Chapter Ten
Ryan Atwood was stuck in a limbo, a limbo where the past made no sense, the present was an utter confusion, and the future seemed distant and unattainable. It was as if he was frozen in place. Although he knew he didn't want to move backwards, it was impossible to move forward. Too much had happened; too much still needed to occur. Nothing had been said; apparently, neither of them had anything to say. Awkwardness pervaded his entire existence; he had never felt more comfortable in his own skin. Realizing this, Ryan recognized the fact that he was a contradiction in and of itself.
Aubrey's surgery had gone impeccably, and, within 42 hours after the operation, they were allowed to take her home. While they had been waiting for the news her procedure was over, Ryan and Marissa had been a team, working together to keep one another sane and focused. Afterwards, when all they could do was wait, they truly were parents together, taking turns watching over and observing every detail of their daughter while she slept soundly, speaking with doctors and nurses, preparing to check her out. They had even taken care of each other, making sure that they both had plenty to eat and would occasionally sleep if only for a couple of hours. However, as soon as they stepped back inside of the apartment, their system of playing off each other and complimenting the others actions fell apart. Suddenly, the only they did well in the same room was make the other stammer, blush, look away, and quickly make excuses to leave. It wasn't an uncomfortable awkwardness necessarily, but it definitely was powerful.
He could tell she was nervous around him, and, for the first time since he had met her, she was unsure of herself. Why she would be like this, Ryan had no idea. As far as he was concerned, the pressure in their relationship was all on him: he needed to make a move to bridge their past, show her he wanted to be a part of her and their daughter's future, all the while participating in their present. The problem was though that he didn't feel he deserved a second chance to be in their lives. After everything he had done to her, to them, why would Marissa ever want to give him a second chance?
Flashes of his former actions would haunt his dreams: bringing home other women to taunt her and throw it in her face that, not only, did he not want her, which had been a lie, but that he could have anyone he desired, throwing her out of his car and pulling away while she sobbed on the floor of the parking garage, yelling at her because she couldn't quiet Aubrey, imagining her in labor without him by her side with no one to hold her hand but a scared, pregnant, overwhelmed teenager, and becoming jealous over the relationship she had formed with his father, a relationship he had, at first, insisted upon. The worst memory though was the thing he regretted most. If only he had stayed with her the morning after they had met, if only he had insisted she agree to a real date, if only he would have been able to admit that day all those months before what he felt now, then Marissa would be his and Aubrey would have the family she deserved.
Fortunately, there was something motivating Ryan more than his fear of rejection and regret of the past. Whenever he would feel himself getting lost in the things he had done to wrong Marissa, she would do something to amaze him, to make him freeze in place and literally have his breath taken away in awe and admiration. Watching her, seeing her with their daughter was the most amazing thing in the world to him.
The night they had gotten back from the hospital, Ryan had volunteered to make them dinner while Marissa got Aubrey ready for bed. He was slowly starting to help take care of their daughter more and more every day, but he still did not trust himself enough to give her a bath. Before he knew it, dinner was ready, but, still, there was no sign of Marissa. He assumed she was feeding Aubrey or perhaps she had gotten sidetracked doing something else, so he went to find her. Passing by the bathroom, he heard her joyful voice permeating through the closed doorway. Curious and needing to see her and their daughter interacting, he silently pushed the door open just wide enough to peer into the softly lit room.
There, amongst dimmed lights and more bubbles than any one bathtub could hold, sat a giggling Marissa immersed in water holding Aubrey, taking a bath with her as she told her a very personal fairytale, the story of her childhood dreams. Unable to leave them alone for fear of missing even a moment of the beautiful scene, Ryan had simply slid down the wall and sat leaning up against it, his knees pulled to his chest, listening to Marissa's sweet, lulling tones, as she shared her inner most thoughts with their daughter. He knew it was wrong, that the information Marissa was sharing was meant only for Aubrey's ears, but he was mesmerized, completely lost in the mother of his child and unwilling to give her up.
There were various other moments where Ryan had been snapped from reality and transported into a world where only Marissa and Aubrey existed, as he watched her dance around the living room singing softly along to the music with the baby in her arms, as she would stop in the middle of changing her diaper to blow silly bubbles into her silky smooth, tiny belly, as they would simply stare into each others eyes when Marissa held her, utterly connected and visibly a part of each other, but nothing was as enchanting then when Marissa would paint Aubrey's scar. Every night, after their bath and before she would rock her to sleep, Marissa would prepare a canvas, just a small one, and paint a portrait of the scar stretching across their daughter's stomach in hopes of capturing its every aspect not only to remember how lucky they were to have her but to show Aubrey just how special she truly was. She had no idea he watched her every brush stroke, no idea how much those moments meant to him when he was able to observe the mother of his child nurturing, playing, loving their baby, but it was because of those tender instances of adoration and devotion that made him realize he would do whatever it took to earn Marissa's trust, forgiveness, and affection.
Marissa Cooper was waiting….waiting for a sign, an advance, an embrace, even a gesture to tell her that Ryan wanted more than to be Aubrey's father, that he wanted to be with her as well. It was crazy how she was feeling, but, instead of running away from it and denying her feelings, for the first time in her life, Marissa was ready to accept the fact that she cared for someone, that she wanted a relationship. If she was honest with herself she would admit that in her heart Ryan had always meant something to her since the moment he became a lover with an identity and not a nameless one night stand. Then she had carried his child, forming an unbreakable bond with him, and, after he had stood by her side during Aubrey's medical crisis, she would forever care for the lonely, scared, vulnerable blue eyed, blonde haired man who had so captured her attention that very first night in the club. Gone was the playboy, the rich, arrogant shell of a personality he had portrayed to the world only to be replaced with a guy she knew she was already falling for. She just hoped that he would want to catch her.
Realistically, she should hate him or at least hold a grudge; Marissa knew that, but, not only did that weigh her down and give her a heavy heart when she wanted to be light and airy, enjoying the simple pleasures of the life her daughter provided her with, but she also knew it took a bigger woman to forgive than it did to feel resentment, and that's what she wanted to be: a gracious, sympathetic, kind woman who taught her daughter to embrace love and the people in her life. She didn't want Aubrey to ever close off her heart, to ever rule out the possibility of love, to ever be alone in the world, to ever be like her before she had become pregnant. It is said that you always want what's better for your children, and Marissa was determined to present a better example of herself to the world for her child.
It was a Friday morning in July, a few days after Aubrey's surgery, and Marissa sat in front of the large, picture window in the living room sipping a soothing cup of tea despite the already sultry conditions outside of the air conditioned, cool, comfortable confines of their apartment, thinking, musing, day dreaming about the only thing she seemed capable of focusing on: Ryan and their daughter. Aubrey was taking her morning nap while Ryan was attempting to do some work in his study. Despite the fact that their daughter was now perfectly healthy and that she had caught up on her sleep and was well rested, calm, and collected again, Ryan refused to leave them alone and go back to work. She knew that he trusted her with their baby, so it wasn't that he was afraid something would go wrong if he wasn't there. Instead, it was as if he was afraid he would miss something: a new development in their daughter, a change in her appearance, the latest, simple, adorable gesture she made, or a special moment only a parent would adore and appreciate. Marissa didn't mind though; she loved having him home with them.
He was still slightly nervous when it came to taking care of Aubrey, and it was obvious she was the first baby he had ever even held. Taking that into consideration, Marissa was slowly starting to help him learn how to take care of their daughter. He could now dress and change her, put her down for her naps, and feed her when Marissa would pump breast milk for him, though that happened very rarely, because neither of them liked to leave Aubrey alone for even a few minutes. However, what Ryan was the best at was simply being with their daughter, holding, cuddling, nurturing her, reading to her, telling her stories, sharing personal conversations. The little things that he did with her meant the most to Marissa.
Two days before she had accidentally walked in on a private moment the father and daughter pair were sharing, but, no matter how often or forcefully she told herself she needed to quit eavesdropping and spying on them, she couldn't walk away. Ryan was supposed to be changing Aubrey, getting her dressed for the day, but, when Marissa peered into the bedroom she shared with their baby, he was lost in concentration, tickling her tiny, little feet and playing with her toes as Aubrey laid there, gurgling and blowing bubbles in contentment.
She would also find them watching television together all the time. Ryan would put it on the food network and proceed to discuss every recipe the chefs introduced. If Aubrey responded well to one of them, he would write it down and prepare it that evening for their dinner. When she was fussy, he would stand in front of the very window Marissa was sitting at and look out at the skyline with her; during the day, he showed her various places he went to or things she would someday probably enjoy, and, when it was night, he would tell her about the stars, promising them all to her if she was so inclined to want them. He would even hold her when he worked on his laptop, delaying his progress by using only one hand to type simply for the fact that he enjoyed having their daughter in his arms whenever he could. She seemed to put him at ease, make him feel comfortable, and, considering the fact that things were so awkward between the two of them, Marissa knew he needed that.
Her favorite moment, the moment that had given her hope that Ryan may want a future with her, too, had occurred the night before. He had been putting Aubrey to bed. Marissa had already given the little girl her bath and dressed her for him, and he was going to tell her a goodnight story. Going into her room to kiss her daughter goodnight, Marissa was surprised to see that Ryan was still reading to her, completely lost in the book and his thoughts and oblivious to the fact that Aubrey was sound asleep on his shoulder, making a very large pile of drool on his shirt. The book was all about the ocean, the water, the wildlife, the lore of the sea, and he was sharing with their daughter how he would someday soon show it to her, take her out on a boat and make a day of it, just Aubrey, him, and, of course, her Mommy, too. It would be a family outing. Sighing out of contentment, a smile lighting up her face, Marissa had slipped back down the hallway not wanting to embarrass Ryan with the knowledge that she had overheard his promise to their child and spent the rest of the night contemplating her next move.
With the sun and tea warming her slightly chilly body that morning, she knew she just needed one more small sign to reassure herself that Ryan wanted to be with her as well, and then she would take that leap of faith, she would make some grand gesture to show him how she felt, risking her heart and her piece of mind one last time. If he returned her feelings, she would have everything she wanted; if he didn't, she would be alone again….with only her daughter, his friendship, and the support of Callie and James to comfort her. She was almost positive though that he, at least, felt something for her. After comforting her in the hospital, holding her and promising her the world, and all the moments where she could almost swear he was intently watching her, Marissa just needed one more sign to know for sure. Just one more….
It was taking every ounce of Marissa's restraint not to start hysterically laughing at Ryan as she watched him struggle with everything in his arms. He had been a mess that whole afternoon as they prepared for dinner at his father's, attempting to think of every and any excuse they could possibly make to not have to go out that evening, insisting it was too soon after Aubrey's surgery for her to do anything strenuous, and, according to Ryan, a car ride and being treated like a princess by her grandfather was definitely too exhausting. She would not listen to his arguments though, pronouncing that she and their daughter were going to James's that evening whether Ryan went with them or not. That had settled it, and the next thing she knew, he was packing not one but three diaper bags full of anything Aubrey liked or could need, claiming they were all necessities. They were late leaving, because Ryan couldn't make up his mind what Aubrey should wear, picking out a ridiculous amount of clothes for one baby to wear on a stifling July evening, and, now that they were there, he would not let her carry a thing, meaning all three diaper bags, Aubrey, her carrier, and even Marissa's purse were somehow all in his arms. She had even had to convince him that she could handle ringing the doorbell herself, that he didn't have to do that, too.
"Here, let me take some of that from you," James offered as he swung the door wide open for his son, his granddaughter, and the woman he hoped to someday call his daughter-in-law. He had obviously been watching for them out the window.
"I'm fine," Ryan argued, moving past him quickly into the house, quietly talking to Aubrey the entire time as he explained where they were, who that strange man was despite the fact that she had already met him, and what they were going to be doing next, providing James with an opportunity to talk to Marissa privately.
"Is he always this extreme and ridiculous," he queried. Together, they laughed quietly. "I've never seen him so….unguarded before."
"Not to this degree," Marissa answered. "There's something going on with him tonight, and I don't think it has anything to do with Aubrey. But, no matter what, it's good to see you." She stopped talking long enough to embrace the older gentleman in a warm, friendly hug. "How was Tokyo?"
"I have no idea," he responded, smirking. "After receiving a fairly hysterical phone call the night I got there from a certain worried mother and father of a very special baby, I only left my hotel room when it was absolutely necessary for meetings, but, even then, it was very hard to concentrate on business when I knew my granddaughter was in surgery. It really would have been more practical if I would have just rescheduled my meetings and come home."
"Trust me," Marissa reassured, "I don't think the nurses would have been able to put up with even one more person worrying about Aubrey's case. They'll probably all run away if they see either Ryan or I enter the hospital ever again."
Interrupting their moment, Ryan called out, "I think I'm going to take her upstairs to a guest room and check to see if she needs changed and put some of her things up there in case we need them later."
"That's okay," Marissa argued, going to his side and taking Aubrey out of his arms. "I'll change her while you catch up with your dad." Neither of them noticed James standing behind them watching their actions intently; they were too lost in each other. Holding out her free hand for the bags, Marissa waited for Ryan to give her the supplies she would need.
"Are you sure," he questioned her, his voice soft and concerned, "I mean….I really don't want you carrying all this stuff and Aubrey up a flight of stairs."
"Ryan, I'll be fine."
"Yeah, but you just gave birth," he maintained. "What if something happens….or if it's too heavy?"
She laughed. "I gave birth five weeks ago. Trust me, I'm fine. If it would make you feel better, just give me one bag and then you can take the others up later."
Agreeing to that idea begrudgingly, he gently slid the handle of the bag up her arm and balanced the bag on her shoulder, but, once it was in place, he did not remove his hand right away. He simply let it rest there, his fingers making Marissa's skin tingle. Their eyes remained connected the entire time as everything else around them disappeared and time stood still. If it wasn't for Aubrey squirming in Marissa's arms out of complaint because they were standing still, they would have been frozen together all evening. Smiling at their daughter, Ryan leaned in to place a gentle kiss on her cheek, in the process accidentally grazing his nose against Marissa's jaw line. It was the most intimate moment she had shared with a man since the morning Ryan had left her bed after the night they had conceived Aubrey, and she never wanted it to end. Unfortunately, Aubrey needed changed, they weren't alone, and she was still slightly unsure of what Ryan wanted. Perhaps the moment had been a mistake, something he regretted, and, if so, she still needed just one more sign.
Offering Ryan a delicate smile, she turned away and gracefully alighted the stairs, cooing and teasing their young daughter the entire time she walked away from the two men so alike and, yet, so different at the same time who were watching her intently, one with curiosity, interest, and amusement displayed plainly in his grey eyes; the other with lust, desire, and something else, a feeling deeper and more true than any he had ever felt, shining brightly in his admiring orbs of blue. Too bad she didn't see either one.
The night continued in the same fashion: Ryan and Marissa would share tender, small moments of intimacy and awkwardness, totally oblivious to the man who noticed every nuance of their relationship, a pleased and relieved smile on his face. Unbeknownst to them, James was a very perceptive man, but, that evening, anyone would have been able to notice the changes in Ryan and Marissa's interaction and the passionate tension that followed them wherever they went.
When they had been shown into the dining room for dinner by the maid, Ryan, instead of James that time, insisted that he help Marissa into her chair, standing just a little too close and lingering near her body just a little too long for his actions to be considered platonic. When their hands had accidentally grazed together when they had both reached to take care of Aubrey sitting between them in her carrier resting on a chair, he had laced their fingers together for a moment a little more tightly than a friend would, only releasing his grip upon her hand to insist that she relax while he held their daughter. When it came time for their after dinner drinks in the sitting room, Ryan had sat a little too closely to Marissa to excuse his behavior as that of a protective father only wanting to be near his daughter.
As the evening was winding down, James had insisted that he hold Aubrey, and, before either Ryan or Marissa could protest he had gone off to other parts of the house, his granddaughter in his arms, to show her pictures of her Grandma Evelyn, leaving her very self-conscious and shy parents alone together. Without a word shared between then, Marissa had stood up from the couch and moved to the French doors thrown open to embrace the balmy night air, a slight breeze being carried up to the manor on the hill from the ocean below. The wind would ripple her loose fitting, light, summer dress, occasionally, billowing it out slightly for Ryan to glimpse generous portions of her tanned and toned legs; the glow of the moon would reflect off her radiant face, capturing Ryan's attention and refusing to relinquish it. But Marissa was totally oblivious to his admiring glances.
Several minutes passed before she felt a warm body move to stand behind her, and she relaxed slightly, enjoying his presence near her own. As his hand moved to rest possessively on the small of her back, Marissa found herself leaning into his touch, surprising no one more than herself. With her head on his shoulder and her eyes closed in peace and contentment, she was startled out of her dreams when she felt his breath on her cheek, heard his deep, raspy voice in her ear, and smelled the scent of his powerful, masculine cologne that was enveloping her senses and obliterating any other thoughts in her mind.
"What are you thinking about," he asked curious, needing to know everything about her.
In that moment, Marissa couldn't deny the truth any longer; she couldn't lie to him. Slowly, she opened her eyes, turning her head to gaze deeply into his own which were intently watching her. "You," she breathed out softly, seductively, simply.
There faces slowly moved closer and closer together, each of them wetting their lips out of silent anticipation and hope, their hearts beating at a matching, elevated pace. It was an endless moment that needed to be savored, an endless moment that wanted to last forever, an endless moment that was ultimately interrupted.
"I hope you don't mind," James said loudly as he waltzed into the sitting room, breaking the spell Ryan and Marissa were under and making them spring apart, "but I put a picture of Ryan's Mom in one of the bags you brought with you. I thought Aubrey might like to have a picture of her Grandma."
"I think that's a wonderful idea," Marissa agreed with him, moving to take the little girl from his arms. "In fact, I have the perfect place in mind for it."
"But right now," Ryan interrupted, "it's time or us to go home. It's past Aubrey's bedtime, which means Marissa and I are both losing sleep right now."
"Aw, the joys of parenthood," James chuckled at his son's comment. "Well, whenever the two of you need a break to get away and rest or…I don't know….just be together, alone, let me know. I'll hire a bevy of nannies, fly in Doctor Spock, and buy out all the baby supplies in the local stores in order to watch Aubrey for you. I'll even lend you my yacht for a weekend."
Shaking her head at his generosity and excess, Marissa replied, "we'll keep that in mind, thank you," while Ryan quickly left the room to grab their bags. "Maybe next week," she suggested, you could come and have dinner at our place. I know this great cook who I'm sure I could talk into making you a meal you won't soon forget."
"You have a friend in the restaurant business," James asked, interested. "Where do they work?"
As Ryan made his way back down the stairs towards the three of them, Marissa merely winked at the older man and moved towards the front door. "That's for me to know and for you figure out when I'm ready for you to," she answered mischievously.
Goodbyes were exchanged and plans were made before the little, nontraditional family made their way to their car. Marissa waited for Ryan to put Aubrey's bags in the back of the SUV he had surprised her with, insisting that she and their daughter needed a dependable vehicle to ride in, before he came to their side to take the little girl in his arms. However, instead of putting her into her car seat, he simply stood frozen in place in front of Marissa, his eyes intently focused upon her mouth. Before either of them knew what was happening, he had leaned in and gently, delicately placed a kiss upon her lips. The embrace was sweet and soft, lingering several seconds until he regretfully pulled away, blushed, and refused to look at her as he put their daughter into the car.
Sitting beside him in the front seat as Ryan drove them home, Marissa found herself sneaking glances at him every chance she got. That was it. That simple, beautiful, life-altering kiss was exactly what she had been waiting for, wishing for, hoping for. It was her sign, her one last sign that Ryan not only wanted but needed to be with her as well. Soon, she promised herself silently, soon.
This was probably a terrible idea, Marissa knew that, but she was too excited, too proud to share her daughter with the world, that she disregarded her better judgment, swallowed her pride, and called the one person who she had been waiting months to prove wrong. Taking a deep breath, she exhaled slowly as she smoothed out the classy yet stylish, confident yet comfortable, simple yet elegant outfit she had spent all morning choosing for her lunch that afternoon. Aubrey was taking her early afternoon nap, resting adorably in the cutest outfit Marissa could find, the food was prepared and ready to be served, and the table was set. The only thing missing was the guest of honor, and she was waiting patiently on the other side of the closed door to the penthouse apartment.
Opening it gracefully, Marissa smiled at the woman she had once considered her closest friend, the woman she had not seen in months since she had gone on maternity leave from work: V. "It's good to see you," she said, shocking herself at how genuine her statement sounded and felt. Perhaps, after all, they could still be friends….well that was if V could accept Aubrey and Ryan and apologize for the things she said during their fateful lunch all those months before. "Please, come in," she motioned for the slightly unsure woman to enter the lavish apartment. "Lunch is ready, so why don't I show you into the dining room."
"Listen to you," V finally commented, her eyes scanning the apartment and refusing to look at Marissa, "don't we sound like the lady of the house. I remember a time not so long ago when a dining room to you was a TV tray in your corner of your studio apartment where you squeezed in a loveseat for when you had company."
Dismissing her comment, Marissa replied. "That was a long time ago, back when I was an undergraduate. My place before this was not that small."
"True," V conceded, "but you still weren't a woman who lunched or entertained company in formal settings. What happened to the Marissa with the lists, the Marissa with a book always in her hand, the Marissa with the plans to be an independent, successful woman?"
"She grew up, became a mother, and realized her priorities were wrong."
"Or," the smug red head pronounced, "she submitted."
Breaking the tense moment, Aubrey let out a soft cry, informing her mother that she was awake.
"If you will excuse me," Marissa apologized, thankful for the interruption, "I'll just go and get her, and then, if you'll help me get everything out, we can have lunch."
Five minutes later, Marissa reappeared in the living room, a changed, smiling, and happy baby in her arms. "V, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Aubrey," she introduced. "Aubrey, this is a friend of Mommy's from work."
"And where's Daddy," V questioned arrogantly, "off at work leaving you to take care of your child alone, out goofing around with his buddies, other spoiled, arrogant, rich brats, or, even better yet, maybe he's off sleeping with other women." Locking her eyes with Marissa's, she continued. "I know all about you and your life. It's been all over the news, how L.A.'s golden boy, the heir to Atwood Industries, had a child with a nothing graduate student, and, let me tell you, your….whatever Ryan is to you,…he has quite the reputation."
"Actually, he's off running errands for me," Marissa revealed, "but he'll be back later." Bitterly, she pressed. "You have no right to judge him, because you have no idea who he is, how he treats me or our daughter, or what we've been through together. Let's just eat our lunch and change the subject. I don't think this is something we'll be able to agree on." Leading an annoyed, arrogant V into the dining room, Marissa's curt words and the silence that followed made it clear that the topic of Ryan was not to be discussed. However, she should have known better. V never gave in when she thought she was right, and that's exactly what she believed about her opinions on the subject of Aubrey's father.
Unwilling to let V get a chance to upset her again, Marissa kept up a steady stream of lively chatter, hiding her infuriation behind a constant smile. While V greedily ate the food she had no idea Ryan had prepared for him, Marissa, whose appetite had quickly diminished once she was in the company of her former friend, kept herself calm by focusing on her daughter, feeding her as she shared stories about the five week old, perfect, little girl. When the meal was over, she excused herself from the table, picking Aubrey up to take her with her, as she set coffee to roast in the kitchen. "We'll have dessert," she announced over her shoulder as she left the room, "as soon as Ryan gets here with it. Sorry he's running late."
"Oh, that's alright," V made light of Marissa's apology. "I don't find that surprising at all. It seems to be a pattern of his," she continued, smirking to herself as she played her trump card, "being undependable. I mean, come on, let's face it, a man who doesn't even take the mother of his child to the hospital, a man who lets a teenager help deliver his baby while he stays at home, a man who doesn't bother showing up to see his daughter until hours after she was born is not someone you can trust and rely upon. I don't know how you deal with such an unstable, untrustworthy father figure for your daughter."
"What," Marissa exploded, rushing back into the dining room, eyes blazing with hate and fury, "did you read that in the tabloids, too? It's funny how you only are familar with the bad things about Ryan, how you don't remember the wonderful things he's done for me and our daughter! Why don't we talk about the time when OUR daughter was in the hospital to have LIFE-SAVING surgery? Do you know that he was the one who insisted Aubrey get the proper medical care she needed and deserved? Do you know that he would only leave my side to call his father with updates, go to the bathroom, or to get something to eat when I made him leave? Do you know that he was the one who kept me together, that he didn't let me go out of my mind with worry? Do you know that when I finally ran away and broke down scared, he went after me, found me crying in a hospital room, and held me tightly as he calmed me down, promising me the world? Of course you don't, because NO ONE knows about those moments, those personal, private, precious moments that I will always be grateful for. I invited you here today because I wanted to show you that you were wrong all those months ago, that getting pregnant and having Aubrey was the best thing that has EVER happened to me, but I see that you're too stubborn and too blind to accept the truth, so get out."
"Excuse me," V questioned Marissa, shocked by her vehement order.
"I said get out!"
Watching her intently, her eyes forcing her former friend to leave the apartment as quickly as she could, Marissa followed V into the foyer where she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. There, on the floor, sat a pink box from her favorite bakery, the cream puffs she had ordered for dessert spilled out unto the hard wood floor.
"See," V pointed out self-righteously, "undependable," before running out of the door and slamming it behind her before Marissa could say anything in response.
She knew he had walked in on their conversation, that he had entered the apartment as quietly as he could so as not to disturb them only to hear V repeat the accusations he made against himself every day, every night, every hour, every minute since he had let them into his heart, that he had ran out of the apartment, dropping the dessert in his haste to leave before he could hear Marissa's response, and now he was the one hurt. It wasn't supposed to happen yet, Marissa was not ready to show him how she felt, but she knew that if she didn't do something, if she didn't go after him and show him that she had already forgiven him for the things he had done to wrong her and Aubrey, then they might lose him forever, and that was something she could not accept.
Running quickly to the nearest phone, she dialed a number she knew by heart as quickly as she could, pacing the living room in fear. As soon as the person picked up the other line, she was speaking, not bothering with pleasantries or greetings. "I need your help, Callie" she begged. "Can you get here as soon as you can?"
After hearing her friend's yes response, she hung up the phone, dashing for her bedroom. Grabbing her keys, she slipped her shoes on and went back out to the entryway to wait for Callie to arrive. She was going after him; with no idea where to find him, Marissa Cooper was running to and not from a man, going after the only guy she had ever been with who had bothered to leave his name.
It was pitch black when Marissa pulled into the final park in Los Angeles, the final place she had hope she could find the man she had fallen, unwillingly, so hard for. The skies would occasionally be illuminated by a bright flash of lightening, the heat and humidity of the night bringing a strong, deafening storm to Southern California, and thunder would scream loudly across the otherwise silent night, its angry pronouncements of natural aggression the only company Marissa had in her search. Quickly, she ran through the park, out of breath and on edge. What if she didn't find him? What if she was too late? What if, when she did eventually see him again, he didn't want her? Shrugging off her dark, sinister thoughts, she pushed on, unwilling to listen to her own doubts, to heed to the weather, to give up on him.
Rounding a corner, she came upon a portion of the park set up for rollerblading, skateboarding, and, most importantly, bike riding. There were rails, half pipes, and many other pieces of equipment for extreme sports that Marissa had no idea what they were called. It was hard to see though, the dark of the night hiding everything in its shadows, and it was nearly impossible to hear anything, the tumultuous weather overriding even the sounds of a man's labored breathing, his futile attempts to perform a trick he had no business even attempting that only resulted in painful crashes, the chilling noise of metal scraping against wood. Something told Marissa that he was there though, that he was not only there, but that he also needed her.
Slowing her pace, she carefully listened for any sign of his presence, the idea that she should not be out alone in a dark and abandoned park never occurring to her. Just as she was about to give up, a bolt of lightening streaked across the sky, illuminating the night for mere seconds, but it was long enough to let her see a crumpled up, bloodied form collapsed beneath its bike and, apparently, long enough for the form to realize someone was there with him, that he wasn't alone.
"Who's there," he demanded loudly, standing up as quickly as his weary, pained body would allow. At the sight of him, Marissa gasped. His clothes were torn, his pad free knees and elbows were bleeding through the many scrapes and gashes his actions had ripped into them. Leaving their apartment hours before, Marissa, at first, had been unsure as to where she should search for him, but remembering the conversation they had shared over a week before, she thought perhaps he would go riding, attempt to lose himself in the freedom of his secret pastime. Though she had been right, she had not been expecting this. It was obvious that Ryan had been attempting to forget his emotional hurt by physically wounding himself, and she had no idea what she could say to make that ache go away. Ultimately, she wouldn't say a thing.
While lost in thought, tears of sorrow and compassion streaming down her gorgeous face, another bolt of lightning lit up the park, letting Ryan see who was standing before him just as the sky opened up and water drove down upon them in sheets of cold, wet rain. "Marissa," he screamed over the riotous combination of rain and thunder, "what are you…"
But she didn't let him finish his thought. Running across the sidewalks of the park as quickly as her lean legs would carry her, she launched herself into Ryan's arms, joining their lips together in an endless, passionate, yearning kiss, her mouth opening under the strength and longing of his own as their tongues joined together in a lustful embrace. Neither could breathe nor did they care for the lack of it. Ten months of humiliation and desire, cruelty and desperation, pain and tenderness was combined in that one embrace; words were not necessary. As they continued to kiss in the rain, Marissa forgot about her doubts and timidity, she did not care that the blood from his bruised and battered body was getting on her clothes and skin, and the haunting memories of the past floated away in the breeze. This was right, this was perfect, this was where she was supposed to be, with Ryan…forever. The thunderstorm would run its course, eventually passing along to quench the drought of another city somewhere east of L.A., the night would continue, its silence returning, but the two lovers standing in the middle of an abandoned park on a sultry, steamy July evening wouldn't notice either change in their environment. They were too lost in each other….exactly as they were meant to be.