A/N: I needed to update bc I just needed too. Please review! Thank you to all who have reviewed, it makes my day. I love getting feedback, good or bad.
Olivia woke up to the sound of someone banging on her door. She reached for her phone and saw 11 missed calls. Some from Cragen and some from Nick. She slowly stood up and grabbed her robe. She put it on and left the room pulling her oxygen tank behind her. She looked through to peephole on the door before unlocking it. It was Cragen and Nick. She unlocked the door and let them in.
"What are you guys doing here? It's almost midnight." Olivia yawned and made her way into the living room.
"Olivia there was an accident." Cragen followed her into the living room and put a hand on her shoulder. She turned to face him, a puzzled look on her face. "Brian was in a car accident."
Olivia's eyes filled with tears and she covered her mouth. "Oh my gosh. Where is he? I need to go to the hospital."
Cragen nodded and he and Nick waited as she changed. They brought her down to the car and drove her to the hospital. Olivia cried the whole way there. As they were driving there, Olivia saw what used to be her and Brian's car. She gasped and put her hand on her forehead. The car was totaled. She wondered how anyone would be able to survive that.
When they arrived at the hospital Olivia hurried in; as fast as she possibly could. She went to the front desk and talked to the receptionist. "Brian Cassidy. I need to know how he is."
The receptionist instantly knew who she was talking about. "Mr. Cassidy was brought in about an hour and a half ago. He is still in surgery. I'll get his doctor to come to you as soon as they are finished."
Olivia nodded. She walked back into the waiting room and sat down next to Cragen and Nick. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the wall; silently crying. "It's all my fault." She whispered and shook her head.
Nick and Cragen looked at each other; silently asking each other if they knew what she was talking about.
"What is your fault, Liv?" Nick leaned closer to her and took her hand.
She let out a quiet sob and gripped Nick's hand. "Yesterday I overheard him on the phone. He was saying how he basically wished I was someone else. He was wishing for things that he can't have. It hurt me. It made me wonder if-if he wants to leave me. I told him to leave for a while. He kept apologizing and telling me that isn't what he had meant. I didn't believe him. And now I know that he did not mean that. I feel so horrible."
"Olivia it is not your fault. You misunderstood him. It isn't your fault or Brian's fault. It's the drunk driver who ran the stop light. That is who is to blame." Nick looked into Olivia's sad eyes.
"If I had just believed him and hadn't accused him of wanting to leave or anything, this wouldn't have happened. What if he dies? It would be my fault." Olivia closed her eyes and put her head in her hands. She sobbed. Nick and Cragen rubbed her back; telling her it would be okay and that Brian would pull through.
Three hours later the doctor finally entered the waiting room. "Family of Brian Cassidy?"
Olivia shot up from her chair and hurried over to the doctor. "How is he? Is he okay?"
"Follow me to my office."
Olivia felt like she had hit a brick wall. He is dead. Brian died. And it is all my fault.
Olivia, Cragen and Nick sat in the office. The doctor sat in his chair and faced Olivia. "I will tell you this; Brian is a fighter. I wasn't positive he would make it. But he pulled through. He is in critical condition at the moment, but I am sure he will recover fully. He has a shattered leg; we had to put plates and pins in. He had multiple cuts and some were very deep, he needed a blood transfusion. He has several broken ribs, and a broken wrist. He did die once in the ambulance but we managed to save him."
Olivia nodded. "Can I see him?"
"Well-um," The doctor hesitated. "Brian hit his head several times, very hard each time. We aren't sure how bad his brain injury is. That's thing about brain injuries, you can't see some of the worst ones. As of right now Brian is in a coma. I can't say when he will wake up; that's up to Brian. When he does wake up he could be 100%. Or he could have brain damage, amnesia, or he could be blind. I really can't say."
Olivia choked back a sob. "I need to see him."
The doctor nodded and gestured for Olivia to follow. "For right now we only want one visitor at a time." Cragen and Nick nodded and headed back to the waiting room.
The doctor opened the door for Olivia. "Take as long as you need." Olivia thanked the doctor and walked to the chair beside Brian's bed.
Tears filled her eyes when she saw her husband. He had a heart monitor, oxygen tubes and an IV hooked up to him. There were a few other things Olivia didn't know what they were for. Brian's leg was in a cast and a splint around it; to prevent any movement at all. He had a cast on his arm, and he had stitches on his face. He was pretty much bruised all over. Olivia took Brian's un-injured hand in hers.
"Brian. I don't know if you can hear me, but I am so sorry. I know you would never leave me. I love you so much. Please, please don't leave me. I need you Brian. Please wake up, babe. I know you can do it."
Olivia looked at him. Nothing. She laid her head on the side of the bed and sobbed. She wished more than anything she could take it all back.
"Please wake up, babe. I know you can do it."
He wanted to answer her. He wanted to hug her and tell her he was okay. He wanted to say he was sorry for what he said. He wanted to wake up and save her from more pain. He couldn't wake up. He desperately tried to wake up; but he couldn't do it.
"Olivia I am sorry. I am fine. Really I am. If I could wake up I would. I love you so much."
He wished she could hear him. Olivia began to talk again.
"Brian I wish I could save you all this pain. Now I know how you feel. When the person you love most is facing death. I am so sorry you have to go through this pain every day. Brian I don't want to die. I want to live. I want to grow old with you. I want to have a family. I don't want to die, Brian." She started sobbing.
Brian wished he could hug her and tell her she was going to be just fine. He wanted to tell her that her pain would be over when she died. He was shocked she was saying this. She had never admitted her fear of dying.
"Brian what if you were right? What if I had taken the treatment and everything would be okay? What if I would be okay? I know it's not possible. The doctor said I wouldn't survive either way... Brian why did this have to happen to me? What did I do? I helped as many people as I possibly could; I risked my life for others. I didn't even have a chance to live my own life because I was too busy protecting others. And this is the thanks I get. Cancer. Death."