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(Page Break)
"Draco!" I screamed after the blonde as he ran out of the room. "Wait! Please!"
I was fighting to get the sheets untangled from my legs, but they had a vice grip.
"Harry?" Hermione and Ron had both shot up in bed, eyes blood shot. "What's going on?"
I didn't answer them as I finally got my legs free and jumped out of my bed, running out of the room.
"Draco!" I screamed after him.
I could hear Hermione and Ron's footsteps slapping the wooden floor behind me. They obviously thought something bad was happening.
I ran to the blonde's room and threw open the door, but he wasn't there.
"Oh, Merlin. Oh, no."
Oh, I had screwed up. Big time.
"Harry!" Hermione demanded, panting. "What the hell is going on?"
"Nothing. Go back to bed." I told them quickly before running down the stairs. Yet they still followed me.
Going into the kitchen, I ran straight into Ginny.
"Have you seen Draco?" I asked her before she had the chance to say anything.
"Not this morning, no." she said. "Why? You need more information out of him?"
I couldn't hold back my glare. "No. I just need to talk to him."
She giggled. "You make it seem like it's so far-fetched that you'd use him. Is that not what you initially set out to do?"
"Well, yes, but-,"
"And did you not just send Hermione out to 'be his friend' trying to find out what he knew?"
"Yes, but-,"
"And didn't she stop because she was afraid he'd kill himself when he found out that none of you even cared about him? And then you took over?"
"That was at the beginning, Ginny. Things are-,"
"And did you or did you not use a spell on him to find out what he knew and to see what happened to him the night he came here? And then lied to him about it?"
I froze. "How did you know about that?"
Suddenly she smirked. I felt my heart drop.
"See, Malfoy? I told you."
My heart was in my stomach.
I heard Hermione gasp behind me.
I forced myself to turn around and looked in the doorway.
Draco stood there, face pale, eyes glassy. I could see him shaking from here.
"Draco, please, she didn't let me-,"
I cut myself off as his face crumpled slightly.
"Pl-please tell me that's not true." He whimpered.
"It's not." I said, quickly moving towards him. "Not anymore."
I reached out a hand to touch him and he quickly moved away from me, a tear slipping from his eye.
"Don't." he whispered. "Stop."
"No. You have to listen to me." I grabbed his arm, a little rougher than I meant to, and refused to let him leave.
He pulled hard against my grip, tears now pouring from sparkling silver eyes. His breaths were shaky and uneven.
"Let me go, Harry. Please. Let me go." He kept repeating it over and over again, his words quickly turning into sobs.
"No!" I pulled him to me. "It started as that. It did. But thing's changed. I saw you. The real you. And I fell for you. Hard."
"No you didn't." He suddenly snapped. "You saw what happened and you pitied me. There's a difference!"
With a sudden burst of strength, he ripped his arm away from me and ran towards the stairs and I didn't waste a second in following him.
"Draco, wait, please!"
When I saw that he wasn't slowing down, I screamed after him, "I love you!"
Mid-step, he stopped. Putting his foot back down he turned to look at me.
The pain and hurt were still in his eyes, but the sorrow was long-gone.
His eyes were full of hate.
"How dare you?" he snarled at me.
He marched back down the stairs and was in my face before I even knew what was happening.
"When I say that to you, being genuine, you freeze. And when you say it to me because you feel bad, everything's supposed to be okay, again?"
"I do love you." I whispered. "I really do."
The sharp sound of his slap rang through the room.
I looked at him in shock, my cheek burning.
He quickly pulled his hand away as though he hadn't meant to slap me. His face crumpled and tears found their way to the surface again.
"You promised me. You said you wanted to save me. You lied."
I hung my head. "I did. But things are different now."
"No they're not. You used me. Just like everyone else. Well, congratulations. You got what you wanted. You don't have to worry about me anymore." He whimpered slightly and whispered more to himself than to me. "I just wish they had killed me that night."
He turned and ran once again up to his room, but I was frozen in place.
He wanted to be dead. He wanted to die.
Because of me.
(page break)
The weeks passed by without incident.
Draco rarely came out of his room now. Molly would take meals up to his room, scowling at us. She knew what we had done now. Ginny had made sure to tell her after Hermione hexed her and I screamed at her for an hour.
My birthday was the first time that I had seen him in a while.
Arthur and Molly when to buy me a gift from Diagon Alley and, while there, went ahead and got everyone's schools supplies (I paid for Draco's). They had called him down to gather his books and try out his new wand.
He was a skeleton. He was so skinny and looked so tired that it killed me.
He thanked the Weasleys for the materials and even accepted a hug from Molly before heading back up the stairs.
Things continued as such, pointless days full of feeling self-pity and regret. Hermione and Ron felt the same.
Sure, we ate like normal and played Quidditch and joked and laughed, but I knew that we still felt that guilt. When it was just us, we couldn't look each other in the eye.
Before I knew it, September had come.
Time for school.
Time for war.
We all met at the fireplace in the Weasley's living room, our bags already sent to Hogwarts.
"Draco," Mr. Weasley said gently, "you come with me."
The tiny blonde, keeping his eyes on the floor, didn't argue and step up next to him.
"Hogwarts, Dumbledore's Office!"
And with the flash of green, they were gone.
We all followed suit: Ginny with Molly, Ron with Hermione, and, finally, myself.
Dumbledore wasn't in his office when he arrived, so we simply gathered in his office.
I hesitantly made my way towards Draco, gently laying a hand on his shoulder causing him to jump and quickly turn to face me.
His eyes were as bright as they used to be.
"Draco. I know that coming back here is going to be tough for you. With the Slytherins I mean. I was thinking that maybe you could come live in Gryffindor tower. We'd protect you. We'd keep you safe."
"And shred away the last piece of dignity I have?" He spat under his breath. The hatred in his eyes tore my heart to pieces. "No thanks. I'd rather take my chances with the Slytherins.
"And as I recall, you've made that promise to me once. You didn't exactly stick to it."
"Now please remove your hand from my person before I hex you into next century."
I didn't put up an argument, but that didn't stop my heart from sinking.
"Well, if it gets to be too much, the offer still stands."
He rolled his eyes and turned his back to me.
Surprising how he was stronger when he was more broken than to begin with. Outwardly anyway.
I moved closer to him and whispered, "I mean what I said before. I fell for you. Really hard. I love you. If you'd just give me the chance to explain, you'd understand. You don't have to right now. But… please. Meet me on top of the astronomy tower Saturday night. Eight o'clock. Think about it before then. You don't have to let me explain, but atleast think about it."
He didn't say anything, which I couldn't tell if it was a good or bad thing.
"Welcome everyone!"
I turned and smiled brightly at Dumbledore. I really had missed Hogwarts.
"The other students should be around in a few hours time. You can go ahead and head to your dorms; set everything up."
I noticed that Snape had walked in as well.
"All of you are free to go, except for Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy. I would like to speak to you, please."
My blood turned cold. Had Draco told Snape about what happened?
Was I going to die before the war even began?
The other filed out of the room and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley returned to the Floo before Dumbledore opened his mouth again.
"Now, from what Severus has informed me on, you two have become… how should I say this? Romantically involved? This situation may cause a few problems, but it will however, probably be beneficial as-,"
"We're not together."
Snape and Dumbledore both looked at Draco, obviously surprised.
"What?" Snape asked.
"We. Are. Not. Together. Not anymore." The last two words sounded sad.
Snape eyes shot daggers straight at me.
"Oh." Dumbledore sounded defeated. "Well, I suppose that throws a cog in our plan.
"We think it's dangerous for you to live with the Slytherins. Many of their parents have it out for you, Draco."
"Well so do a lot of the Gryffindors."
Oh, Merlin. That vein was back.
"Trust me, Professor. The Slytherins are the lesser of two evils. They'll tear you apart but they'll tear apart quick. The Gryffindors will tear you apart, but they'll tear one little piece at a time until there's nothing left."
Snape was going to kill me. He was going to slaughter me. He was going to use my head as a paperweight.
"Well, alright. If there's anything we can help you with-,"
"I can take care of myself. I've done it for almost seventeen years."
With that he turned on one heel and stormed out of the office.
"You're free to go as well, Harry. But, please, try to reconcile. Mr. Malfoy has already faced enough without facing the wrath of his peers."
"I'm working on it. I promise."
I turned and left the office only to hear, "POTTER!" when I was a foot away from the door.
Snape had followed me out in to the corridor.
"What the hell did you do to him?" He snarled. "I have seen him beaten and raped and thrown to the side his entire life and I have never seen him look that broken."
"We broke up." I spat right back. "It happens."
He looked like he was about to straggle me.
"And all you wanted to do was protect him? You're nothing but a crock of shit, Potter. This… "relationship" you two had…" He sighed. "You just don't understand! This shouldn't have been looked at as a normal thing, Potter!"
"It wasn't "normal". I didn't treat it that way! Just…" I sighed. "Talk to him about it. Okay? He'll tell you what he knows that happened. But I'm trying to make everything better. I really do love him."
He looked at me, eyes going slightly wider. "Damn it. Fuck. Then, I'll talk to him. I'll try to help. But I don't approve. I just want him to be happy."
(Draco POV)
The others were here now. I could hear them laughing and talking.
I could always talk a big game, but I was scared. Blaise and Pansy… they were out there. I couldn't face them.
(Flashback)
My father sat at the table, Daily Prophet open. My mother sat opposite him, studying the cuff of her dress. It was beginning to fray.
Holding Pansy's gift in my hand, it was taking me a while to build up the courage to talk to them. The last time I had spoken without being spoken to, my father had hit me with his cane. The faint scratch was still visible on my cheek. "F-father?"
"Don't stutter, boy."
"Yes, sir. I am on my way to the Parkinson's Manor. Today is Pansy's birthday."
He didn't respond.
"I will be back at nine."
"And not a second sooner."
It seems like those little comments wouldn't phase me by now, but they still hurt.
"Yes, sir."
He was my father. Was it so much to ask for him to atleast look at me?
"Well, what are you waiting for, boy? Leave!"
I hurried toward the fireplace and grabbed a handful of Floo powder.
"Parkinson Place!"
Once the smoke had cleared, I saw a group just outside the double french doors out on the patio.
I got myself together, got a smile in place, and carefully opened the door.
"He's always late." I heard Pansy grumble.
"Hey, maybe we got lucky and he's not coming."
Greengrass was a bitch. Her comment didn't surprise me.
"Maybe he landed in the wrong fireplace and the owners killed him." Blaise muttered.
That one surprised me.
"Well, that would be a nice birthday gift." Pansy laughed. The others followed suit.
My heart dropped. I was suddenly very cold.
I was confused, my heart was pounding.
"Maybe his father finally offed him."
My head was starting to hurt. I couldn't breath right.
"No, we wouldn't be that lucky."
Suddenly Pansy turned at looked right at me. Her eyes met mine.
I expected her to jump up. To turn pale. To try to laugh it off like she hadn't meant it. To start apologizing. Anything.
I knew she could see the hurt in my eyes. I wasn't good at hiding my emotions from her or Blaise.
"Well, damn it. Guess we're not that lucky after all."
I didn't know what to do.
Everyone was laughing. I didn't care about some of them.
But Nott, Crabbe, Goyle… I didn't think they'd laugh. Even if just because they had been ordered to befriend me.
And Pansy. Blaise. They… I told them everything. Well, almost everything. And they told me everything. We were best friends. We…
They were using me.
I could feel tears coming.
I saw the small table beside me, and I just laid Pansy's gift – the large diamond necklace she had been drooling over for months – on the table.
She locked her eyes with mine once again.
"Happy birthday, Pans."
I turned back and went in the house and back over to the fireplace.
Nothing made sense. My chest hurt. My eyes were burning.
I grabbed a handful of the powder.
"Malfoy Manor."
(End Flashback)
The second my feet had touched the floor, my father had started throwing punches for coming home early. He had knocked me to the floor and beat to near unconsciousness. But the worst had been when he had kissed me. Kissed me. On the mouth. I had been so terrified and so disturbed that I didn't question when he told me to go to my room. I had ignored my swollen ankle, my obviously broken ribs, my swelling eye, my busted lip, and just went to my room, collapsed on my bed, and sobbed myself into stupor.
I ran a hand through my hair and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror.
That was my main problem. I was pathetic. I was so pathetic.
I looked like a girl and I acted like one.
My uniform was dingy looking. It was too big. I had lost so much weight.
I met my own eyes in the mirror.
They were empty. Sad.
I glared at myself, sneering.
I liked that better.
It was then that I made a decision.
No more.
No more being pushed around.
No more being used.
No more being pathetic.
No more falling for anyone's shit.
No more love.
No more friendship.
No more worrying about anyone but me.
No more.
I took out my new wand and shrunk my uniform to fit me, button the shirt up all the way and tightened my tie. I flicked my wand and used a glamour charm, fixing my hair, making my face look fuller. The dark circles were gone.
I looked like me again.
I threw open the bathroom door and walked out, head high, nose in the air, glare in place.
Immediately, a path cleared, letting me make my way to the common room.
I saw my clique… well, what used to be my clique, sitting next to the fire.
Standing next to the door to go towards the Great Hall, I hesitated.
Should I try or should I just keep going?
Oh, fuck it.
"Crabbe! Goyle!" I barked.
Both immediately jumped up and looked straight at me.
I jerked my head towards the door, indicating I was ready to leave, before I started walking again.
It wasn't three seconds before they were instep with me.
A quick glance over my shoulder proved that Nott, Blaise, Pansy, the Greengrass sisters, and several others had taken my order as well.
This wasn't who I was and wasn't who I wanted to be…
But, damn.
I felt a familiar smirk slip back into place.
I've still got it.
(Page Break)
I'm kind of losing my way with this story. I'm not saying I'm going to stop writing it, but I've got so many ideas I don't know what to do with them. I'll fine a way a suppose.
By the way, check out my newest story, Through Their Eyes. It's mainly Hermione and Draco oriented, but Draco's still gay and still feminine if you like that and Hermione is still with Ron:). Hopefully I'll get a new chapter of it up soon.
Reviews are Love!