpy mattress.
Konan did not go sleepless that night, though. She'd been staring at the scarcely visible wall, eyes heavy with fatigue, when she felt Pein's hand on her. It brushed over her thinly clothed back, before reaching over the side of hers that she wasn't lying on. Pein had kept his arm around her, and pressed his own tired body against her back. The restless female had felt every rise and fall of his chest, had felt every beat of his cold heart. His slowed breathing tickled the top of her head with every exhalation. A familiar, musky scent had filled her nostrils, and she remembered the way it had made her every fear vanish, her every muscle relax. In a matter of minutes, she'd fallen asleep.
That was the only time Pein had ever held her that way, and it was a memory that had stayed with her ever since. Every time she'd felt fearful, all she had to do was think of that night and remember his touch, and the security of it helped comfort her. Konan only wished it would work then, as she stood in the empty apartment. Everywhere she turned, there was a reminder. Everywhere, there was a memory.
Konan took off her rain-soaked jacket and hung it up in their small closet. Then, she dropped the umbrella to the floor. The sight of it, the feel of it in her hands, was too much for her to bear right now. She refused to think back on what had happened with Deidara. The quiet teen just couldn't deal with it right then. No guilt or regret filled her, but neither did anything pleasant. She had made herself numb to the situation for the time being.
With that done, she walked over to the black, leather couch that was pushed off to one side of the room. It was the nicest piece of furniture, and the most expensive looking one. She sat down, and the material provided immediate comfort. She often enjoyed just laying on the couch after a long day. It was vastly more comfortable than the bed. Yet, she'd never spent a night there. Konan had always opted to sleep on the uncomfortable bed, just so she could feel Pein's presence beside her.
Konan leaned against one armrest, and her eyes fell upon the side table. She sat up straight again, and turned to fully face it. The table was round and wooden, with various chips and dents in it. On the surface, lay four origami figures.
The first two paper figures were obviously hers. She'd perfected the art over many years of practice, and as a result, her origami was flawless and beautiful. There wasn't a fold out of place, nor a visible crease. She often did it while she was stressed, and she found it often helped take her mind off things. She especially enjoyed making swans and roses. They were her favorite creations. One skillfully made figure of each of the two was placed on the table, lying side by side.
The other two matching figures, however, were not hers. They belonged to Pein. It'd only been a month ago, the talented female recalled, that she'd taught him to make them. Her skillful fingers had guided his clumsy ones, and it was soon apparent that he had no talent whatsoever for the art. She'd tried hard to help him create the figures, though, and together they'd succeeded. Both the rose and the swan looked crudely made compared to hers, but she'd thought at the time that they were the most beautiful things in the world. Especially after he'd offered them to her. Konan paid no mind to the uneven paper petals on the rose, or the multitude of wrong folds on the swan. She had laid them next to her own creations with pride. Pein would never have admitted it, or even have shown it, but Konan could tell he was pleased at her approval. Together, they'd made something beautiful. The memory and the origami figures meant a lot to Konan.
She gently fingered the fragile paper, handling her former roommate's creation with care. Konan's sorrowful blue eyes lingered on the paper creations for a few more seconds, before moving elsewhere. She didn't wish to think back on the times she had with Pein, but everywhere she turned, something brought back a memory. Every piece of furniture held a story, and every one of those stories had to do with the man that'd walked out on her. Konan had never realized how much of her life was connected to him.
Unable to stay sitting any longer, the blue-haired girl stood up from the couch and went into the bedroom. She averted her eyes from anything that could possibly invoke another memory of Pein, and headed straight for the small cabinet. Never before had she opened that door, and the prospect of doing so had her nervous. It had always been Pein's cabinet, filled with his weed and cigarettes and anything else he didn't want her getting into. That day, though, Konan decided she'd look into it. If nothing else, then she could at least take a joint. She just wanted to get Pein off her mind, and she'd seen the way marijuana could distract a person.
Her fingers wrapped around the metal handle of the cabinet, and she drew in a deep breath. She was entering foreign territory, and it had her tense. Konan's skin was a shade paler than normal, and her heart thumped against her chest. It was just a cabinet, she told herself, but she was unable to truly believe that. It was the door to all the secrets he kept, and that day, Konan wanted to open it. She wanted to know what he kept behind those doors. Gathering up her courage, Konan opened the door.
It had been emptied. Not a joint nor cigarette lay on the shelves within. It had been completely cleared out. All the secrets were gone, forever taken with her dearest friend. Konan stared at the faded white interior, before moving her eyes to the sole item in the cabinet. She exhaled a shaky breath, and reached out to pick it up.
It was a gun. Sleek and black, the handgun exuded danger. Konan had never handled a weapon before, and so she touched the gun with meticulous caution. Her slender fingers wrapped around the handle, and she stared at the device with wonder. She'd never seen the weapon before, not even in the short seconds when Pein had the cabinet open. He'd never mentioned owning a gun to her. Then again, that was typical of him. Pein never told her anything of importance.
A thought struck her. Who else would clear the cabinet out but Pein? And what reason would he have for doing that? She couldn't figure out why he'd just suddenly pack his stash up. Unless, that was, he'd done it after he'd walked out of the diner. That seemed like the most plausible explanation…and the most painful one. For it meant that, while she was curling up in bed next to Deidara, her troubled friend had returned home. What, she wondered, had he thought of her absence? Would he have stayed if she'd been there when he came back? Konan didn't know any of those answers, and the questions only added to the shadows plaguing her.
Konan drew in a deep breath, and tried to clear her mind of those troubles. Then, she exhaled, and closed the cabinet door. She walked back over to the bed, and sat down on the mattress. The springs groaned loudly in protest, and she even heard something pop within it. They were ugly sounds, but they were familiar ones. She loved them dearly.
Her eyes stayed on the gun in her hand. The grip was comfortable, and her fingers held it naturally. It was Pein's final gift to her. The gift of safety and security. The weapon was so very dangerous and intimidating to her, but she knew it would protect her. Her hand clutched it tighter, feeling the cold metal against her skin. She could almost feel Pein's hand, warm and strong, clamping over hers, guiding her fingers. With whitened knuckles, she continued to grip it tightly, never wishing to let go. The feeling passed, however, and the supposed presence was gone. Konan's fingers trembled once more, and the gun fell to the bed.
Konan's shadowed eyes traveled next to the bedside table. She was seated on Pein's side of the mattress, and so it was his possessions she eyed. Pein had always been organized to the point of compulsion, and the table's condition showed that clearly. There was loose change, but it was all stacked up neatly beside the radio alarm clock he never used. In front of that, there was a picture. For now, Konan avoided looking at it.
There was no book there that day. Often, she'd find a novel laying on the table's surface, with a bookmark in place. Pein never tented his books, and would often voice his displeasure when he caught her doing so. She glanced over to the pillow, and it confirmed her suspicions. He'd kept it under the pillow instead. He only did that when it was a particularly good book. It had worried Konan on occasion, how he'd spend half the night reading. She ran a finger over the hardcover binding, and felt the grooves where the title was spelled out. It was one of those philosophical war books he so enjoyed. She pulled it out from under the pillow, and brought it to her lap. Konan stared at the cover for a few seconds, before placing it aside.
The blue-haired female couldn't ignore it any longer. As she turned her head, her eyes caught glimpse of the picture on Pein's bedside table, and she couldn't tear them away. Every morning, she looked at it, but never before had she taken it in so much. So vivid was the scene, she could almost hear the laughter, and smell the fresh air.
The photograph had been taken years ago. The fact that it had been taken before the 'incident' was blatantly obvious…for Pein adorned a rather charming smile on his piercing-free face. His grinning lips were parted to reveal a flash of those white teeth he now kept hidden away. There was no ice in his eyes in that picture, only an odd mixture of happiness and sorrow. She remembered those eyes so clearly. Then was a time when sadness never left his face, no matter how he may have laughed and played around. Konan missed those eyes dearly, despite the trouble in them.
Konan also missed the feel of Pein's touch. In the picture, his arm was slung casually around her slender shoulders. He hadn't been afraid to touch her back then. In those days, he didn't draw back at the slightest touch, nor did he keep so much distance from other people. His other hand was in the pocket of his jeans. He wore a t-shirt in the picture, for it'd been a summer day when they'd taken it. Back then, his clothing choices hadn't been so dark or baggy. Nor had they been so unfit for the weather.
Konan then studied the image of herself in the photograph. It was like looking at a stranger. In the picture, she wore light blue jeans, complete with an abundance of grass stains. Her t-shirt was a canvas of pinks and purples, so very unlike the dark hoodies and tanks she had since grown accustomed to. Her hair, which she'd taken so much pride in back then, was let down, and fell over her shoulders. The smile she showed in the picture was unfamiliar to her. The teenage female tried to contort her lips into a similar expression, but failed miserably. It'd been so long since she'd been able to smile that happily. She found herself missing that young, barely adolescent girl in the picture.
Most of all, though, she remembered the photographer. She remembered his laughter as he held up his beloved camera. She remembered the way he joked about the two, and the casual compliments about her appearance. The young boy's voice was so distant now, but she could still recall it. Konan didn't think she'd ever be able to forget him, though she pushed him out of her mind whenever possible.
Another memory came to mind. Konan shut her eyes tight, and tried to will it away, but failed. She saw a street, with few cars passing by the three teens traveling on the sidewalk. She'd been trailing behind, and hadn't really been paying attention. She remembered that her two male companions had been fighting, though. Those shouts were clear, and still haunted her dreams. She'd never learned what their argument had been about, though. She wondered if she'd ever find out. The argument had escalated, and then Pein had pushed the other boy. Pein had always been a strong person, but there was something so vicious, so powerful in that shove. Her other friend had gone tumbling into the street…and right in front of a car.
Just as Konan began remembering the squeal of the brakes and the wail of the sirens, she managed to shut out the memory. Her breathing had quickened, as had her heartbeat, and she gripped the covers tightly. Sick of the memories, the young girl lay down on the bed, and pulled the sheets over her now trembling body. She shut her eyes, and forced Pein out of her mind. It was hard to do, for she'd recently discovered just how much he'd been a part of her. She managed to blank her mind though, and she let the darkness take her over. Tomorrow, there'd be school and work to fact. Tomorrow, the memories would return. For now, though, she'd lose herself in a night of dreamless slumber.