Well it's that time again. Time for the next installment of the Merchant of Ham. When we last left our intrepid NPC non protagonist he had just spawned the dreaded escort quest for his unsuspecting victims, only to find out he has no idea where the destination actually is? Will Cardinal take pity and give poor Lyrista a GPS function? Or must our blundering hero navigate himself? Tune in and find out.

Sword Art Online Self Insert Edition

The NPC Experience

Chapter 8: Mob Mayhem

There was no turning back now….. I made the quest and I have to commit! The NPC can't abandon his quest and continue on like nothing happened! I hurried back to my room I had rented at the Inn while trying not to run into anyone in the process. Thankfully the other players seemed to be used to me by now, and once they realized I was an NPC they ignored me after a glance and continued on with their business. I had no idea how long I had until the my impromptu tour group starting looking for me after they finished getting ready to go. Even though I screwed up and selected a town that had not been found by players yet, I had at least already gathered some traveling supplies in preparation for the trip. Once I arrived at the Inn I had a quick word with the Innkeeper to end my reservation of my room at the end of the day before adjourning to my room to equip the hooded traveling cloak I had bought a few days ago. Having a seat in the nearby chair I pulled out Argo's guide book again and flipped to the pages containing the map information she had documented.

I took a deep breath and tried to focus as I studied the map closely and tried to plot a path. Alright, according to what I remember of SAO, the first floor is about 10 kilometers in diameter so we're looking at a trek of about 6.2 miles or so. The starter town, the Town of Beginnings was located at the southern edge of the map, it looks like a good 80% or so of the floor 1 map had been explored with the majority of the unexplored area is at the north end of the map. The Labyrinth tower surely had to be there once we got close it'd have to stick out like a sore thumb. Now….what would be the most optimum route? It was times like this I'd wish I'd got into speed running….. but then again I don't think Cardinal would appreciate me glitching things out. Yeah….better stick to legit methods.

There were mainly grasslands surrounding the town mostly inhabited by the boar and wolf type starter monsters though you could find some insect mobs a bit further out. Shouldn't be any sort of threat to the girls escorting me. Straight to the north of the grasslands we have a mountain range. Argo notes that there doesn't seem to be an accessible path through so the players had been either advancing to the northwest through a forest region or to the northeast through a lake region. I frowned as I tried to calculate the odds in either of the options. The forest option is where that Anneal Blade quest is wasn't it? Once the word got out about the Anneal Blade got out a veritable truck load of players swarmed that area trying to get their hands on one of the better if not THE best one handed sword on the floor. Still with the Little Nepenthes and the quest item's insanely low drop rate, few had succeeded getting it. The plant monsters in the area were doable now that the strategy for them was known and there was the benefit of having Horunka village in the area if we needed to stop and resupply. Though would it be worth answering possible questions if other players saw me out with the group? I don't think the PKs had really gotten started yet but still…

I glanced over and studied the lake region to the Northeast. The terrain was pretty open here unlike the forest so it was easier to see mobs coming and plan accordingly. This region like the forest region was really the first two places were the players had to constantly deal with monsters actively attacking them on sight unlike the grassland's non aggressive monsters that waited for you to aggro them first before attacking with the sole exception of the Dire Wolfs, but those were relatively uncommon and the players almost never had to deal with more than one at a time. The primary enemy in this region were the Wild Toads they were relatively slow, but according to the guide they would lash out with their tongues so they had reach on the players. Still they weren't too hard to predict and I was reasonably confident that with the girl's levels they would be more than a match for the amphibians. There was also the fact that Medai Village was in that direction as well so that'd work for a resupply spot as well.

Quickly reading through the descriptions of Horunka and Medai's available amenities it was clear that while fairly basic we could supply on potions and the girls could repair their gear if need be. Lodging was available as well if necessary but I was hoping that the trip could be accomplished in a single day if at all possible. I needed to be on site and at hand if I was going to be in time to help the clearers get ready for their assault on the tower. Capitalism Ho!

Silently facepalming to myself I made a promise to never do something like that again. Thank god no one can see this…. Quickly glancing at the in game time I hurried through the rest of the map. Both regions would then meet up into a valley region that had various ruins throughout the place. According to the guide these were the sights of several mini dungeons that the clearers had to access and clear out to open the seal of the dungeon at the base of the mountain range. Now that the path was open I could safely ignore those dungeons on the way to Tolbana, but I made a few mental notes about the monsters and their drops as potential opportunities for later. I flipped to the next page to begin reading about the main ruin as Argo had noted there didn't seem to be any other way to proceed forward. This must be one of the main field dungeons for the floor. From what I recall about SAO the field dungeon served as major objectives for the clearers to solve before they could reach the labyrinth so while the sub ones may have some that could be ignored, these main ones ended up being required.

As I began the process to memorize the dungeon map I quickly checked out the list of monsters, noting that members of the Kobold family started appearing for the first time in this ruin. These were the grunts, basic footsoliders so they didn't use any sword skills yet, but they were noticeably stronger than the outdoor field monsters and required more care as these wore armor as well forcing the player's strikes to need to be more precise. Still this looked reasonably doable, shouldn't be too hard to get through. Once through we were getting close to the unexplored area, I was hoping we'd be able to navigate by sight from there. Still it wouldn't hurt to double check the layout of the area. As I moved to turn to the next page I was startled by a sudden knocking on my door.

"Lyrista? Are you in? We're all ready to go anytime." Cocoa's voice came through the door as she continued to knock on the door.

"Should we maybe wait at his stall? This might not be the right launch point." said who I was pretty sure was Mint. Cocoa's knocking paused for a moment before resuming.

"The quest marker says he's here though. It must start from here, who knows how long he'll be in there if we wait at the stall! Besides, what if another group comes by and accidentally triggers the quest themselves and we lose it! We can't miss this opportunity, we are going to join the clearing group right?"

You have got to be kidding! How much time has passed already!? I don't even have my route fully planned yet! Maybe if I hide in here? No that won't work, they can see a quest marker of me! I hurriedly stuffed my guide into my inventory and straightened my clothes as I moved to the door to greet the party. Ad libbing skills don't fail me please! Gah, I guess it's time for the my ultimate technique. Flying by the seat of my pants! Moving to the door I opened it to greet my guests.

"Ah, my good friends! It's good to see you once more! I trust you are all prepared for our perilous adventure?" I exclaimed with a gesture of the traveling cloak I was now wearing. Yep that did it, I could tell they just barely suppressed the urge to roll their eyes at my antics. Yes, pay no attention to the crazy NPC! They'd be more likely to ignore weird behavior if I stay in character.

"Er, yes! We're ready to go. Shall we get going Lyrista?" Cocoa asked as she stepped aside to allow me to leave the room. I nodded as my eyes flicked to the side to check the time on my HUD. Good still plenty of time left in the day.

"Indeed we shall! Let us proceed to Tolbana friends!" I said as the girls followed me down the stairs as we left the inn. Within 10 minutes we completed our trek through town and exited out the northern gate as I took my first steps out of the Town of Beginnings into the wider world of SAO. I took a deep breath as I took in the scenery around me. This was it, my first foray out of safety and into the wider world. I would no doubt do this many times in the future, but this first moment felt… special in it's own way. Like I was a toddler taking it's first steps. Or I assume that's what it'd feel like as no one actually remembers that. I was distracted from my rambling thoughts as my escort gathered around me, looking at me expectantly. Oh right! I'm supposed to be navigating! Uh, which way are we going to go again? Crap, got to decide.

"Now my friends, let us be off! Let us go to Medai village first, and we will head for our next objective from there!" There we go, that'll buy me time to think and figure out the latter half of the trip! The girls nodded and after a quick conversation with each other took up a formation around me, Mint and Kiara at my sides and Cocoa in the lead. Looks like they all have a good grasp on things and I should be in good hands. This area should be pretty low risk anyway.

"Please stay in the formation Mr. Lyrista, we'll keep you safe and sound." Cocoa assured me with a smile as our group started off through the fields. Yep, these girls have seen escort quests before. Not to worry ladies, no suicidal NPC shenanigans from me! I'm fond of my life! I glanced around as we walked, taking in the Frenzy Boars around us. The original feeding frenzy in the fields had passed and these areas that used to be jam packed with players 24/7 had finally died down to a trickle as most had moved on already and the remainder were the occasional groups who came out to earn money for their food and lodging in town.

Well mobs or not, these are the non aggro slimes of the game so they should let us by as long as we leave them be. Even if that group of them is turning right at us and is….oh crap charging at us! The girls had already raised shouts of alarm and drew their weapons as they urged me to step back as they clashed with the charging Frenzy Boars. I obediently hung back and looked on as they made quick work of the weak mobs.

"What's going on? Why did the boars attack us? Did one of you provoke them?" Cocoa asked as she looked around in confusion.

"No! We didn't even look at them!" Mint said as she sheathed her weapon, looking around as well.

"That makes no sense….the boars never attack people unless you provoke them first, Argo's guide says so as well!" Kiara said as she turned around towards me before recoiling in surprise and shouting to me urgently, "Mr. Lyrista watch out! There's more coming!" I didn't even stop to look but ran right toward the group and diving behind them as they ran to meet the newly arrived group of boars. I kept an ear on the battle as I continued to glance around warily. What the hell is going on? These mobs are getting way too aggressive all the sudden! A disturbing thought entered my mind, was I to blame? This was an escort quest after all, is Cardinal spawning aggressive monsters to kill me?

I frowned as I could hear the battle was winding down. I don't think it's a deliberate attempt to murder me…. At the very least not beyond the confines of the quest itself. Monsters relevant to the difficulty and level of the field were appearing. It was still being kept fair. Still….. I was going to have to be even more careful. The battle soon ended as abnormal number or not, these were just Frenzy Boars. Nothing lvl 9+ players couldn't handle regardless of the number. We soon set off again, far more cautiously than before.

The battle concluded soon afterwards and our journey resumed after a short discussion between the party about the strange mob behavior as we continued toward Medai. To my concern the mob behavior continued as all monsters we encountered attacked us on sight, regardless of the aggro settings and I seemed to be the primary Hate target if the mobs had a clear line of sight on me. The girls however were able to take over aggro if they were in the way of the mobs or if they attacked the mob. I focused on staying out of the way and out of range. It was impressive watching them work, their movements were crisp and fluid and their crowd control abilities worked flawlessly as well. Though I don't have anyone to compare them to yet….

We continued to travel to the Northeast toward Medai Village and while I was initially concerned, I found I didn't have to worry as the direction to the village always was clear to me. After roughly about an hour we were able to exit the beginner fields and take our first steps out into the Lake Region. It truly was a beautiful sight to see, small lakes dotted the landscape over the flat plains with the mountains off to the north. Now where was Medai Village again in this region? My escorts and I had paused for a short break as they were discussing amongst themselves possibly stopping to hunt one of the drops off the Wild Toads here while I tuned them out and I tried to mentally call up the map from the guide in my head, not wanting to pull out the guide in front of the girls again as I tried to calculate where I was. It was difficult to recall as memorization was never my strong suit. Medai village is half an hour north by northeast from our present location I belatedly realized and was about to turn to inform my escorts when I realized they surely had to know about that anyway thanks to the guide! Feeling like an idiot I settled in to wait while they finished their conversation.

I was interested in seeing what the Wild Toads were like, I had built a mental picture in my head of the Giant Toads from Konosuba, but surely they wouldn't put something like that on the first floor would they? Kayaba supposedly made sure to keep the game fair. Not easy, but fair. It turned out the Wild Toads themselves weren't giant but the size of horses. They hopped around ponderously, but fairly slowly as Cocoa, Kiara, and Mint move in to engage them. Oddly they don't seem to be all that worried about attacking them. The girls seem to be rather puzzled as well but continue to hack away at them while the Toads bounce around. Several of the Toads died without hurting my escorts and I had to wonder, why aren't the mobs fighting OH SHIT!

Yelping with all the manliness of a startled six year old girl I fell to the ground on my back just barely dodging the Toad's tongue that lashed out to grab me! I quickly rolled to the side, just barely dodging a follow up attack.

"They're going for Mr. Lyrista! Stop them!" Cocoa yelled as I scramble/crawled away desperately trying to regain my footing and stand up when a powerful yanking sensation lifting me off the ground and threw me into the air. What the hell! Since when can toads do that!? I mentally screamed as I flew up into the air flailing helplessly with the toads tongue still wrapped around my leg. I looked down as I fell to see the Toad's open maw waiting for me. I gritted my teeth and couldn't help but close my eyes in the face of my onrushing devouring. Oh cmon on I'm going to die on floor 1!? Seriously!

The sharp sound of shattering glass filled the air as my falling body jerked to a stop as I heard a feminine grunt and a strong grip on me. I opened my eyes to find myself looking into Cocoa's eyes.

"Mr. Lyrista! Are you alright? Are you hurt?" she asked as she looked at me worriedly, the sounds of combat around us ending as Kiara and Mint finished off the remaining toads. I'm being held in a blasted princess carry. This is embarrassing as heck! My pride may be in tatters, but there's no way I won't show gratitude for saving my life.

"Errr. Yes! I am quite well! I'm pleased to see my choice in bodyguards was well made. You three are quite fearsome indeed!" A quick glance at my HUD showed I am still at full health. It looks like the grab didn't take any HP from me, but the landing or getting eaten would of. "I seem to be none the worse for wear either. My health is perfect!"

"What a relief! We didn't lose the bonus completion after all!" Cocoa said to her party members as I couldn't help but feel an emotional stabbing sensation directly to my heart. Gah! So I'm just a quest objective after all! Give me back my gratitude damn it! While I internally seethed Kiara glanced from Cocoa to me and back.

"Say Cocoa, just how long are you going to hold him like that?" she asked with an 'innocent' smirk. Cocoa looked down at me in her arms as if she finally registered what she was doing with a squeak of surprise/embarrassment dropped me to the ground with a painful thud and another yelp of pain from me. Cocoa turned to her party members and protested with a bright blush on her face.

"Cmon Kiara, I just didn't want him to get injured and for us to fail the bonus object…." she trailed off as all three of them got a quest update at the same time.

**Lyrista took damage! Bonus objective failed!**

Cocoa's mouth flapped soundlessly, her left eye twitching as she read the message over and over again. Several seconds passed as the message was digested by the group.

"NO WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" three voices screamed to the heavens while I continued to look up at the uncaring sky from my back on the ground. Staring at my HP meter which had gone down by 1 for the fall.

This was going to be a long trip…

Authors note: Well here we are. Chapter 8. I finished it in time for Christmas after all! I hope you all enjoy it. I actually had another event I wanted to originally end the chapter on, but this one was already getting long enough as it is. We'll see how next chapter pans out. Happy Holidays!