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Chapter 10

Tonks touched her forehead and tried to forget about the fact that Severus had seen her snog Remus. She didn't know how she felt about that. "You shouldn't be even thinking about this. He saw you, so what? He is nothing to you." She thought. The witch opened her fridge and took out some ice cream. She planned to eat it from the carton. She had hoped to get an invitation to Remus' room tonight but Severus ruined her plans. Would it be awkward when they saw each other again? She really thought that there could be something with Remus.

She slept fretfully, trying to erase Severus disdainful face from her mind and trying to discern her feelings toward Remus. The kiss had been good, but again there was something lacking, certain spark.

The next day she went to work and as usual stopped by Grimmauld Place to chat and have fun with the Marauders, that's what George and Fred called them. "Wotcher", she entered the house and inevitably knocked an umbrella holder, waking her auntie Walburga.

"Tonks, please could you be more careful?" Shrieked Molly over Walburga's own shrieks, Tonks looked embarrassed but made her way to the library. There was always where Sirius and Remus were.

Tonks decided that she would approach the situation as boldly as before, she kissed Remus on the mouth and then kissed Sirius on the cheek. "I told you to make your move, good brassy old Tonks." Sirius teased her.

Remus merely smiled shyly. He seemed glad, "stop it Padfoot, we just started seeing each other." Good, she thought, they were in a relationship or so she believed; she would have to ask later.

Eventually the topic of Harry's situation at Privet Drive came up, "I hate that he's there. He's my godson; he should be here with us, what more protection than me. I am his closest living relative, Lily and James made me his legal guardian." Sirius exclaimed.

Remus tried to appease him, "Dumbledore was pretty clear on this. It is best if he stays with his aunt. She has Lily's blood, we all know that Harry is better protected when he is there, the blood wards will activate if something happens." Tonks listened carefully.

Sirius huffed, "Remus, that would work on perfect theory if his aunt was willing to protect him but she isn't and you very well know it. Again Lily and James trusted me to keep him safe." Sirius voice filled with anger. It didn't take much to anger him nowadays; he was restless and felt useless in the house.

Remus snorted, "If I remember correctly Lily opposed that decision fervently, she wanted to appoint Severus." Tonks eyes rounded. What did Severus have to do with anything? For the last month she had heard every Weasley younger than twenty and Hermione talk about the hatred Severus felt toward Harry Potter.

"Why? From what I have heard Snape hates Potter and his late father." She said surprised at the turn of the conversation.

"Lily and Severus were friends, they were childhood friends. They grew up together, James was jealous of him, I think that was the source of his anger toward Severus." Remus said as if he was telling an amusing joke. Lily, it was she, the dead woman. The one Severus couldn't forget. Tonks paled a little, Sirius took notice and asked concernedly, "Are you ok Tonks?" he touched her forehead. "I'm fine just surprised." She smiled, her best fake smile, the one she used after Severus broke up with her.

"Go on." she said, her smile encouraging. Sirius smiled cockily, "We all thought Lily would never take James seriously, I tried setting him up with other girls but he was set on Lily. Snape was our sworn enemy, we hated him so Lily hated us until Snivellus showed his true colors." The Black heir scowled.

"It was rather unfortunate, Severus called Lily a mudblood in front of half the school, after that she wouldn't talk to him anymore. James matured and wooed her, they fell in love and had Harry." Remus finished.

Tonks heart constricted, these men talked about Lily as is she was an angel. It all made sense now, how could she not have seen it; they were all in the same year. This was why Severus hated James Potter and his friends.

"Lily was a good and forgiving soul, after she learned that Severus was a spy for the Light she rekindled her friendship with Severus. James of course opposed it but once Lily put her mind into something there was nothing that could stop her." Sirius sighed and continued, "remember when I gave Harry those chocolate cookies, she wanted to strangle me. She even forbade James to leave Harry with me." He laughed and Remus joined in. Tonks pretended to smile and enjoy the reminiscence.

She was still reeling over the fact that she finally knew the identity of the mystery woman. She wanted to cry, even after all this time she was aware that she still loved Severus otherwise she wouldn't be feeling this visceral pain she felt in her chest. When had she become so good at deception? She was still here sitting; chatting and occasionally kissing a man she only felt a strong friendship for. She wanted sink into those dark pits of depression that she knew so well.

When both men were done with their tales, Remus led her outside of the house, it was late and it would be the last time she saw him before his transformation tomorrow. "I am not good with feelings and words, but I like you. I'm not much but I would like to know you better." He pulled a strand of pink bubblegum hair behind her ear, she smiled and nodded, "I would like that too Remus." She was determined to try with him. A big part of her told her to walk away and don't hurt this man but a bigger selfish part, the one that wanted Severus out of her mind and heart wanted Remus to make her forget about Severus Fucking Snape. She wanted Remus to erase him from her mind, heart and body.

They parted after brief playful kisses. When she got to her flat she took a shower and once again wore Severus' shirt. "This is the last time, no one will ever know and I will hide this far away from here so I won't be tempted once again." She cried herself to sleep; she hated being so weak; she hated the fact that even after three years this affected her as much as it would have when he first broke her heart.

August brought a lot of mayhem to the Order, first Harry Potter almost got himself expelled from Hogwarts and then they had to plan his rescue in less than a week. It had been Tonks' idea that eventually got the Dursleys out of Privet Drive. She finally met the famous Golden Boy. He was your typical moody, sullen adolescent; well she thought emphatically, he'd gone through a lot. Perhaps his sulkiness was justified.

Her relationship with Remus was going great; they went out had fun, fooled around and were a typical couple. They did not broadcast their relationship and were discreet to a fault. Only Sirius seemed aware of their change of status. Remus was bolder as time passed; he initiated more of their snogging and heavy petting sessions. They had not slept together yet but judging from his gestures he was ready to take the next step. They had almost done it in his room the day Harry was cleared of his charges. He had her pinned to the mattress and rubbed his erection against her wet center. She would have been a liar if she said she wasn't horny and ready to fuck him but when she had opened her eyes she had seen Severus hooked nose and dark brown eyes. Tonks wouldn't do Remus the dishonor of fucking him when thinking of Severus.

She felt him lick her neck; a strong wave of desire ran through her, "Sestop." She had almost moaned Severus' name. "I have to report for my shift at the Department of Mysteries." Remus growled and let her go, he was always a perfect gentleman, Severus would have kissed her harshly and given her the ride of her life. She had once tried to stop his groping, arguing that she had to write an essay for her advanced herbology class. Severus made her come so many times she forgot about it, until he reminded her, she had made him help her. He had grumpily obliged.

Tonks had tried to stall as much as she could but it was perfectly clear that she could not prevent it from happening. In a few days the Weasleys would be gone, the house would be empty again and then there would be no escape from any carnal activities.

It was August 31st the day before the kids left for Hogwarts; Remus invited her for dinner, they were at their favorite fish and chips eatery. They talked, kissed, ate, and held hands. Soon it was time to go home, they apparated to the library, she kissed him first. Tonight was the night; she would give in to Remus and have sex with her boyfriend. She let him kiss her, touch her and guide her to the couch. He slipped his fingers inside of her short skirt into her knickers. She moaned and caressed his hair; it felt wrong, it wasn't long. She shook her head, and kept on her task, forget about Severus. Focus on Remus.

They heard a book being forcefully closed. Tonks gasped, she pushed Remus away from her and fell on the floor in her haste to sit down properly. Severus sat in a chair by the empty chimney, in the far left corner of the library. "I have a message from the headmaster. I am to be the bearer of bad news. "Lupin, you are to report for duty with your fellow lycanthropes this month, which is why you are to stop taking Wofsbane." He said sardonically, "By your incongruent face am I to believe that you have already started to take the doses?"

"Yes" was Remus' single response, he seemed angry. "Very well then your mission shall be delayed for another month." Severus who had remained sitting stood up and for the first time since she joined the Order looked directly at her. "Nymphadora, you are to accompany me to the castle. Dumbledore would like an audience with you." He said as coldly as when he addressed Remus.

Tonks looked at Remus as if asking for his forgiveness, "I'll come with you Dora." He said reassuringly.

"The headmaster asked me to only take Nymphadora." Severus said impatiently. "Werewolf, I do not have the patience to discuss the matter with you." The taller and darker man grabbed her by the elbow and dissaparated them.

When Tonks came back to her senses she was in another familiar room. It wasn't Hogsmeade or Hogwarts by any means. Severus had apparated them to Spinner's End. He was by the small desk that served as a minibar, his back to her; he poured himself a glass of could have been whiskey. He drank it in one gulp and then put himself another one. After three other glasses Tonks recovered from her shock. "How fucking dare you apparate me without my consent." She shrieked at his back.

Severus turned around his face murderous, "How fucking dare I what?" he hissed advancing on her. Tonks lost some of the bravado she felt. She'd never seen him like this before. He looked ready to kill her, she saw so such fire in his eyes. Tonks saw him retreat again to his bottle. "Where is Dumbledore? Why are we not at Hogwarts?" she asked looking for a way out of the house. He always warded it and it was almost impossible to leave without the proper passwords and wand movements.

Severus laughed mirthlessly, he sat down behind his desk, still drinking and looking at her pace around the room. He was still quiet, "How long have you been fucking the werewolf? Did you fuck him the first time I caught you slobbering all over him?" This was much worse, once he hissed things and didn't raise his voice it meant that he was especially angry; the lower his voice got the angrier that he was. For some reason it was his tone that angered her, not the content of his questions. She voiced her displeasure; "you have no right to ask me those questions." Her hair reddened and her face flushed.

"He is dangerous, he is a bloody werewolf. You could get hurt; how long have you been sleeping with him." Severus crossed the room to where she was still standing.

"Remus is my boyfriend and my sex life is none of your concern." She spat at him, she came close to his face, Severus seemed to be about to kiss her but he stepped back.

She laughed bitterly, "Why have you brought me here; you don't even want me. You made it perfectly clear that I disgusted you years ago." Tonks eyes were alight with anger and resentment. He growled and then kissed her, it was heaven, even after all this time it seemed like yesterday was their last kiss.

He continued kissing her, plying her lips open with his, tasting, nipping licking her like there was no tomorrow, like she would disappear at any moment. He tasted like alcohol, "I want you, always want you." He said against her neck trying to get rid of her jumper. Tonks threw her head back and gave him access to do whatever he wanted to. She'd miss this so much, the passion, the uncontrollable fire she felt whenever he touched her. In that moment she only wanted him to touch her and make love to her. Tonks would come to regret this decision but she couldn't think straight right now. She could only feel his mouth against her neck, his hands in her breasts and his hard on nudging her thigh.

He rolled one of her nipples; he grew tired of trying to undo her jumper and bra so he magically undressed them. Severus stepped back and admired her; Tonks could not describe it in any other way. She was also looking at him; he lost weight, was paler but she still remembered his body. He seemed to be entranced by her, "change." was his simple request.

She hesitated, it would be simple to take any form, she scrunched her nose and became taller, a redhead with green eyes, her features matching those of Lily Potter, the woman was famous and in almost every book in wizarding history. She was going to torture herself and make it clear that she knew about his love for Lily.

His face changed once again, he kissed her roughly, "you got the freckles all wrong." He hissed almost inaudibly. His hand went to her hair; he pulled the long red hair. Tonks winced in pain but would not cry out. She would not give him the satisfaction. This was what she needed the ultimate humiliation and pain, maybe after he fucked Lily she would finally understand that loving him was a lost cause, that he didn't want her but Lily. She tried to remember all those times he took her, ever since learning about Lily she obsessed trying to remember if he ever made love to her while she had red hair and green eyes.

His voice reached her through the pain she was feeling in her chest. He tightened his hold in her hair and "I don't want to fuck Lily Potter. I loved her and she's dead, she was my friend, the only real one I ever had. I am sure your new boy toys have filled your pretty little head with tales of my so-called obsession for her. Know this Nymphadora, the love that I have for her is not romantic anymore. She was my best friend, I will not deny that I was attracted to her, did the werewolf or the mutt tell you that we tried for a while but she became a sister to me? Someone that I had to protect." He looked right into her changing dark eyes. Her hair became blue, "No, I want you Nymphadora, natural hair, skin, everything." He kissed her harder than before.

Tonks felt her heart race wildly, she didn't want to hope for anything; she would be a fool if she believed him completely but his latest request sent her reeling. They had to talk but right now she wanted to have him again. She moaned when he fingered her. She changed her blue hair to her natural rich dark brown. "Yes, my Nymph." He said reverently, running his fingers through her hair and kissing her cheekbones. She closed her eyes, "you said she became a sister to you. Why are you calling me by her pet name?" Why was this so hard? Maybe it wasn't worth it, he kept bringing Lily back. Severus looked confused, "you've always been my Nymph, the only woman I've called that," he said tenderly, still kissing her softly. Severus took her lower lip between his and nibbled on it, his hands coming to rest in her lower back.

"It's killed me, not touching you, not being with you. I missed you so fucking much." He kissed her neck and shoulders feverishly. Tonks moaned and let herself feel his desire, his desperation. She grabbed his face and kissed him. "I love you, if we are going to do this you have to know it, I will not hide Severus." She said against his lips, half afraid of him leaving. He took her face in his hands and kissed her lips softly, accepting her demands.

Severus embraced her and dissaparated them to his room. He was driven, he touched her whole body, relearning her, worshipping her skin, lavishing kisses and whispering how much he had needed her these past few years. Tonks wanted to cry out, and rush him. Have him make love to her, but she was enjoying the sweet torture that he was inflicting on her body.

Tonks touched his back and felt new scars, Severus winced against her breast, "Oh love." Her voice wavered with emotion. He was risking his life and welfare for the Order, a thankless job. She kissed his forehead softly, humming when he licked her nipples. "My Nymph, only mine." He said possessively while sucking on her breast. Tonks moaned in delight and agreed, "always and forever." This declaration fueled Severus, he finally drove into her; "ahh, so long since I did this." his careful love making forgotten, he thrust into her with fiery passion and relentlessness that characterized most of their past encounters. Tonks saw stars behind her closed eyelids. This was what was missing from her other few lovers. The total sacrifice, when she was with him, she felt that they were one, seeking equal pleasure. "Oh, Severus I love you." She half sobbed, half moaned. He growled and spent himself inside of her.

Severus collapsed against her and waited until their racing hearts calmed down from the high they just experienced. He nuzzled her neck, she hugged him to her and sobbed silently, "Please don't cry, I'll do anything but don't cry." He caressed her hair and rolled them over so she was by his side hugging him with her whole body.

"It hurts, being with you hurts. I want you to be with me as not only my lover but my friend, my partner, my confidante." she said brokenly.

"I have a confession to make." He said quietly against her neck, still holding her tightly, afraid to look into those dark eyes.

"I have felt very strongly for you all these years, I broke our relationship because I wanted you to have a better future." She stopped her sobbing and listened. "I thought that letting you go was the best option for you. I knew all those years ago that you were beginning to love me but I couldn't step away, I was selfish. I am still selfish, I expected you to move on, to fall in love again. After our last night together, I remember you kissing me and letting me go." He whispered.

Tonks moved back a little and looked into his eyes, "You remember when you were sick." She asked suspiciously.

He nodded, "I wanted to open my eyes and tell you to never leave me but something held me back. I wanted you to live, to experience love, become a successful auror and be happy."

"I can't offer you happiness Nymph, we are in the middle of war, which I have no hopes of surviving. You know that I loved Lily, I promised her to take care of Harry and I will. I owe her that, Harry has to win and survive this dammed war." He said with great conviction.

Tonks was surprised, she thought she knew this man but he kept surprising her. He was willing to risk his life because of a promise made to his dead best friend. She opened her mouth to support him, to agree when he put one of his fingers close to her lips. "I'm not done, I have to say this." he hesitated a little before saying, "I kept up with you. I know about your progress at the aurors' academy, I know about those fruitless dates. I have to say that every time you turned those men down it pleased me. I felt relieved, Nymph I knew you were depressed for years but I couldn't come to you because I still thought that you were better off without me." He said flinching, trying to see something in her eyes.

She looked at him and nodded, he cared, all this time he cared about her. She smiled successfully encouraging him to continue his confession. "When I saw you at Black's house I panicked, you would be in danger. I tried to dissuade Dumbledore but he had already initiated you into the Order, I ignored you because it was easier to pretend that you didn't exist. I couldn't face you, I couldn't see the hurt in your face."

He paused and kissed her, "I can make excuses and say that I want the best for you, Remus Lupin doesn't deserve you. Neither of us deserves you but if I have to choose, I choose me. I want you to be with me, to make love to me, to give yourself to me and me only." Severus said heatedly and kissed her almost brutally as if staking a claim on her. He didn't need to, she knew perfectly well that she wouldn't go back to Remus or seek another man after tonight.

"Forgive me for everything I have done and for the pain I will inevitably cause you. My Nymph, I can't promise you a life together, we might have no future but know this, I can give you today, and tomorrow. As long as there is life in my body I'll keep you safe." He said seriously sealing his promise with a kiss. Tonks would have preferred that he professed his undying love for her but it was only the beginning. Now that she knew that he felt something for her other than just desire she was convinced that with time he would love her as much as she loved him. She just needed to keep him alive, to help him protect Harry in any way she could.

Tonks realized that Severus was looking anxiously at her, she'd never replied. She smiled kissing him in the mouth, "I forgive you but I have one request." Now that she could she couldn't keep her hands away from touching him, she ran his fingers through his neck, kissing his Adam's apple, nipping and then soothing the bites with her tongue.

He hummed and caressed her naked back, "I'll talk to Remus, and you stop antagonizing Sirius." Severus scowled and growled, "As long as you don't ask me to be friends with them you have yourself a pact." He said kissing her fingers and moving up her hand and arm. She chuckled when his lips tickled her skin.

They made love through out the night, at 5:00 in the morning Tonks however removed herself from his arms; "I have to escort the Weasleys, Hermione and Harry to Kings Cross." She sat up in his lap and looked for her clothes; "I vanished them yesterday night." He came up and kissed her shoulder and the junction between her neck and jaw. "I don't have anything to wear then, I'm rubbish at transfiguration." She let him take over the caresses and the gentle touches to her body.

"I'll transfigure one of my shirts to a dress for you. Will that suffice?" he asked smiling against her long brown hair. It was curling at the tips. He took the ends and examined them, "when was the last time you got a haircut?" he asked still examining the hair against his fingers.

"Two or so years ago. I do it myself; there is not really a need when I can just morph and adjust hair to whatever I want." She said thoughtfully.

"I like it, it is so full of life, just like you." Severus caressed her scalp. "I would love to spend the whole day with you here in this bed but duty awaits me." She stood up and went into the bathroom. Still dingy and unkempt, she looked in the mirror; it had been months since she didn't want to really change anything about her body. She looked to the love bites in her neck and breasts, they were really tender; she decided to not reduce them like she usually did. She did become a little taller and had longer slimmer legs than her usual old self. She changed her brown boring hair to a lustrous black. Short bob cut, she stepped out and found Severus dressing and concentrated on one of his white school shirts. The garment became a short black dress. Tonks put it on slowly tempting him, teasing him and loving how his eyes darkened. "Apparate, otherwise Potter will have to do without you."

She laughed heartily, and pecked him goodbye. "I'll come here at 11:00 PM, we'll talk more." With one last hug and kiss she dissaparated.