Meetra and Atton had been walking for over an hour without a word - they barely even looked at each other. With a comically large bottle of juma juice in hand, Atton opened a grey door and motioned for Meetra to go in front of him through the small opening. Before stepping inside, she shot him a look of suspicion. The doorway led into an a small, dimly lit lobby - graffiti lined the walls. Atton summoned the turbolift. The two waited for several minutes as they heard the lift squeaking and grinding to pick the couple up and take them to their floor. After stepping into the uncomfortably tight space, Atton pressed a button marked '13'. With a lurch that caused the two to stumble forward, the turbolift began its ascent at a surprisingly fast rate.
The doors slid open on the thirteenth floor and the two stepped out, making their way around a shady looking Rodian waiting for the lift. Atton handed Meetra the juma before picking the lock. "It's mine. Just lost my keys a long time ago," he assured Meetra. Seconds later, the door opened.
"Welp, here it is. Home," Atton said wearily. "Make yourself comfortable."
Meetra sat down on a dusty but neat sofa facing the kitchen where Atton was rinsing two glasses. The apartment was small but clean. A large bed was in the corner farthest from the barred window, accompanied by an old nightstand. A picture of a smiling Atton and an equally happy raven haired woman was the only thing on the tabletop. Atton followed her eyes to the frame as he filled the glasses to the brim with juma. "Sister," he said quietly, answering her wordless question. She looked back at the picture and flashed a weak smile. "Here," he said softly as he tried placing one of the glasses into her hands. Meetra hesitated before accepting the glass. "Trust me, you're going to need it," he said, taking a sip from the glass. "I know I am."
They sat in silence for a few more moments. "Well?" Meetra asked, sipping the foam off the top of her juma.
Atton paused for a several minutes, formulating his thoughts and choosing his words carefully - he hadn't talked about this with anyone. Meetra sat patiently, wondering what could possibly be that bad.
"I killed Jedi," he broke the silence. It was nothing like he had imagined in his head and he cringed the moment the words left his lips, but couldn't stop now. "I killed lots of them." He explained how he started with the Republic but deflected and joined Revanchist where he became an assassin - a damn good one - during the Jedi Civil War. Revan commissioned him to hunt down and torture Jed - if they decided they didn't want to join Revan, he eliminated them. Atton took a moment to lift his eyes and looked at Meetra. Her face was expressionless - that scared him more than overt anger or disgust would have.
He went on to explain how one day, a Jedi sought him out. He tried to break her for days to no avail. Her grey eyes would stare deep into his hazel eyes as he inflicted unimaginable torture on the woman - it enraged him even more. He recalled plunging a dagger into the woman, twisting it in her stomach as she cried out. Then, just when he thought the Jedi couldn't take any more torment, she looked deeper into his eyes than she ever had. He felt all of her pain and the pain of all of the Jedi he had killed before. She showed him Force and revealed how Revan would turn him into a Dark Jedi sooner, rather than later.
In that moment, he realized he loved the woman strapped to the table beneath him. He loved her so much, he killed her. It was the only way - he knew what Revan would do to her and didn't want her to fall. He wanted to save her, just as she had saved him. Atton wondered if this part of the story made any sense at all to Meetra. At times, it didn't even make sense to him.
After finishing his story, he looked to Meetra - her expression was still blank - she was looking down, smoothing the wrinkles in the sofa's old green fabric.
"Meetra," he started. "Say something. Anything. Tell me you hate me. Tell me you never want to see me again. Tell me you never wish we had met. Tell me you regret that moment on Dantooine. Please, just say something. Anything. I can't take this."
Lifting her gaze, Meetra looked at a glassy eyed Atton. His chest was rising and falling quickly, a result of heavy breathing.
"Is that how you got that scar?" she asked, leaning forward to touch the top of his collarbone where the white scar originated. It was the last question Atton would have expected.
He looked down at the scar where her hand lingered, gently placing his hand on top of hers. "Yeah," he answered softly, shifting uncomfortably. "A souvenir from my first Jedi. I was inexperienced and cocky - I went about it all wrong. Learned from it though. It never happened again."
"And that's where you learned to treat lightsaber wounds," she stated, mentally filling in the blanks as she moved her hand to touch her lower abdomen where her wound had healed. The only trace of the once large gash being a small white scar, similar to the one Atton sported.
"Yeah," he nodded before gulping down more of his juma, leaving his glass nearly empty. "Look, I understand if you want me to leave. You've got blondie now. You'll get on fine without me. I'll ask around and find you guys a good pilot. There are a lot of good guys here, guys from the war. Shouldn't be too hard to find -"
"You're not going anywhere," Meetra interrupted to Atton's surprise. "I can train you," she said softly as she moved her hand to hold his.
"What? As a Jedi?" Atton asked, barely hiding the surprise in his voice. Meetra nodded quickly, a smile finding its way across her lips. "But I killed so many."
"What's done is done, Atton. You can't change it. What you can do is move forward and make the Jedi who sacrificed herself for you proud." She paused as she clutched his hand a little closer to her breast. "You're a good person, Atton." The simple statement left him shell shocked - no one had said that to him in a very long time. Definitely not since the war. "What do you say?"
Her eyes were full of hope. How could he say no? "Ok," he smiled. "Teach me everything. I want to protect you." Meetra couldn't help but smile a little wider with his last statement. Knowing someone cared about her meant more to her than he would ever know. "One thing though," he paused, "can we make my lightsaber yellow?"
Meetra let out a laugh. "Of course," she smiled and kissed his cheek before realizing how impulsive the move had been. Kissing him was still new, somewhat taboo and entirely exciting. Slightly embarrassed, she hoisted herself up off the sofa. "We should get back to the ship before the others start wondering what we're up to," she said as she extended her hand to Atton, offering to help pull him up off the sofa.
He took her hand and the two began their long trek back to the Hawk hand in hand. Although this was hardly the first time they'd walked together fingers intertwined, something was distinctly different. A weight had been lifted from Atton's shoulders. The pang of guilt that had been eating away at him was subsiding. The wall between he and the woman he adored was crumbling. The scoundrel could finally be honest, not only with Meetra, but also with himself.