Thank you for all the reviews! We're terribly sorry about not updating in SO incredibly long. But hey, we were all busy um. . . .watching movies and scratching our asses. But, here's your next installment, hot off the presses, full of laughter, suspense. . .well, maybe not suspense, but definitely laughter. Enjoy!

"Let me go over this one more time," Maggie said to Aly. She thrust a canoe oar into the air. "THIS. . .is a paddle. We put the paddle. . . .in the water. And move it. Like so. This is what propels us forward. Are you catching on? Am I speaking too fast?"

"Shut up, dill hole," Aly said, snatching the oar away from Maggie. "That's only the second time I've dropped it into the water. You act like you're the Amazon queen or something just because you watched a special about canoes on the Travel Channel."

"Girls! Girls! Too close! Too close!" Sam yelled frantically, waving his arms. It was too late. Maggie and Aly's canoe rammed into the side of Sam and Frodo's, giving all four passengers a whip lashing to remember.

"Oi!" Frodo said as he lurched forward, his face tumbling into Sam's crotch.

"I thought we agreed, boys. No more funny business!" Pippin called as he and Merry sailed smoothly past the canoe wreck.

"Yeah, if you need some love that bad, just ask Maggie or Aly," Merry added.

"Don't make me swim over there and whup your ass, Hobbit boy!" Aly called, struggling to pull herself out of the bottom of the boat. Finally, after several minutes, the canoe wreck was cleaned up, and Aly and Maggie were on their way again, desperately trying to catch up with the rest of the Fellowship.

"Maggie, take us over by Legolas and Gimli," Aly said. She had completely given up on paddling and was now holding the oar over one shoulder as if it were a bazooka. "A little to the left. Yeah, that's good. Target is in sight."

Legolas smiled as he saw the pair of them paddling rapidly in his direction. "Look at them," he said to Gimli. "Are they not the most adorable things you've ever seen in your life?"

Gimli grunted. "I've seen rocks that are more adorable than those two."

Aly aimed her oar at Legolas. "Incoming!" she yelled to him, pretending to shoot him with her bazooka. He played along, pretending that she'd shot him in the chest, and even threw in a little stumbling to make it realistic. Instead of being cute, like he had planned, Legolas lost his balance and tumbled over the side of the canoe, splashing into the water.

"Got him!" Maggie said, laughing so hard that she dropped her paddle into the river.

Legolas, however, was not laughing. "Help!" he yelled flailing his arms. "I am afraid I might drown!"

". . . .the fuck?" Aly looked at Maggie. "Leggy, are you being serious? You can't swim?"

The only answer Aly got was a couple bubbles, coming from the place where Legolas's head used to be. Gimli just sat in the boat, staring down at the bubbles. He was actually quite amused by the whole situation.

"Gimli! What the hell?" Maggie said, grabbing her paddle and steering the boat swiftly toward Legolas. "Are you trying to pull him back into the boat using your telekinesis powers? Move your G.D. boat out of the way, so we can rescue him!"

Aly stuck her paddle over the bubbles. "Leggy! Grab on! Come on, darling. We've made it this far together! You can't drown now, sweetums!" The bubbles stopped and Aly shot Maggie a worried glance. Then, she mustered all the courage she could. "I'm goin' in." Aly dropped her paddle, took a deep breath, and dove into the water. Her head surfaced quickly, and she paddled around, searching for Legolas. "Sweetheart! Where are you?" Suddenly, she stopped, a confused look on her face.

"What is it, Aly?" Maggie asked tensely, her hands clasped to her cheeks.

Aly stopped paddling and stood up. The water level hit her about six inches below her chin. "Legolas, you fuck ass!" She stomped toward the spot where Legolas was, floundering in the water. She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to a standing position.

"Oh, thank you!" he said, scooping Aly up in a massive hug. "I thought it was all-- am I standing?"

Aly pushed him away and folded her arms across her chest. "Yeah, Brilliant One. I just got soaking ass wet for you, and all you had to do was stand up. You are infuriating. This--" she pointed to her cheeks -- "is my angry face." She swam back over to Maggie, kicking water violently into Legolas's face.

"I, uh. . .damn it," Legolas said, climbing back into the canoe with Gimli.

Gimli was rolling around in the bottom of the canoe, guffawing loudly. "Ack! Not only do elves have girly hair, they're also afraid of water!"

"What's going on?" Aragorn had just paddled over to the madness, raising an eyebrow at everyone. "This is a very serious matter and you lot are splashing around over here like it's playtime. Now, none of you can speak for five minutes."

Maggie snorted. "Daddy Hot One is giving us time out."

Aly laughed. "Yeah, we're all playing the quiet game."

"Silence!" Aragorn commanded.

"I guess we lost!" Maggie said, clutching her stomach as she continued giggling. "Hey, Daddy Hot One, where's Boromir?"

Aragorn sighed and hung his head. Then, he pointed downstream. "He's insisted on swimming ahead of me." Everyone turned to look where Aragorn was pointing. All they could see was a pair of legs and a giant ass poking out of the water. A few seconds later, Boromir resurfaced, a fish wriggling in his mouth.

"Found my preciousssssss!" Boromir said, waving the fish over his head.

"That's great!" Maggie said, while Aly gave him the thumbs up sign. Everyone else started moving along, but Aly jumped back out of the canoe into the water. "What, might I ask, are you doing? You heard him. We've got go get going," Maggie said impatiently.

"I. . .have to pee," Aly said, swimming away from the boat a bit. Then, she stopped, and a complete look of bliss spread across her face. As Aly was swimming back, she noticed Pippin hopping out of his boat, probably going to do the same thing.

Aly tried to warn him as he swam dangerously close to where Aly had just been "Hey! Pippin! Don't go--"

"Augh! Warm patch! Warm patch!" Pippin said, scrambling away.

Before Maggie and Aly had a chance to begin laughing, a canoe rear-ended them, sending them flying into the front of the boat.

"Bumper canoes!" Sam yelled as he and Frodo sped away, cackling manically.

"That's it," Aly said, picking up her oar. "Your asses are mine, Hobbits!"

"You mean this ass?" Frodo asked, standing up, dropping his pants, letting his little Hobbit butt shine for all the world to see.

Maggie and Aly quickly shielded their eyes. "Frodo! Jesus Howard Christ! You trying to blind us?" Aly screamed.

Frodo, giggling, pulled up his pants. "It's not like you haven't seen it before!"

"That was. . . .shut the hell up!" Aly yelled back. "Come on, Maggie. Let's annihilate them!"

"Aye, aye, cap'n!" Maggie said, saluting her before taking up her paddle.