28
He left her to sleep, trying not to think about things. He didn't sleep well, and his dreams were fitful, mostly a lot of people wandering in and out but no one was talking directly to him and he wasn't talking to them. In the morning, he returned to the shared quarters to get some clothes. She was up and Yimar was showering.
"Doug," she said, still in bed, "I don't want to end it. I do love you, you know."
"You just told me you're in love with another man. Isn't ending it what's supposed to happen?"
"Why is it impossible for me to love – and really and truly be in love with – both of you?"
"Because it is."
Yimar came back into the room, clad only in a towel.
"I'll, um, I'll see you at the shuttle," he said, and left the room.
=/\=
Pamela was alone when she woke. Her PADD was flashing.
Went to the gym. See you at the class. I have to prepare. – MR
She shook her head, "You got it bad. I even heard you talking in your sleep, saying her name. Or at least I guess it was her name. Flower something," she said to no one, and went to her suitcase to select an outfit. A bit of bright green cloth caught her eye. He'd brought back her scarf, "I guess this is it. There's new royalty in town."
=/\=
Laura Hayes was almost sixty, with greying brown hair and hazel eyes. She wore a black suit and had a briefcase with her. She looked at Doug with wide-eyed surprise but then was bowled over by Joss.
"Joss, take it easy," Lili said, "He's very excited. He loves everyone."
"He must be a very pleasant child," Laura said.
Doug made the introductions and Yimar took Joss and amused him by showing him how to spin the thin bracelet on her wrist.
They sat down.
"I, um, this must look very strange to you," Doug said.
"Yes," Laura admitted, "I am, I know it's impossible. But I could swear that you were my brother's doppelganger. Although perhaps you're aged forward in time a year or so. Jay died in 2153," she sighed, "Six years ago. At least our parents didn't survive to see that."
"Were you and Jay very close?" Lili asked.
"A little. He was younger than me but he could be very overprotective. I guess that's military for you."
"I know that," Doug said, "I'm also former military."
"He wasn't really close to anyone, not much," Laura said, "A pity. He was a good person. Smart, capable and with a lot to offer. But no serious relationships, not even a girlfriend to mourn his passing. Then again, I never married, either. I guess neither of us were cut from that kind of cloth. But you two. A growing family and everything!"
"Yeah, um," Doug said, looking away.
Kick Kick.
"Tell us more about Jay," Lili prompted, "What he did for fun, that sort of thing."
"He trained. All the time, it seemed. He always wanted to be ready. The safety of the Enterprise was his primary concern at the end. He, uh, he died rescuing their Communications officer. She sent me a very comforting note afterwards," Laura stopped for a moment, "I'm sorry, it's a downer. Can I ask, Mr. Beckett, how are you and I related?"
"Please, uh, please, call me Doug," he said. He looked at Lili, "You explain it."
"Me?" Lili sighed a little, "Ms. Hayes," Lili said, "I'm no physicist. But I know that there are many universes. This one – the one that we're in – and there's at least one other viable one."
"I don't understand."
"I didn't, either. But, see, the other universe, it's almost a mirror of us. There are some subtle differences, though. And in ours, Jay is born on December fifth. And he's named Jay Douglas Hayes, right?"
"Uh, yes," Laura said, a little hesitantly.
"In the other one, that same person – kind of – he's born on December third. It's during the same year, 2102. And when he was born, he was named Douglas Jay Hayes. And he's sitting across from you."
There was silence. Joss broke it, "'Ommy?"
"Excuse me a sec," Lili said, going over to him.
"What does this all mean?" Laura asked.
"I'm not really Jay," Doug said, "I grew up without a sister. And, I'm sure, without his values. I'm an imitation. Not really your brother at all. Not back from the dead, for sure. But, I hope you'll take this day in the spirit in which it was intended. Because, uh, I just want to know who that guy was, and what made him tick. And, and who loved him and all of that. Because he shouldn't be forgotten."
"No. He shouldn't be," she said, a little shell-shocked-looking.
"I, uh, my life isn't the continuation of his story. I don't give him a happy ending. And I probably don't give myself one, either. But at least it's not a story that ended six years ago."
"Is there, do you know, is there some place that Yimar could take him for a few hours?" Lili asked, "I haven't lived in this area for a while, and I never paid attention to any attractions that would be good for a preschooler."
"I thought you said he was going to go to the class and watch," Doug said.
"I thought about that. It's hand to hand combat. I just don't think it would be appropriate," Lili answered.
"Lili, you promised."
Kick kick Kick Kick Kick.
"Doug, you saw how he melted down when he thought the dog was hurt. How's he gonna react when he sees a bunch of grown men fighting? I don't think he'll understand that it's all supposed to be pretend," Lili said.
Laura glanced from one face to the other, and then said, "I think there might be a petting zoo nearby. Does he like animals?"
"Loves 'em," Yimar said.
"Here," Laura found the information and showed Yimar on a PADD.
"Look, Joss, they have ducks!" Yimar said, showing him a picture on the PADD.
"He's the duck," Lili explained.
"Oh," Laura replied.
Joss squealed, "Duck Duck! 'Ommy Duck Duck!"
Doug finally conceded, "Yeah, um, I guess he'll watch me in action some other time. Go and, um, take him to see the ducks, Yimar."
Yimar and Joss left after Joss gave out another big hug and a kiss to a rather surprised but delighted Laura.
Laura then looked at both of them once it was just the three of them, "I appreciate your coming here, and telling me all of this. It's a lot to process. I don't even know what to call you. Cousin? Brother? Half-brother? In-law?"
"Uh, just my name is fine," Doug said.
"I also – and this is absolutely none of my business. But – I don't even know you. And I can tell – and I'm sure your son can tell this as well – you look like you're on the rocks."
Lili looked away.
Kick Kick Kick.
"It's that I need a job," Doug said, and then quickly added, "But that's not why we came here. We don't want anything from you."
"Oh. I see," Laura said, "You said you were ex-military."
"Yes, but I shouldn't go back into combat," Doug said.
"Hmm, I suppose not. There's other things, though. Desk jobs and the like. Also, well, one thing I've noticed. We have been building a Xindi Embassy. And there are going to be other embassies opening up in other systems. I know there's an intention to get a human presence into all sorts of places. And those places need defenders. But, they never seem to know the terrain. The unit assigned to Vulcan almost lost a Corporal to heat stroke. They just weren't properly prepared for the climate."
"That's a real problem," Doug said, "I mean, a defense unit should be in place a good year or two before a facility like that opens. Ideally, more than that."
"I believe the next embassy will be opening up on Andoria," Laura said, "I could put in a word. Emily Stone is a good connection and knows a lot of people."
"I, our business is on Lafa II," Lili said quietly, "Yimar's home world."
"Can it be moved?" Laura asked.
"It's a restaurant," Lili said.
"Oh, hmm. Well, think about it. Oh, look at the time! I have to go," Laura said, "Do be in touch."
"Of course," Lili said, "You're family."
"I, I guess I am."
Doug kissed her on the cheek, "I never had a sister before. Let me know if I, uh, if I need to make up for years of short-sheeting your bed, or something."
Laura smiled, "Jay beat you to that. Bye."
=/\=
The class was crowded. Everyone, it seemed, wanting to watch a little sparring. Lili found an aisle seat near the bathrooms.
There were eight cadets – three were female. They stood at attention as Doug explained some basic maneuvers. Malcolm stood at the back and didn't seem to know what to do with himself. Lili could see the cuff flash just a tiny bit.
"Now, we've been going over combinations for a while, remotely. But now's the time to get down and dirty. You won't really learn this unless you do it."
He selected a cadet and let her try to punch him. He blocked her arm easily, "See what you did there? Elbow's a little too high. Next one."
A cadet kicked at him. Lili winced. She didn't much like such things. Doug was knocked down but got up quickly. Then he felled that cadet with a hit to the man's jaw. He helped the cadet up, "See, it's distractions. Don't look at the pretty girls and don't think about anything else. Next."
The next cadet used both hands in a swift one-two combination. Doug got her left arm pinned behind her back, "Okay, the issue here is, it's almost like a chess game. You've got to be thinking three, four, nine moves ahead. Get into your opponent's head. Watch which side they favor, which is their dominant side. Attack the weaker side and push it until you've hit the logical endpoint. If the weaker side is damaged, you may not have to face the stronger side. It might be enough to get your opponent to just up and quit."
Another cadet came at him. He turned slightly and grabbed a wrist. The man was on the ground, practically crying for mercy, "Okay," Doug said, releasing him, "Peripheral vision is key. She's in front of me but you're over there. She's just a distraction. Hang on, let me show you a long combination. Reed, c'mere."
Malcolm came over, "Okay, right-cross, then left uppercut," Doug said. Malcolm nodded.
They got down to it. Malcolm started as planned, then veered into an elbow into Doug's side. Doug countered with grabbing Malcolm's waist and hoisting him up, throwing him over his shoulder and to the ground in front of him. Malcolm got up, a tiny bit dazed, and got Doug's arm pinned behind his back. Doug shifted his weight over. Heavier and taller than Malcolm, he was able to break the grip and punched Malcolm's cheek. Malcolm punched Doug in the gut and there was the audible sound of "Oof!" as the wind was knocked out. Doug got his left back up, and uppercutted to Malcolm's jaw. Malcolm countered with an elbow to Doug's head, which knocked the bigger man down briefly.
Kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick Kick Kick Kick.
Doug shook the cobwebs and got up.
It was a switch that flipped, and he kind of, sort of, saw Malcolm. But he also saw Lucas Donnelly. From over thirty-five years before. The first man he'd ever killed. Other side of the pond. It was a quick thing, designed to get Doug a raise in pay grade, nothing more.
So distracted, Malcolm was able to kick at Doug's knee and bring him down.
Doug got up and the vision was stronger. And he did what he had done almost four decades previously.
He grabbed a throat. And he started to press and squeeze.
Kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kickkick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick Kick Kick Kick.
Everyone just stared.
This wasn't a class anymore.
It was murder, and they were all watching it.
Lili stood up as quickly as her bulk would allow, "Stop it! You'll kill him!" she yelled.
Kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick Kick Kick Kick.
"Doug! No more! Stop it! Stop!"
The kicking was too much, and she doubled over and fell.
=/\=
Doug broke out of his trance long enough to say to Malcolm, "If she miscarries, you're a dead man."
=/\=
Pamela saw. She was torn for a second as to who to help, but she was closer to Lili. She ran over, "Quit it, ya lummoxes!" she yelled as she raced over.
She got to Lili, "Are you in labor?" she immediately asked.
Lili shook her head.
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I'm just, he won't stop kicking."
Pamela pushed down on Lili's abdomen. The kicking only increased, "Okay, hang on. I'm a doctor," she flipped open a communicator and called for an ambulance.
Lili shook and winced, "What are they doing? Have they stopped?" she asked.
"I think so. Look, there's the stretcher. Just, we'll get you to the Med Center. I'll go with you, okay?"
"Okay."
The ride was quiet but Lili did ask for the doctor's name.
"Pamela. Just call me Pamela."
"You're – you're, no. You can't be," Lili said.
"I am. And you are Reed's girl, aren't you?"
"I suppose."
"And the big guy's your husband, right?"
"Right."
"Ai yi yi yeah this was a smart idea," Pamela said, shaking her head.
"You should marry him," Lili said.
"Me? No. I don't do such things. He wouldn't have me, anyway. I'm the bad girl."
"C'mon," Lili said, "He wouldn't be spending time with you if he didn't think you had some fine qualities."
"No. I don't have any. He, uh, I saw him last night. And he is completely taken with you. He won't marry me or anyone else. I can tell. I don't know if that helps things or not. I just believe that people should have all the information. Know what I mean?"
"Yes, of course. I got a mess on my hands. And maybe blood as well."
"I think they stopped," Pamela said, "They better have."
=/\=
The hospital room was small and bright. Pamela clicked open her communicator, "Reed, we're at the Med Center. I assume you and the lummox are done killing each other for one day."
"At least he stopped," Malcolm said, "We – the whole thing was stopped. No one wants to see that much of a beat-down."
"Tell him I've got her here."
"Doug," Malcolm said, "get to the Med Center. Lili is there."
"I don't know how to go."
"I'll, I'll take you."
=/\=
They arrived quickly. Doug took one look at Pamela, "You a doctor?"
"Yeah."
"Is the baby all right?"
"Yes."
"Good," he said, plunking down into a nearby chair and staring into space.
"Is she all right?" Malcolm asked.
"Shaken up. And that kid is a kicking machine. It's all stress-related, I'll wager, Reed."
"She has another four months or so to go," Malcolm said.
"She's enormous for that stage," Pamela said, "We can, um, let's go in. But no stressing. I mean it."
Lili looked a little drowsy but otherwise all right, "I was so afraid," she said shakily.
"For which one of us?" Doug asked.
"For both of you," Lili said, "Both of you."
"But –" Doug said.
"But nothing," Pamela interjected, "She's allowed to worry about both of you."
Malcolm looked down, "Whatever I have done, I cannot put you through this."
"No," Pamela said, "You got bitten. Hard. Don't just concede it."
"But she's married to him."
"Yeah, to me."
"And you," Pamela said, facing Doug, "you strike me as a guy who's not listening. Who's busy playing gimme, got it and gimme more."
"She's my wife. That means there are only two of us!" Doug said.
"Look. I can guess at what's happening – I only have a few pieces of this," Pamela said, "But not all songs are soloes or duets. Maybe yours is a three-part harmony of some sort. 'Cause I can tell you – if Reed isn't in on this, he's gonna be miserable forever. And if you're not in it, you'll be the one who's miserable. And if either of you are missing, she's the one who gets it. Actually, she's the one who gets it either way. If either of you care about her happiness at all, you'll, I dunno. You'll find a way to get this to work."
"Pamela," Malcolm said, "We must leave them alone for a while," he took her by the arm, "They have to talk," The two of them left.
"Doug," Lili said, "I know there are cracks in our marriage. And I know that both of us have made those cracks bigger. But I think they were there before."
"Before?"
"Yes. You weren't happy. Sure, you had lots of things that were okay for you. And some of them were truly wonderful. But you had a lot of missing pieces as well. I don't hunt with you. You don't work. You have a life filled with family obligations – and now you're about to have even more."
"I accepted those obligations gladly," he said.
"I know you did. And I appreciate that. But you also did it to the exclusion of yourself. You gave up who you were, completely. And you didn't have to. There are cracks in our marriage."
"And I want to fix them," he said.
"But just plastering them over isn't going to do any good," she said, "It's never right when you do that. You know that."
"What are you saying?" he asked.
"What if, instead, what if we crack it all open? And I mean really open."
"End it?"
"No. Change it. Add to it."
"Lili, I don't understand."
"We are not the only parties," Lili said, "There are – by my count – five. I had thought there would be a sixth, but I am thinking, no."
=/\=
"What do you suppose they are talking about right now?" Malcolm asked.
"You gotta know," Pamela said.
"I suppose I do. I had always hoped for a kind of simple existence. Not mere, and not stupid, just, I did not want a complex one."
"I got news for you. Your life – your lives – are complicated already."
Doug was coming down the hall to where they were sitting, "Come back. She wants to talk to you. And set up a call."
Lili was already on a communicator, "Chip, tell me, can you connect me to Melissa Madden?"
"Sure thing. When are you gonna make hot dogs?"
"I have a wedding to cater in a coupla days," she said, "I'll be busy making sure the lobsters don't die before then."
"Okay, got her. Go ahead."
"Thanks. Hiya, Melissa."
The other three walked in.
"And get your girl patched in," Lili said, "Please."
Once that was ready, Lili spoke.
"I was thinking. We are intelligent people. And we all have big hearts. And it seems painful and unnecessary for us to have to confine those hearts to just one person."
"Oh?" Melissa said.
"I – Doug and I remain married. You and Leonora, is it? You remain together, of course."
"Norri is fine," she said.
"And, and," Lili said, "Malcolm is single and has girlfriends if he wants them. Doctor Hudson, perhaps. She's a finer lady than she thinks she is. But we also, we entwine."
"Entwine," Malcolm repeated carefully.
"There is – we live on Lafa II. There is a means of contacting the sleeping. These dreams are vivid and almost magical. They are a lot like life. And they can be as chaste or as steamy as you wish. They can be a kind of a secondary relationship. I can make these dreams happen for myself. And I think Doug can, too, although it would help if Melissa had some amplifying metal to help her along."
"What are you talking about?" asked Melissa.
"Lili and I wear wedding rings," Doug explained, "They are made from a Calafan alloy. It has dream-amplifying properties. I don't use it for that, though. The cuff – I think it has that as well."
"Probably," Malcolm said cautiously, "Dreaming has gotten rather vivid as of late."
"So a bracelet for you, too, Melissa," Lili ventured, "To wear to bed. And to, uh, to meet Doug."
"Meet him?"
"Yes. And to do whatever you like, whether it's hunt or talk or watch football or make love," Lili said.
"Interesting," Norri said.
"But that's just the night. During the day, the two of you are together, as always. You do whatever you like, as usual. You raise the child, of course. You go to work; you have your life together. And Doug and I have our life together. We raise our children and keep our home. I run the restaurant. And at night, he dreams of you, Melissa. And I dream of Malcolm."
"Let me see if I've got this straight," Norri said, "The nighttime thing – it's secondary, right?"
Lili nodded.
Doug said to Malcolm, "You hear that? You're second-best. And that's a good thing, too, because if this happens, you get to have party time, all the time. You get the sex and the fun and the laughing. And I get to hold her head when she's got morning sickness. And bang away at the cooling unit when it doesn't work and there's a teething child screaming and she hasn't slept well for two days. I get to make sure the car always starts and the bills are paid and the roof doesn't leak. And you get the party."
Malcolm said, "What you get is real. It's the parts that really mean something. You're right; I am second best – regardless of what she says. She's too kind and gracious to say otherwise, but someone is in front, and that someone is not me. And, and I'm all right with that. I can't be there to be the one to, to hold her head and go to meet the teachers and all of that. Starfleet will never let that happen. It's half a loaf. But I've always been taught – that's far, far better than none."
"All I ask is that everybody think about it, okay?" Lili asked, "We all have to be in agreement for this to happen. Pamela, you're a witness."
29
"So, whaddaya think?" Melissa asked, when it was just her and Norri in communication.
"Well ... I dunno," Norri sighed, "We have the kid coming. And I want to go to grad school."
"I know. We're going to lead busy lives."
"Are these dreams restful? I mean, you're pregnant. You need to get rest, Mellie."
"I think they are. I'll ask. But I gotta figure they are. He had – Doug had – explained a little of that to me. It's how they met, actually. I'll tell you the details some other time. But it did seem like, if it wasn't restful, he couldn't do it. And he dreamed like that for a while. But when they finally got together, he stopped."
"Why?"
"Because he thought it was cheating," Melissa explained.
=/\=
Pamela and Malcolm were back in the hotel room, "Dinner?" she asked.
"Oh, sure. I'll, I will buy you dinner," he said.
"Then I'll have a steak. But – what do you think of all this? You seem to be hot to do it."
"Is it that obvious? I am, of course. Whatever I can get – and to not be sneaking 'round. She doesn't want that, and neither do I. I just don't want it to be some horribly clichéd affair, where we go to sordid motel rooms that are rented by the hour, or we tell him that she's traveling for some reason or another. I don't want it to be a lot of lying."
"At least it wouldn't be," she said.
"Yes, although it is, as I said, a half a loaf. I don't suppose Starfleet scheduling would allow more than that anyway," he looked out the window as the lights of San Francisco began to wink on. The Golden Gate Bridge was nearby, shimmering as the August day settled into a cool night.
"Reed? Hello! Earth to Reed."
"What? Oh, sorry. What were you saying again?"
"I said – I wanted to know what you'd do if this arrangement never gets off the ground, and never happens."
"Oh. I, uh, I don't know," But he looked tired, and older, and set his mouth in a hard edge as he looked at the city. The lights shone in his eyes and he seemed to be searching.
"Just don't – promise me you won't die for love," she said.
"I don't think anyone does that these days."
"Sure they do. Remember my classmate Owen?"
"Aussie chap, right?"
"Yep. He and my other classmate, Blair – they went out for a year or so. He was totally all over her. He wanted it to be forever and all of that. Drove him to cheat on tests because he was failing out of school and they'd be separated. He wasn't thinking with the right head, know what I mean?" she said, "And when we left the Enterprise, he was found out, and expelled. She broke up with him – she was angry that he was endangering everyone's career, and may have made it harder, when we were all sick, to get us cured. Although now I doubt he had much to do with that – I think that was just a tough thing and it was almost coincidental. But it didn't matter to her. She couldn't trust him anymore, so she said sayonara."
"And?"
"And it was on the news. You really should pay more attention to the news, Reed. We left the Enterprise at the end of July of last year. And in early August – it was the fourth, I'm pretty sure – he hanged himself."
"My God."
"She's engaged to someone else now. His big sacrifice was for nothing. So don't do that, Reed. Don't get to that point, okay? 'Cause I might miss you a little bit."
=/\=
The morning came. They were back in quarters.
He came in and woke her by kissing her cheek. She looked up and smiled at him tentatively, "Hello."
"I missed that," Doug said, "Really, really missed that like crazy."
"Me, too."
"I was thinking. Let's go to Andoria. Let's leave this all behind. You'll, you'll get the cuff back and give it back to the Calafans. It is their artifact, after all. We'll sell Reversal. You'll start another place. I'll reup with Starfleet and get involved with the defense of the new embassy. I could be home nights and weekends. We'd forget it all ever happened. Patch it all up again and make it right."
"Doug, yesterday morning, you said you thought we were through. And then you said you wanted to work on things, and now you seem to still want to work on things. But, well, where is your mind at?"
"It's on the side of working on things," he said.
"And are you gonna just try to kill him again the next time you see him?" she asked.
Kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick Kick Kick Kick.
"Partly it was him. Partly I saw Donnelly again. Weird. Just Donnelly, and I hit the same mode I was in back then. All fourteen of them – all fourteen – whenever I, I killed a guy. It was because, well, it was because he had something I didn't. Something I wanted really, really badly. Donnelly had a higher pay grade. Geming Sulu had a spot on the Enterprise."
"And Malcolm has?"
"Your heart, or some of it, at least. And I want it back."
"And you just want to go to Andoria and forget everything."
"Yes."
"But you're already forgetting someone. There's a certain unnamed child. He's going to pull you back. And you should let him pull you back. He will always be a reminder."
"He can, uh, fit in somehow. I dunno how. But he will."
"And what of Joss? Lafa II is the only home he's ever known. He'd lose Yimar, too. And we would. And sell Reversal? Sell it? When we've worked so hard to get it up and running?"
"That's your work, not mine, not really."
"Reversal was our dream. And you just want to toss it away," she said.
Kick Kick.
"You can work anywhere. You've told me that."
"I love the Calafan people. I love our home. And our friends. And you have friends there, too. I know it's not easy for you to make friends, Doug. So you'll just toss them out as well?"
"We have to start fresh. No reminders."
"That kid is going to be a reminder."
Kick Kick Kick Kick.
"He won't remind me, Lili."
"Yes. He will. And you will have a connection to Melissa. And I won't have a connection to Malcolm."
"But I don't want a connection to her. I'll forego that to be with you."
"Doug, do you love her? I keep asking you and you keep evading the question."
"Stop asking me that," he looked away and she couldn't see his eyes.
"You – if we go to Andoria, you get everything you want. You get this fresh start – or sorta fresh start. You get a new job. You get me far away from Malcolm. And you get to keep Melissa as well. You get it all."
Kick kick kick kick Kick Kick Kick."You'll have plenty," he said, "You have Joss. And Pete. And, and me. Can't I be enough for you?"
"No more than I can be enough for you."
"What?" he asked angrily.
"I'm not enough. Because I'll answer the question for you, since you won't. You do love her. Even if it's only a little bit. You do. There's one day, when you're fine. And you're minding your own business. And then, suddenly, the next day, you're in love. And you didn't plan it and maybe didn't want it. But it's happened."
"I need some air," he said, and walked out.
=/\=
Melissa was on a call with Norri, and said, "I think this might be good for me. I kinda already have the whole day-night thing going anyway. Daytimes, I think of you, and love you and miss you tremendously. And then I go out at nights and I look for guys. What if I had just one guy?"
"I'd know where you were," Norri said, "That counts for something. I have definitely worried about you."
"Yeah. I know – I don't want another guy. He was good to me. I'm sure he still will be. I'd stay out of trouble."
"I'd say you're already in trouble," Norri said, patting her own flat belly, "But I can see the advantage."
"But you! It doesn't seem fair," Melissa said.
"It's not necessarily unfair," Norri replied, "You'd be sleeping. Everybody sleeps. I can't get into your dreams. All that's changing now, really, is that I know, more or less, what those dreams are. But you and I, we have the big thing, the big love."
"Yes," she smiled, "And we're gonna be parents."
"Yes. Thomas, right? You like that."
"Yes. Or Tracy," Melissa said.
"And I'll come to the Enterprise after that wedding is over, and meet everyone?"
"Of course," Melissa said, "I get to show you off," she smiled.
"I do love you, you know."
"I love you, too. And him, too."
"And him, too," Norri said, "I hope he loves you back, Mellie," she closed the connection.
There was a chime at the door, "Come in," Melissa said.
It was Doug, "Am I bothering you?"
"No. Not at all."
"I, um, I don't know why I'm here."
"I do," she got up and kissed him.
"I can't do that. Can't," he said, turning away, "It's all cheating. It's wrong."
"It's open," she said, "If we consent, it's not cheating."
"I wanted it to be different with her," Doug said, "Change who I was. Be true."
"I know," Melissa said.
"I have to go," he said.
=/\=
"Y'know," Pamela said over breakfast, "I think you and he would be getting the same amount of time, actually."
"How do you figure that?"
"Because, well, you sleep for eight hours, right? And you work for eight or so and they don't even work together. And then it's the other eight."
"Perhaps," Malcolm allowed, fingering the cuff a little between bites. His omelet was good but missing something.
"And what are those hours filled with? She cleans dishes, changes dirty diapers and probably takes a transport to and from work, or drives. She cooks, too, right?"
"Right. And better than the chef here," he said.
She smiled, "You really are bitten. But, really, none of that is terribly romantic stuff. I think you're getting the better end of the deal, Reed."
"He called it party time. No responsibilities."
"You're a Starfleet guy. If this was conventional, you'd have to go flying off to this place and that crisis. You wouldn't be home for report cards and first steps, or to get the furniture moved. Don't knock this and keep thinking you're second best," she said, "I think you're getting a very good deal here."
"I think it all depends on whether he thinks he's getting a good deal. He seems to be holding veto power over all of our futures," Malcolm said, "Pass the salt, will you, please?"
=/\=
Doug got back to their quarters quickly. She was dressing for the wedding.
"I need to know," he said breathlessly, "Will you give him up?"
She shook her head, "I can't."
"Then – I didn't want it to be this way. But it has to. We'll go back to the Lafa System. And on the way, we'll pretend and we'll hold it together for Joss's sake. But when we are back there, I'll file for divorce. I will go to Andoria and work. And you can stay on Lafa II. And we'll, we'll work something out with the kids. And you can, uh, do whatever you want."
Kick kick kick kick kick kick Kick Kick Kick.
"And for this wedding?" she asked.
"We will smile and pretend like nothing is happening. We will not ruin Jenny's day," he said, "And it'll be practice for how much we'll have to hold things together in front of Joss."
30
"Communiqué coming in for you from Admiral Gardner, Captain," Hoshi said.
"I'll take it in my Ready Room, thanks." When the connection was ready, Jonathan said, "Go ahead."
"Jonathan! I thought you'd be interested in this, seeing as you're heading back there soon."
"Oh?"
"The Lafa System. We're looking to establish and defend a more regular trade route through there."
"It's near Klingon space," Jonathan said.
"Yes, that's definitely one reason. We certainly need to watch our, ahem, neighbors. But there are people who are looking to settle there. It's a new frontier, but it also isn't – it's not exactly what anyone would call a wilderness. The people are friendly and we are looking to normalize relations even more. Establish more of a human presence, even before this damned war is over. Those people might end up having to fight beside us at some point. It would be good if we had a solid foundation with them."
"I understand that's the idea with most of our allies, or our hoped-for allies," Jonathan said, "And, um, any specific reason to be mentioning this now?"
"Well, I understand you know the homesteaders who are already there. The Becketts, right?"
"Yes, I do," Jonathan said.
"And if the additional settlements go well, we'll put together an official outpost. We might even open an office of the envoy – maybe even an embassy someday. We need a good presence with our allies."
"Understood. The homesteaders have good relations with the locals. They own a restaurant and are doing well with it, so there's an interest on the ground in us humans, as well."
"Great, that's a good basis for a friendship between peoples. Always helps when it's mutual like that. The other thing is, I heard about the training class that went wrong."
"Yes. I don't have a way to discipline Beckett – he doesn't work for Starfleet anymore. Good thing there was no permanent damage," Jonathan said, shaking his head.
"It did get me to wondering, though," The Admiral said, "I was thinking, while I was watching it – he's got talent that we should be tapping. That guy should reup with Starfleet. I'd rather see him knocking out Klingons and Gorn than our own people. What the hell is he doing retired?"
=/\=
The ceremony was scheduled for the afternoon. It was a beautiful day on Oberon. Like with most domed communities, Oberon Central Control took local radiation and converted it to heat energy as a byproduct of massive life support. Therefore it was usually hot, and not just because it was late August. Even January on Oberon was hot.
Lili and Brian put the finishing touches on the food, "You've got the lobster en croute hors d'oeuvres ready, right?" she asked.
Kick.
"Yes, of course. With lots of ice. Stop fussing," he replied.
"Well, you're my number two guy," she said, "I know you've got it under control. You've gotten really good at this, Brian. You have a good career ahead of you."
"Thanks. I learned from the best."
Emotional again, she just hugged him in response.
=/\=
Anyone connected with the Enterprise was wearing a dress uniform. Pamela stuck out like a sore thumb, and much of the crew had stared when she got onto the shuttle. She and Malcolm found a seat near the back of the church, on the bride's side, "You look positively demure," he said to her quietly.
"Heh, you should see the thong I'm wearing," she smiled wickedly and was pleased that a few of his coworkers had overheard her.
"Now, you know our arrangement," he replied quietly. He didn't want to look at her thongs – not anymore. But he did still redden a bit. He was still a man, after all.
She was wearing a light flouncy flower print dress with an ecru background and matching ecru pumps. Her hair was down and curling, snaking around. And then there was the hat! It was a wide-brimmed affair with peach and pink floral trim. She did look demure.
"Please, we're in a church," she said, "I am a good girl. Until I'm not."
The music began.
There were two bridesmaids. One was clearly Frank's sister. The other was unrelated, possibly a schoolmate of Jenny's. She had a little girl by the hand, who was strewing rose petals untidily.
Then came Joss, whose hand was held by a groomsman. Joss was walking, oh so very slowly, carrying a pillow with rings sewn on it. Careful, careful, oh so carefully. He knew he'd been charged with an incredible amount of responsibility, and his nearly one-year-old brain was overloaded with concentrating on the task. He was a solemn as a pallbearer.
Another groomsman came out, probably related somehow on Jenny's side. Then the best man, obviously Frank's brother.
And then, oh boy.
She looked like Jennifer – slender, peaches and cream complexion and green eyes. Wearing a dark green gown and carrying a smallish bouquet. Not Jennifer. Her twin.
"That's Claire," Hoshi whispered to Aidan, who was seated next to her.
"Niiice," Aidan said. He filed that information away for later.
Then Frank. He was a good-looking guy, dark hair and eyes, nervous in an old-style tux, calla lily and greenery pinned to his lapel. He waited.
And waited.
And waited.
=/\=
They were in a back room.
Doug looked at Jennifer. She was in her gown, irritable and pacing. The gown was creamy white, close fitting and strapless. The train came back in a fishtail, making her resemble a red-haired mermaid.
"You look beautiful," he finally ventured.
"I can't go through with this," she said, "Not after what I've done. I've cheated on Frank. I've cheated, I've cheated."
"You're gonna mess up your makeup. And believe me, I can't fix that," he said.
"I cheated. I've sinned. I've done him wrong."
"Tell him, Jenny. Just tell him. And see what happens."
"No. I can't tell him. Nobody's allowed to tell him," she was getting more frantic, "God, I feel sick."
"Well, barf if you have to. Just, uh, not on the dress," Doug suggested, "Look, nothing I am saying is making you laugh at all."
"No. I'm not gonna laugh right now, Doug. I feel awful. This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life and I feel horrible."
"Well, things happened. I don't think he was expecting an untouched bride. Was he?"
"No, he wasn't. But I promised him I'd always be faithful! How about you and Lili? How are you keeping it all together? I mean, you both, well, you did."
"Yeah," he sighed, "We did."
=/\=
"Where's Aunt Jenny?" Joss finally asked in the silent church, the question they all had on their minds.
Frank looked around, finally settling on the Captain, "Sir," he said, "do you, um, is there something I should know?" he asked.
"Cold feet, I suppose. Give her a few more minutes," Jonathan said quietly.
"I heard, uh, there was an incident with some really big ship. All of these species and their, their offspring. Maybe that's got her upset. She's obsessed with that news story, and always seems to be looking for updates, any scrap of info she can find. She, uh, she wants to start a family right away. Maybe she's upset that some people were, were kinda forced to do that," Frank mused.
"I don't know," Jonathan said cautiously, "It's been in the news a lot lately, as more of the information comes out."
"Yes. And she's so sensitive," Frank said, "It could be that or a thousand other things, I figure. I just want her to feel that everything's okay. She's got a right to be happy."
"Then tell her."
=/\=
"You two are doing okay, aren't you?" Jenny asked.
"Uhh."
"Doug, if you can't work things out, what kind of hope have I got?"
He didn't get a chance to answer as Frank came in.
"Look, uh, honey, tell me what's bothering you," he said.
"I'll just wait outside," Doug said.
"Frank, I can't go through with this."
"It's a lot of people," he said, "I can understand. Maybe we could have a smaller ceremony later."
"That's not it. I, I've done wrong by you."
"How so?"
"Those, those people who were made to breed? That news story? There were humans on that ship. And, and I was one of them," she looked out the window. Telling him didn't have the immediate relieving effect she had been hoping for.
"No wonder every time there's an update on the news, you seem to jump. It, um, you didn't want to do it, right?"
"No. And, and I tried to stop it. But I couldn't," she said, teary.
"Were you at least, uh, whoever you were with, did he, uh, did he treat you okay?" Frank asked.
"Yes," she said very quietly, "I wasn't so nice to him, but he wasn't mean. Didn't hit me or anything like that."
"So I can, uh, I – I'm obviously not thrilled that this happened. But it did. At least you weren't hurt by the guy."
"Frank, I can't marry you. I've been covering it up and scared to death you'd find out. And now that you know, well, I still think we shouldn't get married. I've sinned and cheated and it's like it's all under false pretenses."
"'Course we can still get married. What's putting this idea in your head?"
"I'm a good Catholic. We're both good Catholics. Despite the, uh, premarital stuff. But if I cover this up, what else am I gonna cover up and deny? How can we build a marriage on, on this?"
"You can always tell me what's going on. Always. When I asked you to marry me, I didn't mean it was just this one-time offer that could be rescinded at any time."
"But Frank, there's other stuff."
"Tell me afterwards. After everyone's gone and it's just us, okay? And whatever it is, we will face it as we need to, and do whatever we need to do. But right now," he pointed back to where everyone was waiting, "let's do this."
"You sure?" she asked.
"Yes. I'll go back out there. You, um, dry your eyes. And get that guy to get you down that aisle for a full Catholic mass and everything. Because I'll be there. I will always be there."
=/\=
Cocktails were quick afterwards – the real reception was scheduled for that evening. Lili ran around more than she should have, and ended up sitting and fanning herself. Joss and the flower girl got along pretty well until she smacked him with her little purse. He came to Lili, crying a bit. She shushed him but it was hot and he was getting squirmy.
She couldn't wait to get back and change and rest a little, but they were supposed to meet Norri.
=/\=
The meeting was a quick one. Norri was a pleasant woman, a little younger than Melissa. They shook hands all around and she presented Joss with a little bookmark.
"What's this? You didn't have to give him anything," Lili said.
"No, definitely not," Doug said, bristling a little, "We don't, uh, need anything."
"I'm an editor," Norri explained, "This is for data passage to PADDs. It's got all sorts of classic children's literature on it - Tom Sawyer, Alice in Wonderland, Treasure Island, Charlotte's Web, that kind of thing."
"Charlotte," Lili said quietly.
Kick Kick.
"She was a spider," Norri said, "Do you like spiders?" she bent over and asked Joss.
"Spiders?" asked Joss.
"I don't know that he's ever seen one," Doug said.
"They're small," Melissa said, "And kinda crawly. Wild animals," she glanced at Doug and quickly looked away.
"Ducks!" Joss exclaimed.
"He saw ducks when we were in San Francisco," Lili said, "Seems he loves most animals."
"Oh, then I'm glad I got him what I did. There are animal stories in there. You might want to wait before you read Black Beauty, though. There's a lot of cruelty in that one."
"We'll be careful not to, uh, expose him to anything inappropriate," Lili said, looking over at Doug quickly, "He can get upset when there's tension in the air."
Kick Kick Kick Kick.
"So can a lot of people."
"Definitely," Melissa agreed, perhaps a little too quickly.
"Look, We're gonna go. I can see you're in between wedding bits," Norri said, "Have fun," she and Melissa left.
When the door had closed, she turned to Melissa and said, "Yanno, it is obvious that she is anxious and fretful and you, you're kinda nervous."
"Me?"
"Yep. You want this to work, and so does she. But he's putting the brakes on it. He's exercising veto power over everyone, eh? It must be nice to have such power."
=/\=
The reception was a grand affair, the ballroom capacious and elegant. Everyone milled around until Chip got on the communications system, "For those of you, who don't know me, my name is Chandler Masterson and tonight I am your disc jockey. I will be taking requests, of course, but you're on your own for weepy dedications. But first we have the bride and groom's first dance as a married couple. This song is old, bear with me. And I hope you'll get on the floor too. Show them you support 'em."
There was a slight pause, and then Dusty Springfield's voice filled the room.
Now, when you're in love, a love song is a pleasant enough thing. And your own special song – that can be the sweetest sound. But when you're not, when your heart is breaking, a love song is a far different thing.
And so, for those whose hearts were breaking, or were already broken into pieces, every word was like a needle, and every line like a dagger.
And there were a lot of broken hearts.
I don't know what it is
That makes me love you so
I only know I never wanna let you go
'Cause you started something
Oh, can't you see
That ever since we met
You've had a hold on me
It happens to be true
I only want to be with you
Jenny was freer than she'd been in ages. She happily danced – and after the word "true", she shook her hips a few times and the mermaid fishtail swung behind her. Huge, huge grin on her face, Frank twirled her. They'd been practicing. They were good.
"Captain, I'll take the initiative," It was Jenny's mother, "Shall we?"
"Uh, okay," he said, glancing over at Deb, who was standing near where Chip was DJing, looking around, a bit lost, "I'm not very good at this."
"I'll keep track of my feet," she said, "I'm Eleanor."
=/\=
She could see what was happening. He was about to use it, but she grabbed it instead, "Gimme that. Someone else needs it more than you do," she got up to deliver the article.
It doesn't matter where you go or what you do
I wanna spend each moment of the day with you
Oh, look what has happened with just one kiss
I never knew that I could be in love like this
It's crazy but it's true
I only want to be with you
It was after the word "this" that Lili lost it completely. She was already hot and teary. But that line "I never knew that I could be in love like this" – that one did it.
There was an aroma she recognized. A handkerchief was thrust near her face. "Here," The hand holding it had a perfect manicure, dark plum polish, the color of a bruise.
Lili looked up. The handkerchief smelled just like Malcolm, "Thank you," she said softly, and then used it.
=/\=
Malcolm was glad he had a spare. He needed it, and covered up by blowing his nose, "Weddings. All those flowers," he said when Aidan walked by.
=/\=
You stopped and smiled at me
Asked if I'd care to dance
I fell into your open arms
and I didn't stand a chance
"I always cry at weddings," Hoshi said when Shelby asked her what was wrong.
=/\=
Now, listen, honey
I just wanna be beside you everywhere
As long as we're together, honey
I don't care
'Cause you started something
Oh, can't you see
That ever since we met
You've had a hold on me
No matter what you do
I only want to be with you
Doug gulped down another whiskey. His third? Fourth? He'd forgotten to keep track.
=/\=
You stopped and smiled at me
Asked me if I'd care to dance
I fell into your open arms
And I didn't stand a chance
Tripp stared at the couples on the floor, "I got me a headache the size o' Florida," he said when Travis came over.
"Me, too," said Travis.
=/\=
Now hear me, honey
I just wanna be beside you everywhere
As long as we're together, honey
I don't care
'Cause you started something
Oh, can't you see
That ever since we met
You've had a hold on me
No matter what you do
I only want to be with you
I said, no matter, no matter what you do
I only want to be with you
Deb just stared. Chip cued up a much slower dance and set things to go on auto for a while, "Hey, I hear you're joining us on the night shift," he said.
"Yeah, Movie Guy," she said, a little fidgety. She didn't want to lose sight of him. At least he wasn't dancing with the mother of the bride anymore.
"Well, we need more pretty faces at night. And you are far better-looking than Hamidi," he said.
"Huh. Uh, thanks. I think."
"You okay?"
"Me, uh, I'm just, I'm getting over someone," she admitted.
"Yeah. Yanno, love songs – they really, really stink when you're getting over someone. They just make you feel ten times worse," he said gently.
"Yeah."
=/\=
"Next victim," Eleanor Crossman said, scanning the room. Ah, the guy at the bar, "Dance?" she asked.
"Uh, I guess so," Doug said. The alcohol made it possible at all. Otherwise, he hated that, and never seemed to be able to do it right.
=/\=
Pamela scanned the room. No one seemed overly interesting, just a bunch of lummoxes in dress uniforms, "Wasted a perfectly good dress and manicure," she said, looking at her perfect plum-colored nails. She bent over by the bar. José Torres noticed the stunning blonde in the black leather dress with no back, and came over.
=/\=
Brian sat next to Yimar. At least it wasn't the kids' table, although Joss was with them. After having been clonked by Gina Stone, he wanted nothing more to do with the flower girl or her purse.
"Do you dance?" Yimar asked.
"Not very well."
"We – my people – we dance sometimes. This way is too slow, though. Do you think everyone who's dancing right now is in love?"
"Uh, I dunno. I don't think Doug is in love with Mrs. Crossman."
"Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Do they all at least like each other?"
"I guess so," Brian allowed, "Otherwise, why would everybody be touching that much?"
"Would you, um, if you liked me, that is, would you do that?" she asked.
"I should, uh, make sure the prime rib gets served right," he said, getting up.
=/\=
"So I was thinking," Aidan said, leaning over where Tripp and Travis were sitting, "there are three of them, and three of us."
"Three of what?" Tripp asked, still headachy.
"Bridesmaids. But hands off the twin. I mean, man oh man. Another Crossman! It's like, ha, that is one serious movie premise right there," Aidan said.
"Movie?" Travis asked, not following him.
"Yeah. You know – beautiful twins. Can't tell who's who so ya kinda, you know, split the difference – that sorta thing. Don't tell me you never thought of Crossman that way," Aidan replied.
"Oh. Uh, no," Travis said, "Never," he lied.
"The hottest girl on the ship and you never, uh? You're hopeless. Anyway, there's the Ramirez girl – she's kinda young – and the flower girl's mother. I have it on good authority that she is a single mother. So, whaddaya say? I need wingmen."
"Include me out," Tripp said, "I got a phase cannon hitting my skull every few seconds."
"Travis?" Aidan asked, "We could include Masterson, I bet."
"Not me," Travis said, "I'm just here for the prime rib."
"Suit yourselves. Maybe I'll just take my chances with all of them," Aidan said, getting up, "Ladies!"
=/\=
Dave Ryan was one of the groomsmen. He came over to Lili and introduced himself, "Frank and I were college roommates. I understand you were Jenny's roommate on the Enterprise."
"Yes, that's right," Lili said; managing a small smile, "Thank you for taking my son down the aisle," she adjusted her sleeve. It was the same blue as her dress, but sheer, and her tattoos were translucently visible under it. But right now it was too hot to have sleeves, even filmy ones.
"He took his responsibility so seriously! I hope nobody tells him those rings were fakes."
"They'd better not, or he'll be one disappointed little boy. He'll want to do it again."
"You live in the Lafa System, right?"
"Yes," she said.
"My wife and I are thinking of maybe settling in a place like that. Tell me what it's like."
"Cooler than here," she said, fanning herself, "And the people are wonderful."
Kick Kick.
=/\=
Deb still stood there, but Chip had to get back to his DJing work, so he left her there.
Jonathan came over, "I, uh, I was thinking. You might want to train as a pilot. I'll be needing one for the night shift. Would you do that?"
"I, I don't know. I've had a lot of changes in my life lately."
"Well, think about it. I need someone I can trust. Deb," he said very quietly, "I'm sorry it's all like this. I wish there was a way that life could go on without you being hurt."
"I'm Security," she said, "Wily like a cat. And beyond pain."
He left.
Chip got everything back on auto and came back. He hadn't missed the exchange.
"Look, um, it can be tough to get into the swing of a new schedule. I, uh, shift starts at zero hundred hours as you, as you know. So every night, at, like, nineteen hundred, I get up and go to the gym. Then I shower and have breakfast. You're, uh, you're welcome to join me for any of that."
"Even the shower?"
"Huh. Uh, maybe after you're a little more over the guy you're trying to get over, okay?"
"Yeah," she smiled a little at him, light brown eyes suddenly noticeable to him.
"So, uh, tomorrow, then?"
"Yeah. Just the gym and the breakfast. Not the other thing, uh, for now."
He went back to his DJing tasks and announced, "Now, I wanna see everybody out there! This next one – I know you all know it – it's by The Sweet Cupcakes – and it's dedicated to the ladies of the NX-01 and their many admirers. And I count myself among them. Here it is – 'Tough Girl'!"
The music started, and he looked over and saw three bridesmaids turn on their heels as one and walk away from Aidan, good and fast. Aidan. Best-looking guy on the ship – everybody knew that. And he was just big, tall, goofy Chip Masterson. He balled his right hand into a fist and pointed it up by his chest, then suddenly jerked it downwards and simultaneously said "Yes!" through his teeth.