Chapter 10 - Perfect
A number of minutes had passed since their last kiss had communicated the incommunicable, with them now content to simply continue lying where they were. Judy had draped herself atop him, a hand resting on his chest as her thumb moved back and forth across the front of his shirt. She would have greatly preferred there to have been nothing between her and his fur, but she would take what she could get at the present moment. So much had developed between them in such a short amount of time that perhaps letting any further developments progress slowly and in their own time wasn't such a bad idea.
Complete comfort in the presence of someone else was a completely new situation to find herself in, and probing through the litany of new and unusual emotions that were brought to the forefront because of this had left her with much to think about and little to say, and so it was that they found themselves in amicable silence once more.
Nick, for his part, was still trying to convince himself that he wasn't dreaming. He'd pinch himself, but that would mean moving his hand off of her waist, and that was a sacrifice that he just wasn't willing to make right now.
Would things be ok in the future once they left the hotel and had to go back to real life? That was a question that honestly didn't need an answer right now. Nick's life had taught him to live in the present, and that was exactly what he intended to do. The end of the week and the days that were immediately to follow it were sure to bring their own troubles and worries with regards to their new status, but those obstacles could be tackled and overcome each in their own kind. He had one hell of a partner to rely upon, after all, and she'd never let him down before. She had never been the type to give up, even when he had.
Nick moved his head to rest his chin on top of her head, an act that they had both come to like in the same short amount of time. A list of everything they had left to do before the gala began to make its way unbidden through his mind, and he knew they should start working on it sooner rather than later. A few more minutes of relaxation and then they would need to be off. There was very little they still had left to procure, but a quick scouting of the ball room and surrounding areas would certainly be a good idea. Not to mention trying to pick out any faces that matched the ZBI dossiers they'd been given in order to get a rough idea of who all they'd be dealing with.
A gentle snore pumped the brakes on his train of thought.
Judy had fallen asleep nestled against his chest, her head rising and falling with each breath he took. Well, there went any plans he had of getting up within the next few minutes. She looked so peaceful, with her mouth parted just so and her hand loosely grasping a fold in his shirt. He gently folded one of her ears back flush, and she didn't so much as stir. It had been a long time since he'd seen her this… he couldn't find the right word.
With Judy, it was less a matter of being awake and asleep, and more like being switched off and on. Always thinking, doing, or getting ready to do some thinking or doing during every waking hour. Even when they were out spending a day off together she would always be running this idea or that by him to see what he thought, or trying to figure out just that little bit more about what made him tick.
He laughed, quickly catching himself before he could make too much noise. They'd been on a lot of dates.
If awake meant on, then he realized he'd never seen her in her off position until now, and it was… odd. She was normally such a ball of brightness and energy that it was almost jarring to see her so still and quiet, not to mention so very, very vulnerable.
The dichotomy of their two species once again reared its head to him, but this time for a reason other than to just cast doubt. Nick knew what he was - perhaps more importantly, what he used to be - and to see that she was comfortable enough to allow herself to become so vulnerable in such close proximity spoke volumes. He knew it was a silly thought, especially after this most recent development in their partnership, but the thought was nonetheless still there. He still had a long way to go before he thought of himself as anything worthy of the level of trust that she showed him. Hell, he had a long way to go before he thought he was worthy of anything that she showed or thought of him.
That little niggling voice in the back of his head kindly let him know that he'd been avoiding the word 'relationship' like the plague for the past few days. That was what they were now, wasn't it? He couldn't tell if his hesitance to use the word stemmed more from a fear of what that represented, or if it just meant that he couldn't bring himself to believe it and that using the word would somehow shatter whatever illusion he was part of. Whichever it actually was, it felt a lot more like the latter. It was true that it had been a long time since he'd been in any sort of a relationship, and it was also true that the last couple he'd found himself in had left him in a state that could best be described as 'damaged', but that didn't mean that he was entirely opposed to the idea. The concept of a relationship, at least in the way that he thought relationships should work, was appealing.
He laughed again. That last line of thought sounded a lot like something Judy would think up. The little bunny curled up against him was affecting him in more and more ways, it seemed, and there wasn't a single part of him that felt that was a bad thing. Surfing the day to day ebb and flow of his own self-hatred was the only thing that had kept him moving forwards for a number of years, and to suddenly have that replaced with something that was dangerously close to resembling self respect? He'd resigned himself to the fact that it would never happen in a million years, yet here he was. Here they were.
They were… something, certainly. Were they a relationship? He would say that he hoped they were, but he knew that continuing on in that same roundabout way of thinking was silly. Of course they were in a relationship. An actual, honest to God, bona-fide relationship. The thought made him giddy. Instead of jumping up and down in childlike joy like he wanted to, he settled for holding Judy closer to him, wrapping both of his arms fully around her and pulling her even closer. She offered no resistance, but her lips did curl into a smile as one of her eyes opened.
"Afraid I might try to get up?" She asked, resting her chin on his chest as she looked up at him.
"You're not going anywhere," he nipped back playfully, tightening his grip around her.
"Good." She smiled before nuzzling her cheek back into his chest. "We should probably start thinking about food, though," she added after a few moments. "I know you have to be getting hungry."
Realizing he left his phone on the coffee table in front of them, Nick slipped his hand into Judy's back pocket and pulled out hers. "Holy cow, it's already noon? How did that happen?" He felt her shrug her shoulders against him. "Shouldn't that guy with the coffee machine be up soon, then?"
"Probably," she answered, propping herself up with crossed arms on his chest. They were nose to nose, a position she quickly took advantage of by capturing him with another kiss. It was all still so alien to her, but it felt right. Never in a million years did she ever expect anything like this to happen, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to take full advantage of their newfound situation. She still felt as though a few things needed to be worked out - a feeling which Nick shared - but for the first time she felt it could safely be put off until later. No sense worrying about anything right now. The whirlwind of unknowns that had dominated her thoughts for the last week were all slowly subsiding, leaving enough room for her to start feeling things out on her own instead of worrying about them.
The kiss finally broke, and Judy let out a long, contented sigh as she settled back into his chest. "What are you in the mood for?"
Bunny was quickly an answer he deemed inappropriate, so he settled on a shrug. "We could go back to that place right off of the lobby again," he offered with nothing else immediately springing to mind.
Judy's hand met her face. "I really don't want to see that waitress again," she said with a groan, still unsure about how she stood in regards to the first mammal to put a voice to her inner turmoil.
"So how did you and Finnick meet?"
Nick took a final sip of his water, setting the now empty glass down before answering. "We both worked at a fast food place called Chez Cheese right after highschool. If I remember right," Nick continued, carefully thinking back, "the very first time we ever met he threw a fryer basket at me and told me to 'stop moving so fucking slow'." He chuckled, clapping his hands together once. "Instant friends."
Judy shook her head with an unsurprised smile. "Sounds about right." Despite the fact her interactions with the diminutive fox had been brief, she'd picked up a pretty good idea about how he carried himself. When she'd gone to find him shortly after to returning to the city in search of Nick, him answering her knocks with a baseball bat primed and ready to crack skulls like it was just another tuesday told her all she needed to know. "How did y'all start… hustling? Is that the right word?"
Nick nodded with a conversational smile, happy that she seemed to be asking questions to get to know him instead of grilling him about past questionable activities. While he wasn't exactly proud of his past escapades as a whole, there were little bits and pieces here and there that he couldn't help but feel pleased with how things had gone. It was funny in that same way that a lot of things this last week had been funny; he'd hoped he'd never have to recount anything he did to a police officer, yet here he was, hoping the one sitting across from him would never stop asking. The fact that he himself was also a police officer didn't count towards this particular absurdity, but instead occupied a number of others all its own.
He let out a breath, remembering their 'humble beginnings' with what he hoped wasn't too much fondness or nostalgia. "Started out simple enough, I guess. We were both on break and headed to the corner store to grab cigarettes-"
Judy interrupted him with a disapproving glare.
"-I know, I know. I'm sure I'll get the 'smoking is bad' lecture later. Don't worry, quit years ago anyway. Anyway, we got the bright idea that we could start turning a profit if we started selling loosies under the table at the restaurant."
"Loosies?"
"One or two for like a buck instead of having to buy the whole pack," he explained. "This was at the start of all the crazy tax hikes, and mammals weren't too keen on paying an arm and a leg when they needed a fix. Jokes on them, though. Our prices evened out to costing more than just buying a pack outright." He was about to continue on, but his ears drooped as he realized the next part probably wouldn't be as smoothly received. "The next part was Finn's idea. At least, I'm going to say it was Finn's idea and you will never know otherwise."
"Mhmm hmm," she hummed skeptically.
"If you know your Zootopia history, which of course you do, you know that with the hike in taxes also came with a hike in the smoking age. Aaaand that look tells me you already know where I'm going with this."
"You sold cigarettes to kids?"
"Of course not!" He quickly defended. "We sold happy meals that just happened to have a couple of cigarettes at the bottom of the bag. We uhh…" He was beginning to falter under the rapidly heating glare of his partner that told him his explanation was in no way improving his situation. "...we called it 'extra fries'."
Intense. Prolonged. Eye. Contact.
"If it makes you feel any better we were fired for it about four months later…"
"Little bit," she responded flatly, before noticing that he was still having trouble meeting her eyes. "And what tells me that there's a 'but' hiding at the end of that sentence somewhere?"
"...but the owner of the shop fired us because he wanted to take over the profits of it himself."
Her face fell flat into her hands. Nick heard her mumbling something about 'this damn city' before she quickly wiped her face back into neutral.
"So y'all decided to stick together after you were fired?"
"Yep," he replied, relieved that the heat was momentarily off of him. He knew it'd be back, though, especially if she ever got him to recount the deals he cut with… not important. Not important at all. Moving on. "Our first act as 'freelance' hustlers," he bracketed the word in finger-quotes, ignoring Judy as she helpfully supplied 'unemployed', "was to call the cops on the place for selling cigs without a license to minors. Naturally we camped the parking lot in Finn's new van and tossed business cards in all the cars with high school parking stickers on them."
"You are absolutely unbelievable," she said, unable to hide a smile at his audacity.
He shrugged. "Couldn't pass up a business opportunity. We 'set up shop' outside high school football games for the next year or so selling whatever they were looking to buy: cigarettes, beer, counterfeit tickets, we even dabbled in the even-less-legal for a while."
"You were drug dealers." What surprised her more than his admission was her lack of reaction to it.
"Like I said, only for a bit. Didn't suit us. Margins weren't big enough."
Judy shook her head. "The only thing that kept you from peddling drugs was the profit margin?" She didn't quite like the sound of that, or the implications that it held. She found herself thinking back to a conversation they'd had a few days ago about how there were a few things he'd done that he really wasn't proud of, and she couldn't help but start wondering what he'd meant by that. She understood that life had been tough on the fox, but surely he had to have drawn a line somewhere, right? Even if there had in fact been some sort of moral line somewhere, would that make it better? Would she want to know where that line was? Once again, Nick's infuriating ability to answer one question of hers by raising a half dozen more was in full display. "Did you ever do anything really illegal?"
Nick was about to feign ignorance to what she meant by 'really' illegal, but she was quick to cut him off.
"And you know exactly what I mean, so don't even try it."
His defense died on his lips. Instead, somewhat worryingly, it was slowly replaced by a smile. "I'll tell you," he began, measuring her reaction, "but I'm going to go ahead and use my 'once per day' on that one," he said smugly. His satisfaction was only heightened as realization slowly dawned and her face contorted into all manner of unpleasantness.
She flicked a pea off of her plate towards him, which bounced off of his nose as he weakly tried to guard against it. "Absolutely not fair," she groused.
"Absolutely is fair," he countered. "Haven't used a single one of those yet. Figured it was about time to make you sweat."
Judy, however, had a plan prepared all her own. She hadn't intended to abuse and use his own policy against him, but him using his single daily grace just to tease her kept her from feeling too bad about it. "You're right, it is fair. Your one single question for the day that you're free to dodge." She stressed a few key words in her sentence, making absolutely sure her intentions were clear.
Nick quickly picked up on her change in demeanor, her smile setting off all kinds of alarm bells.
A few of the questions she wanted to ask were sure to affect her as much as they were him, so she decided to keep those in the bank for the time being. Anything pertaining to their budding relationship would be kept in the holster for later use, but that left her plenty of ammunition to, using his own words, 'make him sweat'. First, however, she may as well use it to force him to help clear the air.
"Is this a date?"
"Yep," he chipped happily, not missing a beat. "First one, the way I see it."
She expected him to hesitate at least a little bit before answering, but that was perhaps her own nerves speaking. If she were to honestly examine herself, she was probably handling their newfound status with far less grace than he was. Look at her, the power to get an answer to anything she wanted, and she was using it to make him answer what she was too scared to answer on her own.
"That was a softball. Come on, ask me something real," he teased with a wiggle of his fingers. Might as well play it up a bit if he's already doomed.
The problem she found herself facing now was figuring out what questions she actually wanted answers to. A few of the things that immediately sprang to mind were things that were probably better left unasked, but she found herself drifting back to them regardless. He wanted something a little harder? Alright then. Polite dinner conversation be damned; he brought this on himself.
"Do you like being a fox?" The question was out before she could stop herself. Ever since he'd told her what it had been like growing up in the city as he had and when he had, she'd found herself wondering. She could tell there was at least some level of resentment buried beneath his skin, and she aimed to find out where it stemmed from. Was the city the root of his troubles? Was it other mammals? Was it himself?"
He let a breath pass through pursed lips, his eyebrows raising as he regarded the bunny sat opposite him. "Wow, alright. That is a meaty one."
"Sorry if its too much," she quickly moved to apologize, but steeled herself once again, "but you did ask for it."
His laughter momentarily eased her worry. "You got me there." He drummed his fingers back and forth on the table, trying to formulate something that resembled a coherent answer. It struck him that it was a question he'd never gone to the trouble of answering for his own uses. "Do I like being a fox…" he parroted, working the words back and forth in his mind. A few more moments of silence stretched on between them. "Y'know, if you'd asked me that ten years ago I would have said yes, absolutely, one hundred percent."
"But now?" She prompted.
"Ten years before that and there wasn't much I wouldn't have done to be anything else," he continued. Judy held her tongue, realizing that he was working this out for himself as much as he was for her.
The seconds stretched on. Mammals continued to mill about the restaurant around them, with waiters skipping from one table to the next as they made sure everything met the expectations one would rightfully have of a place such as this. It had all long since faded into static.
"Now? I…" he sighed deeply. "Honestly? Not too sure." He took another breath, shaking his head as his expression tightened. "No, that's not a good enough answer."
Judy maintained her silence. This had perhaps been the wrong question to ask. No putting that cat back into the bag, though.
"Do I like being a fox," He repeated again. His eyes met hers. "I guess I've gone back and forth on that a lot over the years. I used to hate it, like it was some sort of curse I inherited. The world had already set what I was going to be before I was even born, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was going to be a sneaky, conniving, no good con-mammal from the day I was born, and that was that. I could have tried to be something else, like my parents, but the only thing that earned them was an early grave. It's like…" Another breath. "It's like the city hated them for trying to be different, and eventually decided enough was enough. Trying to be something you're not? In THIS city? Absolutely not. Not going to happen. Better snuff that out. Can't have that spot of optimism threatening to break everything."
Early life had left its scars on him, scars that would never properly heal. Like all things that time touches, though, they were slowly changed by the passage of simple existence. "I grew up real quick after they died, embraced what I was. If the city already knew what I was going to be, I was going to give it exactly what it wanted."
It mirrored a much earlier conversation they'd had shortly after they'd met. High above the streets of the rainforest district when he'd first let her see through the cracks in his many walls. The pieces that made up the puzzle of Nick Wilde were slowly beginning to order themselves.
"It was all well and good for a while," he continued, finding that the words were coming to him easier now. It was as though he'd had an answer buried, ready to be deployed for years and was just now getting to put it to use. "I was exactly what the city wanted me to be. Probably about five years before we met was when it started to sour a bit. I thought I was sticking it to the city by being what I was, but after a while I realized I was just going through the motions. I don't know where I'd be right now if we hadn't met. That isn't part of the answer, by the way," he smiled, "just felt like it needed to be said.
She nodded, accepting his admission, and bade him to continue.
"Do I like being a fox…" Another breath. Another pause. Another period of self reflection and revelation a long time coming. "I started hating it again, picking up right where I'd left off as a kid. I feel like maybe I wanted some sort of opportunity to prove that I could be more than what I was, but that's probably giving myself too much credit. I mean, who hasn't said 'if only this would happen, then I could prove who I really was. Or if this happened, or this or this or this'... Truth was, I probably had plenty of opportunities to be better, but I either never noticed or chose not to notice." He'd willfully wasted any second chance he may have had at a young age. His third, fourth, fifth, and so on all meeting similar ends. Each one came and went without earning so much as a passing glance from him.
"Then you showed up and threatened me with tax evasion," he said with a smile. "You gave me an opportunity, just like the… damn, probably dozens of other opportunities I'd had over the years. Only difference was that you didn't give me a choice."
"Was that a… bad thing?"
He gently shook his head. "You made me be better. Anyway, straying a bit from the question… Do I like being a fox? I think I do. If I could go from being what I was to what I am now, despite the best efforts of the city and everybody in it, then anyone really can be anything." He let another gentle laugh escape him. "Sorry I don't have a better answer than 'I think so', but… I'd never really thought about it before. Do you like being a bunny?"
"Did I say you get to ask a question?" She teased.
"Too late."
It was her turn to take a breath. Her first instinct was to jump right to it and answer 'of course!' But that seemed woefully inadequate now after her partner's rather thorough non-answer-yet-somehow-still-an-answer.
So, self reflection? That's what was going to be happening today? The idea of seeing if she could use a once-per-day briefly flashed through her mind, but it was quickly discarded as she knew she would only be doing it to bother him. After the answer she'd received, he deserved nothing less than complete honesty.
One of the very first things she'd been forced to confront when she arrived in the city was that while the enormous breadth of diversity that it was home to brought with it an undeniable charm and air of overall cooperation it also meant that some things were naturally going to be out of reach for literally, but more often than not it meant being overlooked because of her size or species. Much as it had done with foxes, the city had long ago made up its mind as to what it wanted to view bunnies as, whether it was a true deduction or not was completely unimportant. It had been… difficult, at first. That much was certain.
Sometimes literally, as her small stature left her stranded when the city made certain accommodations for larger mammals, but more often than not it meant that she was overlooked in favor of those who were traditionally larger or more domineering. She'd still managed to carve out a niche for herself in the city, one that was now reluctant to give her up at that, but the path to it had been fraught with roadblock after roadblock. While well suited to the agricultural nature and tight quarters of the burrows, she found herself at first ill-equipped to make a smooth transition to city life, especially as a police officer. Her first assignment ever in the city, that of putzing around and handing out parking tickets, was indicative of the lack of trust her fellow officers had in her. Where they correct to have made so quick of assumptions of her based on nothing more than her species? Honestly, probably so. If she had carried with her the same drive and determination that she had when she first petitioned the academy for a spot in training as any other species than what she was, who knows what she would have been able to accomplish. She was successful in her dream despite what she was, and in no way because of it. In some ways it was a bitter pill to swallow. Would she, if given the opportunity, have chosen to have been born as something else?
After a brief period of thought she concluded that no, no she would not have. She was able to inspire as much change and progress as she had because of all the obstacles that she had to overcome. She proved single handedly that her belief that anyone could be anything, while at first the product of youthful naivety, was as real as could be.
She nodded, giving Nick the answer he wanted. "Yeah, I like being a bunny."
Nick smirked. "Just gonna leave it at that?"
"Well I guess it's for a lot of the same reasons you said, right? Bunnies were always bunnies, but I got to be better. Not that there's anything wrong with being a bunny," she quickly clarified, unsure of how she was coming across. She wasn't trying to say that every other member of her species was sitting on some great reserve of wasted potential, but that she had willed herself into a position to do more despite the hand she was dealt. "Nothing wrong with living your whole life in the Burrows farming for yourself and your family, it's only that I wanted to do something different. There was never anybody in my corner rooting for me, did you know that?"
That fact surprised him. He'd always thought that she'd arrived in the city with the full love and support of the entire Tri-Burrows behind her. "Wait, nobody encouraged you?"
"Oh god no," she shook her head with a wan smile. "My parents, bless their hearts, always did everything they could to try and get me to settle down and live on the farm. All my siblings and friends, too. Heck, once word got out that I'd been accepted into the academy, it was like the entire town rallied together to get me to change my mind."
"Huh. So your folks weren't behind you wanting to be a cop?"
"Are you kidding?" She laughed. "If my parents had their way, I'd be on the next train out of the city. They… mean well, they could just only ever see a bunny for a bunny."
"Am I correct in assuming they would only ever see a fox for a fox, then?"
And there it was, the question she'd been hoping they'd avoid for as long as possible. She looked up at him, her eyes flashing uncertainly. "Well… Remember when I told you about Gideon?"
Nick thought back, trying to remember where she'd mentioned that name before. "Something about a fox bully that didn't count as a fox?"
"Right, right. He works with my parents now, out of a little bakery on the edge of the farm."
"He used to bully you, and now your parents give him space on the property to do his own thing? That sends a weird message."
"He's changed, though." She found herself quickly defending her childhood antagonizer. It almost surprised her, but she'd long since come to terms with it. "He… wanted to be better, so he did. Lot like me, I guess, just… closer to home. He's helped my parents, my dad especially, see that it's more important what a mammal looks like on the inside than the outside."
"But he bullied you?" Nick repeated, getting hung up on that fact.
"Bad home life, or something. I never did get the full story behind it. He wasn't just a bad egg. He had reasons for how he was, if you can imagine."
"And he just changed?"
"Is that so hard to believe? You did," she smirked. "You don't have that market cornered like you think you do, Wilde."
He shrugged in a sort of 'you got me there' form of acceptance. He still couldn't help but feel like his was a special case, but that was probably giving himself too much credit. He'd have to revisit that avenue of thought at a later time.
"Back to my parents, though," she continued, drawing his attention back, "they used to hate foxes. That fox repellent I had with me way back?"
Nick huffed, but his smile lingered long enough to let her know there were no hard feelings.
"Right," she groaned. "Dad's idea. He wanted me to take even more. I think Gideon showed them something they weren't expecting when he approached them for help with his bakery business." She'd have to sit down and catch up with the fox next time she was back in the burrows. He had a story that she'd love to have him fill in all the holes of.
"So you think your folks would like me?" He asked with a sarcastic lilt.
"I don't know," she began slowly, looking him up and down from across the table. He fluttered his eyelashes for good measure, which prompted another pea to be flicked at him. "Little rough around the edges."
"That's me," he interjected proudly.
"-But I think they'd come around."
"Good." He let out a breath. He leaned in closer, looking back and forth. "Because between you and me?" He waved his hand between them. "The concept of your parents terrifies me."
"Ha! They're not so bad."
"No, it's not that. It's just that you and all your… you-ness came from somewhere, and the fact that the source for all that still exists out there scares the bejesus out of me."
A sideways half-smile raised-eyebrow combo that she had become very well accustomed to was the only response to that she could muster. "...We're going to slot that into the 'compliment' pile, right?"
"Absolutely."
She huffed. "What would your parents have thought about all this?" She held her hands up between them, confident that her meaning would come across.
"I think they would have liked you," he answered back, not wasting a beat as he found the groove of conversation once more. "Honestly don't even think the whole cop part would surprise them. I felt like they always expected me to do something good with my life."
True to his word, it turned out his parents weren't as sore a spot as she had expected, especially given his little incident earlier in the day. It came as a huge relief to her, as she felt getting to know them was an important part of getting to know him. Like how a sculpture can be more fully appreciated if you know the history of the artist. The streets and hardships of city life had completed the majority of the work on him, of course, but his parents laid a foundation that she was sure still existed.
"And being a cop would have been something they would have wanted you to do?"
"I mean, maybe not specifically, but something like that. I really don't know what they wanted me to do. Mom was a baker, dad was a tailor, neither really a glamorous profession, right?. They probably just wanted me to be better than them somehow. Isn't that a thing parents want? For their kids to do better than they did?"
Judy shrugged. "My parents just wanted someone to inherit the farm. 'Better' doesn't really exist in the Burrows. Just a lot of traditions to inherit. Wasn't I the one supposed to be asking questions?"
"Ask away," he goaded. "Keep giving me enough time to think of my own and you're gonna get yourself in trouble."
So this was to be their new relationship, then? Not too bad, all things considered. There were certainly making progress, but progress in what and to what end remained frustratingly unclear. The fact that this was their first 'official' date was not lost to either of them, but the air between them remained calm and clear. Judy, especially, had expected the outing to be nothing but tension and pent up feelings that had nowhere to go, but she was happy to find that the exact opposite held true. Spending time with Nick, even, and perhaps especially, with the veil of uncertainty between them beginning to lift, was as easy and carefree as any time that had come before it. It felt, beyond all other things, right. Comfortable uncertainty.
Speaking of clearing uncertainty, it surprised her that questions such as these had never come up earlier. It's not like they'd never had the time before, and this wasn't even their first 'date', so the fact that she knew so little about what made him him was one she didn't quite know how to process. Admittedly, with how precariously their relationship had been balanced, the past few weeks especially, an unspoken agreement to not rock the boat was probably the best explanation. Though things had so far turned out for the better, making any sort of closer observation into what they were or wanted to be had been a dangerous endeavor. Questions, especially those of the like that she wanted to ask, were sure to turn over a few stones that couldn't be ignored.
Most prominent among the questions she wanted to ask was a new question which she felt needed to be asked. Whether by her or him it didn't matter, only that it was answered. "So... about us," she began slowly, her thoughts barely outpacing her voice.
Nick's ears perked up, giving her his undivided attention once again.
"Would it be smarter to keep it only between us for a little while? Not that I'm ashamed or anything, God no. Other people would definitely get involved if we went public with it, and I'm just wondering if that's a good idea right now or not.
"Up to you. I don't have much of a reputation to ruin."
As much as it burned her up to admit, he had a point. Most of the city still saw Nick as nothing more than a fox, and while interspecies relationships weren't looked down upon in any real capacity, the simple issue of him being what he was worked against him in the public eye. He didn't have anyone he could upset or surprise by announcing a relationship; fellow officer, partner, or even a bunny, no one would pay him any notice.
She, on the other hand, had quite a lot that would almost certainly be impacted. She was already the focus of a large portion of public attention thanks to the numerous high profile cases she'd been involved with, the crown jewel of which being the Nighthowler ordeal. If it were to come out that she, the beacon of light and living banner of acceptance for the city, was romantically involved with a fox of all mammals, who knows how it would be spun. She hated herself for having the thought, and found herself resenting the city that thoughts and conversation such as this were necessary.
She took a deep breath. "Sensibility says we should probably keep it own the down-low, at least for a little while." She hated that her first instinct was to secret it away like a source of shame. With as happy as he made her feel, she wanted nothing less than to parade him around with a 'property of' placard tied around his neck. "Immediately second to that is to just say nuts to it all and lean across the table to kiss you right now," she sighed, her heart clearly torn.
"I'm fine either way, Carrots." And it was the honest, simple truth. He was him, and she was, well, her… Night, day, fire, ice, and all manner of other comparisons that could and definitely would be made between them in the future. Assumptions and what would more than likely be a handful of accusations were sure to spring towards them at the first public notice of their relationship, so keeping things between them would definitely be the smarter choice.
"We've still got the rest of the week before we have to go back to the 'real world'," she began to ponder aloud, her thoughts tracing a line that was very familiar to the both of them, "so we don't have to decide right now. Just felt like we should start thinking about it." She was never the type to be caught off guard if she couldn't help it, and this was no different. Very few experiences with relationships of any kind were under her belt, so continuing to take everything part by part, development by development as methodically as possible ensured she would be able to keep on top of things. At least, she hoped so. She wasn't so blind as to not know that things like this were a matter of both heart and mind, and straying too far in one direction or the other was sure to send things careening off track, perhaps irreparably so. A large part of her was hoping that Nick would work his usual magic and find some way to counterbalance her. She was aware that her usual analytical approach was distinctly at odds with his more…
She blinked, the correct word evading her. What word could be used to describe the indescribable way Nick Wilde carried himself? He was cocksure, yet reticent; calculating, yet spontaneous; suave, yet not above being adorably clumsy. There was no single word that could neatly tie together everything that made him what he was.
She felt it was important that she find the right word, as though her heart was telling her that everything would start to make sense if only she could put a label to it.
"Remember how I said not all foxes were as lucky as me?"
It was a little bit more cryptic than the questions they had been asking, and asked like he had something he was ashamed of tucked just out of sight. It served the purpose of drawing her out of her mind admirably, if a bit unceremoniously. She nodded.
Nick smiled, not breaking eye contact. "Three O'clock."
It took her a moment, but she was able to cotton on to what he was saying. Looking where he'd indicated, she at first found nothing notable. There was a fox sitting with what looked like his date a few tables away from them, but this didn't strike her as particularly noteworthy. His suit was fit a bit poorly, but if it was Nick's tailor genes that were responsible for him calling out the other fox, then she didn't quite grasp the point.
"Watch his right hand."
She turned her head back to Nick to remain inconspicuous, but skeptically kept her eyes trained on the other.
The other fox and his date were chatting back and forth. His hand, which had been resting on his knee beneath the table, snaked smoothly into one of the pouches on the waitresses apron before returning back to his knee, know closed into a fist.
"Why that sneaky-" she made to get up, set on confronting the would-be pickpocket and making him return whatever it was he'd stolen, but Nick's hand atop hers stopped her.
"Still probably better if we keep a low profile, don't you think?" He pleaded gently. He didn't like it any more than she did, but there was very little they could do that wouldn't jeopardize their original purpose for being in the hotel. "We haven't heard from any of the other bosses besides Big, and that's a good thing, means they're ok with us being here. They're all still probably nervous, but we haven't given them a reason to come talk to us. Let's not give them a reason by arresting someone, yeah?"
Her lips grew tightly together as the wrestled with the validity of what he was saying. There was truth to it, she couldn't argue with that, but was there nothing that they could do? Sitting and watching from the sidelines was never her style, and this left a bad taste in her mouth.
"How did you even notice something like that?" She asked, at a loss.
"Well, first off, he was a fox." He spoke softly, fully aware of the weight of what he was saying.
She looked like she'd been slapped "How can you say that after everything we just-"
He gripped her hand in his, his eyes asking for a chance to explain himself.
She almost didn't want to give him that chance. Whether he was right or not didn't matter; how could he say something like that?
"Sneaky fox sense was tingling." Truthfully, it hurt him just as much to have said it. Sizing up marks had become second nature to him over the years, and he found it difficult to turn off that part of his brain when he was scanning a crowd. It had come in handy on several occasions during his newfound career as an officer, but it still held within it the capability to get him into trouble, as was currently evident. "Normally, you'd be right. He would have been just another fox, but the guy kept setting off alarm bells. Suit? Doesn't fit right. Obviously rented."
Judy kept her head turned towards him, but let her eyes drift back to the mammal in question.
"Date? Uninterested. Body language is off. She's part of it too, I'd wager."
"And you started paying attention to him just because he was a fox?"
"Call it a competitive instinct that I haven't been able to shake." Where he grew up, another fox doing 'fox' things near where you yourself were doing 'fox' things was never good for business. "Remember what I said earlier, about foxes and luck. The city has come a long way - a lot of it thanks to you - but some mammals will never get the chance to dream bigger."
"So why did you?" She challenged.
"I didn't want to. Not at all. Didn't we just go over that?"
Judy withdrew her hand from his and used it to prod at her temples. "Right," she took a deep breath. "Right. So where were we?" She shook her head, hoping she could refocus her thoughts back to wherever they were before she got distracted. Part of her wishes he'd never pointed the other fox out. She could have gone on being happy and oblivious to everything except how happy she was, but she knew that was nothing more than a selfish desire. Despite everything unexpected that had transpired and developed between them, it wasn't their purpose for being here. They were on official ZBI business and should be conducting themselves as such, and she was disappointed in herself that she let that focus start to drift away.
She blinked, and then found her eyes once again caught by those of the fox sitting across from her.
...It wasn't the reason why they were here, but it was still equally as important. Chief Bogo would get his observational report, but that didn't mean it was the only thing they had to focus on. Professional, but not too professional, right? Wasn't that exactly why they were sharing lunch?
Before she could process that thought any further, an echo of something she'd just thought began to bounce back to her, slamming her mind to a halt.
Chief Bogo.
Nick had picked up his glass, but nearly dropped it as Judy belted out the heartiest, most full bodied "FUCK"he had ever heard.
She quickly clapped her hands around her mouth, her eyes going wide as the restaurant around them drew silent. Somewhere in the distance, the sound of a dropped plate.
Nick glanced nervously around as the others seated around them slowly went back to minding their own tables. The sounds of the restaurant slowly began to fade back in to full volume. "Uh, Judy? You alright there?"
"Bogo," she mumbled from between her fingers, her eyes staring right through him.
"...Bogo? What about-" He stopped mid sentence. "...Oh. Oh, fuck, we're going to have to tell Bogo about 'us', aren't we?"
It was all she could do to nod.
"Well that is going to be an absolutely wonderful conversation, isn't it." He realized he still had his glass in his hand and took another sip before setting it back down. He fiddled with the coaster momentarily to give himself time to order his thoughts. Unfortunately, they remained distinctly un-ordered. He coughed. "We've got all week to figure out what we're going to say. Let's, uh, not let this throw too much of a damper on it?" He asked, quietly hopeful. The last thing their fledgeling relationship needed was to immediately be thrown into turmoil because of some workplace scandal.
Judy buried her face further into her hands with a groan. How on earth could she have forgotten Bogo of all mammals? She wiped roughly down her face, shaking her head. "I'll try not to worry about it, but would should probably start thinking about what we're going to say, right?"
Nick folded his arms in front of him on the table, leaning forwards. "What would you suggest?"
She shrugged. "I don't know, maybe we could… not? Maybe not tell him? No. No no no." She quickly shot down her own thought. "He'd figure it out on his own eventually and I do not want him to be the one that approaches us about it first. It'd look like we were trying to hide something-"
"Which we would be."
She glared at him, not breaking pace in what she was saying. "-Shameful. It'd look like we were trying to hide something shameful, is what I was going to say. I don't want anyone to get the idea that I'm ashamed of what is happening," she concluded. "Which I'm not."
"And that brings us right back around to how open you want to be about everything," Nick pointed out, bringing the frustratingly circular nature of their conversation back to light.
She rubbed at the bridge of her nose. "I know. It doesn't need to just be a me decision, though. Feel free to chime in." She looked up at him weakly. "Please?"
Nick took a deep breath before reaching across the table to take her free hand in one of his own, squeezing it gently. It wasn't much, but it was as far a display of public affection as he could allow without first hashing out the final details. "I said I'd be ok with whatever, and I meant it. I'm a patient guy; I waited this long to get you, I can wait however much longer it takes to be able to show it in public."
"Thanks, but that's just about the cheesiest thing anybody has ever said to me." She smirked, but was quietly grateful. This relaxing vacation getaway was becoming a much larger source of emotional turmoil than she'd anticipated, and she thought she'd prepared for the worst. She never expected things to have turned out like they did between her and the fox, especially not as quickly as they had. She had always been the type of mammal to go into an unusual situation or new set of circumstances with a well thought out and rehearsed plan.
Another instance of balance, she mused as she smiled back at her partner. In her newfound quest to find a word to describe the incorrigible fox - not counting 'incorrigible', though she may come back to that one later - she added 'contradictory' to the pile as a frontrunner. Even that, as her best attempt so far, landed squarely off the mark.
Contradictory implied inconsistent or incongruous behavior or traits, the analytical part of her mind argued, neither of which fit the fox. His consistency in personality was perhaps her one saving grace towards furthering her understanding of him. She had a foundation that she could start to build off of in her knowledge, if nothing else, and a frame of reference to compare new information about him to if it came down to it.
She wanted to sit him down, get him all liquored up, and then pick apart everything that made him tick in exacting, excruciating detail.
And therein lay her own contradiction. She wanted to understand him - to really, really understand him - but she couldn't deny that there was a part of her that found the mystery alluring. Every new story or small detail about his past life was captivating in a way that nothing had ever been to her before, and she was reluctant to admit that she was worried about losing that.
She took a deep breath, settling her thoughts back to where they needed to be. There would be plenty of time to address her conflicting desires for information later, though she had to admit that the list of things to take care of 'later' was rapidly expanding. She felt she'd been doing a pretty good job of checking things off of that list here recently, but, like cutting off the head of a hydra, every item removed left room for two more to take its place.
She found that no words came readily to her, but she didn't have to flounder in uncertainty for long, for Nick, as he often did, read the situation and took matters into his own hands.
He brought her hand towards her and firmly kissed her knuckles, letting their contact linger for just a moment. It was a simple gesture, but it did wonders to calm her fraying nerves as she began to realize just what all was left to discuss, discover, or otherwise set in order in the coming future.
She took yet another breath, this one doing a better job of steadying her. "Thanks," she whispered, just loud enough for him to hear.
"Ask another question."
She looked up at him questioningly.
"Ask another question," he repeated, gentler this time. "It'll help calm you down."
She sheepishly brushed down her ears with her free hand. "Geez, is it that obvious?" She huffed, steeling herself back up. "Alright," she nodded, "how open do you want to be with our relationship? And don't say it's up to me. I want to hear what you think."
Nick smiled as she tacked that last part on. He hadn't planned on dodging in the event she asked again, but he appreciated how she had the forethought to block his escape either way.
Judy blinked as he released her hand. It felt cold in his absence, and left her wondering if she'd said something wrong. Her confusion was compounded when Nick stood up from his chair and circled the small table around to her.
Uncertainty flashed in her eyes as he knelt down to her level, but she didn't have to worry for long as he closed the distance between them, meeting her lips with his once more. Where before there had been passion and adoration, this kiss told her, in a way that words never could, that everything was going to be ok. It was comforting and reassuring in a way that was completely alien to her, and it was a new entry in the list of things she had never expected to experience that Nick had given her.
Their kiss broke, and Nick took her hand back in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. He arched an eyebrow. "Answer your question?"
As soon as she remembered how to breath, she laughed quietly to herself. "Yeah," she offered simply as he returned to his seat "Is it really such a good idea though? To be so open about it so soon?"
"It's an awful idea," he admitted with a rolling laugh, "but you asked how open I wanted to be, not whether or not I thought it was a good idea."
Once again, she couldn't help but laugh at the straightforward logic the fox across from her exhibited, nor could she fault it. It made her realize that one of the major roots of her concern wasn't their public relationship status in itself, but instead the conflict that existed within her over what she wanted to do and what she felt needed to be done. It was a problem she was very well acquainted with, but had very little experience satisfactorily resolving. She had almost exclusively only ever done what she felt needed to be done, often to personal detriment, but she could always comfort herself in the knowledge that she was helping others.
The matter now, however, was different in that same maddening way that everything this week had been different.
She couldn't frame her decision with altruism this time, as it solely affected her. It was a problem that had cropped up very rarely in her life, and even rarer still had those instances carried with them the same potential impact.
"You know how I feel," Nick began. "Now it's your turn."
She looked up at him, finding momentary respite in his eyes before trudging back into the turmoil of her own mind. The fact that this was such a difficult decision disappointed her. Nick, for what was quite possibly the very first time in his entire life, was taking the initiative and wearing his heart on his sleeve for potentially everyone to see. That was not Nick. That had never been Nick. Nick had lived his entire life playing everything as closely to his chest as he could, always making sure he had the upper hand. Never once had he gone out of his way and put himself in such a public position where any potential consequences were completely out of his control.
She knew exactly how he felt, and for once it was because he had explained it all on his own. Nothing hidden, nothing secreted away or tucked behind layers of tricky wording… He had kissed her in a very public display, letting her know without question how he wanted to proceed.
In a way, his subversion of one of his basest traits fit who he was perfectly. Impulsive and unrehearsed, yet opening himself up to vulnerability that he would have never allowed to occur in the past. He hadn't changed at all, but, as with their first kiss, everything was different.
Different took its place among the words she would use to describe him, yet she knew it would fall short once she gave it further attention. Examining it any deeper now, however, would only serve to distract her even more.
She at last came to a conclusion. One that, even though the conflict had existed for only a few minutes at most, she felt was long overdue.
"C'mere…" She breathed softly, smiling up at him as she leaned across the table. It was a bit of a stretch, but she was able to reach the midpoint between them. Nick's smile broadened as he cottoned on to her intention and met her across the table, kissing her once more. Soft, short lived, reaffirming.
"So what now?" She asked, retaking her seat. There was bound to be something else crop up that would need their attention sooner or later. Probably before the end of the day if current patterns held true. This past week had been a never-ending whirlwind of personal revelation and soul-seeking for both parties, and neither one of them expected that to stop any time soon. Bogo was the issue looming largest now, but tucked just beneath the horizon were a litany of other potential problems and differences that would need to be sorted and ordered before things could progress further.
This was the beginning of something that held within it great potential, and while neither one of them wanted to rush it they had both learned their lesson in regards to letting things build.
For Nick, this was a new chapter in a book whose pages had long ago been stained black. For Judy it was new book entirely, one which she had imagined from a young age would always remain shelved.
'What now' turned out to be a simple matter of 'where next'. While it could have been interpreted as an attempt at a segue into some new exploratory conversation about them and various shared or perhaps differing intentions, they unspokenly agreed to use it to continue their day. They had paid for their meal, tipped well thanks to the fine contributions of the ZBI, and been on their way, off to discover what else the resort held in store for them as they sought to waste out the time left before the gala to come in the following evening.
Ostensibly to scout out portions of the hotel that they hadn't got around to visiting yet, their newest walk through the hotel carried with it the added benefit of allowing Nick to check off a number of things he'd decided he wanted to do on their first day there.
Next on their list, his satisfaction evident in his enormous smile as he stood in front of the multicolored neon signs adorning the outside of their stop, was a visit to the arcade.
Located right on the border between the wooded district of the hotel that they had spent most of their time in and the colder polar district, the arcade was a large two-story affair that stretched the better part of fifty yards in every direction, with every square inch occupied by one game or another. Everything from humble single player cabinets from decades past all the way up to sprawling full motion contraptions that were on the bleeding edge of interactive gaming technology were all represented, both coexisting on the floor with one not drawing too much attention away from the other.
It wasn't a place that Judy had any real interest in, as she hadn't grown up in a time or place that had let her experience, as Nick called it, the 'wonders' of the arcade. Even Nick himself had never experienced something quite as extensive as this, as his dealing with arcades in his younger years were mostly limited to small, dimly lit rooms tucked away in the back of buildings, choked with smoke as every mammal inside sucked down cigarette after cigarette. It was where he had initially started smoking himself, but he'd keep that story tucked away for now, as he had a feeling Judy would eventually end up asking about it anyway now that the cat was out of the bag. He smiled inwardly, wondering when exactly he'd get the lecture he was expecting.
As foreign as it was to both of them, a sense of nostalgic familiarity instantly flooded through Nick the second he stepped through the door, an uncountable number of lights and sounds all competing for his attention washing over him at once as he entered what he could already tell was a new personal nirvana. He quickly scanned the first few rows, a smile plastered across his face the entire time, and enthusiastically made his way to one machine in particular, beckoning Judy to follow.
She followed after him with a smile of her own as she sidled up next to him at the machine, hopping up onto a stool he pulled into place as he hastily fished his room card out of his back pocket. All the machines, both new and old alike, had been fitted with card-readers where a coin door would normally be located, allowing you to swipe your room card and have the cost of the game added to your room bill. Thanks to Nick upgrading their room to a suite at the start of their stay, one of the perks that he was happiest to learn about was that his special key allowed him unlimited play at the arcade, with no further costs associated. If left to his own devices, he'd probably be able to come out with money saved, even taking into account the large increase in cost the upgrade had brought with it.
"So what's this one?" Judy asked, making sure her voice was loud enough to be heard over the thrum of activity around them. Nick swiped his card and took up position next to her, grinning the whole time.
He went on to explain as the game started up, going into this detail and that about what to expect, with a healthy amount of bragging about how he was able to beat it single handedly back when it first came out, but she was only partly paying attention.. The way he was so energetic in his explanation and quick rundown of how to play distracted her from the game itself. It was very rare that he ever got this excited about something, and it reminded her about how he was acting as they approached Eddie's food truck earlier in the week, though this time without the veil of hesitation. There was so, so much about his past that was still left to discover, and this cabinet was another portal back for him.
Mystery joined her roster of potential descriptors, though she aimed to make this a short lived addition. Nothing about him was left hidden, and it was now only a matter of asking the right questions.
They continued to play for several minutes, both of them controlling a turtle with a ninja weapon as they made their way through the various stages set in different time periods. Judy died more than a handful of times as she worked to get a feel for the controls, but it was of little consequence, as Nick could swipe his card to resurrect her as many times as needed to be done without a second thought.
Judy found herself enjoying it a lot more than she expected to, letting the bright colors and frantic gameplay draw her in. The action was quick enough that she didn't have to focus too long or too hard on any one part for long, and before she knew it half an hour had passed as they finally cleared the last stage. Nick let out a 'whoop!' as the victory splash screen scrolled by, then started dragging her to the next machine he'd spotted while playing.
It went on like this for some time. Nick lead the way for the most part, but Judy directed their path on more than one occasion as different sections of the arcade caught her eye.
They'd intended to continue scouting out a larger portion of the hotel with what was left of their time today, but that was abandoned and pushed to the wayside as they let themselves enjoy their first real outing together.
The first few days of any relationship are universally fraught with uncertainty, and this was their first chance to get away from it all and enjoy each other's company for nothing more than what it was. They both lead each other by the hand as they made their rounds, the cacophony of lights and sounds around them drowning out everything except each other. In a way, the noise coalesced together to form a blessed silence, the first that either of them had experienced in the past week. There was no subtext to pick apart, no great revelations to be made, no accidental worries to brush against with a question too many… No greater concern existed than what to play next.
Every smile together at a shared victory, every playful shove at a hard earned defeat, it all added up to something wonderful. What was perhaps more wonderful still was the fact that they both, in whatever capacity they could, realized it.
Peace, joy, and losing yourself in the moments that let you forget to be broken.
Moments like these always run the the risk of flying beneath the radar, leaving the participants no better off than had they not experienced any of it. This was not the case with Nick and Judy. Both had been in such a desperate need of a distraction that every second they spent together in this sea of light and sound washed away even more of the tension and anxiety that had permeated them. This week had been one event after another piling up into an insurmountable obstacle that neither one of them knew how to tackle, but the arcade, as simple as it was in concept, showed them what was just on the other side of the mountain.
When they eventually reached the end of this week and were thrust back into the world of day to day living, they now knew what to expect. What's more, they now knew what was possible.
Their life shared, should they be lucky enough, would be worth any amount of hardship or turmoil if it meant an endless number of days like these.
Day had dragged into afternoon, afternoon into evening, and now evening into night.
So it was that they found themselves at the end of their day, disembarking the glass elevator and entering their room. Both pleasantly exhausted, as they had spent far longer in the arcade than initially intended, but neither of them would have done anything differently if given the chance.
It had been a familiar sort of odd; they had spent so many days together in the past that mirrored what they had just shared, but not a single one of them had felt so viscerally impactful to both heart and soul. Perhaps it was a product of their assignment, which had both officers hyper alert looking and listening for anything that was out of the ordinary. Perhaps it was the sheer scale of the arcade, where they had managed to get lost for hours, never at a loss for new things to do or play.
For once, she actually knew the answer to the question her heart presented her. Judy plopped down on the couch, reclining rearwards, knowing exactly why it had felt as it had. It was no matter of location or circumstance, but instead something far more ethereal that was becoming clearer and clearer with every passing moment spent with Nick.
The fox in question sat down next to her, kicking his feet up and out to rest them on the coffee table. "Feeling up for another movie? We can order room service or drinks or whatever in a bit too, if you want."
She perked at his mention of drinks, remembering the gift basket they had been given earlier in the day.
Nick fiddled with the remote as she hopped over and away, looking for the basket. Finally managing to turn the TV on, he started thumbing through the list of movies available to stream. He was sure it would turn out like the last one they had watched together, where it served only as background noise to the wars being fought in each other's minds, but it at least had the be the right kind of background noise. A clinking sound from his left grabbed his attention.
Standing there, she held a bottle of expensive champagne in one hand and two stemmed glasses in the other, posed as a question. "As a cap?"
Nick smiled back. "Absolutely."
She set the glasses down on the coffee table before tending to the bottle. Struggling only briefly with the cork, the final few twists of the key sent it flying off to the other side of the room with a resounding 'pop'.
She filled Nick's glass first, handing it to him before filling her own. She sat down on the couch and settled into the crest of his side in what was now a familiar position.
Nick tossed the remote to the floor, not willing to sit forwards to place it on the coffee table. Neither one of them would remember what movie it was that was chosen.
Judy's mind, now that it wasn't having to focus on continuing a conversation or ordering a never ending list of questions, was free to roam about freely. She found it drifting back to their lunch earlier in the day, before they'd gone to the arcade. It was fairly standard as those sorts of things went, but one aspect in particular had begun to press at her. In what had gone unnoticed to her at the time, a rather significant first had occurred. She was too busy fretting and worrying about the ever-growing number of things they would have to deal with in the coming days and weeks to notice it, but it's existence pestered and probed at her over the course of the day. She was at first unable to place what it was exactly that was trying to stand out to her, but it finally made itself known on the elevator ride back up to their floor.
Nick had instructed her to ask a question.
Realization had dawned slowly, and only now was it beginning to fully sink in. He had, up until that point, carefully curated everything that he told her, feeding her a calculated trail of breadcrumbs to only reveal what he wanted to reveal, but, in an instant that the had missed, all of that had changed. Nick had, with absolutely no attention or fuss brought to the fact, removed his final safeguards and opened himself fully up to her, placing her firmly in control for the first time. It was an invitation, one he had never extended to anyone else, for her to know anything that she wanted.
The final barrier had fallen. Nick and everything that made him such was now completely laid bare to her, and it was now only a matter of interpretation.
Open was at long last added to her list of words. She felt like she was honing in on something- the final piece of the puzzle that would clear the last vestiges of fog that clouded her.
She sipped at her champagne. It was obviously of exceptional quality, far out of the price range of either of them on their fair if somewhat meager salaries. She'd have to remember to thank the shrew when she saw him tomorrow.
"Today was fun," she said, turning to look at him with a smile. He matched her smile with one of his own, answering with a nod.
"It's been a long time since I've had that much fun," he replied after a few seconds more, a pleasantly tired quality to his voice. His eyes met hers as his smile broadened.
Once more, a look was all that was required.
Judy found it. The word she had been looking for since she had first gotten to know the fox all that time ago had eluded her for so long, and all it had taken was one day shared with all barriers removed.
A simple word, though often misused or thrown around loosely with little regard to its true weight in meaning. It was the most beautiful concept she could imagine, and she felt certain it was the only word that could ever describe what he was, for how could anything else possibly come close?
Perfect. Nick Wilde, the fox who had grown up on the streets, the fox who had endured the overwhelming hopelessness of a city that didn't care only to come up on the other side the antithesis of everything he once was, the fox who was the polar opposite of her in nearly every way, was perfect.
It was the final domino left to fall in a long chain that had first started toppling on that bench waiting for a Zuber those short few days ago. As it fell, she came to one final conclusion. The separate warring partitions of her mind ordered themselves unbidden, allowing everything to come sharply into focus for the first time in her life. No longer was she searching for answers she feared she would never find. No longer was she fighting between what she wanted to do and what needed to be done, because for the first time in her life they were one and the same.
Her eyes hadn't left his, nor did she ever want to let them. Unguarded soul met unguarded soul for the first time. There was no trepidation or layer of uncertainty to cloud them.
Her fragile smile grew ever so slightly as she found the words she wanted to say. Words that didn't leave the slightest room for doubt or equivocation. Words that conveyed everything she would ever need to say to him…
"I love you."
Author's Note:
Y'know what? I'm gonna open up a bit for this one. I start each and every chapter of this thing absolutely terrified that I've exhausted all the ideas I'm going to have. I worry that, before each new part I upload, that the only good chapter was the one that came before it, and that there will be no way that I can maintain any semblance of quality in my writing (this is of course implying that there was ever any quality to it in the first place, but that's neither here nor there). However, each and every time I sit down to write, everything falls into place. I remember why I love these characters so much in the first place, and each and every interaction they have comes effortlessly whether it goes in the direction I wanted it to or not. I didn't intend to somehow stretch two days of a seven day stay into 80k+ words, but it's what happened. Intention is a funny thing like that. Don't really know where I'm going with this. It's really late. I'm really tired. I'm listening to Lo-Fi and feeling really emotional right now, especially because I'm writing this immediately after finishing the final parts of this chapter. I'll go back and edit later before I upload this, but something told me to get all this out and written down. Maybe it'll make sense to me tomorrow. Maybe I'll delete it all.
I sincerely love each and every one of you reading this right now, and I say that with every scrap and shred of sincerity that I can fold into it.
Let's all keep loving this crazy thing called Zootopia, yeah?
Oh, look at that. I'm crying.