I don't own Harry Potter. I also thought I would place two Snape quotes at the beginning of this chapter, because they were the basis of some of the things Reggie says in this chapter and in my mind I think it was the memory of Reggie who prompted Snape to say these things latter on.
"Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleves, who can not control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories, and allow themselves to be provoked this easily —weak people in other words— they stand no chance against his powers!"
-Severus Snape, Order of the Phoenix, page 536
"DON"T CALL ME COWARD!"
-Severus Snape, Half-Blood Prince, page 604
Chapter ten: A Hero Is Born, An Exile Created, And A Villain Is Conceived
My seventh year flew by fast and so did a couple years after that. Several of my old friends had returned while old enemies had managed to claw their way back into my life as well. Patricia had a baby over the summer, like we all knew she would do some day, but she kept the baby away from anyone who might want to investigate. Not until the baby was one or two years old did she register it as a newborn.
While I had Sirius back and the rest of the marauders back as well I had also gained Tom, who now insisted, nay, forced me to call him Lord Voldemort. I had lunch with Sirius every Friday and Wednesday, while I spent most of my free time held captive with the other death eaters, sadly that included Sevy.
While I probably spent more time with the death eaters and most of my other free time with the order of the phoenix, I enjoyed whatever time I could have alone with Sirius and his friends. While I did not see how he could possibly still trust Peter, who was much more rat then person now, I enjoyed time with Lily and James. That was, until Harry came. I didn't like the whiny child, who always seemed to need something, even when he got older he was still aggravating and annoying. Sirius would tell me that all children cried and needed, and that it was normal. I still thought Harry was unusually clingy. But I understood why Sirius loved the boy so. I saw it in his eyes when he held the boy; he wanted a child of his own. I did not; I had never much liked small clingy children.
We were sitting at lunch that horrible day, just like any other when Sirius pulled out the small blue box. I was startled to see the beautiful butterfly shaped diamond set in the sliver band. I was startled and overjoyed to see it, but the words I had never imagined saying flowed out of my mouth by mistake.
"I'm so sorry Sirius, but things are just so hectic right now. With the dark lord, and the order. Everything is too stressful, but I promise…someday," I said, not mentioning the silver ring Voldemort had given me. I only wore it when I had too. It was a silver jewel he claimed belonged to Salazar Slytherin. I truly didn't care, because I knew he didn't care about me like Sirius, he only loved the idea of being able to break the will of the only Slytherin girl who did not kiss the ground at his feet. But you just didn't refuse the dark lord, or maybe I didn't. I had always been too much of a coward to do things that could bring harm to me, no matter how brave Sevy thought I was.
"Then why don't you hold onto it? Start wearing it when you're ready," he said, not at all phased by the fact I had just rejected his offer to marry me.
"That sounds good," I said slipping the box into my pocket.
"So did I tell you about Lily and James? They finally chose their secret keeper. James wanted me, but the rest of us agreed it would be better if it was Peter, no one would suspect that."
My mouth fell open, how could they be so stupid? "You did what? Peter is not on your side, you have to trust me on this one, the little rat is a death eater!"
"Why didn't you tell me that?" Sirius demanded, not at all concerned with how I knew this, which was a question he would never get to ask.
"I didn't think you could possibly trust him! Sirius you have to warn Lily and James!"
"I know that," he yelled, taking off down the street, I followed close behind. I wanted to warn my friends as much as Sirius. How could anyone not see that Peter was solely more rodent then human?
As I turned a street I came upon the worst scene I had ever seen in my life. Sirius had actually found Peter, and was proceeding to yell at the small man who only whimpered in return. I sensed a fight, not knowing how to stop it, not thinking of how I should go ahead and warn Lily and James. I just watched the fight.
"How could you!?" Sirius demanded.
"He would have killed me," Peter pleaded with him.
"I don't care! I thought we were friends! How could you betray us like that!?" Sirius said pushing Pettigrew into a wall while swinging a fist.
I saw the idea hit Peter's eyes and called out to Sirius, but not in time.
There was a loud explosion, and I could see the muggles who had joined the crowd watching the fight shriek in pain, when the smoke cleared Sirius was left standing, looking stunned, not at what Pettigrew had done, it was very like Peter to do that, but that he was left alone for the blame. I was the only one who saw the rat run for a sewer vent. I dived for it, but it escaped my fingers. From that moment on he was Wormtail, no longer qualifying for a human name.
I turned just in time to see the ministry pulling Sirius away, trying to keep the muggels from asking any questions. I saw one chance at saving him. I thought of Sevy always telling me I was brave, and for once I felt like it.
"It wasn't him," I screamed, pulling up my sleeve. "He's not a death eater, I am, and Peter Pettigrew isn't dead!"
But no one turned around to see the dark mark branded on my arm. The ministry officials must have thought I was some crazed sweetheart bent on freeing my lover, which was true, but if they had merely turned around they would have seen I was far guiltier then Sirius. But they didn't even give me that curtsey; they just kept walking, pulling Sirius along with them. I had a strange feeling that he didn't mind getting blamed for Peter's death, if Peter hadn't pulled that dirty trick Sirius would have killed him, but the troubled look on his face as he shot one desperate look back towards me, standing like a fool in the middle of the street with the dark mark clearly branded on my arm, was only because he was upset he hadn't killed Peter, he had gotten away. Sirius began to struggle with the officials, trying to run back to me I guess. I think I was crying, but those couldn't be my tears could they? Maybe I was on my knees pleading now, and Sirius wanted to comfort me, but the guards only saw him struggling, and they hit him with a muttered spell that caused him to fall limp. Everything went black after that. For a moment of time I thought I was never going to wake up, but I did, and it was in my own house, on my own bed. Someone in the crowd had been my friend and brought me back home. I knew who, only two people had keys to my house, and one of them was in Azkaban by now.
I immediately pulled out my wand and began to mutter curses at my arm trying to rid myself of the retched mark on my arm. That horrifying tattoo that showed Peter and I had something in common. I didn't want to feel that Peter and I had any similarities. I had never been good at curses, and my anger was getting the better of me as I tried to get rid of the dark mark.
"Reggie! What are you doing!?" Sevy yelled, dropping the mug of coffee he had been bringing me. He saw the blood on my arm and ran over, his wand out, ready to help.
"I'm getting rid of this horrible cursed mark on my arm," I screamed through my tears. The salty teardrops blazed like fire as they hit my bloody arm.
"Don't scare me like that Reggie," he said as he continued to sew up the wound on my arm with his wand. I had successfully managed to get rid of the snake, but the skull would remain a scar for the rest of my life.
"He's a rat, a horrible, horrible rat!" I said.
"Well we've all know that for years," Severus said. "I saw what you did in the crowd, it was very brave," he muttered, trying to make me smile.
"I wasn't brave, I was desperate. Not that any of it helped Sirius!" I cried.
"Don't be like that Reggie, I'm so sorry you lost him, but there will be others. Your too young to think of yourself as a widow, he was just a silly boy, Reggie."
"You only say that because you wish to be one of the others, but if you were a true friend you would be morning his loss as I am. We both know he is as good as dead in that horrible prison."
"Don't shut your emotions off like that Reggie, don't be callous." But what he had meant to say was don't shut me out.
"Severus, only the weak were their emotions on their sleeves, only the weak let someone know how they truly feel. Those controlled by ignorance, by anger, they are weak. I shut my emotions off for my own pleasure, not to spite you, but if you were wise you would do the same."
"Reggie…" he pleaded.
"Don't argue with me. You know as well as I that it's all your fault! If you had never uttered a word about that stupid prophecy then Tom wouldn't have wanted to kill the Potters and Sirius wouldn't have needed to be angry with Peter. You're a rat, just like Pettigrew! I have stayed a spy to help the order, you know this, but you, you're on both sides for one reason Severus! You are on both sides because you are too much of a coward to pick one! Because as it currently stands you have a place to stay no matter which side wins, and why would you give that comfort up?"
"Reggie, please, I would never wish this upon any one, I regret it I do…"
"Don't you dare lie to me," I said, my voice shaking, "Don't you dare. This is just as much your fault as it is Tom's and Pettigrew's. And you can't even honestly say you didn't want this. So don't try to say you feel just as much sorrow as me, because after all these years as your friend I think I deserve the courtesy of honesty!"
"Reggie, there you go again jumping to conclusions," Snape said, he was trying to hold his tongue, trying not to make things worse. "I think you disserve honesty too, so here it is! I will admit to telling the dark lord about the prophecy, I will admit to doing this out of anger towards James, but I feel just as much remorse over this as you do! Two people died tonight because of my decision. A child was orphaned, and a man was thrown in jail for a crime he didn't commit. While I admit that I hated this man, that I can not possibly compare my loss to yours at least let it be said that I am sorry for what I did. My decision ruined five lives tonight, if not more, and I regret that. How's that for the honesty you disserve?"
" I'm leaving," I said suddenly jumping from my bed.
I ran through the door leaving my house behind. I would never see it again that much I was sure, but at the moment I could only hope I would never see Severus Snape again. I know I had struck nerves when I had told him only the weak made their feelings obvious. He and I both knew my words had deeper meanings. Only the weak pine after one person for so long when it is painfully clear to them that person was never going to return the feelings. I truly hoped he didn't take my advice, as I apparatedto anywhere, as long as it was far away.
I collapsed in front of a small empty cottage only miles from a muggle village. A small 'for sale' sign hung in the front yard. It was perfect. I collapsed in the front yard as tears slid down my face. What had I done? Once again Reggie the Queen of loneliness had pushed away another friend who was only trying to help.
My hand found the small box in my pocket and I opened it, placing the ring on my finger. It was too late now, but wearing it felt good. I didn't need to worry about how Tom, not Voldemort, but Tom would react. I wasn't going back.
I think that if Reggie started developing her own character in chapter five it's chapter ten where she really starts to show I'm no longer in charge of her character's development. I mean I could be if I went back and rewrote some stuff, but I don't feel like doing that. I think it's weird how when I started this Reggie's character was very similar to my own personality and now she is like the exact opposite.